Are you afraid that the people you love will die?

This dreaded thought has kept me up awake for many nights. I have even cried several times and expressed my feelings to my loved ones. At the end of it all, I had a good cry and I feel better. And you know what? The next day my loved ones are still there.

What helped me break out of that terrible cycle of fear and dread was the following realization. The more time I spend wallowing in my own grief and crying about the inevitable, the less time I will have to make memories and spend time with those that I love and care about. It’s a horrible thought and can really be depressing. But the fact is, one day we will all die. It is just part of nature and the way we are made.

We come into this world with nothing, and we will leave with nothing. All that will remain are the memories that we made with those we love. So, take a deep breath and start doing everything you can to spend as much time with them as you can. Sit down and eat dinner together, make a plan to visit a park, or even see a movie. There is no shortage of things to do. Put yourself back into the driver seat and take control of the situation.

Remember that those who walked the Earth before you had the same feelings as you, they breathed the same air you do, and they left this world even when they wanted to stay. But what they did with their time here is what counts, because that is the only thing we have control over. I no longer cry at night, or have those horrible fears. I know everyone is going to die one day, God willing that day is far, far into the future. Until then my focus is on making those memories!

Sincerely,
Hamza

My brother died unexpectedly last year at 33yo. I worry all the time that my daughter will die, which is the only death I don't know if I could handle. Noone saw my brother's death coming - it was a heroin overdose and we didn't even know he was using anything. His life was totally normal by all appearances. I think it makes me worry more about my daughter dying; as if tragedy is inevitable for me. I once read that power is knowing you could survive no matter who dies in your life..

Anyway thanks for your post - this is something I think about a lot.

Gypsy x

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Originally Posted by gypsylee

My brother died unexpectedly last year at 33yo. I worry all the time that my daughter will die, which is the only death I don't know if I could handle. Noone saw my brother's death coming - it was a heroin overdose and we didn't even know he was using anything. His life was totally normal by all appearances. I think it makes me worry more about my daughter dying; as if tragedy is inevitable for me. I once read that power is knowing you could survive no matter who dies in your life..

Anyway thanks for your post - this is something I think about a lot.

Gypsy x

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Hi gypsylee, thank you so much for your reply! I deeply appreciate you taking the time to send a reply. I read over each with with all my attention. I will pray for your brother's peace. Being worried about the well being of your daughter is a completely normal thing. It shows how much you love and care for her. I always try to look for advantages out of every situation in my life. Your brother taught you many things which you now know you can apply to the well being of your daughter. This gift from your brother should allow you to worry less. Do the best that you can in life and when something worries you just sit down, take a deep breath and make a plan to remove that worry. I would love to know what problems you are currently facing that you wish you had a solution to. If you feel more comfortable sending me a private message that would be fine. Thank you so much and looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
Hamza

It did back when I was a kid. It used to have me anxious and fretting and even crying from a very early age. Always a worrier it seems, even when I was 10 or 11.

These days I've come to terms with it.

Ed

Wow, this thread isn't depressing in the slightest! LOL

I'm not going to die, because I am immortal..

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-jWMemN6jxL...nder%2520A.gif

K

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aicherrrr

Hi gypsylee, thank you so much for your reply! I deeply appreciate you taking the time to send a reply. I read over each with with all my attention. I will pray for your brother's peace. Being worried about the well being of your daughter is a completely normal thing. It shows how much you love and care for her. I always try to look for advantages out of every situation in my life. Your brother taught you many things which you now know you can apply to the well being of your daughter. This gift from your brother should allow you to worry less. Do the best that you can in life and when something worries you just sit down, take a deep breath and make a plan to remove that worry. I would love to know what problems you are currently facing that you wish you had a solution to. If you feel more comfortable sending me a private message that would be fine. Thank you so much and looking forward to your reply.

Sincerely,
Hamza

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Well see the biggest problem is my daughter doesn't live with me - she lives with her father. This is a long story and to be honest, it has caused me more grief than my brother's actual death. I see her quite often (they only live interstate) but she's 14 and I wish I could have more say in her life and protect her. Her father is, let's just say, extremely difficult to deal with..

