Searching for anything good...(sigh)

Muscle biopsy is nothing. Think about cone biopsy they do on woman without any consideration about awful pain. They do this here this way. The worst when your own body turns against you. I have some of bad expierences with it. My f888888 allergies make me miserable whole year, when no pollen, then dust, if no dust then weather. I wonder if it gets worse, due the way we eat, or what we eat? What do u think Eman?
take a pill before biopsy:)

I have hope that its nothing Dahl!
Sorry about your allergies friend I have them but not daily and yes they are miserable too.
Not sure if it has anything to do with what we eat or not.
I am taking pills now..LOL!

E-Man :)

Hheeeeeeeee You will be ok, come back and post. I will see it at night though. Good luck my dear:)I had biopsy on my face and was not that bad, they freeze it a bit and it last a moment

Have to go back on Oct 1st for a friggin surgery to remove a piece of my thigh muscle!
He said that they will do the IV thing, with pain killers, numb the area, and cut out a chunk of my leg for examination..yay.
I did at least get another blood test done while I was there, maybe it will find something odd...
Never ending!!!

E-Man :)

oh shoot:(

Its just another day, another doctor, and probably some more test too I'm guessing. YAY!!
Hope everyone is doing well...

E-Man. :)

Yes, another arrogant doctor that was second guessing the suggestions of my primary doctor..
Rheumatologist think that they're something special, they may be a specialist, but not special people...
Pisses me off.
Says that I shouldn't have a muscle biopsy because I could get an infection? Because its an invasive surgery?
He was quite an idiot, and didn't make things any easier to understand or to think about....
Oh well, best maybe to find another one that isn't judgmental to my family doctor.
Although she has said that they're ALL assholes.. LOL!!

Have a great day!

E-Man :)

Oh no arrogant doctor:( I have arrogant Gp and I am going there in next week, oh jeez....so far I have a good experience with specialists. oh you so lucky to have a good GP. You need to go to different one, he no suppose to negate others doctors opinion, it is not ethical. Unfortunately it is difficult to find a good one, when you do the wait is forever.........oh health care:((

It wasn't a pleasant visit at all.
Said that this was the first time that he has ever heard of a GP ordering a muscle biopsy...
Told me to stop taking prednisone because its dangerous and long term use could damage my internal organs...
Saying all kinds of shit directed at my doctor!!
Acted like he was some kind of God or something...
Frustrating, arrogant, judgmental...
I won't be going back to see him.
I got no real help from him, just created more doubts in the health care systems...

E-Man.

Actually he is right with prednisone, but it saved my life , years ago. I believe it is the short time medication, it damages the kidney:( I agree with prednisone. at the same time it takes care of a lot of issues. Eman he should be reported, I would not hesitate to describe the app to your GP.....
There is many as****s in health care who finished the education thanks to daddy's connection. They are dangerous, the mistakes they make eh

Yeah, I did already send my doc an email explaining to her what this new rheumy had said...
I think she already has a good idea of what to expect from "Specialist" as she had told me that they're all generally assholes.
I've also stopped the prednisone today too.
Yes, doctors are people too and they do make mistakes but I'm just planning now to go with the flow as he is the 2nd one to say that I have some other condition that my doctors knows was not what attacked me in May of 2012...
I'm going to file my appeal based upon the two other doctors claims...
What ever they wish to call it, it hurts like hell every day!
Just took some pain killers and starting to feel a little better already.
Have a good day Dahl!

E-Man :)

Another day, another pain, another medication, another thought, another wish, another hope for something better.
Maybe this shit will end some day, maybe it won't.
Hell, what's another month or two living in misery.
We all do the best that we can.
And as my father always reminds me, it could be a hell of a lot worse too..
Have a great day AF friends and family!
YAY!

E-Man :)

My father say's the same to me E-Man, Lol.

Wishing you the best man.

Thanks John, very much.
It just seems to get worse and worse around here and yesterday I asked myself if it could get any worse, and if so, what would that be?
I got a letter from a bank stating that my account had been levied and they took the money that I had!
Yes, it got worse but they didn't get much.
When I became disabled 27 months ago, obviously bills became difficult to pay, with no income so they "kick you when you're down" around here.
They still want their money, even if you have none.
Sounds a bit sick to me, but the creditors don't really care what's going on, only about the "money".
I laughed it off and swore that I wouldn't let it get me down because its essentially just another aspect of "life" and happens all the time I'm sure.
All I can do is have hope for better days which seem to take forever to actually arrive.
More doctors visits coming up, a mild surgery, more test, probably more medications too but these are the cards that I have been dealt in life.
What a shitty hand to play! I was never much of a card player anyway...
Bad things do happen to good people every single day, some worse then others.
I still have my life, even though it hurts, and I still have healthy children too so what else does one really need?
Wishing you all a great day!

