My Head Space

Time for a new thread. : )

Where was I? Oh yea:

Mental Health, Doctors & Being Easily Led. Being easily influenced. It's a recipe for major miss diagnosis and adds to existing low self esteem. I say existing low self esteem because it is one of the many elements within mental illness that lead so many of sufferers (like myself) to being easily led. Yet it's not that simple.

Other elements include a well meaning desire to help, miss information, fatigue, combined with one's low self esteem. Contrary to the welfare mentality I will also mention an entitlement mentality that comes more from the doctors point of view whom feels pressured to push mental health patients into boxes that many of them don't fit. It's part of the filtering process that is required to rule out what works and what does not.

There is no good or bad here. My aim in writing this is to depersonalize a current situation I am going through myself. The world is a stage and we all play our part. We best not lose sight of the roles we choose. Smiles at that random thought.
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So I have been requested/influenced to see psychiatrist after applying for my routine yearly mental health plan. (Note* Already on a Disability Pension for Mental Instability [must make side not of that as already been assessed])

Let's not lose context here ... instead lets counter this entitlement mentality that forces doctors to pressure as they do.


Notes I intent to use on the doctor with a support worker present.
TY for your concern, I already am on a Disability Pension and not currently under review. My current involvement with government funded psycho socialization communities, a personal helpers and mentor program and the last several years of psychotherapy have been going well. I also currently undergoing assessment with appropriate professionals at this current time. Re my psychologist, and I beleive an additional clinical psychologist who specializes in Adult ASD. Your concerns regarding Bi-polar has already been assessed via a psychiatrist at bla bla hospital ... and yadda yadda and more yadda yadda

OK - lets break away from the above train of thought. let's consider the pressure of having to go through this kind of resistance when applying for yearly government funding to see mental health professional for those of us who've already been deemed unfit. ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

How important is your mental health? If you don't agree with the doctor then why should we just go along with them? To do so would be risking ... becoming a full time victim. This is how I see most people coming and going to the GPs. So many vulnerable people giving up their power where they are then easily led.

It's not the doctors fault ... it's just the way our society is. It starts as depicted in the follow pic. One I took the same day I embedded in my other thread ... whilst out walking: No wonder people don't like going outside when being confronted with scene like this. Of course not an issue for those you subscribe/conditioned into Us & Them. Here is were winners and losers begin.



Smells like the Us & Them mentality through and through. Not strength based at all. Context in fence design and Stamp on the fence.
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4767/...e391569c_h.jpg

This is part and parcel of the control factors that we must endure - live with. The mentor friend that came to where I liver the other days seemed to enjoy discussing about what he saw in this pic. The spikes on the fence that resemble more a prison, consequences stamped on the fence for all to see with said institution claiming ownership and property of individuals and their respective futures. This context becomes very apparent with each consecutive year as one is ushered/conditioned from Block A all the way to Block Z. You eventually learn its not about one's best interest but more about it's rulers and their authority.

It is here that we are all precondition to think, feel and speak the way we do ... in accordance to a set Principe. Failure to do so will result in prosecution. Sadly people fall for the illusion, for the false unity. They think they are protected under the flag - the so called community. Yet Us and Them rings loud from the fence. It's [deceptive] authoritative posturing like like this that have made us loose sight of what a real community is. Its fear driven is what it is. Instead with have government agencies ... not communities. This depicts more the beginnings of how we are led to think ... influenced to beleive. Just like sheep ... we become are easily led.
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I could of yelled and screamed - I felt like it for sure. Instead I remained silent, left my objection until I got home ... then contacted the psychologist, the mentor and thought it through. I then wrote up this thread. I will go back to the doctor and say 'No Thank you, I don't need to see a psychiatrist and politely explain the above in red.'

Don't be easily led. Know you labels, ware them well, utilize what is in the system and use it against itself. Know what the system is. It only works when you take responsibility for yourself. Don't let them own you. Remain silent in this deceptive world ... and you always be dictated to in a form as depicted above. A spiky fence that resembles more a prison where said institution claims your soul and future. Take it back ... Unlearn ... Own Yourself. Just let them think they own you and jump through the hoops ... above all ... don't let them screw you.

Adios ... until next post.
Editing finished .. OCD on that. :)

Seen this one D?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sMewKknfVJM

I thought it was interesting.

No I have not but will mark it to watch it, thank you

Not only with Herbs and Oils ... but you have taught me a few things on the topic of dreams. More so the use of Symbols. I am thankful for that as my religious background really made it hard for me to see past the use of symbols. I now accept and understand their power and the way in which they are commonly used. Marketing campaigns and your everyday perception management by society in generally is something I have always understood. In fact I am very sensitive to the subtle ploys used in every day manipulation/influencing techniques commonly used. However I can see that the use of symbols from a spiritual perspective (not religious) is more about how we operate at the primal level. The latter understanding helps me to filter through but more so → dispel - the 'evil' the 'fear' the deception, the conspiracy thinking, and over all negative mind sets associated with modern day and main stream use of symbols.

Does the above make any sense to you. I understand if not. : ) - Those of us considered mentally defective are quickly and additional labeled when it comes to our keen prescription on how symbols. I guess since waking up form all the influencing in society and especially since breaking away from main steam religions - You help as well as others regarding symbols has helped me adopt a new way of seeing.

