Dave's Dairy

I try to move on with my PC water cooling project tomorrow. Just started making up a step by step guide on how to pull apart my graphics card so that I can account for every nut, thermal pad and parts that are dissembled for storage. I need to know exactly how every part goes back together if and when I go to swap it out for a later model in the years ahead. The guide itself will take me quite some time ... then I need to make another one on how to put the water block on the GPU circuit Board without messing that up. Once I nail those guide and have a better understanding, only then will I feel comfortable moving onto the hand on.

I have finally found a coordinator and look forward to restarting therapy 2022. I only hope I can continue with my clean eating all the way trough. Once my projects are done, I think I have have the focus to start a walking regime again - and or cycling. I still have one good camera left, other than my phone. I might start using it - might ... as it tends to bring un-watned attention when using it out in public. It has a fair size lens on it. Using the camera requires a lot of desire. Just not there yet. Phone camera is much easier and even then still requires a spark of some kind.

That reminds me ... today I caught a Kookaburra on my phone that came right up to my outdoor plants and back door. I fed him some turkey meat as that bread enjoys meat. In fact, they often eat small snakes.

Yes, please, try to continue to look forward because life is quite messy right now. Try to 'drag out' projects and hopefully get outside just for fresh air even just to walk to the end of the street. Sometimes I don't go very far at all until I have to go and hurry back inside. Everything is strange out there now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ponder

...and look forward to restarting therapy 2022. I only hope I can continue with my clean eating all the way trough. Once my projects are done, I think I have have the focus to start a walking regime again - and or cycling.

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Hi Dave ... watching now. Ok, please remember we are living for ourselves (and family) in this god forsaken planet. I've accepted that I'll never (and do not want) to fit in. The principles and (so called) morals don't match with my being and I recognized it at childhood just wasn't able to identify it correctly and why suicidal thinking became a part of my life at an early age.

Anyway, will continue to watch and reply either after or later in the day.

Hang in there my friend, I'm right here with you.

EDIT: Going to edit this for the next hour and no need to log in or reply - try to relax for bed time.

Good you're still smiling - even faked - could be helpful for you. I think you're laughing AT the absurdity of life - right now and for yourself - poke and laugh AT it because its pretty damn absurd; indeed.

OK, people know better than to surprise me here at my door. Last time I wound up confused in my own home for weeks. If is possible and likely they ARE fucking with you by knocking and trying to purposely disrupt you? Yeah, you could need some support advocate and this is not just a "request'. I do think they are antagonistic and people like to mess with people that are struggling so it makes them fell normal. So juvenile are sheeple.

Yes, I can relate to those that are autistic or on the spectrum. You see, during my years of testing, I can't get a proper diagnosis because of the TBT [Traumatic Brain Injury]. Like you said, people think a bump on the head and everybody falls and not everybody is suffering ... it depends on how hard and where the fall is. As well as other complications of PTSD or mother drinking and smoking (in my case) during pregnancy.

Yes, xmas is already quite weird already, so please give yourself a break during this time and please step back away (as much as possible) to sleep (best medicine) and recover, and for what its worth, I've little desire left in me too. Very fatigued here, too.

OK ( I keep saying that meaning I think I get it )

I know you don't need validation from me, but hopefully you don't mind me doing so as its sincere from me and I can (very much relate). Remember what you said to me last year: Being unstable in an unstable world in 100% normal. You know, I never forget that and sometimes its the only think I've to hold on to.

"Fuck the world" what can I say other than I feel the same. Occasionally (rarely) does somebody get it right and right now, here, people are expecting God or (A God figure) or a politician to save them and make sense of this shit. Now I'm rambling because I'm also struggling and just want to stay out of the hospital because that is what they want me to be locked away and go away.

Please scratch my ramble and give it little to no thought right now. Just knowing you get it is enough for me.