E-Man :)

Oh Eman yes bad s*** happens to other people too, but our s*** hurts, and no one cares, no one will help. When you own money to any company they will use every mean to extract it from you even on your deathbed or even after you dead they go after your family. Bloodsuckers. Imagine I use 30 dollars of electricity and the rest like 90 dollars I pay their service, the debt , the retirement and it is right on the bill. eh When someone owns you money you need to go to small court claim, or give it to collection agency and get back small percentage of that. I do not know about you, but my life is lately struggling everyday. Hopefully they will go off your account shortly, just open different one with the checks or a few of them.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Enduronman

Thanks John, very much.
It just seems to get worse and worse around here and yesterday I asked myself if it could get any worse, and if so, what would that be?
I got a letter from a bank stating that my account had been levied and they took the money that I had!
Yes, it got worse but they didn't get much.
When I became disabled 27 months ago, obviously bills became difficult to pay, with no income so they "kick you when you're down" around here.
They still want their money, even if you have none.
Sounds a bit sick to me, but the creditors don't really care what's going on, only about the "money".
I laughed it off and swore that I wouldn't let it get me down because its essentially just another aspect of "life" and happens all the time I'm sure.
All I can do is have hope for better days which seem to take forever to actually arrive.
More doctors visits coming up, a mild surgery, more test, probably more medications too but these are the cards that I have been dealt in life.
What a shitty hand to play! I was never much of a card player anyway...
Bad things do happen to good people every single day, some worse then others.
I still have my life, even though it hurts, and I still have healthy children too so what else does one really need?
Wishing you all a great day!

E-Man :)

---

Now we teach what we have to learn, and so I can relate to a lot of this, I'm sure most people can.

But.....let's remember, and I warn you.....to get your thinking cap on...for the following:

1) Life is neutral.

2) And, you create your own reality.

Now, life does not care either way what you do....but when you do it, give energy one way or the other, life thinks this is your intended path....inertia :

"The principle of inertia is one of the fundamental principles of classical physics that are used to describe the motion of objects and how they are affected by applied forces"

A thought given inertia - it's forward motion or forces effect outcomes, experience, events..as thought is made physical.

Forgive me this is difficult - I am saying that energy is neutral and latent until you give it the motive force or propulsion by your thoughts and intent. What you are seeing in your life is thought manifest by your hand in pushing it into reality. It is not life itself acting against you, or bad things 'happen' to good people. Rather all people create their own reality and thus the forces apply to everyone.

Intuitively you know the collection people are neutral, doing their 'job' to the best of their ability. For that in itself raises the quality of their life and families.

In a world of 'time' you see, and the way the nervous system is structured, it takes time for a thought to manifest and thus some people forget their hand in it.

I am simply reminding you of this. Now, it is unthinkable for you to say 'my physical difficulties including illness is of my own making and so are then the resulting financial difficulties which are an offshoot of the issue', but in ignorance of that you just manifest more of it, rather than learn to really change the beliefs that give it inertia in a neutral environment.

I am telling you : your thoughts and beliefs - chemically -change/effect/cause the molecular structure of the air which once latent, to 'activate' then turning into patterns of discernible constructions, or matter. You might call them 'idea constructions'.

In practical terms, I am teaching you here that you create your reality, and 'how' you do it.

In closing, I do empathize with you.......but, what you have learned as far as chiseling the personality far outweighs the suffering, especially in your case. I am proud to have known you, I've said it before, because before me I know is a great human.

You have been conditioned that's all, it is not the DNA or a bad world attacking you.

I do hope this post is edifying and not seen as cruel, in human terms, because if misunderstood it could go either way. And that is the foundation for all wars and injustice, again in human terms, when one or two or a town or nation is 'misunderstood' for not only are individuals conditioned, but so are countries.

Conditioning btw is from the caretakers in your lives most often what you call parents. I have taught you much here in this little post, keep it with you.

That just clicked in my brain, or mind!


I have found that my anxiety stems from the need for clarity in my life. My philosophy is always with such emphasis on clarity, my daily routine is based on clarity; so nothing being confused, everything understood, in control. When I bridge the gap between my mind and the reality my eyes allow me to see, all will be cured. I feared/fear health problems as this is a change for me within me, and something I think I can't control, which could be unclear.
Break through right here!

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Im-Suffering

Now we teach what we have to learn, and so I can relate to a lot of this, I'm sure most people can.

But.....let's remember, and I warn you.....to get your thinking cap on...for the following:

1) Life is neutral.

2) And, you create your own reality.

Now, life does not care either way what you do....but when you do it, give energy one way or the other, life thinks this is your intended path....inertia :

"The principle of inertia is one of the fundamental principles of classical physics that are used to describe the motion of objects and how they are affected by applied forces"

A thought given inertia - it's forward motion or forces effect outcomes, experience, events..as thought is made physical.

