Social Anxiety: Silent pain

Hello everyone,

My name is James and I discovered this community while performing a Google search and I’m glad I did. With that said, here’s my story:
Ever since I was a little child, I appeared shy and simply wanted to avoid people around me. Like many other children, this behavior wasn’t expected to be unusual and everyone viewed me as “The quiet kid.” Throughout my childhood life, I had very few friends and my isolation and avoidance behavior continued throughout my early adulthood life as well.

One day while sitting in my front living room, my right arm started to go numb as my entire body began sweating and heart-rate went through the roof. Like many people who experienced an anxiety attack for the first time, I thought I was going to die. Before the next day even started, I awoken to my entire body covered in sweat, racing heart-rate, and felt like my head was going to explode. Fearing for me life, I went to the hospital immediately and after several visitations within the period of 3-months, I was diagnosed with “General Anxiety Disorder.”

Although I was prescribed medication for my newly discovered condition, my situation only gotten worse as I tried everything imaginable to avoid social contact (going to church was a complete nightmare). While attending a church session, I was once again hit with the reality of social anxiety as being around so many people caused my body to feel like it was breaking down from the inside out and I was completely covered in sweat; it felt as if I was at the end of a mountain top, about to hit ground bottom.

From these ordeals and others, I began developing depression symptoms as the slightest thing from people would bother me. Eventually, I lost all hope: I withdrew from all activities, had zero motivation to do my college assignments, nor go to work. In my mind, all I could think about was how worthless I was and the endless stream of suicidal thoughts. Before things got worse, I went to my local hospital and got help and was institutionalized.
Even as I’m typing this, I am feeling quite depressed and every time I’m involved in social situations, I am constantly overwhelmed and it is difficult to perform my duties at work. At times, it seems like a roller-coaster: Sometimes I get better, and then I get worse. Since I’m a man and supposed to be “Strong,” people have even looked at my condition as a weakness. Some days, I feel that I’m completely going insane.

When I’m around people besides family, I have racing thoughts of negativity and I constantly think about the things I said or what I shouldn’t do (is it rude to not look at this person, am I’m staring at this person too much, I don’t know what to say, etc). When I’m alone, I’m often trapped in a cocoon of my own thoughts as my mind begins to attack itself reflecting on bad experiences. Sadly, people avoid me because my condition and I never been in a relationship as a result.

Have you had a formal diagnosis (or testing for) - mild Autism, Aspergers -

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TheNightWalker

Hello everyone,

My name is James and I discovered this community while performing a Google search and I’m glad I did. With that said, here’s my story:
Ever since I was a little child, I appeared shy and simply wanted to avoid people around me. Like many other children, this behavior wasn’t expected to be unusual and everyone viewed me as “The quiet kid.” Throughout my childhood life, I had very few friends and my isolation and avoidance behavior continued throughout my early adulthood life as well.

One day while sitting in my front living room, my right arm started to go numb as my entire body began sweating and heart-rate went through the roof. Like many people who experienced an anxiety attack for the first time, I thought I was going to die. Before the next day even started, I awoken to my entire body covered in sweat, racing heart-rate, and felt like my head was going to explode. Fearing for me life, I went to the hospital immediately and after several visitations within the period of 3-months, I was diagnosed with “General Anxiety Disorder.”

Although I was prescribed medication for my newly discovered condition, my situation only gotten worse as I tried everything imaginable to avoid social contact (going to church was a complete nightmare). While attending a church session, I was once again hit with the reality of social anxiety as being around so many people caused my body to feel like it was breaking down from the inside out and I was completely covered in sweat; it felt as if I was at the end of a mountain top, about to hit ground bottom.

From these ordeals and others, I began developing depression symptoms as the slightest thing from people would bother me. Eventually, I lost all hope: I withdrew from all activities, had zero motivation to do my college assignments, nor go to work. In my mind, all I could think about was how worthless I was and the endless stream of suicidal thoughts. Before things got worse, I went to my local hospital and got help and was institutionalized.
Even as I’m typing this, I am feeling quite depressed and every time I’m involved in social situations, I am constantly overwhelmed and it is difficult to perform my duties at work. At times, it seems like a roller-coaster: Sometimes I get better, and then I get worse. Since I’m a man and supposed to be “Strong,” people have even looked at my condition as a weakness. Some days, I feel that I’m completely going insane.

When I’m around people besides family, I have racing thoughts of negativity and I constantly think about the things I said or what I shouldn’t do (is it rude to not look at this person, am I’m staring at this person too much, I don’t know what to say, etc). When I’m alone, I’m often trapped in a cocoon of my own thoughts as my mind begins to attack itself reflecting on bad experiences. Sadly, people avoid me because my condition and I never been in a relationship as a result.

