I really don't understand..
Hello everyone, first time poster - I'm sure I'll be here again :).
I did a post in another anxiety forum a few months ago - and it was far too long; and understandably, people were put off reading haha. So I decided this time, I'm going to make it short in simple.
- Have had anxiety since Last November
- Didn't even KNOW what anxiety was until it happened - I was convinced i was having multiple heart attacks when it first happened that night - it turned out to obviously be a panic attack
- No history in my family of anxiety or depression
- Prior to Last November, had no problems with anxiety what so ever
Essentially I'm just here to let off steam.. and how I'd like some clarification.
I'm I depressed? I'm convinced I don't have it, but I'm I denial?
1 Month ago - i had been with a councilor; once every month - for 4 months. And she clarified that I had anxiety through the 'fear of having anxiety' ever since my panic attack last November (that came out of no where - completely out of the blue).
And I seem to be going through these periods - from these anxiety periods.
I'D LIKE TO SAY - IF I DON'T THINK ABOUT THE ANXIETY - IT NEVER HAPPENS.
In this year - I've gone through months - without experiencing anxiety, and then suddenly I go through hell of anxiety - usually lasting 2 weeks or so.
Within these 'spells' of anxiety, they each have a theme.. if you get me?
The first time I had it - It was generally just - anxiety ahh - anxiety
The 2nd spell I had it - I was convinced I was going insane (an obvious emotion to feel with anxiety problems)
The 3rd spell I had it - It was down to stress with work (final year university student)
Now it's the 4rth spell (the spell I am in now) - And because ALL Google can tell me is that I'm apparently depressed that I have anxiety; I'm convinced that I have it - which is making me down!!
But in my life - there is NOTHING that would make me feel down.
It just makes me worse when all the websites are telling you, you are depressed. So i decided to ask a community of people who are depressed by doing the following and found some things out...
- I decided to go Depression Forums itself to ask the community if I was depressed, but the website flashed information on suicide prevention help and It scared the shit out of me - anxiety wise; that i had to leave
- The Forum itself had these extremely worse scenarios of people having genuine massive problems in their life which I don't have at all
- I couldn't watch a Christmas Eve broadcast of this charity helping people with depression / suicide because i was scared I would end up that way
- 2 of my friends are taking anti-depression medication and I'm scared to talk to them because I'm scared they will make me 'down'
- Every time I go in Google and look at anxiety, my anxiety goes to new heights when anything mentioned about depression comes up. And when i check the symptoms and get some clarification that 3/4 of the symptoms isn't there, i get massive relief and im extremely happy buzz as it where
It's just really frustrating how each new 'spell' of anxiety has a theme towards it - and therefore - i get convinced of something, that of course in the previous 'spells' was not the case.
Argh - it's so frustrating. If I never had anxiety, or more importantly, if i never had that panic attack that came out of no where.. last November.. if someone shown me this website.. I would literally say this question - 'What's Anxiety?'
Ironic eh? Such a shame!