I just leave it at that as I wishing to be more thankful for you help in this regard. Your opening up with personal experience re spiritual experiences, cards, readings, dreaming and your take on religion and the way symbols are used have played a huge role in the way I have opened up to such things. Of course we can still see differently but over all I am now feeling less threatened when I open myself up to the unknown. I do so a lot more creatively now and when I do struggle in my dreams - literally - I am OK with that now. In fact I kind of welcome the lucidity and experiences that take place ... even the confronting ones. Especially the confronting ones.

Just saying ... Thanks for you help in the area of symbols.

Hope this finds you well.

oh often I am not sure where I am , still in the dream or in reality. You absolutely right I always look for signs and symbols, they are all around us, we just have to lose all that bs we were fed with all our lifes.
I am an atheist you could say, but it is not exactly who I am. I hate labeling people like you do, we are much more that labels we have pinned to us.
In my opinion people with heightened anxiety see more, they pick up the info others do not. The problem is when we focus on us.
Finally I put my focus on today, and what is happening right now, so my Blood pressure went down to normal. It is so bad that I react this way to a little bit of stress.
It is not mental it is physical and mental.
I had a dream about my mom, it is a warning one, it always is. Two or three weeks ago , yep the weeks were bad, I hope this is what the dream was about, Yesterday I could not control my car on icy road (it does not happen to me very often) and we had the freezing rain, I lost control over the car but in seconds remember what I should do. Our brain is incredible. Another 5 inches I would be in the ditch :) it left me shaky which added to my physical misery :)
I do not agree with being defective, I think most of people here are strong and extra sensitive, :) It is really nice to read the post :)

So glad your OK!

Yea I have my support person coming back with me to see the doc to set her straight re her recommendation for me to see a psychiatrist. I don't doctor hop to run from them any more. I use the system against them. I will set her straight as previously mentioned. I will be sure to do so in a polite way. It's more about not being easily led and reminding them that the're supposed to help, not exercise some form of power and control. Psychiatrists are even worse when it comes to things like that in the lower socioeconomic bracket. Power trippers ... is what it is ... Some don't even know they do it, others do. I sometime ponder which abuse it worst, the child abuse or societal abuse.

I hope things with the family are ok?

Yea ... I hear ya about the sensitive ones having unique perspectives that are often dismissed.
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Been playing lot of pc games but with my family. Lisa ... my wife is now playing as well. We are doing campaigns from a game that's like 20 years old! Command and Conquer Tiberian Sun: We all thought after hearing the sounds how uncanny it was to feel as though it was only yesterday! We were like OH YEA ... that was THAT game alright!

https://image.ibb.co/i0VRbw/Tsbox.png


.... and been playing this one with my eldest daughter: Same effect with the sounds on this one. This game was WAY WAY ahead of its time. I was still building 486 computers when I marveled at the graphics and game mechanics of the first Age of Empires let alone this one. It still has a lot of followers on YouTube. We play this one on steam.
​https://preview.ibb.co/kzVnib/AOE.jpg

Lastly here I am as a mere peasant starting a new life in LIFE IS FUEDAL. My son is helping to set me up: Not exactly a vegan outfit.http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rofl.gif
https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4745/...e723e88a_h.jpg

So you see ... these pc games can actually help to keep families together. We use Skype and Discord to communicate as we work together through life's challenges. lol

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D if you made it this far ... excuse the PC Gaming

I found this very interesting doco on Netflix ... I wonder if you have seen it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FH8sCEj1uIU

I'm not into Yoga as it's practiced and perceived in the west - same goes for Buddhism ... however I am into the spiritual concepts very much. This doco had some really great insights and I highly recommend. I know you have good filters for this kind of thing and am sure you would enjoy it more than not. The physical aspect is not so much about the lycra although there is one part in there that I thought was a little dogmatic ... Yogo school in the west. But that's just my view ... for the most part though ... and you know my skepticism and radar with the use of words like G-O-D ... other than that ... it really inspired me to start looking back inwardly ... especially with meditation big time.

Just thought it was worth a mention.

Take Care ... folks!

Ponders how the system requires one to stay mentally defective in order to continue to assist. Thinking about letting go of Psychotherapy. For all it's good I think it leads to side effects. More so due to requirements for assisted funding. The process in which people are being read.

I've been having psychotherapy full on for over 7 years now. My problem is the recent issue with being misread (as usual / no ones fault as is systemic) by GP and now my therapist stating she is not paid to read my emails; all coming about during a lengthy period planing for a diagnosis of adult asd. I was of the thinking as I have come to understand the whole asd thing that we might of been onto something. Kind of makes a lot of sense to me regardless of my abusive history. (this is why adult dx is a complex thing)

BUT ... let me not lose track here. I'm just starting to see how this whole thing about constant psychotherapy may not be such a good thing for me ... or simply that I need a break from it. I certainly know well the pitfalls with regard to having to always go over one's story during those times of reapplying for a government funded mental health plan. It's in that process I am starting to feel burdened, demeaned and misread. There is also a dependency dynamic that plays into it all ... I think that becomes the barrel where people, professionals inadvertently play their role ... as do we.

I ponder more on this as to what it is that I really want and how I can continue to fit into this mold of proving myself for the food, water and air I breathe. In this world ... it all comes down to the money and how we play are part. ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzz

There has to be a more effective way ... I guess it's about learning from the experience? What have I learned?