---

What do you want James? (more than anything)

"If I could have anything in the world, if I could be anything, what would that be?"

"What would I look like, as the perfect me?"

And,

"When I’m around people besides family, I have racing thoughts of negativity"

What are you like around all of your family -

Ask "Which family member influenced me the most growing up?", "I turned out most like ____, i am like ______ in many ways", describe that.

And finally, for now:

"I am so critical of myself, because ______ criticized me, I just wasnt good enough, or strong enough, or smart enough, or wise enough."

"No matter what I did, or didnt do, I could never earn ________ love, or respect, admiration, or recognition"

Reveal to yourself (most importantly) through a brutally honest self exploration, examination, what the reasons are, for the unwanted behavior/thoughts/feelings/value judgments (self) - let any of these questions lead to further questions, deeper and deeper you go, until you strike a chord, a nerve. (emotionally). That will be it - you will really feel it as a truth about who you are. And if it feels badly, its a lie. Write down that belief, statement of fact about yourself, along with the associated hurtful physical memories - experiences (embarrassments, condemnation, shame, guilt, etc.), and speak to someone (therapist, or the like) about healing them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TheNightWalker

Hello everyone,

My name is James and I discovered this community while performing a Google search and I’m glad I did. With that said, here’s my story:
Ever since I was a little child, I appeared shy and simply wanted to avoid people around me. Like many other children, this behavior wasn’t expected to be unusual and everyone viewed me as “The quiet kid.” Throughout my childhood life, I had very few friends and my isolation and avoidance behavior continued throughout my early adulthood life as well.

One day while sitting in my front living room, my right arm started to go numb as my entire body began sweating and heart-rate went through the roof. Like many people who experienced an anxiety attack for the first time, I thought I was going to die. Before the next day even started, I awoken to my entire body covered in sweat, racing heart-rate, and felt like my head was going to explode. Fearing for me life, I went to the hospital immediately and after several visitations within the period of 3-months, I was diagnosed with “General Anxiety Disorder.”

Although I was prescribed medication for my newly discovered condition, my situation only gotten worse as I tried everything imaginable to avoid social contact (going to church was a complete nightmare). While attending a church session, I was once again hit with the reality of social anxiety as being around so many people caused my body to feel like it was breaking down from the inside out and I was completely covered in sweat; it felt as if I was at the end of a mountain top, about to hit ground bottom.

From these ordeals and others, I began developing depression symptoms as the slightest thing from people would bother me. Eventually, I lost all hope: I withdrew from all activities, had zero motivation to do my college assignments, nor go to work. In my mind, all I could think about was how worthless I was and the endless stream of suicidal thoughts. Before things got worse, I went to my local hospital and got help and was institutionalized.
Even as I’m typing this, I am feeling quite depressed and every time I’m involved in social situations, I am constantly overwhelmed and it is difficult to perform my duties at work. At times, it seems like a roller-coaster: Sometimes I get better, and then I get worse. Since I’m a man and supposed to be “Strong,” people have even looked at my condition as a weakness. Some days, I feel that I’m completely going insane.

When I’m around people besides family, I have racing thoughts of negativity and I constantly think about the things I said or what I shouldn’t do (is it rude to not look at this person, am I’m staring at this person too much, I don’t know what to say, etc). When I’m alone, I’m often trapped in a cocoon of my own thoughts as my mind begins to attack itself reflecting on bad experiences. Sadly, people avoid me because my condition and I never been in a relationship as a result.

---

TheNightWalker, you and I should be pals! I had the exact same forms of anxiety! Down to the attacks!

First off, let me say I am sorry you are suffering from a condition that millions suffer from. You have two battles. The physical, and mental battle. Here's how RECENTLY I cured myself of anxiety. Here's my story. I hope you can take my experiences as a helpful tool for your cure:

Every morning I would wake up, shower, and in the shower I would think about "I wonder where I'll be today in the office when I have a panic attack". It's these thoughts that I woke up to in the morning after kissing my girlfriend. I was hiding my anxiety. I went to work and was too afraid to have one on one meetings with colleagues in fear of having a panic attack in a closed space. I made excuses. Finally, after months of panic attacks, some of which lasted hours, I decided it was enough.