Forgive me this is difficult - I am saying that energy is neutral and latent until you give it the motive force or propulsion by your thoughts and intent. What you are seeing in your life is thought manifest by your hand in pushing it into reality. It is not life itself acting against you, or bad things 'happen' to good people. Rather all people create their own reality and thus the forces apply to everyone.

Intuitively you know the collection people are neutral, doing their 'job' to the best of their ability. For that in itself raises the quality of their life and families.

In a world of 'time' you see, and the way the nervous system is structured, it takes time for a thought to manifest and thus some people forget their hand in it.

I am simply reminding you of this. Now, it is unthinkable for you to say 'my physical difficulties including illness is of my own making and so are then the resulting financial difficulties which are an offshoot of the issue', but in ignorance of that you just manifest more of it, rather than learn to really change the beliefs that give it inertia in a neutral environment.

I am telling you : your thoughts and beliefs - chemically -change/effect/cause the molecular structure of the air which once latent, to 'activate' then turning into patterns of discernible constructions, or matter. You might call them 'idea constructions'.

In practical terms, I am teaching you here that you create your reality, and 'how' you do it.

In closing, I do empathize with you.......but, what you have learned as far as chiseling the personality far outweighs the suffering, especially in your case. I am proud to have known you, I've said it before, because before me I know is a great human.

You have been conditioned that's all, it is not the DNA or a bad world attacking you.

I do hope this post is edifying and not seen as cruel, in human terms, because if misunderstood it could go either way. And that is the foundation for all wars and injustice, again in human terms, when one or two or a town or nation is 'misunderstood' for not only are individuals conditioned, but so are countries.

Conditioning btw is from the caretakers in your lives most often what you call parents. I have taught you much here in this little post, keep it with you.

---

Thank you Dahl for your continued support, it means a lot to me.
Thank you Suffering for such an in depth explanation and for taking the time to think that through, they are just "more" issues that I now have to deal with. I will keep it with me.
Good to see you here Joe! Suffering always has such excellent advice and an amazing perspective of things.
I'm up way to early today, another doctors appointment of course that of which I hope to actually learn something more about what's going on with me yet I probably won't.
Hopefully, he is in agreement with the other three doctors, on the same page, clarity in consideration, and a new direction for which to address this disability with the Government.
Probably just a squeeze here and there, a tap, try to push my hands together, try to push them apart,..just another exam. Maybe even some more medications too. I don't know.
I know that they're all just doing the best that they can, considering such an odd, rare, unique disease and condition that only 5 doctors in the world have any real knowledge of.
Obviously, I don't have the money to fly around the world asking for opinions from others, and with possibly 2000 cases of this in the entire world, information about it is hard to come by.
So, I will just do the best that I can considering circumstances, and make the best of this so far beautiful day too.
Wishing you all the best, have a great day friends!

E-Man :)

The Neurologist is on the same page as the other 3 doctors. That's a concensus I guess!
Yes, another new medication to try as well and more blood test of course too.
All I can do is hope for the best and maybe this other medication will help me.
Have a good day all!

E-Man :)

Jeez, so much of that, keep it strong, you can do it. I know you can :) you get some answers soon, and they will leave you alone, the papers filled :)

I'm trying Dahl but this shit is getting old and fuggin tiring!!!
Enjoy the day...

E-Man :)

Just another beautiful day around here, it appears.
Trying to figure out my moms angle, perspective, outlook on life, and why she finds it impossible to shut up.
ALWAYS talking about something bad, someone that has life issues and troubles, someone that is in ill health, about her own grandchildren and their troubles.
A gossip hound of sort, as if she is always looking for someone to talk to about something that is going on, with someone else...
She was talking badly about one of my daughters yesterday that has had problems in the pasts.
Then wanted to come in here and tell me about someone else's daughter that has a tumor now.
I just told her (again) that I don't want to hear it and to quit talking about things that are wrong with other peoples lives! She seems to thrive on it.
I told her that I don't want to hear it! She said "well you're just like your father is"...I just said so what! Yes, maybe I am just like my father.
She asked "don't you have any compassion for other people?" I said of course yes I do, but I have enough problems of my own to deal with and I tend to focus more on my family, my kids..
So I tend to think more about them then "everyone else" as you do..She rarely ever stops talking "about" other people be it family or friends or family of friends..
She repeatedly tells the same story about the same persons, over and over again. I find this to be frustrating and tiring to hear it too. Over and over again.
I just can't figure her out. Yes, I care about people I guess I just don't verbalize it to anyone, every single day, as she tries too.
I do know that she is a selfish, judgmental, pessimistic, critical, person but what's up with this "act" that she actually cares about others?
I think that large amounts of alcohol have clouded her mind and thought processes, she drinks every single day. She has done this for years if not decades. Vodka damage.
Alcohol is a poison. And considering that I'm the closest to her, in her home for health reasons, then I get to listen to this dumbshit!! The receiving end of dumbshit!!!
How I so wish that I never had to move in here with her, she causes me more anxiety and tension then what I already had to deal with on my own...I do try to ignore her however.
And I am tired of hearing about the past...always talking about the past...which makes life in the present day, difficult. I hate talking about the past and I forget the events of the past.
It is our opposite philosophy that causes the problems I can see now. I live for the day, forget the past, and have hope for the future. Hope is what I have left. YAY!!!
Sorry for the stupid rant, I just had to get this off of my mind as a huge majority of my present day anxiety revolves around a parent.
I do know how I don't want to be when I finally decide to grow up and mature. I won't treat family like she does and has..I have learned that much.
Going to pick up some more new meds! I can't wait to see what it will do as I suspect it will do absolutely nothing for me.
Such is life. Still in search of something good! I know it's out there some where.
Thank you for reading this friends.
Have a great day!

