Time To Get Back Up Again

Moving forward despite the depressing news. Talk of bringing the death penalty back and politicians yelling and screaming at each other ... in the meantime I've manged to keep walking, riding and going to the gym. Food ... well ... the good news in that is the trigger for me on that is leaving the house today. I wish her all the best! : ) In this I will be seeing my eldest daughter off at the airport this morning. She previously went to the UK to meet her online boyfriend in Manchester. Seems a big enough place to not be letting any secrets out of the bag. lol - He has a twitter channel with plenty of follower we on it he play a number of different Video Games. They have been using video and playing together like so for some time now. It was just what my daughter needed to get out of a toxic relationship. I think is the best way to say it really. Now my daughter is leaving the country to go live in another for 2 years. Or so that is the plan. In life everything is a risk. Apparently there will be a large and warm reception with the boyfriends family and some of his twitter mates getting involved. I can see the apprehension in my daughter but she is a big now. If she wants it to work and the felling is mutual I think she'll do more than OK. Like all my kids I will miss her immensely.

What else ... hmmmm ... I think that is enough. I best go pick up some more furniture for my other daughter who with her child has now moved in. I don't understand D? I thought we were suppose to get a break from all this nesting least around age 50? Naarrrr just kidding. The world is more toxic than even and we need to be there for our kids no matter what and matter when. Being at home is not a sign of dysfunction but more a sign of compassion. Screw those types who paint it the other way.

Adios until next post.

This made me decide the electric corded mowers are more powerful that battery operated ones.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKX0ByzsB4M

heheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
looks like me when first time using self propelled lownmover :)
oh I would miss my child too, but she going to be ok ;)

:) ... My daughter has not long changed planes in Dubai ... only about 6 hours out of the UK now.

Would love to catch one to visit both you and sal.

I would treat you like royalty D. :)
I can imagine us walking and not talking and being very comfortable with the silence

:) That's a nice way to put it D.

I have been popping in and out of FB because I am simply too tired is all D. Lots of cleaning at my daughters house and sorting things out at my own. Listing things on FB to get rid of stuff that is not being used and taking up too much space and or problematic when moving. Not sure what's happening of late. Has been challenging but trying to do my best. Still keeping up the exercise and getting out.

That said it's REALLY HOT for this time of year. I know I have said this for a few years running now and despite being overweight, I got to say that the sun is biting extra hard regardless of all that for this time of year. It's not just the heat but UV seems really high? I can only imagine it's weird over your end but also a similar tune you guys have been playing for a few years running.

Wish I had more zing ... :) ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzz

Thinking of you guys.

Goodnight and peace.

Have been quiet due to Kidney Stone/s ... or so I am told. This really sucks but I try to look on the bright side. I so feel for all the sick and elderly people laying in pain. Especially those in clinical institutions. I am such cry baby when it comes to pain. The benefit is that I seem to do so well when it comes to human touch though. When I get a cuddle of my grandson, the pain almost subsides instantly. Sadly I do not get much of that from anyone else in my life. I do try. The thing with growing apart in relationships is the void. I don't do so well or nearly as well as I pretend I do or could. Best I can do for now is go squeeze my pillow and hope for the best.

When back pain gets so bad your balls starts achinghttp://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/sad/crybaby.gif here's to finding some kind of position I can sleep in.


... also to hoping the prognosis is correct and I don't end up with a UTI being incorrectly treated for something I don't have.

The pain has subsided in my kidney area but woke up pre 3am with a flaming raw throat and a cough that rips it even more ... Grrrrrrrr ... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/ha...y-emoticon.gif

DAMN FLICKr ... they are holding all those photos for deletion if I don't $$$$ - Of course it would have to be the ones with more then 128K views (my drone photos of Toogoom Low Tide) No problem ... easy come easy go! Is exactly what I did with my drone so no probs. I generally try to avoid Flickr now because of that. I can see you commented recently D but Flickr will not let me see unless I pay $$$$. It's because I have thousands of photos stored with them. I guess I should not of trusted the internet and kept all my final results on a storage drive. I just got in the habit of storing everything online. I guess this should be a lesson for many of us. But then again ... I still think easy come easy go. I can always go out and start snapping more. I never have like the idea of being too attached to photos. Not sure what it is ... something about no longer living the moment.
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I should try and get some rest. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/ha...y-emoticon.gif

from time to time I just put my pics on disk, I still have them. this is why I have optical drive so I can go back to any disk I want, there is a limit on pics on flicr, they all are scamming people into paying

Many of the CDs we have have lost their ability to hold data, but more an issue with the folders + it's rare to find systems that come with optical drive these days. Glad you had one put into your recently new desktop D. Thankfully we did keep a few on external HDD ... although we have lost quite a few that way too. Easy come ... easy go.

I'm still not feeling well but can't sleep due to what feels like a leaky tap dripping in my lungs and a burning cough that's giving me hell.