I'm a military man now working as a civilian, I should be tough right? Well, at that time, I was not. I was at my weakest. Physically and mentally weak. One day after work I realized, "AV1988, you need to exercise. You are really out of shape. Maybe that'll help the anxiety?". So I went to the gym, pumped Iron, ran (all of which I hate doing), and essentially tuckered myself out. The next day, I didn't really feel any better. Then a friend of mine called me that very next day and asked if I wanted to play tennis. I thought "man, it's been since high school but I love the sport". I borrowed one of his rackets that afternoon and we hit for hours. I got sweaty, tired, all without knowing it. I was having FUN!

I went home after that and felt great. I was happy. I started thinking about things I couldn't think about when I was anxious. "I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have a wonderful family. I have a job in this bad economy. I have hospitals if I ever were to need one...etc". I was grateful. These are things you can't focus on when you are having a panic attack. THESE are what you need to train your mind to go over when you feel like you might panic.

Do you want to know the real secret? What REALLY cured my anxiety? I CONVINCED my brain that I have survived 100% of my panic attacks. Panic attacks have never killed me. Heck, after they end, I feel fine. I'm UNDEFEATED against panic attacks.

Seriously, after a few days, if I felt my heart begin to race in panic, my mind would circle back to that notion. I've survived every panic attack. This is stupid! It's all in my mind!

With the right dose of mental strength I built through these tactics, and the right amount of physical activity, I KICKED PANIC ATTACKS LIKE A BAD HABBIT!

You can do it. You have the strength, it's time to use it! Please reach out if you need anything.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by av1988

TheNightWalker, you and I should be pals! I had the exact same forms of anxiety! Down to the attacks!

First off, let me say I am sorry you are suffering from a condition that millions suffer from. You have two battles. The physical, and mental battle. Here's how RECENTLY I cured myself of anxiety. Here's my story. I hope you can take my experiences as a helpful tool for your cure:

Every morning I would wake up, shower, and in the shower I would think about "I wonder where I'll be today in the office when I have a panic attack". It's these thoughts that I woke up to in the morning after kissing my girlfriend. I was hiding my anxiety. I went to work and was too afraid to have one on one meetings with colleagues in fear of having a panic attack in a closed space. I made excuses. Finally, after months of panic attacks, some of which lasted hours, I decided it was enough.

I'm a military man now working as a civilian, I should be tough right? Well, at that time, I was not. I was at my weakest. Physically and mentally weak. One day after work I realized, "AV1988, you need to exercise. You are really out of shape. Maybe that'll help the anxiety?". So I went to the gym, pumped Iron, ran (all of which I hate doing), and essentially tuckered myself out. The next day, I didn't really feel any better. Then a friend of mine called me that very next day and asked if I wanted to play tennis. I thought "man, it's been since high school but I love the sport". I borrowed one of his rackets that afternoon and we hit for hours. I got sweaty, tired, all without knowing it. I was having FUN!

I went home after that and felt great. I was happy. I started thinking about things I couldn't think about when I was anxious. "I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have a wonderful family. I have a job in this bad economy. I have hospitals if I ever were to need one...etc". I was grateful. These are things you can't focus on when you are having a panic attack. THESE are what you need to train your mind to go over when you feel like you might panic.

Do you want to know the real secret? What REALLY cured my anxiety? I CONVINCED my brain that I have survived 100% of my panic attacks. Panic attacks have never killed me. Heck, after they end, I feel fine. I'm UNDEFEATED against panic attacks.

Seriously, after a few days, if I felt my heart begin to race in panic, my mind would circle back to that notion. I've survived every panic attack. This is stupid! It's all in my mind!

With the right dose of mental strength I built through these tactics, and the right amount of physical activity, I KICKED PANIC ATTACKS LIKE A BAD HABBIT!

You can do it. You have the strength, it's time to use it! Please reach out if you need anything.

---

The lie was not that anxiety would kill you (you relate best using 'war' terms, 'military', 'battles'), but that your life was not worth living.

Once past that (both mentally and as a civilian), there was a renewed zest or value for each life, and the anti-life anxiousness subsided. The military had a great deal to do with the original feelings, reinforcing them.

Anxiety is not a 'thing' to kick, like an 'enemy', using terms you can relate to. Anxiety is your mind projected out and objectified. In those terms, you kicked your own ass (the war on terror was internal). And this helped.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Im-Suffering

The lie was not that anxiety would kill you (you relate best using 'war' terms, 'military', 'battles'), but that your life was not worth living.

Once past that (both mentally and as a civilian), there was a renewed zest or value for each life, and the anti-life anxiousness subsided. The military had a great deal to do with the original feelings, reinforcing them.

Anxiety is not a 'thing' to kick, like an 'enemy', using terms you can relate to. Anxiety is your mind projected out and objectified. In those terms, you kicked your own ass (the war on terror was internal). And this helped.

