My young-looking face has ruined my life

Hi,

I am a 31-year-old Indonesian male.
I have had this..this fear..of meeting people and been socially awkward ever since I was a little kid.

To make matters worse..when I was in college a few years back I honestly did not know that I don't look my age..This is completely understandable in my opinion, because I attended college in China where most of the people there have young looking faces. I am of Chinese descent too, by the way.
Up until I got out of college and came back to Indonesia and dated this girl. At that time, people that knew her kept asking her how old I was because I looked like a teenager. That's when my self-esteem began to deteriorate even more....

To make matters even worse, I still live with my parents because I share an office with my father. Our office is just next door.

Now I don't look that young anymore, but still don't look my age either. Even after I grew mustache, beard, and all that.
People say that I should be thankful that I stay young and just shrug off people's negative opinions...well, easier said than done man...try putting yourselves in my shoes (..or my slippers )..

This hinders me to meet business partners, make new friends, etc..
It really bothers me a lot and makes me depressed.
I have seen several hypnotherapists, reiki masters, meditation gurus but this 'fear' just won't go away....

I try to meditate almost every day..every morning and every night..but I have not seen any significant changes also..

I also tend to be rude to people. Because....I dont know...my brain always tells me that if you act tough or rude, you will look more manly ( and somehow more mature as well? )....when in reality of course I wont look manly/ mature at all...Trust me, deep down, I am a very friendly person.

I like to help other people too. I want to be a healer. But, once again, my fear hinders me. Before I help people, I should be healed first, right? Question is how...

I have thought up every possible method..

I am hopeless...

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Donny Cornelius

Hi,

I am a 31-year-old Indonesian male.
I have had this..this fear..of meeting people and been socially awkward ever since I was a little kid.

To make matters worse..when I was in college a few years back I honestly did not know that I don't look my age..This is completely understandable in my opinion, because I attended college in China where most of the people there have young looking faces. I am of Chinese descent too, by the way.
Up until I got out of college and came back to Indonesia and dated this girl. At that time, people that knew her kept asking her how old I was because I looked like a teenager. That's when my self-esteem began to deteriorate even more....

To make matters even worse, I still live with my parents because I share an office with my father. Our office is just next door.

Now I don't look that young anymore, but still don't look my age either. Even after I grew mustache, beard, and all that.
People say that I should be thankful that I stay young and just shrug off people's negative opinions...well, easier said than done man...try putting yourselves in my shoes (..or my slippers )..

This hinders me to meet business partners, make new friends, etc..
It really bothers me a lot and makes me depressed.
I have seen several hypnotherapists, reiki masters, meditation gurus but this 'fear' just won't go away....

I try to meditate almost every day..every morning and every night..but I have not seen any significant changes also..

I also tend to be rude to people. Because....I dont know...my brain always tells me that if you act tough or rude, you will look more manly ( and somehow more mature as well? )....when in reality of course I wont look manly/ mature at all...Trust me, deep down, I am a very friendly person.

I like to help other people too. I want to be a healer. But, once again, my fear hinders me. Before I help people, I should be healed first, right? Question is how...

I have thought up every possible method..

I am hopeless...

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Been there done that, i looked like I was 12 when I graduated college, at age 50 I still look young for my age...younger brothers look older than me...I can pass for late 30 early 40's now. There is not much you can do, just dress and carry yourself professionally. The people will treat you differently because of your youthful are appearance, their opinions do not matter...only the people who respect you for who you are, they are the only ones that matter. I'm not sure of your culture or it traditions...but being 31 you should get your on place, if for nothing more than to have something that is just yours. Best wishes bud.....although it may be hard now, looking younger will be blessing when you get older...I know you have heard it before. :)

I got the same issue here. Since I'm also of Asian decent, I look much much younger than Americans my age. I've been told rude things like "You look 10." or "I'm sure nobody respects you because you look so young." I've tried my best to ignore those comments but it gets me sometimes too. I went to so many interviews and I could tell the interviewers were judging me based on my young appearance (even though I dressed in full professional suit and had a pretty impressive resume). The funniest part was that I was much older than them. I guess judgmental people like that are everywhere. But there will also be people that look at you for who you are and value you on what you can do (that's how you got a job in the first place). Another take on this social judgement is perhaps they're just envious for your young looks. I mean, that's what everybody is chasing after anyway. And when they can't have your looks the best way to feel better about themselves is to put you down. The best thing to do is to ignore them and keep outperforming them. That's the surest way to show your capability.

Cheer up man. Looking young has its advantages. Focus on those and use them. Best wishes!

Same problem - I'm 24 but have always looked about 13. And people comment CONSTANTLY. But I have learnt that they are never saying it in a negative way. Why would someone not like me just because I am young!

I've had the same problems! I'm 18, but people tell me all the time that I look around 8-10, and wouldn't even pass as an 11 year old. It makes me feel really insecure as well. I know what you're going through, it's hard :(

Me too! People could not say if I was really going to college. So, I had to think a lot in front of my wardrobe what I was going to wear and pay attention to more make-up, hair styling.

But I can say you are trying too hard. My experience with meditation, I was trying too hard also. Meditate when you feel like it, don't do anything you don't want to do, or when you don't want to. Man, Indonesian+Chinese, you must be so cute, why bother what others think, concentrate on what you think. Yes, easier said than done. If you can't make others see your age in your appearance, make them see it with your behaviour. More authority with body language. Actually I need more information on this area myself. But there are a lot of people who don't show their age out there. Consider yourself lucky, some people look older than their age. At one point, I stopped guessing someone's age when I first met them. It's very hard to do.

Don't be rude to people, this doesn't make you manly. If you are friendly, show that. And you can have easy authority without being rude. You just need some exercise and observation, and more confidence, if you don't have it, act like you are confident. This will give you enough to start with. Concentrate on your whimsical answers, and confident posture. Be friendly, accept who you are, with younger looks, acceptance is a powerful tool. Hold on to reality, that's what I do. Let go of everything which is not real, or which is not you.