So How's About I share some Scanned Photos before the days of digital camera and internet:
That tech was about, just not main stream save for little LCD devices and that type of thing. This will take a few post because I intend to embed the photos. Not much else happening in the forum so let's give people something to either laugh or cry about. I can't put them all in. I can't remember exact times except to say its about 28 years ago. It really is amazing to me just how much the world has changed in that time regardless of how much it changed in the 3 decades before that. Coming out of the 80's we like a sling shot in terms of the digital age, yet many of us still lived like they did back in the 60's ... minus color TV and the advent of VHS + Smaller Cassettes (back in the days of magnetic tape)

Let's Begin:
https://i.ibb.co/8xvwXV0/Random-Shot-Random-Hotel.jpg

About 22 maybe 23 here. One of the first photos my wife and I started taking together. She thought I was older which was cool with me ... I did too. Just arrived in the Syndey from the Chipping fields way way out west somewhere in what they call the outback. My wife's parents did not like me because I already had I Son who was not living with me. It mattered little because my wife liked me very much and in fact decided to move out when her parents started told her that she could have nothing to do with me. I smile to think that the only big ticket item she left with was what we used to call Midi Systems. Much bigger than today's tiny knock off in K/Wall Mart. Man she played that thing loud as in that hotel ... but as they say ... it was at least good music. Cracking 80s. Interestingly she did bring a photo of her biological Dad (pictured above middle) I was happy with my wife's protest ... This was the beginning of 30+ rentals just under 3 decades


Next
https://i.ibb.co/NyF9Z5D/My-wife-bef...ck-with-MS.jpg

The hotel living was simply too expensive. My wife was the only one working and City Living is #*@ING over priced. So we moved into a run down town house in a shoddy suburb barely any furniture. Thus my gypsy genes kick in and we scavenge what we can. I did a pretty good job living off welfare back then (always have - that's another story) ... so much so my wife quit her job and seemed much more happier with that decision. It was only others that seemed to be pinning over it. You know my story D re living on the road. That philosophy served us quite well before the squandering and hording Baby Boomers took control and decided to crack down and oppress those not towing the so called line. Of course no offense D ... I understand you probably fit into that age bracket of ideals, however you one of the rare one's of that age that has not judged me. Of course I gravitated to the byproduct from that ear as well. Generally the repressed if not insane tend to have more substance as humans.

Sadly to add to those changing winds ... my beautiful wife unknowingly succumb to MS in her 30's. So it is that I do in fact remember this one with a lot of joy. None of us smile like we used to. But no one wants to focus on that - although we don't mind as we often prefer to go against this world's tide. The latter is slowly coming to an end though ... our lives are pretty drained keeping up with protecting off spring. I savor an end in sight - but right now I allow myself to look at some more pics before my flame gives out:



WOOPS ... Seems when my flame was burning it was burning ... or perhaps this is why I was medicated so many years later? Let's put it down to my autistic sens of humor. That's what they're saying now.
https://i.ibb.co/phkq7v5/Um-Not-sure...ding-there.jpg

Actually I did do a little work. Cash in hand only. The water bottle in the back reminded me of the carpet laying I was doing with my Dad who was at that time living in Sydney. He too also a bushy - more so a gypsy from England or as is how he used to spout drinking from bottles like the one under the sleeping bag I was still using. I kept that bag for many years, as was one of a few, that I used under many of bridge before meeting my wife. I never took life seriously after my upbringing. Child support back then was taking out up to 70% of my wage in garnasheers. (WETF they called it back then) My response was to never work full time again ... although this was to happen in a latter photo when working in a city factory. I did work sparasicly but was never interested in making money. I only wanted the least and was always happy scrounge like a tax cheat like most of the selfish fuckers out there that pretend their shit don't stink. I got caught out a few times and as the digital age made skimming all the much harder in the end we pretty much just learn to live in crumbs which in all fairness is not so bad once you learn to live on less. Yadda Yadda ... I am still a hypocrite as addicted as any other consumer. I just know how to accept my lot and make the most - with what I am able - or simply got. I guess you could say my Dad's gypsy side came in handy. Although I was pretty simply and cost him a few rolls of carpet by leaving then untended or even helping thieves by loading our own stolen carpet onto their trucks. "That's a good strong lad! : ) " rofl ... I told that story many years ago. We all had a good laugh down at the pub after that one. I never made a good thieve of rip-off merchant, however my Dad had his ways of making back up the supplies. Given the abuse (re the homes, perversions, rejection, relgion, and on and on) in my earlier life just had me not really giving two fucks ... I just wanted to get along and if that was not good enough ... I'd keep looking for another place.




Before many of use load up Google:
https://i.ibb.co/mRftpK3/Reading.jpg

As good as netflix ... Sci-Fi no doubt.