---

I posted this in another thread but I'll also respond here so the OP can read.

I disagree that anxiety cannot be kicked. It most certainly can. It depends on the individual, but it absolutely can. Anxiety can actually become a habit. A habit to let your mind wander into panicking. Just like any habit, you can kick it with the willpower. Just like any illness you need to let your body heal so you can kick it. It worked for me, and I wouldn't change any of my wording. These are my experiences that I'm sharing. Others may not be able to achieve this, but it never hurts to read it.

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this, but you are not alone. It's great that you are reaching out and trying to find a solution. What are you passionate about? All anxiety aside, if it wasn't an issue, what would you love to do/try/experience?

mommato2lilmonkeys

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Im-Suffering

Have you had a formal diagnosis (or testing for) - mild Autism, Aspergers -



What do you want James? (more than anything)

"If I could have anything in the world, if I could be anything, what would that be?"

"What would I look like, as the perfect me?"

And,

"When I’m around people besides family, I have racing thoughts of negativity"

What are you like around all of your family -

Ask "Which family member influenced me the most growing up?", "I turned out most like ____, i am like ______ in many ways", describe that.

And finally, for now:

"I am so critical of myself, because ______ criticized me, I just wasnt good enough, or strong enough, or smart enough, or wise enough."

"No matter what I did, or didnt do, I could never earn ________ love, or respect, admiration, or recognition"

Reveal to yourself (most importantly) through a brutally honest self exploration, examination, what the reasons are, for the unwanted behavior/thoughts/feelings/value judgments (self) - let any of these questions lead to further questions, deeper and deeper you go, until you strike a chord, a nerve. (emotionally). That will be it - you will really feel it as a truth about who you are. And if it feels badly, its a lie. Write down that belief, statement of fact about yourself, along with the associated hurtful physical memories - experiences (embarrassments, condemnation, shame, guilt, etc.), and speak to someone (therapist, or the like) about healing them.

---

Hello Im-Suffering,

I did some research on Autism and I didn't seem to fall under the category of symptoms listed on WebMD which is often a reliable website for medical knowledge. However, my symptoms do seem to fall under some of the categories of Aspergers and I'm going to go in-depth with my doctor on the subject of Social Anxiety next time I speak with him.

While I have many ambitions, the main thing I want is to simply be normal. While I'm alone, I have the desire to go out in the world and socialize, but once I began interacting with people, my body will experience intense anxiety and cause me to behave awkwardly. Those around me in my daily life just seem to do it so naturally while it is a complete science project for myself. Although I am constantly thrown in social interactions at my current job, my fear of socializing doesn't seem to be improving. When I think about what memory is causing me pain, being humiliated through bullying as a child and poorly evaluated by the others would be two of them.

I have thought long and hard what may be causing me to behave the way I do when socializing with others and have even caused me to independently research psychology and many mental conditions. Although the knowledge I possess is significantly greater than when I was diagnosed with my current conditions, I've known a psychologist who suffered from Social Anxiety and depression. One of the things I found to be most effective is group therapies as I was surprised to discover that other people were going through the same thing as myself and was able to relate to them on a better level compared to "Normal" people.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by av1988

TheNightWalker, you and I should be pals! I had the exact same forms of anxiety! Down to the attacks!

First off, let me say I am sorry you are suffering from a condition that millions suffer from. You have two battles. The physical, and mental battle. Here's how RECENTLY I cured myself of anxiety. Here's my story. I hope you can take my experiences as a helpful tool for your cure:

Every morning I would wake up, shower, and in the shower I would think about "I wonder where I'll be today in the office when I have a panic attack". It's these thoughts that I woke up to in the morning after kissing my girlfriend. I was hiding my anxiety. I went to work and was too afraid to have one on one meetings with colleagues in fear of having a panic attack in a closed space. I made excuses. Finally, after months of panic attacks, some of which lasted hours, I decided it was enough.

I'm a military man now working as a civilian, I should be tough right? Well, at that time, I was not. I was at my weakest. Physically and mentally weak. One day after work I realized, "AV1988, you need to exercise. You are really out of shape. Maybe that'll help the anxiety?". So I went to the gym, pumped Iron, ran (all of which I hate doing), and essentially tuckered myself out. The next day, I didn't really feel any better. Then a friend of mine called me that very next day and asked if I wanted to play tennis. I thought "man, it's been since high school but I love the sport". I borrowed one of his rackets that afternoon and we hit for hours. I got sweaty, tired, all without knowing it. I was having FUN!