As above.

Cut and past from a recent response I made in another thread:

Q. Discussion: How do you difference your symptoms from similar illnesses?
'By addressing the root causes that led to the labels. The less I focus on the labels, the more I am able to find and face the causes.'

​I guess therein lay the answer for me. The irony is I think I will see this ASD diagnosis out (if this therapists still wants to facilitate the process as I no longer trust her and require a support person to see her) - but once done and regardless of outcome ... I give up on that part of the system as how many times have I pointed to its futility.

Fancy having to feel like you need a support person to see a therapist you've been seeing for years? Hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm I wonder how she will feel about that? Might have cut the cord already. We shall see. The ultimate irony. Either there are there to help, or they are not. $$$$$$ seems to dictate intention.

Mt take on the systems GPMHTP GP Mental Health Treatment Plan:

I think that will be the last K10 form I go through for a whiles. The system requires people to stay sick in order to justify helping them. Just seems counter productive to me. Playing the part is getting old and only serving to hold me back from the real me. Excuse my tone but ... Fuck Society!!!

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4655/...491aed3c_h.jpg

What's a K10 form? It's theform sitting to the right of my laptops monitor behind the plastic cup. More specifically it's just a tick and flick form a GP fills out in 15 minutes to warrant whether they should or should not allow you government funded sessions with either and or a registered psychologist, clinical psychologist, psychiatrist, or appropriately trained social workers and occupational therapists. Generally refereed to as a 12 month mental health plan from a client perspective and a GPMHTP GP mental health treatment plan from a practitioners point of view. Typically you get six sessions a year with the option for a letter requesting another four all within a 12 month period. For me, that's routinely been 10 sessions a year over the last several years. I had a break in between but then relapsed and started going regularly again. I know a thing or two about the process ... pros and cons. I'm going to write a little about what comes to mind as I get ready to pull the plug.

Once again forgive my tone. Society certainly needs some kind of measure in place for the ever growing mental illness that now plagues this world. Given today's trend with the 'Health Industry' and all the resultant services ... mental illness is set to boom! It already is.

Here's the thing. Most people accessing these government funded plans are within the lower income bracket of society. Lower Socioeconomic Types. With the majority being Welfare Dependent. So it is from this perspective I share. We have all heard from those the fervently defend the health care system. Many of those types have no idea what it's like from a long term welfare perspective. You get your retirees that only hit the welfare cycle in their later years. Like many of the doctors, they are hardwired to think only one way, lacking the insight that comes from beneath their feet. There is yet another type that defend the health care system. These being low income earners. They earn a living ... they too are hardwired to think only one way. Ownership and Property being the flag under which they subscribe. Just look at the the photo in the first post of this thread - the entrance into one of one of 'our' public primary schools - and let it sink in. Whilst there are many categories within this dynamic of society, I will just list the third as dog eat dog ... the undesirables grappling to climb the rungs in the hope to be accepted, to become free from shame and guilt. The last one is quite sad to see yet reveals the power of perception management in all it's glory. Now the latter I don't expect many in here to understand the context in how it is the we sheep be led as we be. That in itself is a completely different lesson in itself.

Russel Bran spells out quite well the economic disparity and the Zeitgeist Series have exposed the failing of societies monetary system. That's enough to have anyone to meet the K10 requirements to receive help; that is if we are not too scared to be honest with how that makes us feel. The problem is how these professionals have been taught to react when we reach out for help.
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K10 after K10 with random GPs who can never afford the time it takes to really know one's history not care enough to warrant the effort, in much the same way welfare resident, worn out, greedy and overworked psychs tick and flick then hand out their labels and prescriptions. My therapist really fucked up big time when she stated in her reply to me that she's not paid to counsel via email. It;s a little more complicate than that, however it set off the warning bells that shes finally wearing down like everyone else. Not personal of course ... not now as I fathom how the system wares us all down. I still take in a support person unless she objects.

Anyways ... this having to go over the story over and over in a extremely detrimental ... always having to prove how sick one is in order to receive an illusion of help ... carrot on a stick. Why have I been chasing it in the first place? I think it's obvious. I can't work. Not in a society the way our one is. Despite having the paper work to warrant my welfare payments ... why have I been wasting my time with psychotherapy? Initially like the medications I was given and took ... there is a honey moon period where it feels good. But I see now it comes are a cost!

Just like any long term relationship there is a co-dependency that builds up. I then play into the needy aspect resultant from all those years of abuse and rejection. This leads me into the 'I must prove myself mentality' The fact is you don't have to come from the lower bracket and or suffer an atypical background of abuse to suffer this disorder of need to prove ones worth. That's embedded in the system from school and up. It's the very thing doctors look for in order to warrant how they pass out the help. It really is as simple as that.

It's time for me to give up jumping through the hoops ... at least whilst I am not under review. Oh I will jump the hoops when I must. Therein lay another part of the problem. People acting the part they feel they must play in order to gain the need that they've been taught is a must; in order to fit in with the US. It's a script that people adopt whether they like it or not. It's the one we are given - but then when we lose ourselves to it; it becomes real! Not a good thing in a complacent system. The system itself will drive you insane. The re-telling of one's story begins to feel like an iteration, the lack on care and information as to who you be and resulting miss guided referrals lead only to more pain. With the re-telling comes re-labeling ... around and around ... again and again.