Having to make a decision
https://i.ibb.co/9wc48Lq/Eating-Unhealthy.jpg

Back when I used to eat Bangers & Mash - I think I was contemplating a few warrants for my arrest. Basically this is where I tie up all my lose ends not wanting to be locked up whilst having a family to this beautiful girl I had just met. I wanted kids to her and was quite serious. I had one failed relationship before hand, which crushed my sole because I love my 1st son like I do all my kids. [I later represented myself and won custody of him however it was all too late - sadly he is worse off in many ways and yet still to find his way : ( ] I moved about so much that it was never an issue. Now having slowed down (yet still moving quite frequently with my wife) - I decide to reveal my presence to society and end up once more on probation and parole. The young girl in my previous relationship went on to have several broken relationships chasing the money - I have never looked back and still with the city girl that took me under her wing.







I do indeed miss this captured connection my wife and I used to have. It's still there. I just need to work on helping us both reconnect. Like I say ... It's become harder looking out for the young ones today.

https://i.ibb.co/yhC1wtz/expectant-mother.jpg

I decided to stay in the CITY and get a full time Job working in a Paint Factory. My liver paid a hefty price as I broke out in all kinds of rashes despite being a stickler for safety. WARING CAUSES CANCER IN RATS! I stuck it out for a little over 12 months which was a record for me. My wife is pictured here pregnant with out first child. I really loved how she did not drink beer or smoke whilst pregnant. Shen ever smoked anyways and rarely drank beer. We both gave up the alcohol in the end and saw it for what it is. Unfortunately this job marks my first ever boycot. My boycotts are fairly autistic. Once I make one I generally never break them. Child support started taking out the majority of my earnings and left us without enough to eat and pay the rent. No one gave a fuck. I decided that was it ... back to living the only way I could trust. From that point on I only ever worked enough to just get by meaning that I would not tolerate being told what to do by those handing out what they call fresh air and food. When asked why I could not find work I let my history of abuse, drugs and incarceration speak for itself with the context of you reap what you so. I am happy my end and jumping the hoops and became a professional welfare bludger (doing it professionally just means you do it legally - cheating no longer works nor conducive to one's health - you learn to jump through hoops and if you put in enough 'work/compliance' eventful they back the fuck up) I actually hated living the lie but like I say came to accept my place and focus on what worked for me my my tribe. Fuck the world and it's politics. Both my wife and I did a LOT of charity work often helping the needy for free. Employments agencies used to tell my that kind of work did not count and basically what I was doing was worthless. I was more determined to work for FREE and smile when I did my work. I'll never forget the computer refurbishing shop my wife and I started. Thankfully we did find some compassionate folks doing that with only Charity tax cheating from the ranks above forcing us to close down.

I do indeed miss this captured connection my wife and I used to have. It's still there. I just need to work on helping us both reconnect. Like I say ... It's become harder looking out for the young ones today.
________________________




You can't live in the City for Free and I did not want to have to show my new girl where I used to sleep - Instead we moved out into the rural sector and set up camp:

https://i.ibb.co/PmwCym6/Caravan-Days.jpg


I lost my puppy fat that came with me and city living and started working on my health just using my bike and playing with my kid. We had no car so I ended up obtaining the best child seat I could for a push bike and used it to take her into town for doctors visits. We lived about 4 clicks out of the CBS and the traffic fumes although leaded was nothing like the city. Back then I used to dart in and out of traffic with me eldest girl on the back like scoring goals that I often did when playing rugby league.





Yep ... Nothing like having a grass edging in your lounge room : )

https://i.ibb.co/YQLQBvT/Grass-in-the-loungeroom.jpg

My daughter playing with a younger bub from the next caravan. Got to love that cardboard shrine. : ) My previous son positioned below my daughter's frame. We always included him, traveled far and saw him/had regular overnights despite distance. Often bringing him back on the train ... I moved south to shorten that distance.


To be cont ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

wow that's fantastic, you know I am baby boomers age, but I never went with the flow, rather the opposite,
I hate to be judged and try not to do to others. We make our choices we can make our choices. I love the pics, Are you gypsy in some part? I know you said it few times but are you?
The best is to be happy what you have and not desire more. None of the things will make us happy. I have so much and I worried day and night :( I loved the pics, please give us some more
12 hours without internet , today

Best answered with the following I think:

https://i.ibb.co/HtrmMpn/Ancestry-Overview.jpg

Fathers side related to a notorious Highway Man - Sir Humphrey Kynaston:
The 39% European Jew wins out by a fraction of 1%. Certainly accounts for genetic anxiety. That said - every nation has a lot of that. Not that I aim to give into to predisposition. Just made an appointment with a life coach. You would of figured I'd do something like that. You can be sure I put to rest my fear of the extroverted sales pitch. I'll let you know how that goes. Thus far it's reasonably from a holistic point of view. The clinical approach has been failing me of late and also resistant to my previous forms of life balance modalities. One side treats me like a highway man, the other seeks to build on my many strengths.

