Forever on an SSRI/medication? Can I ever get off or is it a life long commitment?
My history is somewhat typical: Was put on 20mg Lexapro (Escitalopram) back in '04 and took it pretty steadily for 6 years. There were bouts of going off and on, but mostly on. Tapered down to 10mg at some point then went off. Realized I couldn't live with myself so I went back on 10mg and then went off again and experimented with other anti-depressants like Wellbutrin, Zoloft and Prozac - all generic through a psychiatrist. I even tried 5-HTP, an herbal supplement. I believed in the past that I could function without an anti-depressant.
I, like many, was so naive for so long. I never knew that the anxiety/panic attacks I suffered were virtually harmless and through management, diet and exercise, could be understood and controlled. Hindsight is ALWAYS 20/20. Being put on this medication originally (Lexapro) by a general practitioner has lead me to a myriad of research, internet forums, psychiatry and malaise that has enraged and plagued my thoughts to no end. I've since learned of the pharmaceutical kickbacks and evils of massive, faceless corporations and their assault on a so-called sick generation. All that aside, however...
To get to the point, I recently went back to my psych about my issues and re-examining the possibility of going back on an SSRI with the intention of absolving myself from it one day. He said one could eventually come off but only though a slow taper after being on for 3-4 years. Can this be done? Anyone with experience on this? I've read threads before from people who suggested that you could never return to the place you were before. It seems like after a while your brain might be able to return to 'normal' but getting to that point is the struggle. I've found myself taking adderall (Amphetamine salts) more often now just because it allays some of these issues. I only take this medication twice a week but I hope this doesn't have something to do with it.
I recently had a close friend that had to come off Pristiq due to something she said was "bowel related" and was causing distress or even parasites for some reason. This is the other side I'm afraid of. The possible renal failure and permanent damage these medications might cause.
I want off but am willing to go back on for the sake of my health. This last year has produced a new psychological dynamic that I previously hadn't wrestled with: suicide. Even if I could never go through with it, I could see myself putting myself in a precarious situation that might bring about that end.
Does anyone know through an experience or otherwise a possible solution?