Fuck them and their system ... You really need to be careful when you hear those words so flimsy said "Go See Your Health Care Professional." Sure you may need to see them, but do so only as a means to an end. This lesson more for those of that have lived long enough to know. If you don't know ... then your probably better off going to see your health care professional. When you have been sick for long enough ... the penny will finally drop.

Tuesday I am suppose to see this therapist that I no longer trust. I wonder how the support worker will respond for my request for them to come. hmmmmmm ... Truly like I said earlier .. a sad day when you need support to see a therapist. Only reason is I will take the DX on ASD because it's less stigmatized than the fucking way I get treated when I list the labels on my previous report ... most of which the GP that just did this last K10 only knew of one. This brings me to the question why bother going back to her? Because I have the option for support and I want to simply thank her for her suggestion but NO ... she missed some crucial information and here it is. Also to let her know the experience of such is reason why I'll be no longer seeking to put myself through such a negative experience.

I've enough history and experience to snap back into the roll if and when the time is required. In some ways I think I see myself as a professional head case retiree. Time to hand up the gloves. No need to keep beating myself up. If I am going to bitch about that part of the system ... then it's time to give it up.
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Will I give up the mentoring plan and also the mental health community place I frequent from time to time? I think I will keep it going as it's a different kettle of fish. There are some facets that work well enough. They don't require me to retell, endure their recommendations ... more opinions that dictate my funding. Yes they do have requirements, but they are easily met once on has a label that sticks. I'm just not seeking help through the allied health plan as listed above. Long term it becomes toxic ... I also think the long term seeing of a psychologist can be just as detrimental. Keep you clinging to being sick ... all those K10 defiantly do that combined with complacent professional attitudes ultimately driven by status and monetary value.

Indeed Fuck Society! ... but what do I know ... I'm just byproduct:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yY3ZrKd6SD8

Even better → 1 2 & 3 in that order. Is a huge watch ... hopefully your ready.

It was 2014 when I turned that tables and gave up the pills that where given to me for my suicidal feelings. For me all the pills they handed out regarding anxiety and depression where short lived experiences of relief that only served to mask the pain and subtly lead to more where in the end I found myself to be worse than I was before. If you get the gist of those links above; you'll understand why it is the system creates the need. No matter ... just go see the GP and take your pills like a good little boy and girl.

Why is this year so hard to get back on track compared to those others where despite the ups and downs I managed to keep my cycles smooth and low. I think I see it now. It's not so much the psychotherapy itself. That does have potential as long as one - mmmmmm - I want to say 'stays in control' - BUT - I think better said 'is able to let go.' The striving to staying in control is not a good thing, but letting go is where it's at. Short term therapy can help and I even think with the right kind of support long term could help hard and complex cases like myself. So don't be put off by my story. Psychotherapy can indeed help.

My problem and issue is more to do with the ongoing rigmarole of constantly having to prove. Not the needy aspect that's ingrained in us all, but from the health care system that must prioritize funds in order that one may be approved. The latter aspect has a way of inflaming the former combined with the prerequisite of always remaining sick in order to maintain ongoing support. In this way, no matter the potential of help - one will inevitably be held back whilst subscribing to a system like this. It's why this year I am struggling so hard. I see it now.

I think I will have to give up this ploy with ASD. Just like the Disability Pension the thought did not come from me. With that I resisted until such time I let go and just let things unfold. It was then that the urge to make a stand and accept what was required came to be where I made a stand. The irony was that in the end I accepted what was. I see now going back with support to tell the doc is my stand, my way of having my say before I truly give up and let go. Not in the way of taking the pills - but saying NO - this is why I am letting you and the psychotherapy go. I just got to let that foster a little bit over the next two days. Hold it without bitterness so I can really let them know. Enough is enough. Time for me to go back to healing myself. Their system is too toxic. It has it's moments - but in my experience ... from the hard and complex case - there system of approval is flawed. It's run its course. From here what happens happens.

I have a few ideas and still stick with a few of my aims which are flexible with changing welfare reforms. I'll steer my boat in alignment with what makes sense ... I'll still jumping hoop but not in the manner or be so quick as I've been. Time to stop living in fear. I think this aspect of attachment has been my biggest hurdle of all. It's one thing to see society for what it is, it's another to truly detach.

This year I work on that.
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Back To Healing Myself ...

The misconception of "Anxiety Being Cured!"
Excerpt from → What Anxiety Does To Your Brain And What You Can Do About It
Alan HenryDec 14, 2016, 9:00pm
"Anxiety itself is a natural human response that serves a purpose. Our goal shouldn't be to dismiss it entirely but to make it a healthy, manageable part of our lives. Even if you don't suffer from an anxiety-related disorder, anxiety is part of our world, the same way stress, sadness and happiness are. The key is understanding how to cope with it in a healthy way."

I found the part about GPs interesting. The article does push medication and also comes from a well known Marketer [Beyond Blue] within the industry and no doubt like GPs gets many kickbacks for its alignments, aims, recommendations and influencing. That said it does seem to offer up some truths that ring home for me.

'How I Cured My Anxiety!" ... really is now starting to sound desperate compared to today's main stream articles written by those well established in the field.

I think the link above really does give good perspective over all.

