A rookie on forums and anxiety

Hi there, Cecily here.
I’m writing this because I’m aware I need help, but I don’t know how to ask for it, where to go, what to do. I’ve never had anyone in my life which I could talk to about anything not superficial happening in my life, and now I’m paying the price for being so reserved.
I’ve been suffering from IBS for the past 7 years (everyone around me is aware of this at least). I got one surgery 3 years ago that just made it a lot worse. And I’ve been in daily pain since then. Actually the past year I got on some meds that made it at least a 20% more bearable. I guess since then my mental health has just gone down considerably. I mean I can bear pain, I live in discomfort within my own body every single day, but I just don’t know any more when the IBS or anxiety it’s going to kick in and that just drives my crazy. I’m no longer in control on how my own body is gonna react to certain situations. It’s like my conscious self knows there’s 0 danger in something but my unconscious says, f*ck it, let’s get triggered.
I know a lot of things, like I’m completely aware of the stupidity of my anxiety, but that doesn’t help, also knowing that other people has it worse or that it’s not going to kill me, I know it, I need the will to confront my fears, but I just can’t. And I’m watching my life go by, doing nothing.
My major problem today is that I’ve been trying to travel for the past years, finally being in a place in my life where I have money and time (whitepeopleproblems) and every time I plan something a major anxiety attacks kicks in and I cancel everything. I get insomnia, a strong pressure in my chest, I feel like I can breathe less, and my mind can’t focus on one thing/thought or whatever. On past occasions it was an overnight feeling. Last Wednesday just lasted for 4/5 days, feeling like I was a ticking bomb about to explode. Of course, once again, I canceled everything; because God knows what will happen if I actually decide to endure the anxiety and travel being a mess.
Don’t even get me started on social anxiety. I don’t know, I just don’t want to waste any more time of my life, because if it’s going to be like this for the rest of my days, I want out. I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of my little comfort zone that has gotten me anywhere. Things used to be normal, I want my old self back. The one with no stomach pains and 0 f*cks given about pretty much anything.
I want to do things, I try to remain positive that it’s going to get better even tough experience has showed me nothing changed.
I’ve tried going to therapy and it didn’t work. What's left?
And yeah, I happen to write this after spending a lovely day with my parents. I just opened the computer and started randomly crying. Just a normal day.

PS: English is not my first language, sorry for any typos or weird phrasing.
And sorry if it's long or if I posted the thread in the wrong place, I'm a newbie in this.

Hope to find some words of comfort.
Thanks!
CC

Cnnr welcome to the forum. is Ibs causing you anxiety or it was before you got IBS?
I know person who is dealing with daily pain kind of similar. Hopeully you will get some advice. At least you are in company of very anxious people. I am dealing with anxiety for 5 decades. we all have social anxiety. it is kind of connected............

Hi and welcome here :)

Hi Dahila. IBS is a major part of my anxiety. I never suffered from this before until the past 2/3 years.
Thanks for the company! And props to you for dealing with it for five decades, how do you doooooo????

CNNR I am just doing it, when I had it I hide it, but avoided stressful situation at all costs. I think what is helping me is meditation. So many years of that I learned how accept it, I am still alive it had not kill me so far, happy and kicking. My anxiety now and 10 years ago, eh it was awful but now it is kind of sleeping giant. Panic attacks are not really an issue anymore.
I am really sorry about your condition. I absolutely understand your anxiety, feeling so insecure even to go anywhere. My good friend is dealing with it for years. She eats minimal amount of foods. Skinny as hell.........

Hi and welcome! This forum has helped me since I can see others going through and surviving similar things. I hope you find the same support and encouragement here.

I'm not surprised to hear you have IBS and anxiety together. The stress of the IBS can cause anxiety, but also the gut and brain are so closely connected. My problem isn't quite to the extreme of IBS, but my digestive problems definitely make the anxiety worse, and vice versa. It's a vicious cycle. I think the first thing is to realize that having anxiety isn't stupid. It's a reaction to what's going on, and it in know way reflects your mental capabilities.

If you don't mind me asking, what are you doing to manage the IBS? Lifestyle changes, supplements, etc.?

By the way, you did so good with your post that I couldn't tell English isn't your first language.

Hope to found it too!! Thanks.
Yeah I realize now it's vicious. But I mean I was already battling with IBS for a long time and now I have to battle anxiety too, it seems like my health issue keep adding up, despite having or not having any treatment for them. And in fact, since I've been taking some meds, for the past year or so, that actually work and regulate my bowels, making life a little less tragic, I thought things would get better, but that was when the anxiety started to kick in.
To manage my IBS I take my daily dose of magical drugs hahhaah and try to have a healthy diet avoiding fried stuff, chocolate/Sugars (not a problem, I don't have a sweet tooth), spicy foods, fatty foods... I pretty much have a really boring diet, but I was never a big eater anyways.
I also changed my work enviroment. I was working under a lot of pressure on a postproduction company and since they fired me I decided to go freelance and avoid all the stress caused by my angry boss. Now I manage my own times, projects, I even started illustrating again, which I did in the past and quit due to my full time job. Looking it from the outside it seems that everything should be more than fine, I can't pin point what is not working on my head right now.
I might gave therapy a second chance.

Any specific kind of meditation? I only tried it once, it was like a group thing, but I felt that instead of calming me down it just made me for some reason more angry and I wanted to go out of the room and scream, hahhaha. But I guess there are a lot of different types of it.
I feel sorry for your friend, I can fully understand what she is going through, but I soon realized that eaten less wasn't going to make it any better, in fact it could make you feel worse and bring you other health issues. I hope she's on the healty side of "eating minimal". Between being anorexic (not saying that she is) or anxious, yeah, thank god I ended up being anxious.

