Ponder

Just like the damage our wifi system already does and no doubt I think the science is in on the negitive effects of 5G ... I just accept it. It's damaging ... but the virus ... I think of it no more than the current flu viruses that already kill vunrable people. In fact ... the move to make the population more vulnerable through our way of living and it's development with such vulnerability in mind ... I find that move more damaging than the so called Corona Virus. As for the economy ... I care less with some of the comments in the following interview ... but that said, there is some very interesting comments in it:

My take on the economy:
In my view I think collapsing the economy is a good thing. Our economy devalues human life as is. The human race needs to suffer in places it's been too COMFORTABLE as that comfort has been a huge cost in death and destruction as is. Those living in comfort, with their houses, business and all their things have been to pacified to see. I think this destabilization is something that needs to happen. Sorry ... but it's going to hurt. Accept it. I also have no issue with cashless society and AI ... some of these videos themselves are as much fear mongering as the Government. I just glean from them ... nothing more. We are all victims of our thoughts. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HgTzoTOAKQ

Still breathing. :) The world is still escalating in panic mode I see. I still feel the panic is worse than the virus but wish well all those that give their lives over to it. Let's not forget those who had their and will have it taken by it. My step father has sinus issues. He was sitting in a mall - aged 78 have a hard time with his sinuses. A white Australian women came our of nowhere wearing a mask and says to him "Thanks for giving us the Virus." My step father originates from Singaporean and has been an Australian citizen for most of his life. He in fact spent most of his life helping people of all color and creed within this poor excuse of a society as a general practitioner ... a Doctor. Racism to the core. I only just did a video about my south Korean daughter in-law and now this with my step father.

This is exactly why I have cut ties with those who used to be close to me in here. once I smell racism via political and cultural difference where people are picked on due to origins, culture or any difference within the subsets and so on ... GGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR ... How not to get sucked in. Takes a very deep breath. Seriously, I wanted to make an upbeat vid and shake it off like I did with my daughter in-law but again, the racism just continues.

Our power went out last night because someone tried to commit suicide by driving their car into a substation. I totally get where he is coming from and a little sad he was unsuccessful. Nevertheless, the power went back on and people continue to be cruel as can be.

I'm not going to yell at everyone and project curses like I want ... I'm just doing me best to support those in my family being treated like so as well as do what I can to distract myself when I feel the need.

I did have a good catch up with me mum. She tells my Dad will get over it as he has more pressing issues to overcome. They live in a very small town where people are not panic buying. The only problem is when people come from the cites to by from the rural folk then living those without. Thankfully my parents live in the hills.

I leave this as is ... it's been acknowledged and now gone. Time to move on.

An add I just made up on my Computer Charity Page ... and a game I need to play myself this very minute. :)

A very meditative non violent video game that instills pure relaxation → FUGL. It can be found at the steam store for $14au. For those whom have received a Goodwill Computer with a dedicated Video Card of 2GB with 8GB of Ram, you will be able to run this game fluently.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rCbxGXzCOys
It's not about the pixels; it's about the sounds and transformations. If your feeling a little stressed, this is the game that will keep you grounded. Definitely worth a share!
https://store.steampowered.com/app/643810/Fugl

I think what is coming is a good thing. There are way too many people that have had it too easy. Including myself. The herds of people within our world commonly referred to as community, will now be forced to face the results of their toxic way of living.

For so long many have agreed with me that the world has hat this coming. Now that it's here, it's understandable that they are now backpedaling.

Whilst the Virus itself is seemingly mutating (now young ones are also dying) I still think it's not the virus that is the thing doing the killing. More over the way in which people are reacting is more the killer.

This I write from not contention, but have chosen my words carefully as to sit back considering my own potential to spread instability.

Right now though, whilst my family is being attacked for looking Chinese and the fact that people are attacking Chinese, is not something I will allow to be over shadowed. Thus I will counter other facets of fear by highlighting just how fool hearty it is to, cling to such things as the economy which has been the driving force of enslavement and devaluing humans for ages. I hope more people lose their homes, jobs and so on and so forth. I hope the suffering is mass and hits very very hard.

I have said it many times before and I am not going to back down now ... even if it effects my own family. Not so much an irony that others who used to say the following now back down because the discomfort now affects them.

This world needs a wake up call.

Adios ... whilst it's still permitted in this region, I'm off for a walk! ;)

Going to the other extreme ... one of my friends and my son will be playing this new release in the week ahead to pass the time as the world endures what it must:

Releases March 31

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4d81bHQxeUc

My son is now on the welfare line. It's a LONG line all the way down to the end of the street. It's not so bad though. They will be getting more than the usual welfare limit to better help then pay their higher rents/mortgages and so on and so forth. People just have to learn to go without. I think this is good for them. They can see what it's like. I really got to say I love how this virus does not discriminate ... unlike all those racist attacking my family.

I can tell you this much, it the virus is as deadly as they say it is - then Australia is fucked. This country is too busy trying to do business as usual. We took out little one out of school although they are still open here, among other things. I do worry for my wife re he Multiple Sclerosis and if the universal journey for us has been anything to go by, then I guess we might be fucked. As much as I am skeptical about the back story to this whole drama, I can concur that I am being mindful of my own actions, I don't hold out hope in any way or form regarding the behavior of main stream society.