If I don't snap out of it soon, I think I will join the ranks of many others and go back on meds. My issue stand with the current system of always having to be sick in order to receive ongoing help. Not quite that simple, yet simple enough for those who've been in the system labeled for many years; decades.

How to break that cycle is not a part of the article - you find many written on that. At least not by those in the industry.
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MONDAY - Tomorrow I see the therapist whom as you now I no longer trust. I hope to hear back today from the mentor fella. I will txt him for a reply this morning. I really am done with all this system and want out. Alas ... I see what happens tomorrow and will share. I am just as concerned about making myself understand with the GP on the following day.

On these two matters I admit my head is spinning, but that fact in no way should be used to minimise my points. Sadly such symptoms are quickly pointed out that our concerns are none other than twisted perceptions and that my friends is where we sufferers are commonly misunderstood. I know what others mean when saying such things and not closed to the point of maladjusted perception through persistent anxiety, but you know when such statements come from from an angle know as calling cards when all involved become frustrated with high levels of dysfunctional communication which in my case is happening more and more.

My angle I think is going to be ... instead of taking medication, I will seek to use the personal support for ongoing appointments due to this inability of my said twisted perception so that I can be sure to be clear and convey much of what Is said in this thread.

Yea sounds like a plan ... I think I better know how to follow up on this request for personally support re these Gps and said health care professionals. I no longer feel able to effectively answer their questions without support. I think all of the above makes for a good point what there are some of us that need such services when it comes to personal helpers and mentors. At first I was resistant and considered it extreme - that I be more like a retard for allowing myself to end up in such need. Being able to articulate has often been thrown back in my face. It's now been said up to a point that I really feel I can no longer articulate for myself. It's funny how that's happened ... it's really pissed me off. That's why I now feel more mute when fronting up to places of so called help.

My strengths are not being ashamed to speak up in here and tell it like it is. Help is out there ... I am not saying it's not ... I'm just sinking in another level of complexity that exists more for longer term 'claimants' - 'dependents' - 'byproduct' and the damage that arises from that having to repeat your story, the lack of record keeping, misinformation and so on. This feeling of having to fit the prerequisites under a system that requires many checks and balances in what is still a stigmatized filed - Mental Illness - only adds to the fear within the angst itself.

There is some form of relief to be found in the local facilities popping up where mentally effected people can socialize in a safe and nonjudgmental atmosphere. That I am thankful for. We need a lot more of them. Sometimes I wonder how twisted the perception of the well adjusted are towards such services and wonder if society would do better to put more focus on assessing it's own point of view. Sigh ...

Thx for listening.

I feel I have some big choices to make. Letting Go Completely - is on the horizon for me. I really am SO SO TIRED of all my clinging. I'm over the learning as is presented in this following vid. Like he says, we never stop learning - but suffering only ends when the searching ends. I've been battling with ego for a lonnnnnng time. I get that. That's been my true soap box. I've palmed things off with my "I am my own audience" song. I know now that I've been floating my boat. But that's OK - I've done and said what I've had to say and do. The hypocrisy, the irony ... all of it ... I own it all so that I can be rid of it. I don't beleive it will all truly be gone, but I do feel a deep desire to stop searching and even stop learning.

Looking forward to no longer telling but just living.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=92EHTRPJugU

Yet ... tomorrow I still have some searching to do + the day after that to put a nail in the my coffin re the GP and all that.

Is OK to feel all weirded out with above vid ... I get that. Is a hollow message for the learned.

Is just an inkling for my new direction. A new injection of mojo for my next cycle of letting go. Give it a label if you must. Point and case on our need to continually to do so; as explained by the fella above. Yea I know, is hard to hear and your either into it or your not. Just logging it in to remind myself my time for searching is coming to an end. Not quite there yet ... but it is coming.

Nighty Night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

The days drama was relatively smooth. :) Worked out a good plan with therapist thanks to having support which went a long way to clearing my perspective and had me in a better light where the psychologists could also get a better understanding of just where I'm at. All I need do now is get the GP up to speed ... then I can relax once all are on board. It's a full time J-O-B if you want to be understood and not lead astray in a medical model that requires people to stay sick in order to receive $$$ funded support.

Good days work over all. Only one more to go. :)

Cities Skylines: My City is going well. I have provided a lot of walkways for pedestrians to help with city traffic. Has been a good distraction. ZZZZZZzzzzzzz Night night.http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4671/...3a3cc4c4_h.jpg

I am here...............

... and I am thankful for that. :) Thx D

How's your computer going these days D? I know you like you computer and the time you get to have on it. Will you be looking to update some time soon? May be a new screen? There are some really nice looking screens out there now. I've been looking at the ultra wide ones. Very immersive and great for multiple webpages without the need of having two or three screens.

Mission Accomplished! Going back with a community service worker by my side and a previous report used to pension me off nailed the outcome I was looking for with the GP. You really do got to use the system against itself in order to be heard. I was thanked for my persistence and now feel much better knowing I finally have a GP on my side. It's a big gamble doing what I did as I have had previous GPs get their backs up against the wall which only made things worse for me. Very happy with the last two days W-O-R-K. Now I can go back to the business of stability as I best know it.
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I am actually looking for upgrade I started to have a bit crowded computer, and the screen, I do not watch tv so I do need a good screen The only problem is with Windows 10 (i can not afford the Mac) I do not like it, Ted have laptop with W10 and I get kind of lost there. I should read some guides but eh never have enough time for it. I keep hidden some cash when this one crashes I would be forced to get new one.