I'm going to be thinking today about you and I WILL be here good bad or whatever, no pressure or worry. Try to enjoy your computer projects and music and whatever you can get from this holiday around grandson. I also wish well for your family and wife as I know they struggle. Lets just get BY it and let the blur and haze pass.

For now, just try to relax and let the sleep do its job. I've nothing planned today other than to clean because its needed pretty badly.

Off topic side note: Hahaha .. for as many times I've edited and typed and deleted text, what must the keyloggers think of me when I do that. Oh fuck them I could care less :D ... I hope "they" get a kick out of me and my "backspace" button on my keyboard.

See, let "them" get their kicks out of our struggles if it makes "their" day. I feel sorry for them because poking fun at us *could be* all they have; they are pathetic ;)

Thanks ever so much Sal. Validating each other is needed more than ever before. It's because of this worshiping notion and concept of God highjacked and rewritten by politicians that humans and their society are utterly corrupt. Those of us not considered normal are the ones that typically see as much. The rest are blinded. So anytime your able to validate please do so as it will inevitably come back. We help ourselves by helping others. More so helping others you know and understand well. More so connect with. It is painful and depressing that those connections are becoming fewer. Yet look at how long we have been helping each other. That's priceless Sal. Priceless in a world that only knows money. In that regard we are untouchable from said toxicity.

It's hard not to curse but so glad your able to from time to time : ) You do it in a way that I can so relate and respect that your not continually doing it. So many times that is all the sheep choose to see when viewing others and then focus on pulling off their arms and legs with little regard for what makes who we be. In fact, they are taught to act like so in the face of anything that exposes the reality of the world in which they live. We may as well be living in the same time as supremacists and concentration camps. Those elites from said culture that the US migrated to it shores after WWII operate with the same intentions they did back then but do it in a much more calculative and elusive way where today's church goers and voters are all puppets to such schemes.
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Thanks for the push. I got in a solid 25 minute brisk walk this morning and it felt good to be truly back on my feet. http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/funny/1/...y-emoticon.gif

I'm glad you like my insane smiles and laughing it off as best I can. You can be sure it is genuine unlike most interactions of today. Both online and off.

I got a few parcels delivered yesterday within the parameters of who they are suppose to do it. I won't hold my breath, but it they start fucking with me again, I'll continue putting pressure back on them. Especially now that I am looking after myself. Allowing people to treat us like crap is akin to self sabotage. Of course when people are truly powerless, it is as you say - a very fucked up world where humans are showing the true cost of what it means to be human living in what is called society. This is exactly why today they have come up with labels to define what and how they choose to see us. Especially for those cognitively affected / impacted. Far better to blame the individual than give credence to the concepts of a flawed society that exacerbates this miss fortune of others and in most cases actually create the very disfunction it seeks to label.

Regarding your comments on diagnoses: Overlapping of conditions is not nearly explored as it should. The hierarchy of so called professionals in said world being overworked, understaffed and above all narrow minded educational programming all encompassed societal and personal agendas leads to affected individuals being anything but correctly diagnosed. The need to diagnose and the way in which it's done somewhat covered in the last sentence is in itself an insight that most lack. It's all part of the system in which at times we are forced to stay broken and results in individuals that do not fit having to continually have a negative perspective of themselves.

I really wanted to continue this as I like delving into your own situation when you bring it up like so. I appreciate your sharing anytime like so. The term TBT [Traumatic Brain Injury] seems to be similar to what I have known as ABI [Acquired Brain Injury] although can see how how the levels may differ just as traits do on a spectrum. YEP - how hard, how we fall, and all those other factors, symptoms and let's not discount societal influence - although the latter quickly dismissed by most mainstream health workers in favor of doctrine, politics and their own personal programming, bias and agendas.

No wonder we avoid health care professionals.

Thanks for being here Sal. I really do appreciate that. I know it can't always be so but man - you have been a positive influence for me.

Right now I have to go though ... my time is up as I have a busy morning is all.