Although my daughter is stuck in the UK, now unemployed without being able to get any form of welfare since not being a citizen, I trust the people she is with will do what they can to support her basic needs. The UK seem to be doing a good job re containment from what I can see. Again - best I can say, if it really is as bad as they say, then the way Australia is dealing with it ... well ... we are pretty much fucked. We advised our layer today that we are no longer sending our grandson to see his father. If I am to play along with containment, I will not do it in half measures.

From a containment point of view, Australia is just building ICU tent cities on the side, but trying to send as many as they can into the fray in the name of making money. If it's like they say ... then they will for sure keep spreading it as more able people are better able to carry the virus and so on and so forth.
_________________________

Now on the other front ... it sure is fascinating to see the degradation of main stream people and seeing those who have not really suffer, suffer more. The police state tactics, up marketed law enforcement and military control poised hit the streets - again all facilitation to see how this kind of thing is being analysed and implemented. Suicide as I already mentioned with the fella driving into the substation is surely set to go through the roof and just seeing the residual effect likewise in everyone giving way to greed and so on. - People yelling, shaming and blaming on social media as well as in the malls and on the street.

So --- where is all this Love and Light? Hmmmmmm I'm not seeing it? So that part of the new age equation with all this talk of star seeds ... I still don't buy that. Like I said before with that above video I only glean. People are not 'wrong' to question the media and those that control it when it comes to disclosure regarding perception management irrespective of how deadly or not this virus is. It's a completely different topic. There is a LOT going on in the background and things will not quite go back the same as things were before ... that is if we are to beleive authorities, many in our families will be dead. What will be will be.

OK - I'm out of words like I am toilet paper. Thankfully I have a shower head I can stick up my but and a LOT of rags to wipe myself down that will last quite some time. The food line at this point looks pretty good. Trucks are still running and yadda yadda ...

If you want to get all dramatic ... lets talk about how the virus could mutate? Yadda Yadda ...
_______________________________

Lucky I have a back yard to walk in. I feel sorry for those penned up in high rises and so on. In that light - people in houses with yards will do well. I also have my min trap to bounce with under the sun. Of course as far as I know, most people in most places are still getting about. I'll follow the law when the time comes, but think it's ridiculous the way authorities are playing half measures when it comes to making money. I think my biggest issue with sleepless nights in not knowing which camp I really want to sit. I say all this shit and yadda yadda - but only human and susceptible to all the BS being pumped into our heads regardless of making out I think I know what's going on. I DON'T ... I'm just airing out my shit in here in a way that does not spread the virus ... although if your reading and negatively impacted on what I am saying ... well ... you have the choice to leave. ;) If on the other hand you are wondering why when you find my words unsettling yet your still reading ... again ... just like me focused on shit I can't change - I guess your humanity is hooked.

How to rise above this drama?

Give it now attention? Or see it, react, allow reaction and then let it go ... again I really don't know but sense that sounds good enough. For now I go watch some stuff on SpaceX's Starship Development. Not sure how if commodities are still flowing as well as before, but if I do acquire an appropriate camera ... I look forward to maybe logging in some scooter rides with perhaps police chasing me to quarantine or jail me. lol ... not.

ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz I think will sleep ok tonight. This was a good write! Will also bounce on my mini tramp ... it helped A LOT ... the other evening.

BUT hey ... let's keep an open mind hey. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tSCfGhai4EQ

Edit: I got share this one now: ... Not that it undermines the bigger picture being disclosed in the above ...

https://i.ibb.co/9ykXrrB/34050223-59...33338880-o.jpg

You do realise there are powerful people out there that pull the strings of your leaders currently buying out global corporations in a grab for total domination? I now so hope it's the Chinese and that through the profits of this economy your all bitching about ... that they slingshot past main stream space dominance and dumbfound the world by being the first to colonize space. Now that would be awesome to see. I'm guessing it's non denomination run off planet but hey ... my tin foil hat needs a few upgrades before I can confirm such things.

Righto ... enough spamming for now.
Night night. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz again.

Wife is now sick ... I can hear the drums rolling regardless if it's me playing them or not. Sigh.

I'm sure its just the usual fatigue that she suffers with the MS. All the drama that's going on is taxing the best of us. I'm again questioning why I keep posting as I do - but pleased to say I'm doing OK hygiene wise and back out walking. I really hope I can sleep before midnight tonight. That's still been a struggle.

To be sure I am a head case.

Rang all the kids - as dispersed as they be. My daughter that ran off with the guy that's now in goal ... now claims she has new parents. The father is Transgender (more's the power to him) and the mother I am unsure of? Trying to keep positive is hard when it's always the medication talking. I have at least let her know I am thinking of her and will always be there for her. My youngest boy is still putting up with the racism, but tells me it's OK as she has many friends going through the same thing. My eldest boy who not long got out of prison himself ... I am pleased to say he has reintegrated well with his X and his two children. My daughter in the UK has us a little worried we losing her job and not being a citizen unable to get help locally .. we are helping her apply for some supper and mostly likely bank a little money.