Have you considered doing something like this → Problem Solved!

I'm not sure what windows you found to be more user friendly but there are apps out there that can make one operating system a little easier to use through changing the desktop interface to mimic an older version that others find more familiar. Just a thought. My wife did it with nearly every release of operating system. I remember once doing it myself. I think I was emulating a Windows 2000 Desktop at one stage whilst using XP. Eventually both my wife and I would come to use the more modern one in time.

The biggest hassle is when the OS changes all those vital directories / shortcuts when one is a power user. Like when changing the path to a lot of useful background features or enable others that are not usually on. I think the move to make drastic changes here and there sets back the ease with pirating software. Just a thought. I may be wrong but it kind of makes sense to me. The more effort people have to go through to achieve a goal, the less they are likely to do it. The opposite of pacification; make life harder. The changes also make it easy to spam us with all that BS which I wont go into.

If I may go on as is a relative topic I am currently researching like crazy at the moment (Despite recent guru claims of no longer learning ... although completely different dynamic)... Remember when Windows 10 first came out and some of us made posts in this forum. I was one that hated windows 10 with a passion due to all the BS pasted on the front end. I quickly learned how to avoid and turn all that shit off. Not completely ... but is rarely a problem for me now. Despite my passionate distaste early on for windows 10, I have now come to see it as one of the better Microsoft OSs out of previous releases. It's quite compatible off the bat and when fine tuned runs like a bat out of hell. Maintenance seem much easier than in the past. The auto features seem to work seamlessly.

BUT - I totally get where your coming from. It took me quite a while with plenty of free time to adjust. I do 'everything' on my PC.
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Hows the artisan work coming along? You still enjoying the process without getting to caught up in the politics and economy? Would love to hear how that's going. The good .... and the bad if you so wish.

If your just looking for a Hard Drive upgrade regarding more space for your computer D ... I think any of these might suit your needs well.

The 7 Best SATA Hard Drives to Buy in 2018

If your not into gaming or photo/video editing like myself I don't think you can go wrong with any of those.

I'll be grabbing one of the above for my Storage Space ... but will run my OS, Gaming and editing off a couple of SSD drives. Can't lose out on the SATA for storage though. Some cheap/affordable but more importantly reliable options above. That said ... you never know D ... I've had some die on me with everything stored in one place.

you talking about extrenal or internal and which one is good, without my son I am lost

These would be Internal. Internal SATA (aka - mechanical drives) Typically have two cables 1 Power - 2. Data.

Are you wanting space on your Primary Drive → C:

If so you would have to reinstall your Operating System replacing that one. Some people might just copy and paste however I can not recommend that.

The instillation process can be found on you tube. It will ideinfy the two cables (Power and Data) showing you where to plug them in. However if you have multiple internal drives and not sure what your doing - I would say wait until your son is able to help.
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On the other Hand ... if your happy just to use an external drive for your storage space (just photos, videos, documents, Software Install files, and other programs) and not use it to run programs from ... then leave me to it and I will link the best budget ones I would choose.

So ... which were you thinking of ... You said your desktop space so I am now wondering was it your internal primary drive or may an internal secondary/storage drive ... or you just looking to upgrade an external with perhaps more space?

These would be Internal. Internal SATA (aka - mechanical drives) Typically have two cables 1 Power - 2. Data.

Are you wanting space on your Primary Drive → C:

If so you would have to reinstall your Operating System replacing that one. Some people might just copy and paste however I can not recommend that.

The instillation process can be found on you tube. It will ideinfy the two cables (Power and Data) showing you where to plug them in. However if you have multiple internal drives and not sure what your doing - I would say wait until your son is able to help.
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On the other Hand ... if your happy just to use an external drive for your storage space (photos, videos, documents, Software Install files, and other programs) and not use it to run programs from ... then leave me it to me and I will link the best budget ones I would choose.

You said your desktop space? ... so I am now wondering was it your internal primary drive or may an internal secondary/storage drive ... or you just looking to upgrade an external usb drive to allow for my file space?

Here is a fairly straight forward one and a half minute instructional video showing the basics of installing a SATA drive into your computer and attaching it to your motherboard:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D-NQibvg3vA

http://www.buildeasypc.com/hw/howto/...hard_drive.htm

http://www.buildeasypc.com/

The only thing I would add is that in the video above ... take note of those blue SATA inputs → here that these inputs will have a priority/order which will be noted in the BIOS. You usually access the BIOS/SETUP via F2 or F11 by holding done the function key for a couple of seconds whilst powering up your PC. If Replacing C drive ... you want to plug your SATA into priority 0 or 1 depending on your motherboards listing. If you already have more than one SATA hooked up ... just look for the priority 0 connector ... pull that out and then reboot. If your pc cant start ... it's a safe bet you just unplugged you Primary C drive and now know which SATA port to plug yours into.

If any of that makes sense with the instructions above ... then you wont need your son.
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Hows that sound to you? You can just add an internal drive by adding an extra one if you have spare SATA ports just by plugging a new one into said spare port. ( a lot cheaper and faster running an internal one and you can get much more space as well compared to an external - BUT an external may do just as well if all this is too much to take in without your son) In most cases you wont have to do anything ... unless windows has an issue with recognizing the size of new drive. In that case you restart ... hit the appropriate function key to go into setup - Google SATA configuration ... and yadda yadda.