E-Man :)

Well you have no better option right now and you must survive it somehow. yOu do realize that her constant blabber about others is to cover her mistakes and her problems. She focuses on other people not to think and acknowledge her own. You are very compassionate man, probably the best person I had met on net , so far. You are awesome Eman and everyone loves you and learn to accept you for who you are. Does it make sense? I kind of upset after reading the post. Still my kids complain about me . Jeeeeez they should switch places with you :)) it is tough for you and it would be for anyone. Do not give up Ch. Do not:)

Thank you Dahl!
Yes, constant blabbering!
That made me laugh and I appreciate that more then words can express..LMAO!!
Yes, to make herself look better to make herself feel better somehow.
She is a pain in the f**kin ass!!!
I am a very compassionate man, I just go about it in a different way then she does...she "pretends" to be compassionate.
Trying to have a better day today!
Be well and best wishes to you friend.

E-Man :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Enduronman

Thank you Dahl!
Yes, constant blabbering!
That made me laugh and I appreciate that more then words can express..LMAO!!
Yes, to make herself look better to make herself feel better somehow.
She is a pain in the f**kin ass!!!
I am a very compassionate man, I just go about it in a different way then she does...she "pretends" to be compassionate.
Trying to have a better day today!
Be well and best wishes to you friend.

E-Man :)

---

No...no, no no, and...no.

You need to see her as you wish her to be, in a loving positive light, you picture your world how you want it to be, not how you don't want it. For you create it either way. And that is where both you and her err, in your thinking, you are both alike, and thus your worlds are of your making.

Couple of points.

This was your conditioning as a child, even years 0-3. At that time and beyond the mother and child speak telepathically. that might challenge your beliefs,...good ! Telepathy begins prenatal as the fetus communicates with its new body, and the mother who grows it. There must be constant cellular communication, you see. You begin at that time to not only mold the fledgling belief system, but for her to teach you about the world. You are never disconnected from the organism that build your body for you, and thus she has influence over the soul who needs tools for its upcoming life. A precursor you see to physical life as if you were in the classroom and the teacher says "now on earth, you need this and that to survive, and here is the world view you will have, here is what I want you to know"

In that context, you were conditioned, period. That is where the conflict rises as you get older and in your struggles to determine if those beliefs are valid, or you should develop your own. Now telepathically you still relate to her although the filter is able to catch more of it, the filter of discrimination.

The anxiety you have, the health problems, these can be traced to conditioning, conflicts, and unresolved guilt.

That is oversimplified but I give away too much as it is, already labeled a crackpot.

Her sympathy, compassion is good, however, by the law of attraction she does not know how to relate in a constructive manner. Constructive thoughts would be:

"This person is ill, rather than see them as sick or some deficit, I will picture them in love and light, the bright light of healing as it surrounds them, comforts them. I surround them with my loving energy"

Now that build up the defenses of the ill for they feel your intent, rather than commiserating adding more negativity. And tearing down the natural defenses. If you believed in telepathy, you would think more constructively, you see, for you would realize it is fruitless to offer more sorrow and compound the problems.

And by speaking negatively about her, you are no better than her speaking negatively about another, again, you picked it up from her. You need to break the cycle. As I suggested by seeing a human as whole, and empathizing with the challenges. Then building up the resistance by picturing them as perfect and healthy, happy, joyful, whatever situation they may be in, you picture the best outcome and let it go. Even as they lay dieing, you hold them in the best light of love with no pity, no guilt, no shame, no sorrow. That is not love......although you may not understand, this is all so difficult to word, and also given the comprehension level of the people who should read it.