Hmmmm what else .... My wife and I have a Skype conference re family court report - two days time for that. It all seems to be happening at once as we are also now home schooling the little one.

I have cut off a few of my supports as although I still figure there is a LOT of hype to this world drama, I'm not going to say that this new strain of whatever is not going to reach us. That said, I want nothing to do with the online main stream drama. That shit is starting to get to me despite me saying whatever. I hated people before this venture ... now I absolutely want fuck all to do with anyone that has nothing nice to say. I am way too super sensitive and the vibes outside are really starting to wane on me.

That's about it.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Life Goes On:
______________

... at least for now. I have an excellent night ride after my friend bought me a new light and I fitted an old rear light to my scooter.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Night night.

https://i.ibb.co/qMz5dSF/400lumen-USB-lights.jpg
https://i.ibb.co/X3hR0bp/A-Pair-od-OXOs-Out-About.jpg
https://i.ibb.co/R3s8XrX/Enlightened.jpg
https://i.ibb.co/vq5YqyM/Foresight.jpg

... continued from above ... ZZZZZZZzzzzz http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif
https://i.ibb.co/ryNz7d3/Rear-Light-Addon.jpg

Something to wall away the hours during lock down ... On Steam Now:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pSat_gLDXPc

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gCJvNEzPgeM&lc=z22aibaj5nvdcztsiacdp433qls t3vpocxzo3f025fpw03c 010c&app=desktop

I think he is more a spokesman giving into public pressure these days, but still has some good points.

Moving On ...
https://www.reddit.com/r/Steam/comme...na_steam_sale/

Coming out of the house just because you did 14 days means squat at this stage. You are just as likely to pick up, get sick and or end up becoming a carrier if you think you get some kind of free pass because you did 14 days. Try a world lock down with martial law for 6 months. Fuck your job, possessions and all that BS ... fuck all that shit and YES all my shit ... Alas ... we will just give in to the comfort way of living and keep spreading our toxicity whether is corona or just our pathetic way of being. eh ... what's that "unhelpful ..." you say. Excuse me while I drop to the floor and roll over a few times. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing...y-emoticon.gif

Have a fucking fabulous day all. :)

I have no idea what to beleive, but this was absolute fascinating to listen to. If your relying solely on main stream news, then of course you will recoil taking anything else in. Your basicaly fucked whether you catch the virus or not. Being open won't make you feel any less of a prisoner (in fact you'll not want to hear it because the truth can be too much for most) but it can make you feel somewhat free through the 'realization' of just how much we are all programmed like sheep. Choose to see the bigger picture whilst still making practical choices that don't see you end up being branded negatively. Although our self policing mentality will always see those disclosing truth demonized by those uncomfortable with anything counter to their investments ... monetary, psychically and psychologically. We all hooked in like ice addicts with our main stream living, denial and constant deception of self. Waking up to the truth either makes us or breaks us. I fear I am still broken ... but that's OK! It is as is and will always be as it will be. Cough Cough! But in places like here I will continue to exude as I must.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RAE8C0iEoRQ

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DHMDrhBREXU

I posted this in the main but will log in here as well for my own records and just add a note or two. :)

I figured since I mostly ware a tin foil hat, I would go the other extreme and share this video for those wanting to give a virtual bitch slap to those who think COVID-19 is nothing but media hype. I do think there is always an agenda associated with such epidemics, but don't deny the seriousness of COVID-19.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4J0d59dd-qM

Very interesting to say the least ... just like many of the tin foil hat videos that I regard in the same way I do this.

I find it more interesting how the world is responding locally and abroad. I do feel there is much in the works behind the scenes just as toxic as the virus. In fact not all tin foil hats disregard how deadly COVID-19 is. Moreover, many believe it's doing what it was designed to do. I personally don't feel browbeating people into submission will help just as I don't beleive beating people in India is going to work. In fact I think it makes it worse. The bigger picture is how such antic with our social classes and oppressive dealings makes many of us wish this world would come to an end. Alas ... finding hope in one's death need not be such a drag. That said, finding hope while one can still breathe is just as admirable. I ponder on the space in between and all that reside within that space.

I leave it at that for now. Who knows where this will lead.

Today I went out - I wonder how it is that we now judge each other for such things? Self policing is taking grip more than ever before. There is a huge negative energy taking place for all this love and light I am hearing from one or two I know personally. Personally? Hmmm It's hard not to go clinically depressed and well for me; insane ... BUT ... I'm hanging in there ... at least at a level that is good for me.

We are still permitted to go out - but rules are tightening up. There is a change currently taking place in the world that has nothing to do with the virus itself. That is quite concerning for many who don't even understand or sense such a thing.

I leave it at that for now. I do good to deflate the bitterness ... I think I am once again ... nearly all out.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzz

If your reading me from an objective place because we have never crossed each other or more so understand each other on whatever points - then I say to you
Stay Safe. Everyone suffers - I hope you and I ... do it well.