So yesterday I was sitting there wondering why I worry so much about her and thought, is it because of my brother's death? Like I say, I feel destined for tragedy or something now. I've always worried about her of course but I think it's worse now and I'm convinced she's going to die.

I used to worry as a kid that my parents were going to die. That doesn't bother me now and sometimes I wish my mother would actually hurry up LOL. But yeah I've always been anxious.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by gypsylee

K

Well see the biggest problem is my daughter doesn't live with me - she lives with her father. This is a long story and to be honest, it has caused me more grief than my brother's actual death. I see her quite often (they only live interstate) but she's 14 and I wish I could have more say in her life and protect her. Her father is, let's just say, extremely difficult to deal with..

So yesterday I was sitting there wondering why I worry so much about her and thought, is it because of my brother's death? Like I say, I feel destined for tragedy or something now. I've always worried about her of course but I think it's worse now and I'm convinced she's going to die.

I used to worry as a kid that my parents were going to die. That doesn't bother me now and sometimes I wish my mother would actually hurry up LOL. But yeah I've always been anxious.

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Thank you for your reply. Is he a good father? Not having control over how she raised is a very discomforting thing to have to deal with. But at the end of the day there is no point stressing over things you cannot control. It is futile because even if you stress yourself to the point where you end up sick, nothing will come of it. Just do your best as im sure you already do and she will grow up to be fine :o)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by aicherrrr

This dreaded thought has kept me up awake for many nights. I have even cried several times and expressed my feelings to my loved ones. At the end of it all, I had a good cry and I feel better. And you know what? The next day my loved ones are still there.

What helped me break out of that terrible cycle of fear and dread was the following realization. The more time I spend wallowing in my own grief and crying about the inevitable, the less time I will have to make memories and spend time with those that I love and care about. It’s a horrible thought and can really be depressing. But the fact is, one day we will all die. It is just part of nature and the way we are made.

We come into this world with nothing, and we will leave with nothing. All that will remain are the memories that we made with those we love. So, take a deep breath and start doing everything you can to spend as much time with them as you can. Sit down and eat dinner together, make a plan to visit a park, or even see a movie. There is no shortage of things to do. Put yourself back into the driver seat and take control of the situation.

Remember that those who walked the Earth before you had the same feelings as you, they breathed the same air you do, and they left this world even when they wanted to stay. But what they did with their time here is what counts, because that is the only thing we have control over. I no longer cry at night, or have those horrible fears. I know everyone is going to die one day, God willing that day is far, far into the future. Until then my focus is on making those memories!

Sincerely,
Hamza

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I know it probably sounds silly but when I first saw this topic yesterday I had to sign off because the idea of reading this thread triggered a high level of anxiety for me. This is a pretty hard subject for me because I've been to a lot of funerals and there was a period of time a few years back where I had several family members die within a short period of time. I try not to dwell on it but it definitely affects my life.

Something that has really helped me is talking to my therapist about it. For some reason talking about the fact that it is inevitable and that all we can do is enjoy the time we have makes it a little less scary. I still do have minor freakouts every once in awhile about it. One of my good friends was killed by a drunk driver when I was 16 so I think that's really had an affect on how I perceive life and death.

I am with all of you. This is a hot button topic for me that always brings me to anxiety. I have had grandparents all pass but then when i had aunts and uncles go especially one uncle i worked with every day and i watched cancer take him quick and in his 50's which is now my age. I recently went back home and caught an old friend home on vacation and he informed me that three of our friends had passed from cancer. It was a long anxious drive home and it was a xanax moment for sure,
Now that i have three young kids 15, 11, 10 i worry constantly about "going " before they are old enough to take care of themselves.

I did like superchick when i first read the topic of this thread..........................LOGGED OUT

We are taught to fear Death. I think it is commendable that the OP posted as they did. There are those of us on this forum right now having to deal with the death of a loved one; and of course those who have already responded to share their loss and grief.

The Drama the holds us back as loved ones Die:
The thing that sucks about death for me - is how we are kept at a distance during that crucial moment our loved one transits from living to dead.

$$$$ and Insurance may dictate what kind of end your able to have. A hospice can be a great place for loved one to say there good byes. It's the unexpected death that can take the largest toll. I was notified of my brothers unexpected death whilst on this forum half way through a post in one of my other threads.

