Waste Spectrum

Hi everyone,

I learned through a psychiatrist that I have waste spectrum agoraphobia in 2006. That year I remained at home and barely went anywhere besides doctors appointments. Ever since I've been working on it with gradual exposure techniques and breathing exercises. For those who don't know what waste spectrum is, it's associated with the act of vomiting, soiling or wetting upon a panic attack.

For me, mine is vomiting. The anxiety builds with nausea, typically in a place where vomiting is taboo, ie. The shops. The climax or panic attack for me used to be wretching.

Lately upon stressful life events and endocrinological issues, I've vomited twice as result of a panic attack. My psychiatrist used to ask me if I've ever vomited prior to these incidents because of agoraphobia, to which my answer was no, it only went as far as wretching. He used this as an example as to why I shouldn't feel afraid, as there was no actual vomit induced. He also said that people may be frightened by a person vomiting but ultimately will pity them and attempt to help. He furthered his attempts of soothing the issue by saying I can't die from this, which was something I already knew.

Now that I have vomited from a panic attack, twice, nine years later, I fear for the worst. Upon wretching and producing vomit my own father panics, meaning I doubt total strangers would stand there and utter "poor girl". I know I wouldn't, unless the person vomiting was a child.

I had amazing progress, I worked for a while in childcare. Seven long hours a day surrounded by gross stimulus such as boogers, poo, drool and so on, it was tough, but it was rewarding knowing I could do it. Although sometimes I came close to wretching, particularly in the fast paced mornings when I got there. I went to school a few years back, I got terrible anorexia as my logic was that if I didn't eat, there would be nothing to throw up in case of an emergency panic attack that went too far. I've done very well and had incredible progress with my psychiatrists help and advice.

My mother, a woman with bipolar, didn't like that I was out of the house and disturbingly loved when I'd be trapped at home with these issues. She'd milk my illness for sympathy from other people. It's another story but I'd love to hear if anyone else's parent(s)/caregiver(s) have been enablers of this horrible disorder.

I'm frightened that I'll become addicted to "pre-going out vomiting". I've noticed these two times that once I do regurgitate, I feel much better and can cope so much easier in public. Yesterday, on my birthday, I had an appointment to go to. I was so frightened that I was frozen, I couldn't move, if I did too suddenly my throat would open up and I'd be on the verge of wretching. I decided to give in to my brains desire to purge and I went up the back of my house and vomited up clear liquid. After this I went to the appointment, only frightened of the sensation coming back, and not the sensation itself. For me, vomiting prior in a safe secluded place and getting that burst of adrenaline gives me the edge to survive.

I have to go out in 5 hours to see my psychiatrist and then the electrolysis lady. I'm having a fight with myself and feeling nauseous, contemplating vomiting prior. That is, if it's so immediate and bad that I can't even move without covering my face and breathing shallowly.

I don't know about anyone else, but aside from the fear of people being disgusted by me vomiting in public, I can't help but feel everything is heavy with information when the anxiety begins to rise. I see ordinary people on the street walking and I imagine the density and richness of their lives, relationships, work ethic, etc. The sounds of birds, the sight of open spaces, so many individual components all operating in a disorganised and arbitrary fashion. The sound of anything, and the sight of anything becomes so rich and sickly, so layered and complex, that I can't help but to wretch.

But yeah, I wonder if anyone is exactly like me. If anyone knows why I feel so good and anxious-free after vomiting.

Thank you for letting me vent. I love this forum.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Lilith

Hi everyone,

I learned through a psychiatrist that I have waste spectrum agoraphobia in 2006. That year I remained at home and barely went anywhere besides doctors appointments. Ever since I've been working on it with gradual exposure techniques and breathing exercises. For those who don't know what waste spectrum is, it's associated with the act of vomiting, soiling or wetting upon a panic attack.