Trip to the cemetery with my grandson: He says poppy lives to infinity and Nanna lives to 200. I said I don't want to live to infinity. We spent most of the time doing math going from grave to grave - trying not to walk over the less obvious ones. It was a good trip - we also said hi to a few kangaroos. Excuse the MEME ... we had a more gentler discussion. I'll leave the brow beating to the doctor above. Does not work for me.

https://i.ibb.co/C50SGh0/Cemetary-Trip.jpg

Dram drama - we'll have to visit again soon. It was certainly an enlightening experience. Well what else has been happening? I got a few upgrades for my scooter. Still waiting on my ultralight hiking chair to get repaired. I sent it in just before the corona virus hit and now it looks like a got a lengthy weight. In fact I just broke away mid this post to email and politely request my chair back as it due to the special relationship I have with it. The frame only needed to be re-corded. The chair still works fine. In fact they are possible the best ultralight chairs in the world for what they are. Apparently their staffing is having issues re the corona virus. I sent it in just before things got worse.

Anyways - I can't wait to get my chair back whether it's re-corded on not. The only other thing to do is get myself setup with a GoPro camera that I have been planning on doing for years. First the idea was to video a couple of bike rides. Since I got my electric scooter, I figure it would be really cool to record some of those trips.

Boy oh boy ... ZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz really feeling it tonight.

Night folks ... stay safe! Good luck but do what you can do.

Well I got that GoPro I was pondering about. I asked my wife what she thought about the little clip I put together and have to agree, these little videos I make from time to time of the little fella a really hard to watch. We are so afraid that we might lose him to an ongoing court case that's been in the works for nearly six years now. It really has taken it's toll on us but not so much as to affect the intricacies of ensuring the little guy gets the help he needs. Despite having a very strong case, you just don't know with the courts. Anyways - I try not to think about it too much. He is a very special kid. Not just because of his lables but more so because of the sweet innocence that takes much longer to corrupt with autistic kids. There is a bliss to be had in being slow to catch on to the toxic way of our current evolution.

I watch this despite the fear because we both have a good time unwinding doing this kind of thing. His laughter is genuine. I still hug and cuddle him like he is 3. I could care less about those who use terms like helicopter parenting. That plays well into that toxic evolution I just mentioned. It's sad that many of today's parents are embarrassed of autistic kids. It helps to drop turn the camera away from your own face and focus it on something else.

Anyways - This was a feel good clip. I leave that feeling ride for a bit. :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_sfd2aC8kmU&feature=youtu.be

Praise be to Coronavirus! Personally, I don't think we have been impacted enough to make the so called difference; evolutionary step.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gcNwZdoFK3k

Calm Radio. Have you heard of it? I ended up subscribing. I came across it whilst out riding my scooter listening to Tune In Radio. I was constantly getting adds about CALM RADIO and whilst I have tuned myself out of listening to add - the calm nature of that advert finally had me go check out calmradio.com

I decided to mess about with a new video. Ended up recording my desktop audio for better sound, but will no doubt end up with a copyright infringement. Sigh - It really sucks how you cant just share snippets of the world these days. Hell, I have had copyright infringements just for a radio in the background. It's frigging ridiculous. Finally I don't have to make playlists. Some of the channels are good enough to just listen to four hours at a time. I can tell you since busting my shoulder with my recent scooter accident, that the calm radio app has defiantly slowed me down. I'm out longer and enjoying the scenery much more. A lot of guys into electric scooters do seemingly get caught up in the speed riding with full face helmets. OH YEA ...

My ultralight hiking chair has been fixed and will be out their door hopefully tomorrow and delivered in 8 to 10 days thereafter. Whilst I don't mind sitting on my scooter, leaning back in my dedicated chair at a few choice spots with calm radio playing will be just what I need. I know some good spots out of sight where out now self policing society will be less likely to see me doing my anti social thing. Truth is I have been social distancing for decades now. The only thing is though, I do require the ability to access small pockets of nature with *&%$ all people in it.

Cognitive wise I am still declining ... but that's OK ... It's hard dealing with people that inadvertently trigger me .. or don't realise just how difficult it is for me to understand fast pace talk with new instructions. People behind that counters don't realise just how robotic they have become. I'm so lucky to have support with I have important appointments. ATM I have an exemption re being outside with support workers. This whole thing about STAY THE FUCK @ HOME re the corona control thing is getting quite oppressive. I feel like when they pull out the temperature gauges without even explaining what they are doing, it's like they are pulling out a gun and pointing it at my head. So many sheep all lining up and then you get those you could not give to &^%#s. That kind of conflict really confuses me. I've seen people like those that have been going on Corona Holidays due to no work ... similarly just blatantly breaking laws. More loud music than usual, hoons racing up and down the street, people walking around with dogs off leash not giving a *&^% about their dogs licking other passer bys. SIGH ...

How to switch off to all that? That's the part of walking that I hate, despite walking being the best medicine of all. Is good I got my pushbike working again. I need a good medium between my scooting and walking. I'be put on a lot of weight but all things considered, I'm not going to beat myself up.

