Hyper awareness OCD

Hi guys, I'm not sure how active this forum is anymore, but hopefully someone can help me with this. Last time I posted which was a couple years ago now, it was about my OCD. I actually found out through this forum what it was too. So, I'm basically aware of my breathing and constantly controlling it instead of just letting it be natural. The fear was I'd be aware forever, but I eventually got over it by telling myself it was just a thought and the the fear wore off. I also had work to help occupy me, but I was made redundant some time ago and my anxiety spiked recently, and this type of OCD has come back too, but this time I'm really struggling with it, I get to scared to talk incase I can't breath properly, I can't focus on things, I just feel hopeless lately. I'm currently on the waiting list for therapy and my Dr prescribed me Fluoxetine, which I'm too scared to take, I've just always been too scared to take any medication and always tried to overcome my anxiety without it, but this time I dont feel like I can. I'm just terrified I'm going to lose my mind, I dont think I've ever been this bad.

I understand your trepidation re the medicine. Remember you can always come off the medicine later. You seem to indicate that you have tried alternatives yet lately your feeling hopeless. In the end only you can make the decision. I would encourage you to give yourself permission to try the meds and if it fails, it fails. You might be surprised to find the medicine might actually offer you some space in which to bide time and also allow the therapy to be processed in a way that you might not otherwise be able. I've been through a similar experience, where in the end despite such a good start, the meds soon lost their effect, (where side affects could not be warranted and in fact create more problems) however the insight I gained through the initial process, not least the much needed head space that the meds enabled, was enough for me to later come off the medication safely ... and begin new lifestyle choices (that I might never of been able to do without trying the meds) that now assist me in learning to live with the permanency of my conditions without the use of pharmaceuticals. I still have ups and down, but the process of trying both sides of the fence was a journey I needed to take. Of course the end result and process differ with different people. I am just trying to give you a little hope ... to once again perhaps encourage you to allow yourself to give in ... to let go and just see what happens.

The way in which we approach things tends to dictate the results. It's OK if things don't work out. Just be sure to work with those able to assist and be completely honest with yourself.

best of luck ... keep posting if it helps.

Hi Ponder, thank you for responding to me and also for sharing your experience with medication. I think one of the things that scares me about taking the medication is if it doesn't work, then I'll feel like there really is nothing that can help. I'm just in a very negative mind frame at the moment, where I feel like nothing is going to help me. But I'll try do as you say and just let go and see what happens.
Again, thank you very much.

Your most welcome Judjud,

I'm also in a low myself. I find the hardest part is keeping a healthy routine. Mostly the little things we tend to neglect and take for granted. When depression sets in, procrastination follows.

I find walking once I wake up is better than any of the anti depressants I've ever had. But like I say ... keeping up the routine takes a little effort.

Might be different triggers and circumstances, but many of us know the general feeling. Life today can be very hard.

Hang in there.

I might even give the walk thing a try, I dont leave the house much anymore, which obviously isn't very healthy. I started the meds too, don't think they're helping much, but I am only on 10mg so maybe need to up them.
Hope you're feeling better though Ponder.