For me, mine is vomiting. The anxiety builds with nausea, typically in a place where vomiting is taboo, ie. The shops. The climax or panic attack for me used to be wretching.

Lately upon stressful life events and endocrinological issues, I've vomited twice as result of a panic attack. My psychiatrist used to ask me if I've ever vomited prior to these incidents because of agoraphobia, to which my answer was no, it only went as far as wretching. He used this as an example as to why I shouldn't feel afraid, as there was no actual vomit induced. He also said that people may be frightened by a person vomiting but ultimately will pity them and attempt to help. He furthered his attempts of soothing the issue by saying I can't die from this, which was something I already knew.

Now that I have vomited from a panic attack, twice, nine years later, I fear for the worst. Upon wretching and producing vomit my own father panics, meaning I doubt total strangers would stand there and utter "poor girl". I know I wouldn't, unless the person vomiting was a child.

I had amazing progress, I worked for a while in childcare. Seven long hours a day surrounded by gross stimulus such as boogers, poo, drool and so on, it was tough, but it was rewarding knowing I could do it. Although sometimes I came close to wretching, particularly in the fast paced mornings when I got there. I went to school a few years back, I got terrible anorexia as my logic was that if I didn't eat, there would be nothing to throw up in case of an emergency panic attack that went too far. I've done very well and had incredible progress with my psychiatrists help and advice.

My mother, a woman with bipolar, didn't like that I was out of the house and disturbingly loved when I'd be trapped at home with these issues. She'd milk my illness for sympathy from other people. It's another story but I'd love to hear if anyone else's parent(s)/caregiver(s) have been enablers of this horrible disorder.

I'm frightened that I'll become addicted to "pre-going out vomiting". I've noticed these two times that once I do regurgitate, I feel much better and can cope so much easier in public. Yesterday, on my birthday, I had an appointment to go to. I was so frightened that I was frozen, I couldn't move, if I did too suddenly my throat would open up and I'd be on the verge of wretching. I decided to give in to my brains desire to purge and I went up the back of my house and vomited up clear liquid. After this I went to the appointment, only frightened of the sensation coming back, and not the sensation itself. For me, vomiting prior in a safe secluded place and getting that burst of adrenaline gives me the edge to survive.

I have to go out in 5 hours to see my psychiatrist and then the electrolysis lady. I'm having a fight with myself and feeling nauseous, contemplating vomiting prior. That is, if it's so immediate and bad that I can't even move without covering my face and breathing shallowly.

I don't know about anyone else, but aside from the fear of people being disgusted by me vomiting in public, I can't help but feel everything is heavy with information when the anxiety begins to rise. I see ordinary people on the street walking and I imagine the density and richness of their lives, relationships, work ethic, etc. The sounds of birds, the sight of open spaces, so many individual components all operating in a disorganised and arbitrary fashion. The sound of anything, and the sight of anything becomes so rich and sickly, so layered and complex, that I can't help but to wretch.

But yeah, I wonder if anyone is exactly like me. If anyone knows why I feel so good and anxious-free after vomiting.

Thank you for letting me vent. I love this forum.

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I have anxiety and one of the first signs was the vomiting in nervous situations, I starved myself before I left house out of fear of throwing up in front of others. Dry heaved before classes, before dates etc. I even lost it in front of a date after we had eaten dinner. People are more understanding than you think. I will say meds are not the answer but have provided me the sense of mind to start dealing with my anxiety and its causes. I had gone about 5 years with no vomiting up until last OCT. Major anxiety attack. It happens and its nothing to be ashamed of, I'm sure many including myself have had to deal with this. I am not exactly like you we are all different...I always feel worse after and have a hard time stopping even after being empty...anxiety has to subside before I stop...then I just feel wiped out. Best wishes.

Yeah Lilith, it's definitely not an unusual condition - my main one is vomiting in public too ... I struggle in meetings at work, and situations with people i don't know, and all sorts of social situations.
You are not alone in this one ok :-)