You know something ... I really miss not knowing stuff. Like I don't know shit really - but just saying is all. Miss the passion of wonder kind of thing. This world really is spent when it comes to finding things of worth. yadda yadda ... Of course world view really does come down to perspective. Number one reason I am so misunderstood. The whole classes/status thing only serves to compound that issue as well. In fact the latter facet is typically the straw that breaks the camels back to those that would otherwise identify.

Video still encoding ... I link that later on.

Wish I could be more upbeat. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz Don't like being down but then again, the fire in me just seems to be dying down naturally.

Night Night.

It will be 2am before I sleep. All good - Learning new things takes me longer these days. Many changed to my routine as well affects me like so. Anyways - Here's my laid back review on Calm Radio. Hopefully the fresh bedding I put on will help me sleep like a baby + some of the nature sounds from calm radio. I try again ... night night.
ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tmxyVnfC0U&t=1s

So - to follow up on another post I threw together in a scooter forum. I basically came up with the following image that accounts for all my record keeping over 21 Charge Cycles of my scooters battery. The last thing I want to happen whilst I am many kilometers from home is to have to do the scooter walk of shame. LOL - Whilst I could kick scoot on it, mine is up high being on off road scooter, so it's not really that ergonomic for doing so. I would feel like a clown having to do that. Whilst 21 charge cycles divided by the ODO (955KM) comes in under my 60KM average ... not all my charge cycles were full charges. A number of them were only top ups. I also had sessions where I was speed testing (including my accident!!!) and do a lot intense hill climbs.

That said - I am pretty confident now that based on a full charge cycle gong from 68V down to 52V I can whilst in the variables as outline in the following image do a max of 60+ km ... and when not wishing to fully deplete but leave a little in the tank when charging (which is the recommended method [bar one fully drained session every 20 - 30 cycles) I will on average get between 55 to 60km which is fine by me. You never beleive the stats given on the web sites. The stats for mine is 100km to 110km based on a maximum of 70kg on perfectly flat road with now stopping, wind and on so. Not real world stats. At anyrate .. this is how I have thus far avoided the walk of shame. TOUCH WOOD! I am sure that manufacturers will soon release smart gauges. That said, there as many variables with electric transports.

A summery of my records based on the above and following stats:
https://i.ibb.co/yksh4vH/Fuel-Gauge.jpg

Enough said ...

https://i.ibb.co/vX4Cx2R/Night-Ride-01.jpg

The news on my shoulder is not good. I have a 3rd degree torn ligament in my shoulder. Something about the scapular and clavicle. I don't remember the details other than its already been 5 weeks and things are not looking good. I think this one is going to need surgery. I can still move around, I'm just in mild pain and then severe whenever I try and lift anything. The comfort eating has gotten out of hand. I really need to get a grip. Not being able to exercise as I normally do to keep myself regulated is starting to get to me. The trouble is I tend to push through things which I should probably not ... however I do need to keep moving. I think I will have to start using the mini tramp more than anything else.

Yadda yadda ... the media is pumping out more fear than ever before with all kinds of threats for people leaving their homes. I think walking around the block or even riding a bike is still aloud. I'll be gently going on my scooter as pushing down on my bicycle adds too much weight on my shoulder compared to just standing up. That said, I'll probably get arrested having to explain to the power monger cops how I rate an electric scooter as out and about head space exercise. This world gets more oppressive by the minute.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Despite the shoulder, I really need to do something about this weight gain. It's a combination of the pain, resultant comfort eating and this damn depression re Isolation and a world going insane. Half my problem these days with exercise is remembering the moves so I came up with the following after ripping a youtube video. I'll just have to go gently into the night on this one. Boune nice and slow. Tuesday after the Easter break I will contact private specialist to set up appointment and get a quote. Seems my mother might come to the rescue again. If not - I'll have to wait a long time I suppose - BUT living a sedentary life is going to kill me. I am very luck I bought myself a high end mini tramp when I did. It's really good for just bouncing on softly before bed let alone using to go full pelt.

https://i.ibb.co/bgtHjkn/Mini-Tramp-...ed-Chart-2.gif
Whatever works ...right? ;)

They are now opening call centers to deal with all the neighbours dobbing each other in. Go figure. On that note, I am heading out the door for some exercise ... also going to cross 'paths' with a friend. DEAL WITH IT!!!

Fucking Puppets ... and so easily strung.

I only listen to the trees and sun! I fucking hate people more now than I did before being pensioned off. I hope this world gets what it deserves.

Happy Easter Everyone. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/rude/1/middle-finger-2.gif

How's the shaming and blaming going? Seems to be rife out on the street minus those who go to the other extreme and pretend they don't give two fucks; myself included. (Don't want to be a hypocrite now) Seems to only be the comfortable ones that can claim fame to any sense of stability - but that's nothing knew. It goes without saying I got a few filthy looks but then there where also a few smiles, but mostly form others out doing their own thing similar to me. I am actually enjoying the reduction in noise ... hustle and bustle - but not this new Nazi regime. I really hope it lasts a LONG time. People are quick to forget once the comfort comes back. I guess in that respect nothing is new. People are and have always been assholes. In fact if I think about it like that, it kind of takes the sting out of this epidemic of finger pointing that's going on. Yep sir re - people are ass holes through and through. That's how we are all connected my little blue ass angelic friends. hahahaaaa ... seriously

Best get back to playing games and then later jumping on my tramp like a blue ass fly myself.

Love and light peeps - Keep up the bitching and moaning. You making those in power proud. ;)

This is what a torn shoulder ligament looks like. The separation between the joints is getting worse and thus far with no operation in site it's quite depressing ... Grrrrrrrr. Sadly they are not operating in the public system unless life threatening. The longer I leave this, the more permanently disabled that joint is going to be and the pain I am going through atm really sucks! This was really bad timing with all the shit going on about now. Oh well ... I try and keep my spirits up with Easter over tomorrow I should be able to start with some phone calls. I fear the longer this is left, the more they will have to pull upon a ligament from my neck. I really don't know ... but can't wait to ask as if you don't they rarely tell you that kind of thing.

https://i.ibb.co/kDqw1Nb/Torn-Shoulder-Ligament.jpg

WOW - it will be 3AM soon. I just had to finish my little video production of a 16+KM scooter ride condensed into 16 minutes. I have waited so long for a camera that can record my rides. The video quality is not so good in low light, but the stabilization is pretty good all things considered. I was limited via copyright music but I think I pulled it off for a low end user like myself. I really should be taking a break from the scooter but just could not help it as I have been waiting so long for the GoPro mounts. I just had to test it out. Cool, half way rendered. This should do go down nicely with the scooter group.

On another note - I found a really great video to help me sleep. I will for sure be using that shortly. I'll just text link that one:
Gentle Rain Sounds Rolling Thunder Sounds Black Screen Sleep Meditation Relaxing Rainfall

Video is up ... although SD until online catches up.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3BJ2Jt8YTjk

Well that was therapeutic. Now whilst I got some encouragement, the trolling in the FB group was too much for me. That's another social media group I am better off without. It's because of the way we humans tear each other down and the way in which we are conditioned like so with all this emphasis on validation that I have taken all that BS off on most of my videos these days. I'm not going to stop making the scooter vids/vids but I am getting choosy with where I share them and what control I give people to trolling them. Now I am no angel and can get pretty damn nasty myself - BUT - I generally do it in my own space and regret the moment I shit in someone else's nest. Kama has a way of quickly sorting that one out. I ponder to think how the phrase ' you don't shit where you eat ' get's taken out of context or can be a double edge sword when taken to mean you don't take on your own pain but dump it elsewhere. That's how we end up with so much shit in our streets. Mostly on the faces of others as they make their way grinding the mill. Social media then becomes the platform where they then hate on others.

The big question is - am I done hating on others? Hmmmmmm. Well I think it's clear to me how I feel when I say, "I think I nailed how I would rather feel being what I captured in my last video." I just need to make more of those moments and also enjoy the moment whilst making them.

MY CHAIR arrived back from the factory with all the elastic brand new. I have to start sitting outside under the trees in that some more. Stop a lot more on my scooter and stop longer. It really is not about racing from beginning to end but the moments in between. I guess smashing my shoulder like I have has had a positive impact.

The private specialist/secretary has helped to set up an MRI and another in-depth X-ray for the end of this week. It's hard not to be down about the torn ligament. Whilst the ride was not too stressful I can't pick up anything more than 5kgs which is really annoying ... especially not being able to pick up my grandson. Soon I will have to start baring the load of my wife as her MS progresses. Already help with the bath tub from time to time. Oh boy - this COVID19 thing has everything on hold ... even the private operations. I'm just going to have to keep taking it easy and hope my neck does not get involved. I am thankful the private doctor is going to bulk bill my appointments and I just have to pay for reports is all. That is helpful. Even if my mum can't help (I don't expect it) ... however I am lucky my mother is so willing and is able has she has been to have helped all these years. Whilst we fell out re my brothers untimely death ... I will miss her dearly. I already do as we live so far away from each other and despite having issues, I do have a lot of responsibility that holds me back. We already talked about the fact I wont' be doing any funerals, although that is more to do with my own issues re being around people. What we do now is what counts. I do like digital media for keep in touch with family ... but that's about it. This forum has severed me well too. Has come down to me though ... being constant and using the space as I best now how.

AWESOME ... I got to say that
Thunder and Rain Sounds Black Screen for Sleep Relaxation Rest and Meditation Thunderstorm Sound
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=htls-6Mjp8Y
... is just the ticket. It's been the best ever to help me sleep. 7 to 8:30 minute mark .. nice rolling effect!!!
I am downloading the full 10 hours so I can play in the background on a different app other than my phones browser. I've just been using a cheap ass Bluetooth speak not much bigger than a gopro. I think tonight I set up something a little better speaker wise.

might wind down now I thinks ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzz 4 minutes to go on that download ;)

Night Night.

Have appointments re my shoulder tomorrow. They take your temperature before allowing you to come in. I'm sure I will pass the Covid19 Test. :) My scooter mirrors arrived today. Whilst we have laws that prohibt riding electic scooters on the main roads, the mirrors do come in very handy for the residential roads as well as those moments I choose to cross over without a designated crossing present. The view is clean and crisp. To be sure the whole concept of these scooters are still alien to the place I am living in. The fact I have a high end version of the product only makes it seem more alien. The trouble with that is how people are resistant to accept new things. Some people are cool however. Since getting the mirrors I see more people smiling ... perhaps laughing. lol ... many envious no doubt. Once you realise just how much weight these thing can carry and just how far the can go on one charge ... well it all starts to make perfect sense. I just can't get over the terrain this thing will go - everything bar sand pools of mud.

I've been in a foul mood of late but something about it feels healthy. Doing my best to make sure I don't upset others in my immediate surroundings. I'm just over people. I can smile at those who smile in return, but I don't go out of my way to pretend. Although that said, I do make the effort to smile when not feeling it ... to avoid falling down into a pit of despair. Not always, but do admit doing so helps. It's been like I have been letting of much needed steam and working out why it is that I just don't fit in with main stream. That for me, it's not really a requirement that is needed.

Time for some youtube then bed. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zz PS - Those recorded storms are really helping me sleep.

Handle bar extensions and phone holder yet to come. Not sure I will go the Bluetooth speakers that many bling bling users are using. I will however put on a front scooter bag so I can keep my current backpack small and light - or just simply carry more stuff.




https://i.ibb.co/ftpFBbw/mirrors3.jpg

https://i.ibb.co/fSMFDhm/Mirrors2.jpg

night night...

This was a good watch ... so true ... NOW I TRY SLEEP :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7QAInsadnhM

I do care about people who suffer because of other people. Even the one's I detest, but my heart is mostly with those who can't speak. : ( The conveyor belt treatment at radiology was absolutely disgusting. I was a stuttering mess and all my concerns were completely ignored/dismissed ... with the nurse picking up from the last question (again without any acknowledgment of what I just said) then going straight onto a barrage of questions without any explanations. I stood my ground and told her the way she and others treated vulnerable people was inhumane. One of the patients whom the nurse warmed up to for social compliance sake started laughing at my defensive take on the BS Process. This is why I can't allow myself to die in a hospital. I will crawl out and die in the gutter if I have to.

Man oh man ... it does not help that I am losing control and those that want it so bad treat humans like garbage in order to have it. Suicide idealization has been quite high for me of late, however not so bad that I am a threat to myself or others. I'm just acknowledge how lonely and pointless the existence can feel at times. The amount of tug of war and fighting for ones so called rights just wares you down. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I managed to touch base with my new Malaysian friend online today. That was a really positive session. I also had a good talk with my scooter friend who is also going through hard times himself. Most of my struggles is dealing with the public health care conveyor belt. Actually the private ones can be just as bad as it all just comes to do money in the end, not human compassion. The latter is such BS in today's terms.

Sigh ... 1st time I took endome in weeks re my shoulder pain. I don't want to be making a habit of that shit. The above guy actually touched on that in his speech.

Regardless of the addictive nature and or dogma/rigid compulsion to staying rutting in negative behavior patterns ... I really don't like being entrenched like so. Thankfully I still have a couple of friends.

At least the scans are out of the way ... private doctor appointment this coming Thursday.

God damn it ... I bit my tongue the other day and its taking ages to heal ... feels like I got glass stuck in it. what else can go wrong ... Smiles ...

Although my shoulder hurts ... I can still ride my scooter and that yet has not gotten old. Just need to find things to do that make me happy once I can find the energy. That video was cool to make. I could try doing another some time in the near future.

Again ... I don't like being an asshole. I don't think anyone does. It's just an addiction like anything else. Here's to all us assholes breaking the habbit.

Stay Safe! Regardless of COVID WTFE ...

Night night .... ZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Tonights intetesting watch:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYexFRUoGww

Why I no longer play into the climate change band wagon:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3PrY7nFbwAY&t=907s&app=desktop

The world is a stage. Here is my latest act ... although It's rather serious stuff that is tiring me out. This just reflect the hard times I end up having when going to appointments without support. People don't take my challenges seriously. They think I am just trying to be difficult. This letter does not cover the overwhelming triggers - but it's enough for me to make a point what happens to me when people do not listen to me. I'm sick of having to explain with labels but that is another story. This one is about my latest trip to radiology:
__________________________________________________ __________________________________________________ __________
To the manger,

I want to explain about two instances that I had anxiety attacks with the processing your staff were putting me through and also how I feel that my concerns where dismissed and put back on me.
I suffer ‘mild autism’ although there is nothing mild about my symptoms. The term mild only differentiates me from others suffers with stronger autism who can barely talk. There are times when my symptoms because intense enough that I do struggle to communicate. I believe this is what happened when I frequented your place of business but sadly the people dealing with me would not take the time to understand my explanations as to why I was struggling with the processes.

The first time was simply the speed at which the staff were talking. Please understand that for someone with autism, this can be extremely overwhelming. As well as suffering that condition, I am also partially deaf and suffer a number of other psychiatric conditions that have lead me to being pensioned off and also supported via the National Disability Insurance Scheme were I am typically supported for such visits.

I try to make this quick and apologize that I struggle to be concise. I don’t want this to all be about my labels as when I try to explain from that perspective, it’s easy for others to simply blame me and my resulting anxiety. Allow me to quickly make my own incident report and leave it at that with a final request. The following is just to give my side of the story so you can understand how the behavior of your own staff can exacerbate me, but also to show how your staff could learn to slow down and allow space and time for patients that need it.
_____________________________________________
Incident Report:
On my last visit I again struggle with the barrage of questions before being called in. When I got to the tiny change room, I started to feel very claustrophobic even though I said I was not to one of the questions. (I often get things mixed up and do not answer correctly when anxious) I ask the lady to stand back as she was standing right on top of me with her arm held out telling me in a rough voice to step in and put the robe on. I did not like her proximity to the tiny change room, her body language and nor her tone. I asked her to stand back and further said I would then only then move in to get dressed. The lady just stood there without changing her stance and repeated her instruction for me to get dressed. From that moment on … I was super triggered. I was stuttering and reverted to explaining that the way she was treating me was not right. She then stood back and disappeared.

When she came back, I tried to explain that she was rushing me and not giving me enough space. Although by this stage I was feeling very frustrated, stuttering and shaking – I checked myself and said “I am trying to make an effort to be calm here, could you please do the same yourself”

All she could say was “Put the robe on the front!” Again, in the very terse voice completely ignoring my concerns. I had issues putting that robe on but more issues later on.

Please understand that I am all flustered at this stage having a full-on anxiety attack. I tried to explain my plight with my challenges – but she was very rude to me and unwilling to see that I was struggling. Not one ounce of empathy. Just a barrage of militant like stances and instructions. People with ASD/PTSD/GAD and so on do not respond well to being pressurized like so. IN fact, it makes things worse. She was basically using that tone and standing over me all the way through. Until I started getting up and down from the MIR machine not knowing what to do. By this stage I was full blow in anxiety mode. It’s like when I am not sure what I am looking for in the pantry cupboard and start innovatory shaking my head and hand as it in some kind of trance. That is how it was when I got up from the MRI, went back to lay down, then got back up no knowing what to do. Only then did your staff member start to back off with her forceful tone and stance. I was doing my best to be compliant whilst having a genuine anxiety attack. Nobody wanted to say anything about that. As she try to position things and instruct me, I was bouncing around all over the place doing my best to comply.
It was just previous to this that this MRI nurse called over another staff member for her own support. This made me feel worse. I was not threatening anyone but her actions to have someone else come in made it feel like I was threatening her well being. That staff member was not there to make me feel more at ease. I was having a very hard time dealing with the overwhelming instructions and most of all what I felt was overbearing antics of this nurse. Her response to my panic attacks we to “Hurry up, I have other patients”
Constantly my concerns about not understanding what was going on, was ignored where the nurse would just continue with the next question and instruction as if she never heard me. That was extremely belittling. On the way out as she broke contact with me, she said something to another patient where laughter filled the corridor. I was extremely humiliated. That said I was remorseful not only for my own lack of control to better explain myself, but more so for the sense of guilt that was put back on my by that attending MRI nurse though every stage of that process.

That is my version of events … it was much the same the first time around. No understanding of my disability or attempt to understand my inability to comply with such a rushed process. In fact the staff response in my opinion was more abusive than her or the other staff members allegations of my own responses.
__________________________________________________ _

I have a solution. Would you please allow me to bring my NDIS support worker who normally comes to appointments with me? It just so happened the last few times I was unable to organize things on time.

I don’t want to be a burden and I certainly don’t think it was all me in both those instances that was causing all the anxiety. I feel everyone should learn from such unfortunate happenings.

I find when I have an NDIS funded support worker with me, that I am treated more respectfully and in turn myself am more respectful. People tend to take my disabilities more as genuine. I have all the necessary paper work to validate my conditions and again, have been warranted a disability pension and the NDIS funding for support. I was not trying to be difficult.

Now that this has been fully explained … may I please bring my NDIS support worker next time. I really do believe things will go a lot smoother. This email is not about accepting responsibility of doing wrong. It’s simply about acknowledging all sides and seeking a solution.

Regretfully and respectfully
Mr ****** *******
PS – I have CCD this to my NDIS Coordinator & Supports so she/they can further validate my supports and advocate for me if necessary.

Tania – I think I am going to need help with this. I will need to continue using this service and will be unable to do so without support. Could you please also contact Management on my behalf to perhaps make your own recommendation as well? Thank you. I really don’t like being the way I am. I really tried very hard to hold it together. This broke me down when I got home and spoke to my wife about what happened. I also spoke with Ben. You are welcome to call Ben and he can also explain how I was on that day after that Radiology visit. Whilst I feel I have a legitimate complaint, all I want is to be able to go back to this service and not have that nurse pin this all on me.

Thank you for your time ****** & ******.

Much appreciated.
David.