LOL your ending candor. hahahaa Yes ... indeed they are pathetic and that was so well said.

This reply was easy to write so no stress about me trying any harder than I would otherwise of done. It's always a breeze when we catch up.

Take care and thanks again Sal - YEP - being abnormal is where it's at. Fuck being anything near normal in mainstream terms. That game is not for us. ;) Unsuspecting trolls maybe ... but that's about it. We do not want to fall so low. In that regards we are doing not so bad. Could be worse ... I am glad we are not like others in that regard. I only need one or two genuine people in my life VS those who are fake. You are definitely one of the genuine ones. We all have our moments ... but genuine people always come back and are always there.

I know I say I would not link it ... but *&^% it - I'm starting to feel good about it.

DAY 16 - Lunch.

Still eating Clean - No coffee, No Black Tea, No Processed Sugar, No salt, No Mayo, No Bread, No Biscuits, No Take Away, No Drive Throughs, No Soft Drink, No Chips, No fried Food, No Pies, No Junk Food whatsoever.

17 Days straight: Tomorrow!

Getting ready to for bed. Bit late but could be worse. Almost 9:30pm. Since I am making an effort with food it only goes to reason I should do it with my sleep patterns. Walking the footpath really sucks with skate boarders not moving over and that kind of thing. Trying to remain indifferent in a positive way is pretty hard when just starting to get out. Is hard not to reflect back the negative behaviors of others who get off on attacking tired and weak targets. It is easy for those already succeeding and thriving to spurt out cliché phrases about the law of attraction ... Laughs Out Loud. Sigh ... They can be as much a drain as those not prepared to give way to pedestrians.

Alas ... I will work it out like I used to. Look ahead, cross the road to avoid such interactions. I'm just going to have to work it out. Riding the bike has advantages in this regard but walking is what I feel I need to get on top of my fitness for where I am at. It pumps the heart in a different way via the calf muscle action. The calf muscle often referred to as the second hear and why we are slowly dieing when sitting for too long.

I have been having a hard time in reddit as well with my researching and the like. Just like on the foot path when people can sense you having a hard time, then pounce to quickly invalidate. Today I deactivated my reddit account. It's just too toxic to be in - at least for someone like me.

I sing off with this clip Sal: The walking I think will help me sleep tonight.

I do hope your feeling better as well. I have been reading :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=720L...pp1o8D-l6iWhDF

Day 17 increasing out door exposure with walking 2 hours a day every day form this point on. I have done it before and know how to pan it out. I also know the rewards and how quickly they can come in terms of eating healthy and healthy weight loss. Other than that I am dealing with procrastination.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ponder

Getting ready to for bed. Bit late but could be worse. Almost 9:30pm. Since I am making an effort with food it only goes to reason I should do it with my sleep patterns. Walking the footpath really sucks with skate boarders not moving over and that kind of thing. Trying to remain indifferent in a positive way is pretty hard when just starting to get out. Is hard not to reflect back the negative behaviors of others who get off on attacking tired and weak targets. It is easy for those already succeeding and thriving to spurt out cliché phrases about the law of attraction ... Laughs Out Loud. Sigh ... They can be as much a drain as those not prepared to give way to pedestrians.

Alas ... I will work it out like I used to. Look ahead, cross the road to avoid such interactions. I'm just going to have to work it out. Riding the bike has advantages in this regard but walking is what I feel I need to get on top of my fitness for where I am at. It pumps the heart in a different way via the calf muscle action. The calf muscle often referred to as the second hear and why we are slowly dieing when sitting for too long.

I have been having a hard time in reddit as well with my researching and the like. Just like on the foot path when people can sense you having a hard time, then pounce to quickly invalidate. Today I deactivated my reddit account. It's just too toxic to be in - at least for someone like me.

I sing off with this clip Sal: The walking I think will help me sleep tonight.