UPDATE - Lisa has just been DXed with early onset pneumonia. I'm still chronically sick but my kidneys not hurting as much.

Catch up soon ... need to gel with trivial you tube ... like anxiety attacks at the airport. A good lesson in why it's so important to remain calm; lest you look like a goose:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6zIxTxJZ59I

https://youtu.be/6zIxTxJZ59I?t=407
This particular passenger I can't fathom how she was already late the previous and now the second time she arrives late again when so many people were relying on her. I think she knows she has tarnished her working reputation and simply unable to process that upcoming consequences. I could not work with someone like this, but this is another reason why I don't work. People are just loosing respect at every level these days. Is quite sad, but I agree she did bring this on herself like 99% of the people here crying over their own mistakes. The few times I have been able to fly I arrive up to an hour and half before boarding time just to make sure.

Going to watch this now - A good use of photography:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aqXBQcO_Qa8

Still very ill - Neck Tension very painful due to constant coughing. I've also got a very very sensitize burning esophagus where breathing and swallowing is quite painful. Fever has gone so I guess that is something. My biggest issue is my sleep being interrupted due to mouth breath which only compounds the pain in my chest and throat. Smoking in my previous years has cost me dearly when it comes to those protective layers of hair on the inside of nose and also predisposition to inner throat.

What's worse is due to Lisá MS - she may now end up in hospital if her pneumonia does not improve.

We are not well. Still we are running around and doing what must be done for the little one. I don't know what to say about that situation just yet D. A lot of stress all round given the focus with authorities hovering in the background. It's a very delicate line for as much as we wish to give support, we are also enabling in ways that prevent my wife and I from providing the same support - but could be way way less stressful if not for all the complexities and looming fear. We are at a cross roads where we may have to apply to be primary carers as has been the case since birth re both our daughter and grandson. Does any of that make sense to you? The father can not be an option for primary care as not only have you seen the bruising I posted when the little one was 16 months, but the father denies the child's high needs and diagnoses. The little one's current supports has taken 4 years to set up and we are all he has ever known.

Sigh ... Is no wonder with all this pressure we have fallen ill. Not to worry - I will be the first to bounce back and take the driver seat and do my best to ensure Lisa does not end up in hospital.

errrrrrrrr ... again I am such a woose when in pain ... errrrrrrrr .... ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Night Night.

edit ... it's the dry cough that's getting out of hand. The dripping in throat has stopped ... but the sensitivity to air on throat is something else. My general state of anxiety does not help with such matters. - will try to focus on calm ... if this continues tomorrow night I will have to seek medical help due to what feels like skin being ripped off the back of my throats. Might try salt water but question it's use given my somewhat server symptoms. The nights are the worst and sadly this is when I need to sleep and heal. :(

How's your Kindle going D? Have you considered upgrading to a larger Eink Book Reader? I'd love any excuse to get off this thing regardless of being on another. :) Eink would be better for my eyes.

hehe I do not have kindle, I am the real book reader, I hate reading on kindle or phone or even on my huge monitor. No only on paper. I know I am the last on the world that does not use kindle.
for dry "smokers" cough the best thing for me is; a tsp of sugar and few drops of alcohol on it any alcohol gin or brandy so the sugar is wet, take it and let it dissolve and it goes down. Somehow the alcohol warms up the vocal cords and stop the coughing lon the spot. If this is not the option, you may not have any alcohol in house, just warm tea sipping slowly. I am not smoking for 10 years and still get the dry cough. like years ago.

I find Eink is just like paper and using it gives the ability to access information that I simply can't with what I can't help but term as limited text. That said, I get where your coming from. Other than the limited information sold in paper form, it still has many pros.

I am into day 11 or my illness now. Thanks for the tip. I am up making ginger tea with hone and lemon. I massage my throat glans in a steam shower and little by little over the course of the nights come up with bit and pieces of hard green lumps. Before I went to be tonight when I breathed out for an extended period I sounded like a wet sponge despite feeling dry inside. My nasals seem dry and unblocked at present (just now after one of the aforementioned shower episodes) which is unusual for me. I am hoping the warm herbal tea I am about to drink will elevate that sore lump in my throat.

Hmmmmm ... what else ... many sleepless nights I guess. I am taking endome to help with what sleep I do get. I only have two tabs left which is fine by me ... I am also taking antibiotics that I was taking for my previous dental episode. If I don't improve after tommorrow or when I wake up I will think about going to the doctor who recently scanned my wife's lungs. I hold out high hopes I can avoid going to see the GP.

I still have family drama going on and it's really starting to impact on my current condition ... I fear it is why both my wife and I are struggling with illness as much as we are.

Other than all this ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Night Night ... soon enough I hope. :( :( :(

Still no news good news D?

EEEEEEEeeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr When will this damn sickness end .... eeeeeerrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

No, he does not call to doc, I think if it came positive we would get the phone call from doctor,
BTW do not use honey when you have dry cough, it will irritate the vocal cords even more. Most people have no idea about it ;) I am happy u feel better

I wish this morning I was feeling better. I was informed by the GP that a cough spawn from a viral infection can take up to 3 to 4 week to subside. It's Wednesday today. Friday will mark 2 week since I have been ill.

https://i.ibb.co/5x3y917/crying.gif

I have had something similar before that was more related to some kind of mystery respiratory illness that the nurses in the end blamed on being psychosomatic. I know my sensitivities can make it worse but that's about it. What I am now going through is in either way manifested as a real experience. I will do my best to remain as positive as I can be.

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________________

Well it's all coming to a close D. The final tally in the claims list is quite a mess to say the least. The biggest irony is how the daughter of one of the main abusers already being paid of with a house is once again double dipping and objecting to those of us happy to go equal shares when it comes to proof of debt. Like I say it's a fucking mess. In fact it would appear my brothers name is listed and that being the least amount ... BUT guess what ... He is fucking DEAD! Surely I must of read my brothers name wrong. My Sister is also confused. God love her as she insists on objecting despite the fact I have no more juice.

The injustice of this world will never end. I have to learn to be happy with what I have, let alone whatever one gets. Remember I not long ago said I have no more fight to keep on keeping on. I think my grandson is going to be the last raging war and even in that I think it will be the war in which all that we have will eventually be spent. It's a cruel system and attachment is the biggest bitch of all. Eventually one has to given in ... in order to win. But hey ... I don't like winning or losing. Still though ... I think it's a point.
__________________________________

Still coughing up my guts D but maybe ... just maybe the GP is right. I am hoping so. That means that surely after this Friday I should start improving.

I took some endome tonight to help me sleep. Is a good thing I made that box last as long as I did. I don't know D ... I really am all out of wind. I think my brother would not be surprised at the irony. Is pretty much as we both agreed during that time he foresaw he would be dead before me. Yep ... no amount of money will ever make up for that. Is very sad to see these double dippers and objectors living so selfishly. But fuck all that shit ... once that has hand has been dealt ... there is one last follow up I almost forgot about. I think Lisa will push for that Order of Australia medal to be overturned. Once the court has dealt their hand and paid off the byproduct ... I think all that irony is worth a write up in a way that gets one last bit of attention from a tone that does justice for the unjust. Something like that. Objectivity of the unintended consequence regarding the hierarchy of abuse on all sides of the fence re what really makes for true compensation contrasted with said Order of Australia re Pastor Frank Fullwood and yadda yadda ... arrrr the insanity of is all ... where does the BS end. I think I just keep talking to my imaginary friends. :)

Let is go Dave ... Let it go. I just want to get well D ... I think I will settle for that. Sorry I have been down for SOOOOOO LONNNGGGGGG. Seriously before all this got out of hand I was doing well enough. I am seriously now trying to work towards getting back to my better self.
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Here is some good news D. Remember last time I got a loan I bought my Grandson a HUGE tramp. It's been great and done him really well. This time I got myself one ... but one I can use in the house. You know me. I got the best damn rebounder on the market. I spend a couple of weeks and could write a book why I went for the one I did. In fact, that's why I am not going to tell you just yet which one I got. I'll just say after doing some of my own testing on the big tramp I bought my grandson, that I am amazed at the cleansing properties you can get from various workouts that don't bust a gut. The one I bought was hard to find. There was only two left in Australia with new orders being sort from overseas.

Anyways ... other than that ... my support worker and I went out shopping today and I added some new clothing to my wardrobe. Having him with me helped me heaps! I made sure my money was spent well and pretty much got everything I needed ... nothing wasted. I got two different sizes so I could be comfortable now with nice looking clothes as well as some nice ones to fin into as my weight is once again quickly dropping. This long summer has been my worst ever since having wavered from my optimal weight. I got to say since falling ill and am finally motivated on to stop eating myself to death. Even with so much emotional baggage still in sight I am just fucking sick of letting myself go up and down like a yo yo. My mentor is 60 and I can tell he has made up his mind not to fuck with his balance re his maintenance. He too had to work hard from his 50's onwards and spent the last 10 years being hard core stable due to an illness he has. He understand me well re the extremes and no room for vices persay. I don't know D - it might all sound like "yea yea ... sure Dave ..." but the thing regardless of whatever is to make each comeback last longer. I did almost 2 years straight and clean ... this time I will go 3 with the aim to finally just click -

We are all going to Die ... I just want to die less painfully and the only way I know how to suffer less is to give the body less ... literally! It's not quite as simple as that but then again it is for those who know what good can come from willingly accepting pain. More meaning unless we experience said things the build up when it hits ... hits with vengeance to say the least.

yea yea ... more bullshit Dave. :) WTF does any of that mean. ... all good. Here I am sprouting this garbage whilst the affect of endome take effect. lol I've got this in the bag one way of the other. I know I can do it ... I always do somehow. I know what is to come. A lot more pain coming our way D ... all of us.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzz Here's to a tiny bit of healing during the night and less suffering tomorrow. Regardless of outcomes ... things are moving on and I am ok with that. I am glad this whole compensation thing will be over soon. I still have my sister and it's brought us closer ... even my mum ... regardless of all that pain I shed ... the yelling, screaming and venting. Like I always said ... the only compensation we get in the end is that which we give ourselves.