My wife has a nasty affliction called MS - I am always thinking about her death. I have happened across a close friend in the gutter who ODed. Kings Cross Sydney 87 - Another one hanging on a clothes line 92-3 out in his back yard. ... there where others ... but:

__________________________________

All the people we live will die. All people die. Am I afraid. Yes. But again - more so because we are taught to fear death. Fear Sells! We live in a world that loves to Sell! Once you come to see that, you begin to have an appreciation for the cultures thus far lost. Where people are taught from an early age, that dying is just a part of life. The spiritual aspect to many of these previous cultures embed a common theme - a cycle of life. The closet Modern Society comes to anything like that, is either an afterlife based on Fear or a One time deal that seeks the fountain of youth.

The older cultures tend to accept and welcome the cycle for what it is, whilst the others both live in fear.

I have since unlearned a lot of the crap. What counts is the days you have now with those that you love. I only get frustrated when taking in all that BS about striving and driving to be more than I already am. Watching my kids and family trying to turn the wheel, get that house or that job ... all that shit. Those kind of pursuits just get in the way of living full stop.

However in saying that, I only just commended my son for getting a job yesterday. I know he does not need to hear my BS when he is trying so hard to run the maze. I cheer my other daughter on with her UNI distinctions and so on. I do what I can to foster the relationships now.

Just as people in here don't want to hear about death - a time will come and in day and age, mostly when we least expect it. The truth is, many of us spend way too much time with our heads up our asses to even care. Smells better than what's really going on out there.

Better to be a Joker with a few memes and icons and forget the harsh reality of this world. Better yet, start your own reality. I'm big on that. LOL -

Out of all the people I have seen drop dead, die, or knock themselves off - just be content with the time that you had.

... and for now ... if your still worried about it ... the ones that are NOT dead ... spend some time with them and make it count.

Above all, we should learn from the other lost cultures who are slowly fading away - being assimilated ... that death is not something to be afraid of ... even if you don't believe in an after life. Enjoy the time you have knowing that each of us will soon be dead. Unlearn all this purist of whatever and just start living with what you already have and be who you already are. Enjoy your friends and family whilst they are not yet dead.

Because like me ... half way through a post like this, you might get - Ring RING Ring - your loved one is dead.

Be happy with what you already have. Fear is good at blinding people to that.

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Originally Posted by Ponder

We are taught to fear Death. I think it is commendable that the OP posted as they did. There are those of us on this forum right now having to deal with the death of a loved one; and of course those who have already responded to share their loss and grief. The Drama the holds us back as loved ones Die: The thing that sucks about death for me - is how we are kept at a distance during that crucial moment our loved one transits from living to dead. $$$$ and Insurance may dictate what kind of end your able to have. A hospice can be a great place for loved one to say there good byes. It's the unexpected death that can take the largest toll. I was notified of my brothers unexpected death whilst on this forum half way through a post in one of my other threads. My wife has a nasty affliction called MS - I am always thinking about her death. I have happened across a close friend in the gutter who ODed. Kings Cross Sydney 87 - Another one hanging on a clothes line 92-3 out in his back yard. ... there where others ... but: __________________________________ All the people we live will die. All people die. Am I afraid. Yes. But again - more so because we are taught to fear death. Fear Sells! We live in a world that loves to Sell! Once you come to see that, you begin to have an appreciation for the cultures thus far lost. Where people are taught from an early age, that dying is just a part of life. The spiritual aspect to many of these previous cultures embed a common theme - a cycle of life. The closet Modern Society comes to anything like that, is either an afterlife based on Fear or a One time deal that seeks the fountain of youth. The older cultures tend to accept and welcome the cycle for what it is, whilst the others both live in fear. I have since unlearned a lot of the crap. What counts is the days you have now with those that you love. I only get frustrated when taking in all that BS about striving and driving to be more than I already am. Watching my kids and family trying to turn the wheel, get that house or that job ... all that shit. Those kind of pursuits just get in the way of living full stop. However in saying that, I only just commended my son for getting a job yesterday. I know he does not need to hear my BS when he is trying so hard to run the maze. I cheer my other daughter on with her UNI distinctions and so on. I do what I can to foster the relationships now. Just as people in here don't want to hear about death - a time will come and in day and age, mostly when we least expect it. The truth is, many of us spend way too much time with our heads up our asses to even care. Smells better than what's really going on out there. Better to be a Joker with a few memes and icons and forget the harsh reality of this world. Better yet, start your own reality. I'm big on that. LOL - Out of all the people I have seen drop dead, die, or knock themselves off - just be content with the time that you had. ... and for now ... if your still worried about it ... the ones that are NOT dead ... spend some time with them and make it count. Above all, we should learn from the other lost cultures who are slowly fading away - being assimilated ... that death is not something to be afraid of ... even if you don't believe in an after life. Enjoy the time you have knowing that each of us will soon be dead. Unlearn all this purist of whatever and just start living with what you already have and be who you already are. Enjoy your friends and family whilst they are not yet dead. Because like me ... half way through a post like this, you might get - Ring RING Ring - your loved one is dead. Be happy with what you already have. Fear is good at blinding people to that.