I think you are doing all the right things, change of diet (you said you don't eat sweets, are you also avoiding caffeine and alcohol?). Exercise daily. Take supplements. Practice breathing and meditation.

Assuming all of that is fine, here is where your problem is "I want out. I’m tired of trying, I’m tired of my little comfort zone that has gotten me anywhere. "

To recover from anxiety, you must break out of your comfort zone.

There is no magic formula or pill to do it. You must expand your comfort zone a little bit each day. You said you want to travel but you get too anxious? Maybe start by researching places you want to go, then proceed to read reviews on Tripadvisor, then maybe look watch a silly movie about traveling like Eurotrip. Then maybe watch some youtube travel reviews. Then look into plane tickets. Then book the flight.

I am kind of just making this up on the fly, but just so you get the point. You expand your comfort zone out a little bit each day.

When you get anxious and you will, don't fight the anxiety. Accept it. Don't go to war with yourself. Allow the energy to enter your mind with a feeling like "whatever". "If you want to make my heart pound, then pound. If you want to make me dizzy, I will feel dizzy." Whatever the anxiety does to you, just roll with it, the best you can. Soon you will notice the symptoms ease up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc
Watch this, I am meditating for years, there is not many systems, they basically the same. For beginners I do recommend Jon Kabat Zinn his books and guided meditation. I always go back to do it. When I am really stressed out his voice calms me ..........
I had a huge thread with Guided meditation but can not find it anymore. People prefer to pop in the pills instead of trying less invasive methods. Do you really think I would be alive, if I had been on medication for anxiety for 50 years? No I would be gone 20 years ago. till 15 years ago I only had benzo on me in case of panic attack.
Nature is what calms me down, hugging the trees , I am the crazy tree hugger.
Working in my garden. My hobbies, my excessive reading (London Under is the book I am reading and it makes me think, it is beautiful book) Whatever helps i use it, I have use herbs, extracts, herbal tea, I grow my herbs so they have not pesticide on it.
Loving the bird watching, they are not scared of me, no animal is, this is what helps me to be alive, not only alive but loving the life too.
Gypsy uses music as a tool. Teafrenzy you are very intelligent, beautiful human being, but I tend to disagree with it
To get better you must accept anxiety as a part of you, not really bad part of you. It is here to keep you safe.
Right now our world causes a lot of anxiety, societies, expectation, religious system, brain washing......... It is not the disease it is a state of constant taller, What can be done and it works is too change our response to stress. Jon Kabat Zinn will help with it. :)

Thanks. I'll try to find a little time tonight to watch that video :) Thanks again!

When I'm on a clear state of mind like today, sure, I think anxiety is not that bad, nor being nervous, at least it shows you have feelings and are still alive.
But when it comes to the stage where you can control it, and much less know how to cope with it, then it's the problem. I freak out more than I should and I think it's the worst.

I don't drink coffee but yes I indulge myself with some alcohol every now and then.

Is funny because part of the sentence you picked to point out actually says first "I'm tired of trying" Hence, yes I have a comfort zone, but I've tried to expland it with 0 results.
Your idea of baby steps is actually in some way what I'm doing right now to cope with this traveling situation. Not on the aspect of research, if not more on the take action side.
For example. I want to go to place "A" that is far away. But, since I dunno if I'm gonna make it and blow money on a trip I'll never end up going to (it has happened to me before even when anxiety wasnt a thing, i just got sick out of nowhere and couldn't make it) I thought, Ok, lets go to place B that is nearer and cheaper. And guess what, that happened last week, when I ended having once again the anxiety attack. And it was 48 hours of not sleeping and 4 days of feeling like sh*t. I can roll with it when it's momentary, but when it comes like that, for days how do you do?
Also I'm aware that part of the problem is flying itself. Probably if I was travelling by car it would be less of a stressful situation. But i've been on aerplanes before, so once again, my anxiety is nonsense hahahah.

Thanks for listening :)

My anxiety was getting better, but then I had a mild crisis and suddenly became agoraphobic. For me, baby steps is as small as walking to the mailbox or hanging out in my neighbor's house for a few minutes. Actually, the latter was a huge step that I accomplished today. It felt like much more than a baby step, after not being able to be in their home for the last year because of anxiety. Can you break the steps down even smaller? Plan an overnight trip a few hours away or something like that. What part of the trip tends to cause anxiety, besides the flying? Before the smaller trip, try relaxing with meditation, visualization exercises, or simply breathing with instrumental music. Whatever gets you fully relaxed. Then imagine the trip...getting in the car, driving there, the things you'll do once you're there. If you feel anxiety building, slow down, focus on your breathing, and imagine smaller details of the trip instead of the bigger picture (like noticing all of your senses while carrying luggage into your hotel room -- that kind of small detail). Since you're relaxed, it will associate good things with your trip instead of the anxiety. It's not foolproof and you'd have to do it regularly for awhile, but it might help some.

I've had to work on the physical and mental before I could do any better. A psychologist, anxiety books/workbooks, and visualization/relaxation exercises for the mental. Exercising, more sleep, healthier foods, and some supplements for the physical. Anxiety tends to stem from both mental and physical imbalances.

When you say anxiety is nonsense, are you laughing at the ridiculousness of it or are you beating yourself up for not being able to overcome the "nonsense"?

As for the IBS, have you tried the more common recommendations, like probiotics, eliminating certain foods or rotating foods so you're not eating the same things every day, consuming more bone broth and gelatin, etc.?