Lastly the thread title, "searching for anything good" is a belief she taught you, also through telepathy plus word, deed. She is still teaching you her beliefs from your conversation recently. She is searching for anything good, constantly, but searching, she cannot find and thus she is unable to see creation as whole, healthy, willing and able. Symbolically, the searching implies lack, period. Somehow negativity will help she reasons, More distortions.

One should say instead of searching : "Here is what is good" "and what is not so good, I will picture ever better, I will see the sick as healthy - I will see the poor as wealthy - I will see the stupid as wise - I will see the best in people, as whole, complete, capable entities, even if my eyes disagree, for my eyes are part of the illusion" period.

There is much more, but I will leave it at that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Im-Suffering

No...no, no no, and...no.

You need to see her as you wish her to be, in a loving positive light, you picture your world how you want it to be, not how you don't want it. For you create it either way. And that is where both you and her err, in your thinking, you are both alike, and thus your worlds are of your making.

(My girlfriend has been trying to convince me of this very statement that you've just made. Although, I am really struggling to understand it for my parent doesn't treat or speak of anyone or anything in a "positive light" persay. She bad mouths my children because of the troubles from their past mistakes. She puts them down verbally and acts as if they are still doing all of the same things, of which they are not.)

Couple of points.

This was your conditioning as a child, even years 0-3. At that time and beyond the mother and child speak telepathically. that might challenge your beliefs,...good ! Telepathy begins prenatal as the fetus communicates with its new body, and the mother who grows it. There must be constant cellular communication, you see. You begin at that time to not only mold the fledgling belief system, but for her to teach you about the world. You are never disconnected from the organism that build your body for you, and thus she has influence over the soul who needs tools for its upcoming life. A precursor you see to physical life as if you were in the classroom and the teacher says "now on earth, you need this and that to survive, and here is the world view you will have, here is what I want you to know"

In that context, you were conditioned, period. That is where the conflict rises as you get older and in your struggles to determine if those beliefs are valid, or you should develop your own. Now telepathically you still relate to her although the filter is able to catch more of it, the filter of discrimination.

The anxiety you have, the health problems, these can be traced to conditioning, conflicts, and unresolved guilt.

(The mental disorders, ADD/ADHD, anxiety, and general skepticism of other humans I am in contact or communications with, have been with me since birth. I recall all of that. I wasn't quite like other children. My Sister is the same way. We are both conditioned in an odd way and manner as her and I both were deeply troubled as youngsters. She quit school and ran away. I did the same generally speaking. I was also locked in my room as a child so that my mother could get a break. My Sister was treated the same way. Yes, there were many conflicts and much troubles in both of our lives. My Sister was pregnant at a young age and my Mother forced her to abort, twice. Drove to New York to do that terrible deed. I recall the stories. I had more criminal convictions then any other juvenile in this State, in the 1980's. Multiple charges, misdemeanors, and 4 felonies. I was headed to prison at 16 if I didn't stop acting like an idiot. I chose to stop, and never broke another law instead. That was tough, because what I was doing was fun to me. I was an adrenaline addict. I wish I would have chose mountain climbing or sky diving instead. I hurt many people back then. It wasn't until I actually looked at both of my parents grief, when I was in court for the last time, that I made the decision to quit being a dumbass. I "felt" their sorrow. I then became a good person to everyone, everywhere, kind, caring, compassionate, to complete strangers. That of course, I would have robbed from before. Your words are extremely enlightening to me. Hmmm...thinking, thinking, trying to understand.)

(The health problems? I have a rare disease called relapsing polychondritis. My Sister also has this disease. It affects about 3000 people in the World. It has proven to be something related to our genetics. Our ancestory. The Swedish. I have searched as far back as I can to try to find the answers, the persons inflicted with conditions like this. All I have learned is the names of the towns where our heritage began, when, who they were, when they lived and died, when they traveled to the States, where they arrived, where they went and called home. I wish I knew more. I don't know what it would prove or how it would benefit me in present day but it's still interesting information to learn about and have knowledge of...hmmm....)

(Unresolved guilt? I am trying to dig deep inside to find that now. I would usually file that feeling away, dispose of it, or maybe it is truly just "hidden"? On the surface, I have no guilt, no shame but maybe it is impacting my future and daily life in some way.)

That is oversimplified but I give away too much as it is, already labeled a crackpot.

Her sympathy, compassion is good, however, by the law of attraction she does not know how to relate in a constructive manner. Constructive thoughts would be:

"This person is ill, rather than see them as sick or some deficit, I will picture them in love and light, the bright light of healing as it surrounds them, comforts them. I surround them with my loving energy"

(No, she doesn't now how to relate anything in a constructive manner, or a positive manner. I find it hard to understand how someone in her position, lifestyle, way of life, good health with no diseases or disabilities, with tons of money, with everything that one could ever want or need, can present nothing in a positive way, light, or meaning. I can not relate to her "presentation" or "views" of life. Be it her life, my life, my kids lives, or a friends life, or a friend of a friends life...I am baffled here.)

