Fear of driving alone. help?

I have this fear of driving alone, and being in a car alone with my thoughts. I also don't like being alone really. But i recently got a new job and i want to be able to overcome my fear of driving by myself. I always develop a lot of anxiety and fear and panic-like feelings when a situation comes up when i need to drive alone. Especially at night. I think I've conditioned myself to fear the night time. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Yet i somehow always end up afraid and panicky and my dissociation flares up.
I want to reclaim my life again. I hate living in fear. But it always somehow finds me and taunts me.

the only thing i can think to suggest is to not think! its your thinking that creates anxiety. just in the last 72 hours i have had two very close calls whilst out driving but i am not giving any thought to it. why because i have got other things to worry about! and there you have it see that i am not thinking about the car!

REFUSE TO LET FEAR BE IN YOUR DRIVING SEAT!

seriously thou if you keep thinking about something you give that thought more power. STOP putting coal on the fire! if you want to contain a fire you dont add anything more to it that is combustible i.e "fear about driving alone.."

and that brings you onto the next step and that is containment and control to halt the "thought of being scared to drive alone."


the next step for me is to not give the fire any oxygen because a fire needs oxygen to burn. in plain speak "DONT even go there" focus on the positive, and that could be... that you have a car and that you can use this to get to work and not have to rely on public transport! or getting the pay packet and what you can do with that money!

you are the one who is in control. dont let fear have you!!!

Hey tidalpine!

What is it that you fear? Being alone? Fear of crashing? Fear of your thoughts - if so, what kind of thoughts?

There's always public transportation, if that's an option for you.
If not, you take it one step at a time. Getting a safer vehicle helped me, I got a full size pickup truck and I feel that has reduced driving anxiety.

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Originally Posted by tidalpine

I have this fear of driving alone, and being in a car alone with my thoughts. I also don't like being alone really. But i recently got a new job and i want to be able to overcome my fear of driving by myself. I always develop a lot of anxiety and fear and panic-like feelings when a situation comes up when i need to drive alone. Especially at night. I think I've conditioned myself to fear the night time. I don't want to be afraid anymore. Yet i somehow always end up afraid and panicky and my dissociation flares up.
I want to reclaim my life again. I hate living in fear. But it always somehow finds me and taunts me.

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What thoughts do you get when you are alone in the car?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The Intolerable Kid

There's always public transportation, if that's an option for you.
If not, you take it one step at a time. Getting a safer vehicle helped me, I got a full size pickup truck and I feel that has reduced driving anxiety.

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Even though this is a great idea, it can lead to avoidance behaviour, it is how I developed agoraphobia. If you need to get to work or something, it may be a good temporary solution though. Still, this is just my opinion and does not take a way that this worked for Kid.

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Originally Posted by Kixxi

What thoughts do you get when you are alone in the car?

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I think too deeply. I suffer with Depersonalization Disorder. And i panic, when I'm confronted with existentialism and fears and anticipations of panic or a tragedy. I do have a lot of avoidance behavior. I just want to overcome being afraid to drive alone. Im okay to drive if someone is with me. Most of the time

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tidalpine

I think too deeply. I suffer with Depersonalization Disorder. And i panic, when I'm confronted with existentialism and fears and anticipations of panic or a tragedy. I do have a lot of avoidance behavior. I just want to overcome being afraid to drive alone. Im okay to drive if someone is with me. Most of the time

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I can definitely relate there. I panic instantly when leaving my home alone. Unfortunately, the only way to fix it is to find what it is exactly that gets you fearful. For me for example, it was fainting or losing control.

Ask yourself this?
What is the worst that could happen?

Then look for evidence for and evidence against?

For example (in my case)

I could faint:

Evidence for:
dizziness, blurred vision, loss of balance

Evidence against:
never fainted before, the symptoms are related to panic not fainting, when you panic your blood pressure goes up, which makes it almost impossible to faint, my blood pressure has been fine for a long time, etc...

Once you get this filled in, you may be able to start looking at it in a different way.

Kind regards,
Sandra

Also quickly mentioning that having to drive with another person is a safety behaviour, which falls pretty much in the same category as avoidance behaviour. It is quite common with panic disorders. I still have to take my fiancé with me when I go out for example, but I'm getting better.

Hey tidalpine,

There are some things that you can try:

Regard DP/DR as being purely temporary.

Advice from therapists, and sufferers: When affected, run your hands under cold water for several minutes. Adapt the following to your situation: Look around and find 5 colours; feel 4 different textures; smell 3 different odours, and taste 2 different things. Focus on your hands for several minutes, multiple times daily. Try snapping a rubber band on your wrist, lightly, at first, then increasingly harder; remove afterwards, and pocket.

Give the EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via the searchbar at http://eft.mercola.com * or http://www.tapping.com (13 free videos) or YouTube EFT. Professionally instructed is best. - There is a version for use in public places*, (if you want to, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage/tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: [repeating to yourself in your mind] ) "Even though I sometimes suffer from depersonalization/derealization, I deeply and completely accept myself". Use the PMR, at http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html

DP/DR often results from anxiety/panic attacks, so if this applies in your case, see http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...006#post220006 about anxiety, and/or panic attacks. Neo-Reichian therapy has been recommended for DP/DR, but I suggest using the above treatments for at least several weeks, as they may well be all that are required.

