met a girl - afraid that anxiety will destroy it

Well hello.

I have met a girl who I like very much, and she likes me very much to. Since I don't need to worry about if she likes me or not I worry about other things - that she's secretly a crazy and evil person, or that my anxiety will fuck everything up. I'm afraid that my anxiety will scare her off, or that I will have to much anxiety when we meet and not be able to me "myself". Everything scares me, sometimes (no, quite often..) I feel scared of her too. Sex scares me, being in love scares me, to show my core to someone scares me.

Right now I am going through a personality disorder investigation and sometimes I have suicide thoughts. And I feel like.. I can't fall in love when I'm going through all this. But she is very special to me, and I don't want to tell her we can't see each other anymore cause I am ill. I guess I am very scared of being rejected if I show her this side of me.. I am so very very afraid to scare her off.

If she really likes you for you, then she will look pass your flaws and insecurities and accept you for what she really likes about you! And if it doesn't work out there's plenty of fish in the sea.. She could probably be feeling just as anxious as you are. Don't worry ... You do everything at your pace and if she cares she will do the same..I hope this helps

I can totally relate. I'm 19 and have never been in a serious relationship. I'm afraid to get close to people and let them see the real me. I like being alone and having space but I know you can't really be like this when in a relationship. I just want a guy who will be able to accept me for being me and respect me as a person and the way I like things.

I think you should give it a try with this new girl because you never know, she might be super cool and accepting of your anxiety. I think you should continue hanging out and going on dates and see how things play out. You might really like her and get to the point where you can open up and share a little bit more of yourself.

Good luck! :D

If you're anxious about your anxiety, it's likely you'll always have anxiety.

One of the best ways to begin your recovery is to decide not to be anxious over your condition anymore; to decide you won't let it hold you back. It's not like it disappears after you do that, but at that moment you replace fear with hope. You then have to nurture this seed daily with your thoughts and actions.

Thank you for your answers! It's really hard though not to be afraid of my anxiety, because it has ruined so much for me in my life, my actions caused by anxiety has scared off a lot of people, cause I freak out and seek to much confirmation. I get a bit obsessed and all the fun goes away cause I get stuck in a spiral of seeking confirmation. Hah, yesterday I wrote that "I know that she likes me so I don't have to worry about that." But I do now... cause of little things that happened that I read "she will dump me now."

It is so very very hard not to fall down in to this deep hole that is filled with panic, anxiety, catastrophic thinking. That everything will go to hell this time to, like so many times before.

Put on the thinking cap and get ready -

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Originally Posted by namaste87

Thank you for your answers! It's really hard though not to be afraid of my anxiety, because it has ruined so much for me in my life, my actions caused by anxiety has scared off a lot of people, cause I freak out and seek to much confirmation. I get a bit obsessed and all the fun goes away cause I get stuck in a spiral of seeking confirmation. Hah, yesterday I wrote that "I know that she likes me so I don't have to worry about that." But I do now... cause of little things that happened that I read "she will dump me now."

It is so very very hard not to fall down in to this deep hole that is filled with panic, anxiety, catastrophic thinking. That everything will go to hell this time to, like so many times before.

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Its not about her, my friend, or anyone else. Just..................... you guessed it ....................you.

What are you being, doing, having, becoming, attracting, believing, achieving, speaking - thinking.

And whatever that is, is it coming from love or fear? Rhetorical, ask yourself. "In my life and decisions, am I coming from love or fear?"

That is your only purpose, like a jeweler, to polish and cut, and shape all of the facets of yourself against the archetype of the highest ideals possible. Be your own light, your own role model.

Right now, you are a shape-shifter, without a sense of self. Trying to be something for everyone, rather something they will like. This started way before this relationship. If you don't like yourself, or someone told you over and over you weren't good enough, you lose your sense of identity, trying to please them. Who are you? And since that concept doesn't work, you cant measure up, you hate self worse each time things blow up. The roots of the current anxiety are attached and nourished from this earlier period in time. The first day the child decided it wasn't good enough. Find that day, and get rid of it. Start there and all beliefs attached to that core will come into the light.