ANYHOOOOW it may depend on the age of your computers motherboard as to exactly what keys you hit to enter into BIOS mode as to the layout and choices you get in there.
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I'm going back to researching monitors for a whiles. :)

I have sata in my computer at the time 4 years ago as it was build it was pretty expensive one, yeah I should install another one for just windows ,,,,,,,,,yeah there is a thing if I reinstall windows I am loosing few nice programs I love it, now is not way to get it. I am thinking that I should change the size of my partition iwth windows, I have so much unused space, My son made it one hundred for windows , and it is not enough even I turned off so many options

I Hope this help you D. I know it did me when I had to do it. No software needed! :) Read my instructions ... watch tutorial... then do both. Take your time. Proceed slowly and you will nail this!!!
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About the tutorial and why I chose it:

There a many tutorials but most involve using software to extend C: Another confusion with other tutorials is people only showing how to delete partitions and not shrink. You wont want to delete your other partition if you have stuff you want to keep. This is why I had to go with this annoying tutorial. I say annoying because the music (not choice of music just sound whilst thinking is all) is no good for my brain and they also throw the mouse all over the place.

I had to MUTE the music and use the pause button to come up with the following:



Extend the size of C: Drive without any Software:
Please allow me to explain the process. The tutorial video is not an easy watch if you don't know what's going on. Again I only shared it because there is not many that show you how to correctly extend C without using Software or deleting your secondary. This way we only shrink your secondary allowing you to keep all your files on both C & D. Something I am sure you can appreciate and more than likely want/need.

Find Disk Management:
1. Open File Manager (Windows Explorer) On the left hand side search for 'This PC" Right Click and then left click 'Manage" Once it opens ... look for 'Disk Management'
2. OR simply hit Windows Key + X to Find 'Disk Management'

Above method not in tutorial
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Note* This tutorial shows a number of partitions. You may not have as many. Just work with what you have. More than likely just Use your D:

D is the letter usually given to your next partition found to the right of C. Having the new partition your about to create and delete → needs to end up sitting on the right of C - in order for C to be able - to be extended. (This point was not shown in other tutorials which lead others having to use software to resolve)
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1.Working with D: drive - Right click on it to shrink Volume
Take your time here to calculate how much you want to take from your secondary drive. I assume you will already have stuff on it. In that case you will only be able to take so much from it. Bare in mind it is good to have some empty space left on all your drives.
Me being dyslexic and all - I usually eye ball / calculate looking in windows explorer - then adjust the numbers according to that. Just take your time working at the numbers is all. The measurements are in Megabytes. 100000mb = 100GB I know you probably know that ... Despite me knowing it I still get confused with all the numerals being so close. I'm fucked up like that with both letters and even when people speak - that's another story ... srry too much text.

2. NOW WORKING WITH UNALLOCATED Partition: This should now be on the right of D: Right Click on the Allocated Partition & select 'New Simple Volume' Don't mess with the default settings ... just click NEXT all the way to FINISH.

3. NOW DELETE D: Right Click Delete BUT Make Sure this D: drive is in fact the size of new space your wishing to merge with your C:
I do not have a spare laptop to try this on and was confused initially when presented with this step in the tutorial. I was like WTF delete D???? However I understand the new space you created has been assigned the D: letter whilst the left over space from your original D: is now called I ... although this may be different in your case. JUST BE AWARE of the size of the drives you are messing with.... D: will usually sit directly to the right of C: and is exactly where we need it to be in order for C: to be extended. Just remind yourself of the file size you intending to extend into C and look for that sized partition for the next step.




4: FINALLY YOU CAN EXTEND C: Just right lick on C: and select Extend ... hitting next until you FINISH!

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Here is the Video Tutorial ... Up to you ... but I found it way easier turning the music off/mute and using the pause button and taking my time to read.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HNSI-p4YHZE



Does this help you at all D? I know you know a lot about PCs ... Even though I know a bit myself, I still need to go back and check how things are done ... brush up kind of thing. Which is why I took the time to do this for myself. I hope your feeling a little more confident in extending the size of your C drive now. It's important to have space on both drive.

100GB is not enough for your primary drive given the amount of OS/Security/Browser Updates not to mention all the associated windows software that get puts on without the choice the D: ... I highly recommend that when you have to chance to install to D: with whatever program you install from this point on ... that you choose to use D: as your new install directory.

I use a 250GB SSD Ram Chip ... but whilst alra fast for my OS ... it's a full time job not to over fill my C: ... If you take your time with the above ... you should be able to rectify your problem regarding lack of space on your C:

Good Luck :)

PS ... out of curiosity what size is your secondary and how much free space is on it ... I could give you my ball park figure as to what C: drive would best be given your figures ... other than than ... aim to add 400GB if you can ... BUT will depend on the size for your secondary and how much you currently have on that. If you a limited ... just add what you can to free up space.

C: drive with 300GB total should suffice if you keep on eye out and aim to install most things on D: (Like I say ... I struggle with C: @ 250GB) Anything has to be better than 100GB The years have rolled on and so have the file sizes. : )

Those of us with 250GB typically use the faster drives which cost a lot more ... if we could ,,, I dare say most power/ enthusiasts would rather 500GB SSD/ram chips for their primary ... OK I get on with my day.