RECOMMENDED READING:
Overcoming Depersonalization Disorder: A Mindfulness & Acceptance Guide to Conquering Feelings of Numbness & Unreality by Fugen A. Neziroglu, & Feeling Unreal: Depersonalization Disorder and the Loss of the Self, by Daphne Simeon and Jeffrey Abugel, and Depersonalization: A New Look at a Neglected Syndrome, and The Stranger In The Mirror by Marlene Steinberg and Maxine Schnall, and Depersonalization Disorder Medical Guide by Qontro Medical Guides, and The Haunted Self: Structural Dissociation and the Treatment of Chronic Traumatization (Norton Series on Interpersonal Neurobiology) by Onno van der Hart, Ellert R. S. Nijenhuis, and Kathy Steele, from your bookstore, or www.amazon.com

Google DP/DR chat sites & forums, such as www.anxietyzone.com & http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum and ask what worked for them, such as: http://www.dpselfhelp.com/forum/inde...f-curing-dpdr/


Have you tried making a recording of songs that you like, and can sing along with as you drive? This would occupy you, and distract you from worry that may induce anxiety, or panic attacks that can result in depersonalization. Other suggestions: Ensure that your car is well serviced and fuelled; that you either know the route, or have maps GPS and your car has necessary tools, first aid, and possibly a survival kit, as well as a charged cell / mobile phone to call the Auto Association, or whoever you plan to call in case of breakdowns. Write down in one column on a sheet of paper the most likely scenarios, and in the other column how you would deal with them, and make appropriate preparations. Take a course in defensive driving. With the increasing occurrence of road rage incidents, it's only sensible to know what is advised at https://www.google.com.au/search?cli...UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Then at least you will know that you have done your best to cover all bases.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kixxi

I can definitely relate there. I panic instantly when leaving my home alone. Unfortunately, the only way to fix it is to find what it is exactly that gets you fearful. For me for example, it was fainting or losing control.

Ask yourself this?
What is the worst that could happen?

Then look for evidence for and evidence against?

For example (in my case)

I could faint:

Evidence for:
dizziness, blurred vision, loss of balance

Evidence against:
never fainted before, the symptoms are related to panic not fainting, when you panic your blood pressure goes up, which makes it almost impossible to faint, my blood pressure has been fine for a long time, etc...

Once you get this filled in, you may be able to start looking at it in a different way.

Kind regards,
Sandra

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Yeah, i agree. Im also hypoglycemic, so I do worry about my blood sugar dropping while alone or driving. If i eat really well before driving, I do fine. I still struggle though. It's just a hard thing to overcome. I used to love being alone, but now i can hardly stand it.
But you're really right! Thank you for your reply :)

There are a dew things I think you can try. The first is re-directing your thoughts. Every time you find yourself imagining the worst when you are driving, nudge your mind onto something else. Maybe something concrete in the world around you, or some neutral physical sensation, or your breath.

You say you are usually okay driving with someone. Do you think driving with a friend more often would help you ease into driving alone - and is that feasible if you need to drive to work everyday? Maybe carpool? Or do you think relying on driving with someone would be more of a crutch rather than a stepping stone to independence.

You also mentioned that you fear being alone even when not in a car. Is that just because you are alone with your thoughts? If so, I think mindfulness practices and meditation can help with that. Practice being alone in general, and then maybe driving will be easier, too?

I also think you can try 'exposure' therapy, but in small doses. Like, maybe sit in your car for 10 minutes every evening without driving. Just get used to being there, and associating it with safety. Or maybe even do visualizations where you imagine driving alone and being safe. If you are starting a meditation practice, consider doing the mediations in the car.

Do you have an idea why the fear is driving in particular. You mentioned fear of death and injury, etc. Is it just that those fears have fixated on the car, or has something happened recently that has linked the fear? I.E. being involved in or witnessing an accident, or having a loved one go through it?

Hope some of this is helpful. Good luck!

Also, if your fear is of driving by yourself, maybe using a bluetooth (if that's available to you) connection would help. It is hands free, you're not actually holding the phone. My brother uses his to speak to my Dad while he is driving. If you know someone who has a talent for calming you down, it might help.

Here's a practical tip you can use as you begin to understand how to re-program your defense system: you need a diversion from your self destructive or at least unhelpful thoughts as you travel. The best and safest diversion is to begin to closely observe your environment as you pass through it. For example, you can start reading aloud every sign you see as you drive along; or begin a game of counting cars of a particular color - purple for example. Or you can take note of what all the pedestrians or other drivers are wearing. Think about their shirts and pants and dresses and colors. It may take awhile, but begin each day by observing and thinking about what you see on the way to the car as a way of conditioning yourself to observe outside your weird inner thoughts as you drive to work. Use positive affirmations as you're traveling: "I am actually doing very well and am pretty damned pleased with myself" and so forth. I do a chant when I'm in stressful traffic and that calms me down. Nah mi yo ho renge' kio

Another helpful driving diversion is books on CD that you can learn from - language instruction for example. As you're driving, breath slowly and regularly by pushing out your abdomen. Begin a toe to head tense and release of muscles to loosen your tightness. "Tighten your feet to the count of 10, and release and move up the body." I have a website devoted to overcoming panic disorder: unagoraphobic.com I know you can overcome this with some education and work. Hal