I have even organised a mediation with the mental health facility where I used to attend ... having done all I could re my previous complaint regarding that. And yes ... the board of directors there thanked me enough that the pacification to be sort in general terms still saw some good effect on both sides of the fence ... In the end nothing is wasted if one is able to give in ... irrespective of one's own ego and all that BS ... I just want to get along ... despite no longer wishing to play the game of life.

SIGH ... ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz The cruelty, injustice, irony and so one will always plague us to our end ... I just do my best to keep on keeping on.

I miss you Sal ... I hope your doing alright my friend. ... I know ... is OK not to be as to not is still to be. I am still here as long as this place is still keeping on.

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz

If you keep hanging in .... I'll do the same.

Please write when you can ... let me know what your doing to keep moving ... surely the temps across the planet are now finally moving into more temperate conditions?

Night Night ... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif

https://youtu.be/XbDyn-2_xIc?t=3545

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XbDyn-2_xIc

https://youtu.be/XbDyn-2_xIc?t=3545

I am here, I would love to give some advice but I have none, I am dealing with awful sadness and it seems I can not bounce back, But as always I am here D.

Sorry you are struggling also. Day 15, cough still with me, throat is now starting to swell up with nassals blocked. Double whammy. Need to start gargerling salt again. I fear the fever will return today. Is verry hard to swallow on top of all else.
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What's going on your end D?

the results came good so I was happy for an hour, but I am sad which is not normal for me. I have that unsettling feeling, like something is going to happen, Usually I deal with it pretty easy but lately not. Could it be the stress for the last few weeks?
My nose is also blocked and it kills me, Not only no sense of smell but constant swelling of sinuses. it ia already 9 months waiting for CT scan eh

Yes it could easily be that D. I only wish I was in a better state to console with you in a more positive light. I only just got back from the hospital. I was unable to do the waiting thing after being dismissed in the general demeanor that so often happens with the first greeting re the triage nurse. This post viral cough just seems to be getting worse. Anyways, I figure rather than stressing out any more than I was in the emergency waiting room that I would come back home and suffer some more until either a stage that I am nearly dead or I do in fact start to improve. The days whilst still tough are easier than the nights. Since I could see the sun was not far off rising, I figured I would have better relations with it, as opposed to further dismissals at the hand of interns.

Let's hope this feeling you have also takes a brighter turn. Yes it does get harder to keep the fire smoldering as our spark fades. Best we can do as fade out as peacefully as we can. Unlike the health care system we have today, we would do well to be more compassionate towards each other. Especially during those times we are struggling like so.

Have you made a follow up call regarding your CT scan? Given the length of time and if no followup, perhaps politely doing so might be at least help you to feel like something is being done. Smiles at the irony in that.

If you makes you feel any better ... I too am unable to breathe through my nose whilst making this post.

Wish me luck with lasting over the weekend - hopefully on Monday my GP can see me and if need be she can send me for a lung scan.

Take Care D

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I did not go to the ER, I was instead taken by ambulance. Just got out of hospital with a real diagnoses of Pneumonia D. :( :( :( I think this marks 19 days of hard core suffering. Looks like I will have at least another 2 weeks ... hopefully no more than that. Is hard having to cope as it is. Lisa rang the hospital as I buckled under extreme stomach pain. I was about ready to pass out on the floor. I was running a fever of 38 with lower back pain and throbbing testicals once again. lol ... Not your average panic attack, but more the real thing. Anyways ... blood in the urine still and all that. Scans revealed no stones as was the 1st prognosis - The long standing viral cough however did reveal phenomena and the constant symptoms of that perhaps taking other areas of my body. Not sure really ... but of a mystery ... however the fucked up lungs and coughing is confirmed as pneumonia.

Another issues that might be related is the bathroom tiles coming apart in the shower leading to wet walls and water coming through on the carpet in the hall way and lead into some of the bedrooms. The plumber who came to look agreed we could not be in the house when renovations are to be done due to the toxicity, fumes and so on that are part and parcel of the rebuild. Lisa informed the owners I just got out of hospital with phenomenon and is currently getting a diagnoses herself, thus rejecting their offer of $50 off the rent and a portable shower. LMFAO at that. If they can't put us up for the length of repairs (estimated up to two weeks) ... then we are moving house. BUT only when I have fully recovered and found a house appropriate to our needs. Their offer alone has sealed the deal for me ... alas ... my better half will seek out the end solution and I will no doubt ride with that. For now ... I hate living in this house with wet walls and floors; especially now having pneumonia. Some people should not be allowed to rent house out.

