Time To Get Back Up Again

Oh that's excellent, I would not mind to have fun there with the small one.
D. I know you for so long I understand your posts, some people do not read it, they scanned it, Whatever we read we need to understand it.
yOu have a full acceptance from me, and I expect nothing less from you. I do get it,
I was shaking while answering to twitchard, not kidding, It was also triggering post for me. Very much so.
he is f****n preacher, we had people like that , tons of them here. The tone was cruel. How someone can think that drug addicts or homeless chose it???????? What the f*** is happening with society? I think I am too old to understand people and their antics.
I am too old, to follow cruelty or indecency ......
You had me in stitches with the purple color and Avatar, my most favorite movie, The movie allows me to foget about everything. Next instalment is next year. till next time D :)

Indeed, you do understand me. The irony is as you know, they're the ones that make the worst abusers. Both religious and nationalized types They are the 'self-policing mechanism' used within that much loved system. BUT - Let's continue with the connections we have made resultant from Twichards negative tone. I thought you might appreciate the follow video I happened upon whilst looking up how to pass a certain challenge within a video game.

You might have to give it a minute as the video make you feel dizzy for the first minute and a half. At was at that point I smiled and it all became clear and for me, my day/evening suddenly felt much lighter. Give special note at around the 3-and-a-half-minute mark where the essence of how positive connections are made. That was truly priceless for me to see in both the young and old fella. It's when you can appreciate life like so that our own troubles pale by comparison, and or we are fortunate enough ... we might even find value in ourselves regardless of what negativity says and thinks:

Five Minute in the Life of hdgaming360

https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_c...;v=Rx652TKExE4

My favorite part ← of this video.

I know you will at least get it. :)

Thx again D!

Have a good day/evening.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ponder

Some people need to hear the truth. Otherwise we end up with a forum full of people, but one where they cry over spilt milk and blame others for their own doings. I'm still doing it myself. It's a long process accepting the truth.

I support you know matter how your feeling, what your saying or what your doing. We have too much judgement and hate in this world as it is. Learning to accept people for who they are is where healing begins.

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Thank you for this posting and reply, means a lot to hear that. I feel the same.

I'm sorry I've been so quiet, been rough lately all I can say I think, I'm having trouble accepting the truth (about my limitations and situation), hopefully I'll make it through the long process and see the other side. Like I'm walking through a crowd sometimes of people with baseball bats taking shots at me and I wind up battered and bruised at the other side and barely able to get up and see the point and appreciate that I made it through a lot. I can find many people along the way to blame no doubt about it, but that won't help because most of them are dead or doing worse than I, plus, some of my own decisions also got mere here and nobody exactly forced my hands in the matter. Need to figure out how to put a life together that I can be satisfied and content with, not really looking for happiness and bliss, I guess. No sure if I'm coming or going these days honestly. Mixed up I guess.

Again sorry I've been absent and I'll try to be here more. I'm glad we have the forum.

Hope you are doing alright Dahila and Ponder :)

Hi Sal ... that was priceless man. Really made my day reading you like that. Like I feel the pain, but more so your choice of words. You have evolved way more than would be shamers and blamers. Love the analogy of walking through baseball bats as well as the part about picking up the piece when coming out the other end. You said a lot more in that one paragraph than that ... that's what I mean about being priceless.

Well said!

Yea ... I am doing OK today. Thanks for asking. Means the world to be asked. :)

TY.

Free Reiki Healing Session ... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sHbaPiN9QX4

Requires good headphones, a quiet space where you won't be disturbed and an open mind.

Watched this with headphones and wasn't looking for sleep so that lead me to others and I spent most of the afternoon listening to guided meditation on youtube.. so that was good.

I think even though I realize and understand that I'm different that the norm (and trust me, I'm totally grateful for that) I still compare myself to others when in public and I need to stop. I can look at them and see what I wish I had and also what I'm glad I don't have (referring to their personality and social traits mostly), if that makes sense. I wouldn't even want to be anything other than a free thinker. I cant imagine being a follower, but still, sometimes I feel isolated and out of touch. I have been getting outside everyday though for a little bit even though its not always a good experience, feel I just should. Holiday season is rough too, sort of walk around like a zombie. I'll be fine I'm sure when its over. Most joyful time of the year and people are everything but that.