Now that build up the defenses of the ill for they feel your intent, rather than commiserating adding more negativity. And tearing down the natural defenses. If you believed in telepathy, you would think more constructively, you see, for you would realize it is fruitless to offer more sorrow and compound the problems.

(I do believe in telepathy. I also believe strongly in empathy and the ability to see and feel things that are unexplainable and tough to understand and decipher. I am highly intuitive. I don't always like that either. I have struggled with empathy in the past. I had felt as if it was a curse at one time. I didn't like being able to see and feel the things that I could. I would become very anxious, upset, agitated, angry, depressed, and could step easily into someone else's shoes if I wanted too. I am practicing how to become more "grounded". To protect my positive energy, from energy vampires. They are every where. I think that I now live in the same home with one. Which is why I try to ignore, evade, not communicate with, my parent. Is she a vampire? I need more work to better understand this and a better way to block out her negativity. Or should I just practice how to view her differently? This is extremely difficult for me to paint a pretty picture that isn't really there...hmmm...I'm trying.)

And by speaking negatively about her, you are no better than her speaking negatively about another, again, you picked it up from her. You need to break the cycle. As I suggested by seeing a human as whole, and empathizing with the challenges. Then building up the resistance by picturing them as perfect and healthy, happy, joyful, whatever situation they may be in, you picture the best outcome and let it go. Even as they lay dieing, you hold them in the best light of love with no pity, no guilt, no shame, no sorrow. That is not love......although you may not understand, this is all so difficult to word, and also given the comprehension level of the people who should read it.

(Yes, correct. Speaking badly about her makes me no better than her. I have never spoken badly about others, to others, until I was forced to move in here. I learned this from her, and it is all about her. So, I should somehow picture her as happy, joyful, pleasant to be around, kind, caring, compassionate, when she carries around a black cloud every where she goes...negative energy. When anyone has ever asked her for help, she fights, squirms, is uneasy, unpleasant, and if help is given it comes with rules, regulations, restrictions, guidelines, of her own making to attempt to shape the World as she sees fit, in her eyes, in her mind. This one is also going to be very tough, hard to accomplish, difficult to see, to understand, to maintain...hmmm..thinking, thinking..)

[I]Lastly the thread title, "searching for anything good" is a belief she taught you, also through telepathy plus word, deed. She is still teaching you her beliefs from your conversation recently. She is searching for anything good, constantly, but searching, she cannot find and thus she is unable to see creation as whole, healthy, willing and able. Symbolically, the searching implies lack, period. Somehow negativity will help she reasons, More distortions.

(I do search for anything good daily. It is elusive but I still try. She however, is now searching for her vodka at this moment because it's that time of day here. She is self medicating. Trying to cover up the issues, thoughts, guilt, grief, troubles, in her own mind. She says that alcohol isn't a drug. Says that it's so sad that I have to take so many different pills. I find this time of day to be the most frustrating for her beliefs are idiotic. She will be staggering around shortly. Talking to her dog as if it's a person. And then of course, finding something irrelevant to say to me, about something completely and totally irrelevant, stupid, and unfounded, that no one can do anything about..just blabbering more or less. That's when I will usually say to shut up please, and go share your drunken thoughts and words with someone who wants to hear them.)

There is much more, but I will leave it at that.

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Thank you for all of that, I really appreciate every word and you've given me.

E-Man.. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Enduronman

Thank you for all of that, I really appreciate every word and you've given me.

E-Man.. :)

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I am struggling here....and thats unusual.......Your mother, is an idea, period. literally speaking. I hope to show you why your thoughts are so important.

First there is spirit, with an idea of itself, it then constructs a projection in terms of matter. It is done quite naturally of course. You do not have to create your body, it is done for you. But you do shape it and condition it.

Your mother than, is an idea image or mental construction. Her image is reinforced by the projections those that come into contact, reinforcing the structure, which first is psychological.

Now, if you see her as drunk, talking with the dog, abusive, or whatever, then her construction is validated, and In certain terms you become a part of it. That challenges you, and brings discomfort.

Seeing the construction as something that it is not will tear down the barriers of the self confined within it, intuitively she will begin to see herself in a different light. You cannot change her,,but you can project upon her whatever you wish....giving psychic impetus to change through your mental projections. You literally see what you intend to see.

That is why it is important to discern judgement beforehand...."she really is good, and that is what I want to see", as you picture this and that.....but ultimately free will prevails, if she does not change and resists the mental stimulus, then she will disappear from your life because you no longer attract each other.....which is one reason you resist any change. On the one hand you can't stand it, and on the other you don't want to lose her. The guilt you spoke of searching for is within this conflict. As a child, mom had to be good, it is healthier for the child to see themselves bad than the caregiver...mom was good, you were bad....to a certain extent now, you put up with it still...it raises a feeling of guilt, to see mom as bad, your flesh and blood. And I use good and bad here loosely for a descriptive purposes.