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Phenomenal

I'm loving this thread. Death is such a taboo subject in our culture and that makes it so much worse than it needs to be. Other cultures don't have such a fear of death and just see it as a part of life. It's not the opposite of life, it's the opposite of birth. Birth is seen as this massively joyous occasion and death this absolutely horrible one. Sure, death is more sad, but I think it's out of proportion in our culture. Take away some of the taboo and it isn't half as scary. We sanitise death and hide it away with discreet funerals.. Pretend it isn't happening basically. Like anything that gets repressed and hidden, this creates fear. I say talk about it and get it out in the open!

Good Evening,

I am amazing and humbled at the responses posted here. Thank you for sharing such personal moments. Sorry about giving you anxiety, my intention was to do the opposite. Out of all the problems in the world that you have, if you could have a solution to one of them. What problem would you want a solution for?

When I was a kid, this was my earliest anxiety. I remember playing football with my dad and being absolutely terrified that he would just drop dead. Then we'd go home and I'd be terrified opening the door because I thought my mum may have passed on while in her chair or something. I was really young then, too. Maybe 4 or 5.

I like Ponder's post a lot. We're trained to fear death as humans. It keeps us under control, but I guess it protects us too. Could you imagine a mother not telling her child to stop doing dangerous things? That'd probably go badly wrong. The kid'd end up falling out of a window or something. So yeah, we're taught from birth that death = awful. Social conditioning is extremely powerful.

I feel I should offer some kind of solution, but I don't have one, LOL. The things that have helped me are just choosing to live the moment so I can appreciate it fully. That has stopped me thinking too far into the future. Also, understanding more about the mind, about life and about death have helped me. I no longer view death as the worst possible thing that can happen to a person. It actually seems extremely peaceful when I think about it. I've also come to the conclusion that people, or at least the energy/consciousness they're comprised of, don't really die, even though they probably cease to exist in their previous form. That's somewhat comforting to me.

You're certainly not alone with your fears, man. :)

I agree that's it's easy to get caught up in the fear of losing your loved ones, and wasting time you could spend making memories, worrying. But, for me, my belief that God is in control helps me to let go of that fear. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle from time to time, but believing that everything isn't random and there is purpose to our lives helps me to let go of the fact that I can't control how long my friends and family will be on this earth. It also helps me to believe that earth isn't all the time we'll get. I believe, when you know Christ as your Savior, you also have an eternity with Him to look forward to-hopefully, surrounded by your loved ones....

I have this really bad, and not just exclusively for family. Death anxiety is one of the scariest things, in my opinion, because death is so final. I have religious-based OCD (where I feel the compulsion to constantly pray/has Christian themes as the backdrop of most of my tics) and its always preventative stuff - doing this will prevent my grandparents from dying, or doing that will save someone's soul. But, I've realized that these thoughts are irrational, and there's nothing I can do but make the most of time in the now. I try to become a little more mindful and live in the moment as time goes on, rather than plan and think about things in the future I have no control over. But yes, I and many others definitely do battle with the same thoughts.