Shame really, no one ever got to see the real Namaste87 (Which means "I see and recognize the love and light in you, in myself), ironic isn't it?

The definition of insanity is to do, say, think, act, believe the same every moment and expect different results. That is what you are doing !

Who are you, dear friend? Better to figure that out now by throwing away all of your costumes and exposing that little underbelly of yours, naked, getting to the truth.

If not, don't worry over this loss, worry over the next several hundred.

You get what you expect. Yes, my words are jarring, in a sense as to set off that alarm clock of inner knowing, that first spark of self-investigation, right next to your ear.

And in the meantime, tell your unsuspecting victim (the girl) that you have sought the help of Veronica Mars, and so you are working on the case. "Please Bare with me, Im determined to better myself, it is actually your love that triggered this self discovery. I want to be the best ME I can be, because I love you, I don't want to be what you think I should be. I will be the rock you can lean on, by developing this strong sense of self"

That is after all what the parents wanted, the caretakers, the well meaning (but misguided) adults that did such a number on your psyche (beginning in the early years), isn't it?

So there can be no blame, the beliefs in raising children are generational. The cycle can be broken, and that starts with you.

From that point early on, you have been trying to regain (or find) an identity, a true self, Each attempt blocked to a degree because you closed down the feeling centers (too painful, stressful). The heart is closed, again, to some degree. And it is just the heart you need to open, bravely, if any meaningful progress is to be made. Whether (that progress) physical or mental. This 'new' heart will open all closed avenues of expression, and bring you ever closer to self and the ability to bond, as self, with another (probable experiences, possible through love, of self, first)). Only through the open heart can the flesh meet spirit and experience ecstasy in the body. through a deep connection not possible with the current set of beliefs.

Namaste to you too.

May you see your own light, first.

Errr....Just from experience, anxiety has destroyed many of my relationships. I finally found a guy who understands my mental problems and accepts me for who I am. If it is the right person, they will accept you.

I know how you feel dude. I'm a 21 year old virgin who has never had a girlfriend. I had chances with 7 different girls in highschool and during that time I was a complete nervous wreck, my anxiety ruined every chance I got because I LET IT. Over the past few months I think my naïvety and anxiety regarding getting into a relationship has completely dissapeared.

I don't have much to say except this: take a deep breath, collect yourself and DONT let this chance go by FOREVER because you are experiencing a TEMPORARY problem. I think she will understand about your problems, but I'd advise just not telling her unless she actually asks about it. And if she does then I'd personally downplay it.

PLEASE don't let her go, do it for YOURSELF and I know it sounds weird but DO IT FOR ME. I can't stand seeing someone fail at something I've messed up multiple times.

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Originally Posted by namaste87

Well hello.

I have met a girl who I like very much, and she likes me very much to. Since I don't need to worry about if she likes me or not I worry about other things - that she's secretly a crazy and evil person, or that my anxiety will fuck everything up. I'm afraid that my anxiety will scare her off, or that I will have to much anxiety when we meet and not be able to me "myself". Everything scares me, sometimes (no, quite often..) I feel scared of her too. Sex scares me, being in love scares me, to show my core to someone scares me.

Right now I am going through a personality disorder investigation and sometimes I have suicide thoughts. And I feel like.. I can't fall in love when I'm going through all this. But she is very special to me, and I don't want to tell her we can't see each other anymore cause I am ill. I guess I am very scared of being rejected if I show her this side of me.. I am so very very afraid to scare her off.

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Ah don't worry. You're a guy, so I'm sure you can find much more ways to fuck it up other than anxiety! Just hit it!

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Originally Posted by PanicCured

Just hit it!

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I think we've found our new forum motto. Love it!

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Originally Posted by PanicCured

Ah don't worry. You're a guy, so I'm sure you can find much more ways to fuck it up other than anxiety! Just hit it!

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Not taking away any of the seriousness of the OP thread but this is funny as hell and so true at the same time!