She may also react to the stimulus positively and you'll have a changed woman in your life. Either way you must examine the reasoning for the attraction and say "if mom doesn't change, and the forces separate us because we no longer see eye to eye, how does that make me feel?"

I hope you understand this, because it is you that keeps things together by agreeing with her projections, should you protest, or see her in a different light, you may lose her, not death now, but go your separate ways.

Keeping this short..er, I can go all day, but I think it's enough here.

Positive thinking always helps me too. :)

Person positive thinking helps himself only, does not change other people, too much philosophy here and not enough life guys

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Im-Suffering

Your mother, is an idea, period. literally speaking. First there is spirit, with an idea of itself, it then constructs a projection in terms of matter. Your mother than, is an idea image or mental construction. Her image is reinforced by the projections those that come into contact, reinforcing the structure, which first is psychological. Now, if you see her as drunk, talking with the dog, abusive, or whatever, then her construction is validated, and In certain terms you become a part of it. That challenges you, and brings discomfort. Seeing the construction as something that it is not will tear down the barriers of the self confined within it, intuitively she will begin to see herself in a different light. You cannot change her,,but you can project upon her whatever you wish....giving psychic impetus to change through your mental projections. You literally see what you intend to see. She may also react to the stimulus positively and you'll have a changed woman in your life. I HOPE YOU UNDERSTAND THIS!

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You, Mr. I'm Suffering are f**kin brilliant! I use the F bomb there loosely to excitedly validate a very descriptive purpose, sense, or feeling.
I am going to see her construction, as something that it (she) is not and projectively impose, transpose an (my own) image upon her whether she likes it or not.
No more allowing the Energy Vampire to drain me of my available positive energy, positive outlook, positive light, that which I choose to have, keep, and hold. (Even in a World of Shit). LOL!
"I will see the best in this person, as whole, complete, capable entity, (even if my eyes disagree) for my eyes are part of this illusion" PERIOD....
This will be tough to "see her in a different light" but today, I will try...
I might even really just throw her whole day off by saying "good morning Mom!"..hit her when she least expects it.
She isn't going to be allowed to control MY moods anymore with her negative, selfish, pessimism and generally shitty outlook on "life".
A new perspective and image is now in the works! YAY!!
Thank you for all of your help, I do fully comprehend and understand it.
Today will be a good day!
Wishing you all the best friend. :)

Mr. Enduring Man. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Enduronman

You, Mr. I'm Suffering are f**kin brilliant! I use the F bomb there loosely to excitedly validate a very descriptive purpose, sense, or feeling.
I am going to see her construction, as something that it (she) is not and projectively impose, transpose an (my own) image upon her whether she likes it or not.
No more allowing the Energy Vampire to drain me of my available positive energy, positive outlook, positive light, that which I choose to have, keep, and hold. (Even in a World of Shit). LOL!
"I will see the best in this person, as whole, complete, capable entity, (even if my eyes disagree) for my eyes are part of this illusion" PERIOD....
This will be tough to "see her in a different light" but today, I will try...
I might even really just throw her whole day off by saying "good morning Mom!"..hit her when she least expects it.
She isn't going to be allowed to control MY moods anymore with her negative, selfish, pessimism and generally shitty outlook on "life".
A new perspective and image is now in the works! YAY!!
Thank you for all of your help, I do fully comprehend and understand it.
Today will be a good day!
Wishing you all the best friend. :)

Mr. Enduring Man. :)

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You're welcome. Catcha later.

I am so happy for you and to see such positivity here!!!

http://www.relax.com-inspired.com/free-ebook

Eman whenever you are in presence of energy vampire cover yourself in the light bubble , it stops the stream;) Do u understand ?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Dahila

Eman whenever you are in presence of energy vampire cover yourself in the light bubble , it stops the stream;) Do u understand ?

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I understand fully Dahl!
I am working on that today. It seems to be going ok so far.
I do however, still have an issue that I can't figure out although I'm laughin as I type this now.
My parent watches television programs in the morning, that make me want to grab both of my 9mm handguns, and blow the tv screen out..emptying both clips of course.
They are People's Court and Paternity Court programs. The people talking sound like complete idiots. And, it gives me terrible anxiety listening to the shows. I do go and hide in another room, or in the garage, for the hour. LMAO!!
What I can't figure out is why these stupid programs upset me so much, when my girlfriend is a Judge and listens to that garbage every day for her job!!!....She doesn't talk a lot about it, but when she does I try to block it out..
It causes me anxiety to hear stupid stories, about the cases that she sometimes hears...I usually just ask her kindly to stop and she does. Yet, she ALWAYS says that "these are not your problems so why does it affect you?"
I literally don't know the answer to that question! I don't know why it bothers me..I just don't want to hear it. I think I "internalize" everyone else's problems because of this empathy issue that haunts me?
That's the only thing that I can come up with...it somehow impacts my mood. Just like those idiotic programs.
I am hiding in another room now. YAY!!
Trying to remain positive! But also trying to figure this issue out too....hmmm...:/

E-Man :)

Put your headphones on, In my situation I take my hearing aids on and I am happy. No hearing no bother. I do not watch tv and for sure not the reality tv, people lost my respect, I think 99 % of them are simply dummies

Hey Eman!