I went home after that and felt great. I was happy. I started thinking about things I couldn't think about when I was anxious. "I have a beautiful girlfriend. I have a wonderful family. I have a job in this bad economy. I have hospitals if I ever were to need one...etc". I was grateful. These are things you can't focus on when you are having a panic attack. THESE are what you need to train your mind to go over when you feel like you might panic.

Do you want to know the real secret? What REALLY cured my anxiety? I CONVINCED my brain that I have survived 100% of my panic attacks. Panic attacks have never killed me. Heck, after they end, I feel fine. I'm UNDEFEATED against panic attacks.

Seriously, after a few days, if I felt my heart begin to race in panic, my mind would circle back to that notion. I've survived every panic attack. This is stupid! It's all in my mind!

With the right dose of mental strength I built through these tactics, and the right amount of physical activity, I KICKED PANIC ATTACKS LIKE A BAD HABBIT!

You can do it. You have the strength, it's time to use it! Please reach out if you need anything.

---

Hello Av1988,

I'm glad you are doing well and have recovered from the dramatic effects panic attacks can have on people. For the most part (90% of the times), I have defeated panic attacks and don't suffer from them as much as I use to. Even when I'm experiencing an episode, I know how to respond and calm myself down in the situation. However, when dealing with Social Anxiety, the same methods I use for panic attacks don't seem to work, even though I'm well-educated on the condition.

Looking at life from a positive perspective has definitely been a difficult challenge for me, despite going from morbidly obese (400+ pounds) to relatively a normal weight (250 pounds). Even academically, I was 2-years behind and grade-school and in special-aid. Now, today, I have a Associate's degree in Information Technology and have educated myself on various topics. I suppose one problem I have is comparing myself to other people. Ironically, though, I told myself as a young child (12-years of age) that if I ever learned how to read, I would be satisfied with that and wouldn't have anymore expectations. It seems like now I have unrealistic expectations of myself and I feel like failure isn't an option.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by av1988

I posted this in another thread but I'll also respond here so the OP can read.

I disagree that anxiety cannot be kicked. It most certainly can. It depends on the individual, but it absolutely can. Anxiety can actually become a habit. A habit to let your mind wander into panicking. Just like any habit, you can kick it with the willpower. Just like any illness you need to let your body heal so you can kick it. It worked for me, and I wouldn't change any of my wording. These are my experiences that I'm sharing. Others may not be able to achieve this, but it never hurts to read it.

---

Perhaps there is a solution to solving my problem(s), but I take my fear head on almost everyday and seem to make little to no difference. In fact, it has gradually gotten worse over the past few months and my personality has changed dramatically at work. When I'm on break, I can't wait to get out the work building and sit in my car, isolated alone, or talking to my friend. I'm going to stay optimistic and hope my doctor can suggest some recommendations I'm not yet aware of.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by dancingsunflowers80

Sorry to hear that you are experiencing this, but you are not alone. It's great that you are reaching out and trying to find a solution. What are you passionate about? All anxiety aside, if it wasn't an issue, what would you love to do/try/experience?

mommato2lilmonkeys

---

Hello Dancingsunflowers 80,

If it wasn't a problem, I would like to socialize normally and be able to communicate with the opposite more naturally. Because of my condition, however, my behavior is seen as "unconfident" and the situation is magnified as I seem to have this fear of rejection. I suppose in the past, I was far too nice and trusting and now that has a negative effect when I come across a woman I may have an interest in. I've never talked to anyone about this issue as I felt too embarrassed to do so.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by TheNightWalker

Perhaps there is a solution to solving my problem(s), but I take my fear head on almost everyday and seem to make little to no difference. In fact, it has gradually gotten worse over the past few months and my personality has changed dramatically at work. When I'm on break, I can't wait to get out the work building and sit in my car, isolated alone, or talking to my friend. I'm going to stay optimistic and hope my doctor can suggest some recommendations I'm not yet aware of.

---

TheNightWalker, I suggest you read my thread I created today.

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...ted-my-anxiety

This is the link to my thread. You and I are one in the same. Please let me know what you think. I was in your shoes. The exact same shoes. I even turned to alcohol to solve my problems....turns out, the solution was right in front of me.

Sorry to hear that...I'm not sure how to solve it per se, but I hope it's encouraging to know you aren't alone in this. Have you considered talking to a counselor? LMK, I know of a non-profit that has free counseling services over the phone if you're interested. Blessings.

mommato2lilmonkeys

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Im-Suffering

........Anxiety is not a 'thing' to kick, like an 'enemy', using terms you can relate to.

---

Well said.