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I got this device I have to suck on to help open up my lungs to assist me in coughing up my guts. Apparently coughing is good for pneumonia ... yet ... coughing too much bloody well hurt and maybe why I got sore balls! I know it sucks living with fatigue ... I'm now certainly feeling for Lisa as I know fatigue is one of her biggest symptoms regarding MS. I sincerely hope Lisa does not have a full blown case of pneumonia ... that could be deadly with MS.

That's the update ... Wish I had better news.

Perhaps this was your bad feeling. hehehehee ... naaaaar ... all good. They pumped me up with fluids and IV antibiotics to give me a good start. I got more of the right meds to continue on at home. How the fuck one can heal in a hospital with all those alarms going off all the time is beyond me. I still have pain killers If I need them and like I say ... enough meds to see me though. My only issues may be just how toxic this house might be given the wet walls and floor re the fucked up bathroom tiles. Fuck this house ... I want out. I just hope I can heal in this fucked up place so I can have the strength to load up all the stuff I must. Remember I also have a house full of furniture in my shed for the charity we do ... I am going to need my strength to move both my stuff and all that.

It will be my pleasure though. Once lands lords start to get all tophy nosed ... I'm ready to move. Moving constantly is in my blood. I also welcome the need to throw shit out. Nothing like a move to help with things like that.

Wish me well D ... I wish you and all the others just the same.

Adios ... until next post. :)

I wish you well. I had similar situation with constant coughing and not having fever, after suffering for few weeks the doc send me to do xrays and bum bum "walking puenmonia . she would never send me for xrays if I had no smoked then. The bitch was feeling that i do deserve lung cancer, It scared me enough to quit, which is good. On May 1 is going to be my 11 years of not smoking.
The thing is you not suppose to be in wet house having this disease, very dangerous disease. Take care of yourself, and yes with constant hard coughing you will have pain all over your body :( get well quick D

I beleive it was May 15th when I was 38 that I gave up that filthy disgusting habit ... Now being 50 ... May 15th will mark 12 years for me! Smoking should be banned point blank. It's laughable that some countries ban various poisons yet still sell poisons such as tobacco and alcohol. The latter just as deadly and even more destructive than the former. In my book Society deserves to foot the bill when it comes to picking up the pieces whilst still prompting, exploiting and selling such poison. Alas, people turn a blind eye because they much prefer the instant pleasure that such brings and those selling simply make too much in profit and above that it is the choice method in which to pacify. So naive of those working in health care that when it comes to PTSD, they think only those serving in the armed forces suffer from mental instability. They care not to beleive that their own system of success creates the byproduct to which they are employed to heal. Kids ... little interns unhappy to sweep the floor wanting to be fully paid doctors before having learned. Sometimes I think they know just how insulting they can be. Cruel little fuckers they can be ... that is if you let them.

Is what it is D - People will always judge each other. Thankfully I was in way too much pain and suffering to react to the fumbling questions of those interns. In general all of them just treat humans more like circuit boards, judging them according to their responses. I have to come up with a better system of my own when it comes to the whole mental illness question period and also to my predisposition when being asked so many questions and of course when dealing with aforementioned insulting interns whether they're just assholes or not.

Fuck it is good to be out. Although grateful for being stabilized, healing is just not an option in such a toxic place. Quite an irony when you consider the role of a hospital ... is it not? All those different people changing over, prodding, pocking and repeating questions all with their own version of events and prognosis. The constant banging, buzzing, flashing lights, crying, chocking, laughing, babbling and on and on. Like I say; "fuck it's good to be out!" When I think of it like that ... imagine what it must be like to work in a place like that. No wonder the nursing staff and doctors make so many mistakes. Not only is the noise pollution and naive interns hard to endure ... but hospitals are also a deadly place to be because of so many mistakes that often take place.

Just google 'survival guide to staying in hospital' POINT AND CASE!

Seriously for me ... I would do well to prepare a 101 quick starter guide on Mental Illness when being question on about my pension and why I am on it. That would solve a lot of the unnecessary judging and anxiety all round.

Best method over all is to avoid being sick ... but in this day and age ... I think that's being unrealistic. Best to work on a survival guide. :)

We just had a conversation about it. My hubby and I, and we concluded that in Australia health care is as screwed as in Canada, Hospitals is necessary evil but you right the lights the noise the f*****n same questions....................eh

Sigh - how can we change this tune D :) I so dearly need to. Don't get me wrong, I am loving the commiseration and greatly appreciate you being able to. :) I just feel we could both do with some inspiring news. I feel that dread you once mentioned is seriously coming my way. It's confirmed, Lisa is now dealing with Phenomena. Sadly things are also taking a bad turn in other areas of the family ... with many additional stresses I need not go into also taking place all at the same time. We may have to step in and become a party to an already long drawn out life sapping legal campaign. If and when that takes place I may then be able to talk more freely.