Wow, both our lives are s#*t piles! You have so much going on.

It's not often I agree with I'm-suffering but this time I think he might be on to something.

The value and power of being positive is really easily forgotten when the doo doo piles up. And man am I in a pile right now.

So going to do what I can to put a smile on my face and believe that everything will turn out ok.

I haven't been around much lately, not in a great frame of mind to help anyone else out, but you my friend are special, along with Dahila.

I want nothing but the best for you!
Cheers my friend.
Pam

Hey Dahl and Pam!

Yes, people that are in those reality tv shows are generally complete idiots! I wish I had some head phones! For now, I'll just hide in another room where the tv is louder or in the garage..LOL!
Good to see you Pam. Sorry about life in The Pile of Shit! I know the feeling all to well...
I did try some of Mr. Suffering's suggestions yesterday and it was actually a good day with minimal stomach distress, minimal anxiety, and I actually spoke to my Mom too..
She acted somewhat "civilized" which isn't generally normal or common but it was because I acted "civilized" first, an act, pretending, an illusion of sort.
Believe that everything will turn out OK, convince yourself of that, practice that, and the days will get easier to deal with.
If you're not in the greatest frame of mind, then come around more often as we can work together to help smooth things over a bit.
Wishing you the best as well friend!

E-Man :)

Yes, it is really bad when "The Pile" piles up but every day is a new day for new beginnings. Just hold onto until tomorrow, as the positive note goes....

http://www.relax.com-inspired.com/free-ebook

Quote:

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Originally Posted by happylife

"The Pile"

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Yes, a big pile of shit, figuratively speaking!
Hopefully today is a better day as there were MANY additional stressors and issues that arose yesterday.
Causing heightened anxiety in me of course.
Things don't always go as planned and if something could go wrong, it pretty much did.
My Dad always reminds me that it could always be worse. I can appreciate that statement. It makes me feel better about my situations.
Although my legs are f**kin killing me daily, they could always be gone instead. At least I still have legs.
I did finally get some more custom pain cream for the back of my neck so that's helpful too. Not so painful as it was.
And it was 125.00 cheaper then the other place I was getting it too. That's a good thing!
My daughter actually did something that she said she would do too, (which is rare) and got her therapist to lower her hourly rate from 110.00 to 20.00 per week. Another good thing!
She is also moving back in with my Dad today too, I didn't figure the other place would last all that long anyway. She'll be safer there. Free from Judgment. A good thing!
I think that this day will be a good day. I will actually have the house to myself. Free to rest and relax in peace and quiet...I LOVE peace and quiet.
Hopes that everyone has a great day!
Trying to remain positive!

E-Man :)

Oh no, the first sore throat of the year. Winter is approaching. I think I'll just take a pill.
My Saturday was actually quite nice. Quiet. Got to lay on the couch all day and watch football, a funny Will Ferrell movie, and also some Sponge Bob too. (Mother was gone all day!) YAY!
I also didn't receive any text, calls, or emails from anyone either. Usually do, and usually something stressful. That was nice too. (rare) YAY!
I went to bed at 930 also, early for me but I forgot that I only sleep about 7 hours so I'm up at 5am of course. Way to early for this shit, but I feel ok so far and this is my "stress free" time too.
I am usually suggesting to others here, to open up and tell your family how you feel about things. Well, I did, and told my Mom that her words cause me heightened anxiety.
Especially when she starts talking about someone else and their problems, issues, troubles. She likes to talk about others, because she really has no problems to speak of. It worked. YAY!
I think today is going to be a great day. May even go visit my Dad, daughter, and change the oil in my piece O shit car too. May has well take advantage of this 80 degree weather.
The leaves are already starting to fall though, bushes turning colors, but I like fall anyway. Bring on the cooler weather, and the Holidays, and candy too. LOL! YAY!
I won't have to search far for anything good as good things are happening around here now. Well that's odd, but I'll take it. I've been patient...
Another doctors visit coming up, and also a tissue biopsy as well. I hope they find something new. I'm ready for it. Maybe that will be the end of healthcare things for awhile. YAY! :)
Hopes that everyone has a good day today and finds something good to focus on...
It will get better!

E-Man :)