Hope this finds you well.

Perhaps the latest Vlog entry might interest you more, however it's much of the same old ramblings. I don't mind them because it's part of my own process of conditioning. Part of getting back on my Bike. This year plan is consist of a 6 month target up to my supposed payout if in fact it eventuates. I suspect these Vlog entries will continue more as a personal practice withing my own space. Don't be a stranger though as your presence and advice is highly valued D. Is OK ... I'm not smacking myself in the head this time round. ;)

Video feed cuts out half way due to battery running flat. Story of my life. LOL all good ... not an entertainment vid at any rate. Just Vlog therapy ... nothing more.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y7F1toisGGA&feature=youtu.be

I think I will throw this into my plans this year as well. With whatever ever change I have left over after visiting my mother. I will start by ordering off eBay from China:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0EA0Z9v1FqQ

I live in the perfect location for flying kites, but weirdly I hardly see anyone doing it? I wonder why that is? There are some really graceful kites out there with most being much easier to transport than a surfboard or kayak. Less taxing to do as well. Perfect for Anxiety and Depression no doubt.

thank you, I have C and E , E has 278 giga of space can be more I keep things there I do not need will print it started to watch video thank you so much I copied it and printed and now I neeed to spend some time reading it

It's a good skill to know D. On my older laptop I partitioned one of my drives to run Linux on it whilst keeping windows. I would then choose during start up which operating system I wanted to use. For now though ... this this whole Kite Flying research is captivating me. Whilst there is some information on the subject online, I'm off to the local town Library as I found some good books browsing their online catalog.

From one of the books:


Two Kites. Not sure about the attention this kind of flying would get me, but I figure it would be more positive than what I got when flying the drone a few years back.

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4606/...2a0055bb_b.jpg

I had a fairly brisk walk in the rain this Sunday morning with no one on the streets. I had a big umbrella which kind of got me excited about kite flying by the time I got home. Here's another pic from one of the books:

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4672/...10e5d557_o.jpg

I've decided I am going to get into stunt kite flying after all. I'll go on about my reasons a bit later if not only to learn more as I go along.

Until I spam my next post.

See ya then.

I love the look of this one:

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4678/...505a3653_o.png

wow,,,,,,,,,,,, wow
today I had my real doctor appointment and I am friggin impressed, He is awesome , Send me to podiatrist, to check the lung capacity, changed the meds for better , spend an hour explaining everything ;) It is so cool ......

That's encouraging to hear D. Is nice when people actually listen to us and then go on to help. I hope this continues for us both and that your health continues to improve.

Lisa and I have had some marriage problems but I think as before we will overcome. Stuff like that happens the longer we live. Feeling better today as I'm still getting support at the mental health groups I attend. Going to another one today. Today the Little fella has his first day at kindy school. They specialize with delayed kids as well as neurotypical ones too. I try not to think too much about his first day as you know how close I am to him and also my aversion to a system that cannot be changed. Not to worry ... he might slowly learn how other kids don't ware nappies. Sadly he and his mum have been getting a lot of negative looks still regarding the judgement of others when out shopping and so on. It will do him good to be around a few others like him ... bit like me where I go to so my socializing. hahahahaaaa Byproduct ... is what it is.

I will walk there today although already did my hour walk. Lisa will need the car. I see if I can bum a lift back when group is finished. My eating is slowly improving - although I made pancakes this morning. Fucking Awesome they were!!! I did eat a small pineapple half hour before that though.

I soaked 1Tps of Chis Seeds for the Egg like effect and Soy Milk instead of Dairy + Nut butter. I now have something yumming that I will aim to make twice a week. It will be like my bacon and eggs that I no longer eat. I don't usually subscribe to Studies, but I think the general consensus is in with the detrimental effects of Bacon and the like. Eggs ... I know for a fact my digest can't handle ... especially since the gall bladder came out. If and when I do have eggs ... its a rare occasion and I generally benefit from the bile salt which cost an arm and a leg to sustain and also no good long term. Arrrrr ... talking food again hey. Must be getting better or heading into another round of eating clean.

Later ...

yeah it is not easy with the small one but hopefully he will copy others and it is going to be progress. You guys on the other hands you are exhausted with all problems that never end, Are u surprised you do eat as comfort cause I am not.
I had such difficult day but no panic attack nothing, rather the opposite I feel like a human being , Can you imagine, no panic attack in doc office for me?
He added medication for me for blood pressure it will also slow down the heart beat, lately I wake up with 100 beats it is scary .
My hubby is pissing me off so much, whatever frustration he has he puts it on me. I do not like it at all
i do not use flour but make a huge pancake using almond flour, it is like 5 g of carbs in it, and it is delicious with cheeeeeeese f************* awesome !!!

Cheese affects me more than the flour but still flour no good. Twice a week at only 1/2 cup per serve will be max for now. Eventually I work myself off when I feel the need. Bit like you and your cheese. You made me laugh. TY.

Yea we all feed off eachother. Even happens in here.

Heading out to fly a kite. Feeling very self couscous about it. Only way to overcome it is to just go do it. See what happens I guess.
Adios.

there is nothing better than flying the kite, I know you will have a lot of fun. I had done it many times with my children and with grand one too;)