Anyway..

I'm glad to hear you're doing ok that makes me happy.

PS: that is so cute on the trampoline in that pic :)

Took me a little while to find it - this is one that really helped me today.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uX8DaFK7B80

Thx for the link. Nice scripting for from a hypnosis point of view with good timing between words, and sentences. The information provided helped to explain the process of letting go very well. I've been into this kind of therapy for years and I know well just how important it is to open up in order to get the best from these guided presentations. For as just as much it is an art for the presenters / practitioners, so to it is for those of us allowing ourselves to undergo these practices. I connect well from a spiritual approach which is why I seemly flake out pretty quick with spirituality minded practitioners like that one I linked above. I still like the one you linked though. Very much so. I can be a bit picky when it comes to voice ... especially with clinical practitioners. Understanding how the process of self/hypnosis works can really help as the presenter is no more than a guide, where it comes down more to how we allow ourselves to open up. There is a LOT of misconceptions out there on this subject as too a lot of closed minds.

It pleases me to know you like this kind of thing. :)

I kind of get where you coming from re the social thing. I say kind of, because I am not sold on the idea of pushing oneself in order to be seen as fitting in. Not meaning your into that. At least you are being mindful of how your acting or seeing yourself in said social situations. All the preconditioning we are subject to 24/7 influences us quite a bit. Catching up in here with you is as much a connection for me as it would be to be seen out at the local shops - BUT - it actually means more to me because I know I am getting more of a connection here with you now, than I am with others who typically hide behind things like clothes, jewelry, trinkets, cars ext ... when out and about. I do understand though it gets better making connections outside when we ourselves are feeling better or on the better end of our episodic cycles.

Picking the right times and places to walk can make outdoor greetings a lot more genuine whilst at others times they can be seemingly more shallow. I tend to cross the road in avoidance when I am feeling low because doing so will be more conducive for both parties involved. In this light avoidance is not such a bad thing. Then of course there are times where I am feeling quite apt, yet I may refrain from pressuring others whom I detect our low. In cases like that I remind myself how I was feeling not so long ago and am careful with whether I will greet and or how I may alter my tone. Your right though ... most people care less. So it is that I see you as special and like the fact you don't see yourself as normal. Excuse the lingo ... but *&^$ being normal. Not in today's society. I'll be having none of that thanks. Yet ... I have to be careful with the hate. All that hate currently out there is so quick to attract. It's not just hate but also a lot of pious and self righteous police. I will assume you get my gist. If not feel free to ask questions. :)
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Thanks for the boost re my grandson and his tramp. Hope this finds you as well.

Once again ... choice link!

Thank you for everything you wrote. I read it several times already and I appreciate your advice, I know you mean it from the heart with makes it more than just words. I thought about it throughout the day and will try to apply some of that to what I'm going through, a lot of it applies to me actually. I like especially what you said about cycles.. " when we ourselves are feeling better or on the better end of our episodic cycles".. that is the key with me - things seem better at the end of a depressive episode. Right now I'm still in the throws of a rather long depressive cycle and sometimes I don't see any light at the end of the tunnel for me and that leads to suicidal thoughts that I need to chase away with any means as quickly as I recognize it (the pattern) because they are very damaging and detrimental to my health.

I'm sorry to come in here with negativity, but I think you prefer honesty rather than fake. Its ok and things will change, when it rains; it pours, but the sun will come up and I need to be ready (mentally) to appreciate it and enjoy it.

Have a nice Sunday and I hope you're doing alright Dahila too.

Not at all Sal. Keeping it real is what counts. I don't see it as negativity whatsoever. Unfortunately society pegs that word too often on those of us (and itself) when dealing with hard core truths. That's why our society tends to be rather shallow. I see that as nothing more than a perspective ... my world view. Nothing negative about that. You see how it is others that tend to project negative reactions when hearing things that conflict with their own beliefs? Happens with us all. Learning to drop the emotion helps us to see more. What we see is not always so easy to digest. This is how many people go mad without it really being anything inherent, yet the predisposition of long standing illness can indeed be passed on. The world has a lot of it's own work to do before blaming others of simply being negative. Do you kind of know what I mean. Srry if I am not making sense. Basically it's not just a case of us being nuts when we see this shitty world for what it is, yet when we find balance we can choose to feel moments of peace ... within all the discomfort that abounds.

I am in a rush right now ... but your insights and honesty is actually very positive stuff. I talk more about that with us all in mind when I have more time. We all help each other by keeping it real. BUT - we also need to keep things balanced with perhaps the way and what we allow ourselves to feel (maybe the rate at which we take things in as too having boundaries to protect and stay as healthy as we can) and also in how we react. None of us are perfect. The episodic nature is something many services in the community do not understand about the more long standing cases of mental illness; as too those suffering with the illness themselves. Is good to understand and also another thing to make moves in doing what we can.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz zzz Need to get to bed ... going to go to gym in the morning. It's been a while since I went in there - despite keeping active with a friend.

Hi Guys. Been while since I though a video together. Just me taking the 350 for a spin. I'm still learning to drive the trains but good enough now use the camera without triggering the emergency brakes. Well sometimes I am good enough to use the camera and drive at the same time. Right now I am just killing time as the render is still happening in the background. My lap top is pretty good, but it is still a lap top. I had to turn the graphics down so the footage would not be tooo choppy, although still is a little. Over all though ... I think it did a good enough job. If your not up too much ... grab a cuppa and we'll take the trip together. I pick passengers up ... drive about 20 odd miles maybe more or less and then drop them off. Along the way I ramble a bit and just take in the scenery + make a few driving mistakes. :)

hmmm 75 percent rendered.


I am freaking out about the NDIS thing because I don't like having to front up to government offices. Much of what we have been told throughout the process is not what we are hearing later. My wife is now more skeptical than me. It seems they really are not taking into account my inabilities. Is a bit of a joke really that they make you fight so hard to quality for being disabled, only to then treat you none other than a commodity that must fit into their mold. I don't mean to be ungrateful - just question the whole concept of helping hand with so many expectations and pressures added in order to receive. So many people who don't really need the help getting it, whilst those more in need are being continually rejected. I fought so hard that now I am finally there, I have not much energy left to put up with the BS. Not sure if any of you understand ... just felt good to let that out. Render nearly finished. Hopefully the multitasking did not badly effect the finished file.

Now uploading ... a little more time to kill. Good news there is we not long ago had the internet upgraded in are local area. Even better we are very close to the node. My uploads are like 10 times faster if not more.

I hope this video finds you guys as well as can be. I have tried to keep my spirits up over the last week or so as too through out my video. Let me know if your up for more vids. I can show how my latest city is going in City Skylines. The PC games have actually been a good distraction for me of late. I really am starting to question much of what I have been fighting for of late. I'll probably get around to jounaling on that later but more interested in focusing on getting back into my exercise and healthy life style choices.

Forgive the typos and readability tonight ... already way past my bedtime. My work flow with video rendering and the like is still slow. Processing - Processing ... Youtube is almost done ... Processing ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzz


Hope you enjoy the ride:
(Best to use headphones - my sound equipment and experience is not much chop)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9l3QCoC6e6E&feature=youtu.be

Not happy with the upload quality ... oh well ... I'll keep working on it. Srry about that.

hi I am here and I read it everyday, just letting you know Ponder and Salvator

Is good to know D. TY.

All good. I seem to be getting the help I need, but only because I am making the effort to be heard. Not so easy when not in the majority basket to which most programs tailored for. Just saw the psychologist who is writing a letter encouraging those intend to work with me come and sit in on one of our visits. That makes me think what a good repore I have with the psychologist. It's taken 4 years to build with that particular one, but it's been well worth it. Those services go a long way to keep many of us stable ... out of prisons, hospitals and so on.

Like I say, I'm not your ussual case, but there are more of us out thrmere than you would think. If anything I do believe if society does not change, it will only see more in need. Alas .. that perpetual cycle and self created need. The negitive side to job creation in an industry we would be better off without.

Excuse typos. Sitting in a waiting room, waiting for my wife. Thankfully I am the only ones, or else I would prefer the scorching heat.

I know life can really suck ... but things could always be worse. I don't like where I am at, but thankful for the supports I currently have. They are worth fighting for ... despite such a negitive word.

Thanks for for letting us know Dahila you're alright.

Good to head Ponder.. squeaky wheel gets the oil, as they say. The system would love nothing more than for us to just go away. Society can create a revolving-door in and out of psych ward and that's just a quick fix to a long term problem, not a solution and only creates more bills I can't afford already. I'm hanging in there all I can say really.

I also try to remember things could be worse and sometime that helps, other times not so much because I keep going round in circles and never improve beyond a certain point. Keep winding up in crisis even on meds mind you so they aren't a one stop shot answer.

Hope all goes ok with your wife.

Take care.

Cheers - Yes ... I am being somewhat overly optimistic. LOL ... You know how they say? ... "It's just your perspective."

I'm with you on your assessment. I hear ya.

Basically after filling in my therapist, she jumped on board with me and has invited those pulling the strings to come sit in a session with myself and her. The trouble is the system ever only wants tick and flick from some doctor that really does not know the individuals and their needs; whilst yet preaching the opposite. Going by your previous responses, you obviously get the drift.

The good news for me, is that after contacting the agencies via their websites under 'public safely' and bringing up my history - One of the mentor guys that used to visit me off and on over the last four years (team leader and manager) is now stepping in to assist with the BS he knows exists ... then like I said, my therapist in now backing my with letters of support and invitation. If they reject her offer, then in my view they have just discredited their own intention with the so called preaching of 'Individual planning focus. So far so good. They are coming to my house this time around to avoid the otherwise useless appointment, manager is attending for the meet and greet and is also working with me on the psychologist proposal. Tomorrow I see the psychiatrist ... it's been about two months since seeing him. He is a bit slow with the whole historical drama - but I be optimistic with him too as I have now seen him more than a few times. Voluntary of course. That is my point ... I am making these efforts ... but being met with BS red tape and complacent service workers that just get in my way. My so called 'Recovery' ... Pfft

Basically In all that above ... it kind of shows just how much it really takes to be heard ... to remind these public servants that indeed (let'st face it - these people are doing what they do for the money ... it's not because they love me) ... one's wheels need oiling. This whole thing about bending over and being dutifully subservient and complaint only breeds more anxiety and depression. This is why the system is more geared towards prescriptions and care little to get involved with the real professionals/therapists on the front line talking us through the insanity of a broken system ... typically worded to us as 'imperfect' ... rolls eyes. Sigh oh sigh. I think I just managed to save this latest string of BS fed to me with the transition onto NDIS. It's a massive shambles here regarding that and mental health ... services all scrambling to get a piece of the pie whilst those that really need the help are now being rejected and further pressured. The government just comes up with more plans to curve the byproduct which typically results with more advertised campaigns that feed stigma and ongoing oppression.

This is why I think little of the comments about "Oh how lovely we have so many services..." Let's just say "that's their perception and it would change if they walked in the shoes of the so called minority"

I've been thinking a little more on what my therapist was saying about the system being tailored for the majority. The majority are usually those who unquestionably follow their doctors orders, respond to the adds on the daily screens, as well the the morning TV - indeed specifically designed for the masses/majority - but I think in reality the byproduct of such programming is very much evident in these so called stable citizens. In fact the majority of people today all take prescriptions. Its who and what we are as a society. Again ... The GP is called up as the first sign of evidence when really they know *&^% of the people they are dealing with. A persons progress is measured mostly on the type of chemical they take and at what dose ... all else is a mere secondary.
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BUT NOT TO WORRY ... this is just my perception. I'm told it will change when I later feel all warm and cozy ... the nice complaint type. nothing like a good prescription to aid in such a marvelous recovery. hahahahaaa

arrrr I got to stop before I piss myself. Once again my friend ... forgive my jest with the whole medication side of things. You have my full respect as too D with regards to that. I was merely trying to make a point with how the authority goes about gauging and judging ... those too, that do their bidding and of course all the pre-programmed sheep lining up at the medical centres for a 'repeat' ... kind of makes Twichard's analogy of 'Junkies' :( (his term - NOT mine - Grrrr) lining up for methadone moot. The whole context of that waffle I brought up about my therapist talking about the so called majority and the system being tuned to them - well ... you now have my thoughts on that.

Her point was why I am more often misunderstood. She knows what that works for me is not what the system cares for, and she also knows that whilst people like her are expected to do their bidding, that whilst the most appropriate supports, they are quickly dismissed when it comes to the buffering. I always have full respect for therapists like so that deal honest cards and work with clients detached from the BS ideology, authoritarian and corporate systems ... mind you though there are still plenty of interns brainwashed that latter become sheep for the system ... it takes years to play this game and keep afloat and lots of resilience not to go completely insane.

In this I find much wisdom from many of your posts over the last year or more Sal ... that show a lot of insights in knowing much of what I am trying to say here.

In the end I propose that we try not to let these truths rob us of living a stable life as we can best define that for ourselves. I have linked this forum for many would be so called professional 'sorters/boxers/adjudicates' judging me as to what impact I have suffered and or what I am worth to their system of supports ... their carrots. Not that any of them care to visit and read for them self. Yet I know once they read my thoughts their own preconditioned walls go up and they will write me off as worthless and deserving of my inability. So why do I bother? Because I trust no one and I like to let them know I don't trust them. If their carrots are worth eating, then they will still be there to offer me help once that have taken the time to properly read me. Trouble is no one has time for anyone anymore. It's all mission statements, profiles and little else.

I often put these words into letters and let them know what I think at any rate ... I don't relay on people following my links. It's easy to show the conflicts and present them back in the fact of those who love to oppress. I only wish more people did it. Those that do are typically told it's a trait and if they do not back down they will be labels ... the comes the prescription. FINE ... Lean to use that against that system. It can be done ... its just a fucking game ... but if not careful it can do you in. Take the label but don't be the label ... that I want to write about. Brakes away from the prison with some sense of real peace to be found.

Mostly the programs are like that ... you get the odd people who actually like their job ... like helping ... those people are worth fostering. It's why when I am doing well, I naturally help a lot of people in the community on a level where I can help those that really need to be understood. One people make it a goal or an agenda ... NOPE ... it's breaks down. It becomes nothing more than a prerequisite to receive money in order that you can eat, pay bills and have a roof over your head.

People like me and yourself ... we be true peers ... not this new age industrialized peer support that's sold off as mere social reintegration and employment opportunities. They now sell these programs like so and base the worth of human life on an obligatory bases that only reasons from the 'imperfect cliche' / ideology ... so too one's so called 'recovery' [pfffft] .... is gauge similarly. "Now let's see David ... what goals have you set for the year & .... yadda yadda yadda"

Nothing wrong with the goal setting as I actually know how it can work for me. I use mini goals like sign posts woven into a subconscious style of therapy I have come to know through neuro-linguistic programming .... and on with my yadda yadda. BUT - the systems way is to force people and that will NEVER work with me. Those the system entrusted to care for me as a rejected kid, beat me when I was a just that ... a kid ... why the fuck would I ever trust the system again??? Sure I can take ownership and have done so many times ... I hold myself accountable and do not play victim per sey all the time. Yes ... I do at other times when oozzing with PTSD ... but this topic is something else and does away with all those BS augments from the so called majority.

Nothing is going to change whilst the system waves it's big stick. Both the law makers, preachers and let's not forget the self police. Most here don't really know what goes on in the psyc wards or in prison. You can forget about all the reality TV crap ... that's not what fucks over people over under the thumb of the system. People are fucked over way before they enter into those pitiful so called corrective solutions. Alas it much easier to blame terrorist ... the individual.
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Is all good ... glad we could have this chat. Who wants to be part of the majority. hahah LOL ... put the in your psycho socialization reintegration pipe and smoke that! They will never accept the insight we have to offer and will always refer to it as not more than are distorted perception.

I'll go out on a limb once more by saying again ... I know you get the gist.
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Yes ... my wife is as well as can be ... Thx Sal. :)

OK ... none of that is an exscuse not to get up. 6am ... