Well then, just won $25 on a lotto ticket..but, that's weird because I never win!!
Omg..ok, what's going to happen now a car slide off the road and come through my living room!!!!...
waiting, waiting, waiting.....tic toc :)
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Well then, just won $25 on a lotto ticket..but, that's weird because I never win!!
Omg..ok, what's going to happen now a car slide off the road and come through my living room!!!!...
waiting, waiting, waiting.....tic toc :)
Well Happy Saturday to you.
It was quiet, for 8 minutes. Until, my oldest drug addict daughter arrived to dispense her drama and stories upon thee..LMAO!
I now have a name, which lead me to four other names..I like to eradicate thugs from my streets and may soon be coming to a town near you. Look for my Tour Bus.
It'll say "Street Sweeper" on the side of it, in giant letters and it'll be shaped like a vehicle from the movie Mad Max.
I will protect my young (even though they act as fools) like Denzel protected The Book of Eli.
What names you ask?..What's the BFD?
A drug ring.....I'm takin em down.
Why? Because I believe in maturity when we reach adulthood, if they fail and continue to create havoc and misery, then I see fit to force reform.
If they're a productive member of our society, they're safe. If they're still a juvenile, they're safe. An adult menace to our society, Invasion of a Body Snatcher.
They won't even know what happened, how, or who, and will spend a lifetime wondering...they'll never know.
Fear of the unknown, will infect them from the insides for a lifetime.
That makes me all warm and fuzzy inside to be so complimentary...HAHA!
Not only will it keep my kids safe, it may just keep your kids safe too..even though you're not my neighbor.
With the help of two informants, that don't even know they're informing,..my (2) daughters.
Interesting. Intriguing. Involved. Intense.
Ah, just another day in the life of a Watcher...
Spooky, creepy, erie, disturbing...but I love it.
My anxiety?
Addicted to Chaos..it soothes and comforts me.
Holy s**t where's my anti-psychotic meds MAAA!!! The meatloaf!! The meds!!! F**K!!!!....
Have a great weekend sisters and brothers, mine just even better than a lotto win.
Enduring Man. :D
That was almost poetry Eman! You should write poetry. I would read it.
LMAO!! Whenever I get into that weird "zone" words seem foreign to me! But I'm typing the friggin things, tappin these keys...it's like a different dimension. I guess if I can share anything about who I am it is that I'm multi-dimensional with multiple personalities, as if that may be obvious bruh? It's hard to conceal..
My Doctor's (a bunch of them) say I should write a book. I am still not sure about catagory however because it would appear as Sci-Fi, Drama, Poetry, Novel, History, Fictional, Non-fictional, Humor, How to, Ethics and Moral philosophy, Crime and mystery,,... so they say I have to narrow it down to (1)....Idiots! They seem to have great difficulty in "expanding their minds". They're disparaging at times...Hilarious!!
How hard is that going to be??!!!!!.....
Hope's for our success today Lee!
Are you going all in with that $25 on the next draw? You know what they say about hot streaks ;)
Funny you should say that Jesse,....because
I just got a check in the mail for $1023.00 BECAUSE I OVERPAID MY DOCTOR!!! lmao!!!
Weird shit happening over here in the E-Man household bruh....
Everything is starting to come together, because I have fought the best fight for 18 fuggin months!! (or 46 years but who's counting)...YAY!!!
I will have to continue though friend, life would be dull and drab....:)
$1048 all in on the next draw it is man ;)
Your lucks turning! Go with the hot hand!!
BHAAAHA!!! OK!!! $1000 worth of lotto tickets it is then!!! Goin with your advice bruh,...I sure hope yer right! YEAH! :D
I instead purchased $11 worth of lotto tickets. Fail. Oh well!!
My youngest daughter called me too, on my cell phone, yet no one is allowed to have that number. Not sure how she got it...hmmm
Wanted me to rent her and her friends a hotel room to party in. NO WAY! Not in my damn name..Oh but why Da DA?....
I tried to explain: Because when I was your age, we trashed them and whoever's name they were in, got the bill for damages!!! BYE!!!
Then I turned my phone off...ahhhh peace and tranquility. (merely temporary i'm sure).
Try to keep moving forward friends....:)
The same reason why I like to meet the guys my girls date. "Because I was a teenage boy once." Ha!
Click over and read what I did today that was "positive"....Those are the boys that (supposedly) my youngest daughter has been seen with...
Everyone of the boys that either of my daughters ever brought in here, reminded me of me..Yet, I know that they aren't capable of "maintaining" just by looking at them.
Just like their mother didn't want me to meet her parents, because I had tattoos...whooooaaa.. LOL!!!
Enduronman, I have a lot of experience in treating young, blonde, rebellious, way wood daughters. For my method to work, I need you to provide me with the following:
- A sharp 'Frank Sinatra' style suit
- The names of these two naughty girls who need sorting
- An address I can pick them up at
- A few bottles of Jack Daniels
- A hotel suite with a King sized bed, and 3 tickets to Vegas
I look forward to your reply, and arranging a way to get these things to me!
BHAAAHA!!
1. They are both blonde, rebellious, wayword, and as our Doc told me, "They're like lion cubs"....They will eat you alive, without ketchup!
2. If you played a Frank Sinatra cd aloud, they would beat you to within an inch of your life...they're more Drake.
3. They are CC, and Lil C.. since I am Chris.
4. They are into "hypnotic" whatever the hell that is..My youngest, asked me for some money to get some last night....I said "No you ^^^&$@#88 #%%%#*(99 %^$&^"
5. Lil C said only if the bed is on top the roof of the Bellagio and you aren't afraid to steal a police car and a tiger...LMAO!!!
Needless to say, you'd be missing more than a lateral incisor when they are finished with you! (Remember, they are Viking offspring brotha Jesse)....
If you recall, my 17 yr old came in here last weekend and asked me if I had a knife she could borrow? Whut?? Hell no!!
She said well what about this wooden club? Ok, yeah take that because at least you won't end up in prison...Ok Dad thanks!...grrrrrr....
She was going to hunt down (3) 18 to 20 yr old MEN to beat the shit out of them!!! And, she can.. so proud :/
PM me your mailing address and I'll pack you up some good ole American supplements (as long as your customs don't keep it for themselves) for Christmas!!
Have a good day bruh, I'm going Christmas shopping in a few before the crowds arrive and take the 3 mini computers I want!
E-Man..:)
Haha
What is it with your young American girls these days and their hip hop lifestyles. *Begins to light a pipe and smoke it* Back was I was wee nipper, girls used to like a man with a job, who held doors open and respected their parents.
Now it's all about the twerking, and derking, and whatever the heck else these young people like to erk on.
*Takes slippers off, and reclines back into the chair* Ahh that feels good.... And don't get me started on their iPhones, and the sexbox games all the kids seem to play on. What happened to calling a person? Back in my day, it was a pleasure to be called from downstairs by mum, telling me I had a phone call.
*Offers Lil C a hard mint sucking candy, and sucks on one myself* But the world she's always a changing I suppose. Good on them i say. I suppose I'm just a grey haired old coot. Ah to be young! I should have known I was getting old when all the noises I used to make during sex, I now make getting out of bed.
LMAO!!!
You twerk and derk on the threshold of philosopical theology! What are you like 25 yrs old??!!!! BAAAHAA!!!
Serious, I'll send ya a pro-hormone bottle as long as it's legal over there? Gimme an address d**k!!! Don't worry, I didn't take your advice and buy $1000 worth of lotto, only $11....so I'm chill. HAAAHA!!! (I lost). Imagine that?
Oh yeah, Lil C called me lastnight to "rent her a hotel room" in my name...f**k that idea C!!! ahhh cmon Dad..... No. :)
Like 24 and a half, yeah :p... Fun playing old man though. I'm practicing with birds on my lawn for when old age arrives 'Hey, hey you... Get the hell of my front lawn'
At least you're up on the week! Won $25, lost $11... Carry that on for the next couple years, and it's all gooood!
P.s. Alright bro, I'll PM you my address. Appreciate that! Gonna be awesome to try some of your Yankee Doodle Americano supplements!!!
Ok! I will send some stuff over the giant pond.. LOL!
Do you get DHEA instead over there? I wanna try that shit, but can't get it here, it's sold out where I look. It sounds good though.
Hell yes, I am going to get you some now. Plus I've already got (3) other supps unopened bottled and ready to box up now. (kickin amino acids for those of us that have brain chemical imbalances/assisted by amino acid imbalances)....so, we'll balance them out. :)
You got any fam over there that has joint pains???..I can send a supp for that too..:D
My dad's 70, he doesn't take much for joint stuff, other than seven seas though!
Sunday...
1. Went out to get 3 tablets (computer of course) for the kids.
2. There is NEVER anybody there, until......this morning.
3. They are releasing the Xbox ONE...OMGAWWDDDDD!!! YAY!!! F**K!!!!
4. There's 40 people in front of me, and I don't even want a f**kin Xbox 1....
5. I go to the service desk to see if they can just order them, NOOOOO>>>>>their f**kin kiosk is down...
6. AND.....I left my new f**kin Carhart hat on their damn counter!!!!....
7. BUT, I did get all this shit for that crazy ass Londen'er up yonder..I'll have that limp biscuit muther f**ker in tip top shape in no time...
Yippee....:)
Where's my cocaine at.
E-Man. :)
Shit, I got all excited when you said you got gifts for a Londoner, but then I read the part about him being 'crazy' and thought, damn man, can't be me ;) ;)
I haven't done an ounce of Christmas shopping yet bro. I can't face it. I literally can't face it. To get to my mall I have to walk through the park. The park is so serene and peaceful, I just think nah, I'm not feeling that mall, and go get a milkshake instead!
I don't even know what it's like out there right now! I imagine it to be like some zombie apocalypse with things tipped everywhere and people knocking each other over!!
Did you get your hat back? This is karma bro... It's read your file and is sending you a memo 'Dear Eman, we've noticed an error. we've sent you too much luck by mistake. Please note we'll be coming to collect it as of today.' :D!
Lmao!!!
I called the store, I left it on the counter and they have it for me. How nice, a bag with a hat in it marked Chris...gawd
I also just went over to another store that opened at 9 and I had no idea what to expect. I pulled in, not (1) other car.
Got inside and two people greeted me. Had the whole store to myself!...weird....
Told them what I wanted, right here sir (sir, maybe they saw the two 9's lol!)...Yes, I want all 3 of those! Last ones, cost me $2 more than the other store but f**k that shit I'm not standing in some damn line for an hour for $6. Kiss my American a**!....
Pretty awesome little machines too, high ratings, affordable (for a disabled guy) and the kids will love it! (22,17,15,..not really kids but still)...
I can not however, wrap worth a shit...I admit my faults.
We're gonna get you outta that damn house by Christmas too..not sure how long it'll take to send this over.
And considering, I'll be writing out yer f**kin address for an hour and forty six minutes, it may take abit longer.
Oh, they asked what's in the box? I told them it's a brick of Columbian Bam Bam, or Lucky Charms, whichever is more legal to send to Scotland Yard...:D
I can take the crowds. What I hate is the traffic. Especially when you get someone in front of you who has to make a left turn (American roads), but does not if there are any cars in sight in either direction. Grrrrrrrrrr!!!!
I still hate traffic myself, always will probably except if we're moving. Stuck, stopped, sitting,..holy s**t!!! I love the interstate driving here though, 90 mph man!!! Hey Jesse what's the speed limits over there if there are any???...And what kind of cars does everyone drive??...jus curious... :)
Interstates where I live are STUPID. I live on what is called the Virginia peninsula. There are six ways to get off of this peninsula, and only two of them take you inland toward the interstate 95, which is the main artery for driving up and down the east coast. One of these two routes is an interstate and the other is a state highway with towns and stoplights. The interstate is only four lanes (two lanes in either direction). And where I live is the ONLY deep water port on the east coast, so all of the super-size sea-land container ships that service the eastern USA come into our port, and tha vast majority of that truck traffic uses that one four lane interstate, along with all of the tourist traffic for Virginia Beach (coastal resort town) and Williamsburg, Yorktown, and Jamestown (all historical settlements). Then. on top of all of this, 80% of the people on the interstate drive in the LEFT LANE! There are signs that say "Left Lane For Passing Only." We even have a law that says that you are supposed to move over to the right lane if someone moving faster than you comes up on your tail and flashes their lights, regardless of what the speed limit is. But we get these people who take it upon themselves to be the "traffic moderator" and sit in the left lane pacing the cars in the right lane next to them and back all of the traffic up.Quote:
Originally Posted by Enduronman
So, no, I don't like interstate driving around here. LOL
Traffic here is so annoying. The roads are too small, and cars can park and travel and park on both sides. Often to pass a car, you have to reverse into a gap, let it pass, come out, and do it again a few metres up the road. *Facepalm*
Speed limit here is 70mph. You can get away with 80 usually.
... It all depends on how fast the horse can pull your carriage ;)
Not very interesting or appealing..
My Dad brought me over a cane to help get me up and out of chairs and such.
Feeling a little bit, indifferent at the moment but it'll wear off.
It was his Grandmothers, Mothers, his, now..hmmm....weird.
Think I'll personalize it with some chrome and pinstripes, or maybe just restain it cherry. yeah..
Strange feeling regardless, part of life, and don't say "yer gettin old E-Man!"....grrrr...
:)
File the bottom into a sharp point, and use it to prod the terrible two :D
I did have the thought of turning it into one of those cane/rifles as was common in England in the 1800's...that would be my best defense against those two, especially the youngest...geeze!
hmmm...
1. One of our other members really opened my eyes, and yes it was his intention to do so. Therapeutic.
2. Getting real tired of this morning congestion and sneezing, but that's to be expected when it appears that I'm living in Antarctica outside.
3. My oldest daughter (addict) did NOT make it to the eye Dr appointment that I had made for her...grrrr...she makes things difficult. Shit!!!!
4. My youngest daughter WILL be woken up at exactly 10am to begin online schooling. I have set 2 GIANT Cerwin Vega speakers at her door and am ready to push this button...just trying to figure out the most annoying tune for her. And, I have taped 6 tacks to the snooze button on her alarm clock, she will GTFU!
5. Gotta get up to the post office to see how much a shipment of some cocaine, weed, and meth is going to cost me, to London.
6. Had to give myself a shot in the stomach again lastnight, I hope that doesn't continue to seem so "alien" to me to do that..
7. Hoping for a great week for myself, and all of you too!
8. Got all my Christmas shopping done in 5 mins..
9. Looking forward to Christmas and to also get to see my 15 yr old, 6' tall son...geeze. WTF do they feed him???
10. hmmm...Yes, make some calls today to sell some more of these damn tools. I want more money!
Make this day a great day!
E-Man...:)
When I read this thread, it reminds me of an agony aunt column. Only all the problems are from the same person. And the agony aunt has probably long since shot herself due to the stress of having to solve them.
Very amusing though, in a 'you either laugh or kill somebody' kind of way!
Much credit to you for finding the humour!
Brotha Jesse,
If you'd learned anything about this dumbass E-Bert-Man, it is that I MUST find humor in disasters, it's the only thing that prevents the 'laugh or kill' syndrome that I suffer from...LMAO!!
I did a couple of good things today already (as brother Dave suggested, small, from the hip, goals) and no they didn't involve a 9mm.
I let some people cut in front of me at the grocery, they were holding their shit, I had a cart...then, the poinsettia rang up wrong!! FLOWER CHECK ISLE 2!!! grrrr.....
But, I maintained even though I was 1 second away from saying HERE'S THE F**KIN $1!!!!....I kept my cool..breathe...
Then while at said store, I bought 2 giant half hams for gifts, to give to needy people. I know a guy that has 5 kids and 4 grandkids living in his fuggin house! (I admire his stamina, will power, patience, and what the f**k ever else it would take to deal with that..the grandbaby's are all in diapers)...and he bust his ass working everyday for them.
His kids, IDK...not all that "ambitious" as far as I can tell except one is a workaholic...she's 20.
I took them one over, his wife must have thought I was in law enforcement or something because she wouldn't answer the door until he answered her call...(maybe it's the dark Matrix sunglasses, black hat, black wool coat, black leather gloves, robotic like walk because my knees and ankles are bad and I can't turn my head well..maybe she thought I was a Cyborg..(BAAHA!) and I don't look all that fluffy and friendly although I am)...
Just trying to figure out what to do with this other one, it makes me "feel" good inside..hope I don't get punished for my good deeds.
The post office was jammed with a line going out the damn doors, so I drove by, honked, and yelled Merry Christmas A**holes!!! LOL!! (I will go back after noon)....
I still CAN NOT stand in a line, twitling my w**nus..or thumbs. whichever seems more appropriate at thus time.
Very amusing bruh?..
Yes, I'd say!!!!....laughing while in hell, doesn't get anymore difficult than that!!! HAAAHA!!
Oh the agony!!!...WAAAHH WAAH!!! help...
Column continuation will follow shortly.
Lil C is in my bottle of caffeine pills,..I SEE YOU!!! GTFO OF THEM!!!
xoxo...:D
Almost forgot,
When I get to the post office, I am going to say aloud that "I would like to see how much this cost to send into the remote areas of Uzbekistan, but I don't have an address only coordinates lat & lon, and a name of Mr. DoughBoy. It must be air dropped. How much?"....
I'm being serious...
Laugh out loud at the above posts. Laugh out fucking loud.
A unique and inspiring philosophy bro. Laugh out loud funny. The tragedy and comedy in life summed up in a way only the big E can.
I can't remember who said 'God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh'... Doesn't matter who it was, I just have a feeling somewhere up in those clouds the big guys looking down saying 'Finally!!! A guy who gets my humour!!!'
I'm also digging the adventures of lil C... Seriously! It's one of those things I can enjoy, what with her being someone else's responsibility, and me living an ocean away in safety :D
HAAHA!!!
I love making others laugh, at my expense, because it's "fulfilling"...:)
PS: This dang box full of stuff is still sitting here! I went AGAIN to the post office, and of course, there are 3000 people standing in line!!
Shit I wonder if maybe Santa Claus is in there now, catering to adults now!!!.. OMG!
I may have to ship it after Christmas...because (let's use this analogy) me standing in a long line, or standing period, would be like setting a double cheeseburger on a dog's nose, and telling him to wait..wait...wait..for an hour!!!.. BAHAAHA!!!
Yes, Lil C is truly an unweilding adventure all her own...eessshhhh....Not real enthused about this whole "clone" shit, TBH...:)
Just for you Jesse...
Just went to the station to get some more lotto tickets..
There are two checkouts in there, I'm at one, and a complete idiot is at another..loud. boisterous..
I get what I wanted, and then I hear the brain dead dipshit on the other checkout say "well, gawd damn I gotta show ID to use a debit card and I got the pin number?"
The attendant says "Yes, our managers have asked us to start doing this to be sure you're the owner of the card"...
Then, wickdeed says "Well, shit this is my card see the name and look at ma shirt it say's Randy Streeval hell I didn't steal the card and shirt too!"...
The attendant that was standing in front of me started getting nervous as the guy kept getting more agitated,..I reached down and and tapped on my clip so he could see it.
I told him, it'll be ok just ignore him..He then said that he liked my coat, small talk while dumbass was freakin out with no ID, no license, and no personality...
He finally walked out, and then I followed and the cashier gave me the nod like..thanks for hangin back man....
That trainwreck moron may have had 2 teeth left but if he would've gotten any worse, he'd have none to show off...or may be even missing a kneecap very quickly..
Welcome to my world! It's like a constant thrill ride!...but, I don't know nor expect any different... so I wrote a song.
Sing like Silent Night.
A** Hole..
Loud A**hole...iooo
Stupid f**king Streeval...
Go baaaccckkkk to Edinburgggg...
Tooo innn breeeddd
wiiittthhhh youurrr sisterrrrrr...
You keppptttt your teeettthhh
foorrr oneee more nighttttt....
Slackkkk jawwweedddd Moorrooonnnn
Coompplllleetttee f**cckkiinnn retarddd..
NNooowwww ggoooo ccconnttinueee yourrr fuueedd wiitthh the f**kkinng Burttonsss....
Slllleeeppp yyouu kknnuucckklleee draaggiin hheeiirrlip, that talked with a lisp.
This has been a public service announcement by Enduro the Out of Tune Singing Viking Psycho..
Thanks for reading.,
YAY!!! :)
Ok, I found something good in today.
I had to take my daughter to get a new winter coat, considering I am not buying size 9 to 11 pants, her coat was huge on her too.
We went to the shopping plaza to price them out. I refuse to buy anything other than wool.
Holy s**t, this is on sale? At 50% off???!!!!..The one SHE wanted of course, but very nice.
Ok,..Oh Hi how are you?
A friend of my daughters WORKS there and tomorrow after 630 pm, she can get it for 55% MORE off...
Hell yes!!! We will see you tomorrow then...
Saves me $71.50....
That WAS a good thing, and those kind of things had once been generally rare but seem to keep happening lately so, I'll ride it while it's here, cuz it won't stay!
Have a great night all...:)
Let's hope the coat is still there tomorrow. LOL