I do hope your feeling better as well. I have been reading :)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=720LQ25GJZY&list=PLV1WuGhvuHE81F0ZTGKpp1o8 D-l6iWhDF

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Thank you so much ... I felt like I was walking with you and you were talking to me. Do you know I've not walked with another person in years and years. Only a few people offered to walk with me and I'm too nervous around people and stumble. Ha .. I didn't used to be this way, but, oh well. I've forgotten how to casual conversation and just pointless small talk doesn't interest me. Also been quite some time I've gone into the street, but I will, because I miss it. Yeah, procrastinating to. Not that I mind at all walking by myself and my inner self which I sort of externalize into another person. My therapist said this is okay so long as I don't lose myself and I'm still in the drivers seat. Hard to explain. I'm just nuts; really :D

I closed my reddit and Quora quite some time ago for the same reason. Very toxic and ultra political now from what I see. I mean, people start talking about a game or new device and 3 comments down it turns into troll city. Yuck!

I know we're soft of limiting our places to interact with others and this place is just you and I at the moment. I do often think about Dahila; Gypsy; Kirk; Camille and some people that left us. Haven't yet written to Nicola at nmp because I would need a username change if I were to go back there.

Struggling with my sleep actually and losing time so that is good your working on that. Very good :)

Happy to do it again. I look at it the same way. Did you catch Day 17 a couple of posts back (I think you might of reading some of the points you mention) - I put some Jazz in the background for ya and was hoping you would like that.

Day 18 coming later but busy with my grandson who is a little ill at the moment. It's just me and him for now as my wife and daughter had to go to the city for a couple of days re hospital visits.

Thus I keep this short and will check in on those links you posted later. LOL at the joke. Hysterical that one. hehe

Yea it's tough re interactions and people today. It's not just us getting older Sal ... it is much bigger than that. There was a time where that analogy might hold, but fact is the way things used to differ between 1940 to 1950 to even 1960 at the base human interaction was a much much slower transition. It picked up pace a little between 1960 to 1970 to 1980 but going from 1990 to 2000 started to see more insanity in our culture as a human race. From 2000 to 2010 just more of the same and now 2010 to 2020 literally off the rails re human interaction. So it is that 2220 on onwards already into 2022 ... I rest my case. From that perspective putting on age limit on one's capacity is just one variable among so many others that it hardly counts. Not even the young one know who to interact as humans. At least not as humans did a mere 50 years ago. Totally different human race. I came into this world not even of that time I entered.

I wonder if you can understand what I am saying? I hope you do. Failure to interact on this current level where people are at is not something we should account as one of our faults. I much prefer people who do NOT fit in.

Gotogo ... Thinking of you and sorry I can't respond to all posts at this point. I will however for sure check out those links when I get a chance. I also try to fit in my Day 18 Vid ... I wont get out much over the next 2 days or if I do I will be too busy to record as my grandson requires constant watching.

Be well Sal - I am so totally on your level as I understand that to be. Perhaps no levels being the same but I hope you know what I mean.

Take Care

Back soon enough. Thx again for encarougment and I also encourage you to be and do what you feel is best for you. :)

Early night - going to settle my grandson and help him heal. Might pop back when he is asleep but doubt it. Think I will watch some Netflix laying in bed with him. He is co-sleeper and we are fine with that. Too bad if others are into letting these kids self sooth. Sign of the times they way they come up with these BS terms. Calling people helicopter parents is for people who care less about their kids and more about themselves.

Got to go. here is Day 18 video.
Bluetooth headphones did not work - Audio is crap but will have to do. I at least logged in another day and still eating clean. Excuse the tear in my shirt. Is what it is when I care less to go out and enjoy relaxing in my own home. I leave all that exterior BS for those out in the street. Feeling better but worried I might catch my grandson's illness. Hope not. Here's to him getting better over night. I manage to keep he temps down all day.

I go see to him now.

Take care and sorry for poor quality vid.