Right now though ... I'm hoping this medication I am taking will help me to help myself clear up my lungs. I think I start walking a little more tomorrow ... but not in direct sunlight.

I need to find a new hobby or rekindle an old one ... regardless of feeling so low ... I need to try.

* The kite idea is good - BUT - I don't like being at the whim of the wind.
* Astronomy I used to love ... but I am not so much a night person anymore as I really need my sleep. A solar telescope could be cool as I have seen some interesting Sun Videos? Not sure about it though ... seems limiting for my need to expand.
* Photography ... well I never ever got myself a full frame camera ... Just not sure if my desire for images could even be what it once was ... that said, I have always held onto a couple of cameras just in case.
* Video ... well that is something I could see myself getting more into and must admit I have never really allowed myself to delve into ... Not meaning V-log stuff ... But more random footage of just stuff.
* Bicycling ... hmmm ... might be on the cards. Need to regain my confidence and work out a system to avoid both pedestrian and vehicle traffic. Not sure. An upgrade to my 25 dolor junk bike would be good.

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Rest well ... let's just do what we can to stay out of hospital in the mean time. :)

I got it, what about photography but not the roads or building but birds, you would make me very happy, I love birds, I remember your macro pics on Flicr , maybe you should go back, Take it easy pneumonia is not joke it takes time to get back so gentle :) take care

Yea ... just checked out how to recover from pneumonia and your right. It's a serious illness. I just removed a friend for his tactless comment ... "Oh well ... it could be worse!" I was already thinking of breaking ranks from him as all he seems to do is pick the opposite side of the conversion just to rile me up. Don't ya just find people like that annoying? Blocked his phone number, Blocked Facebook but not before sending him a message to let him know I might say hi, if and when the next time we cross paths.

Thanks D - that might be worth investigating once I feel more up to walking. I might take a light stroll today to help open up the lungs. I'll think about taking one of my cameras with me.

Thanks again D :)

you some people drive me crazy, One of the radical left just told me that I am very bad person bad personality and all other things, Unfriended, she is very toxic, Blames here life choices on everyone, and when you trying to show her where is the error she attacks, Now I have peace and quiet :)
Pneumonia is very serious and leaves like scars on your lungs, this is why recovery is so important. I kind of thinking that my smoking and constant pneumonia caused my COPD. eh well, bad choices on my part.
I would think that drinking some chicken broth or beef broth would give you the necessary protein in easy form. lightly cooked veggies are good very good actually. You need nutrition but the easy for your body to digest, A lot of rest no crazy running from one chore to another. I think your family should take easy on you too. Is Lisa ok?
Hydrate yourself and do not overwork, let your self to nap, I know it will ruin your night but when you sleepy it means that the body want you to slow down. I think in like 3 weeks you should completely recover. One of my friends is the third months in hospital with pneumonia, If he was not so sick they would kick him out of hospital
light food, light herbal teas (hydration) maybe light fruit and steemed veggies, I would not go high with starch veggies or rice

Yea you understand then.

That sounds like great advice. Thanks D. After reading you I went up to the quick mart early this morning to grab muesli and an orange. I don't rate the muesli as healthy, but it's better than what I had on hand at the time. I'm 3 weeks into my illness and still feeling quite sick. I have 3 days of oral meds left.

That sounds hard core about your friend. Yes ... they don't keep you in hospital if you show the slightest sign that your improving. It must be bad and I hope things take a turn for the better sooner than later regarding your friend.

They did find something on my lung when doing scans but gave me that "we just not quite sure what it is ... " I'm sure I will come out the other end with some form of scaring given the amount of coughing and dry reaching and some throwing up I've been through over the weeks. At one point with every couch I felt like I had cracked ribs. Apparently google reports that has happened with some folk. Thankfully my bones are still quite dense.

I'll follow your advice for sure. Fresh fruits and veggies, (Low carbs) plenty of water and Chicken soup it is!!!
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OH ... Lisa seems to be fairing better than me (although has the cough and milder symptoms) which is a surprise ... but the doctor is treating her the same as me. Thanks for asking.

Hope you guys are doing OK?

yep we are ok, Muesli is maybe not the best choice but it is tasty and provides a lot of fiber, you need the fiber.
They found something in my lungs and send me for the contrast CT scan, it came as scaring from chronic infections, It was not cancer, just scaring. Scars are caused after pneumonia . So do not worry yet. :) just wanted to tell you this so you do not get scared, We have a high sensitivity to any disease, whatever bothers the body influences are mind causing the fear; simple health anxiety.
I remember the last time I go pneumonia I was so week for weeks, You are going to get there ., Antibiotic makes you week too. So 3 days and you will start serious recovery. Good to hear that L. is kind of better :)

Let's hope for the best hey :)

I was thinking about stand up paddle boarding but a little worried after watching the following vid:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VI2aAfPTMVM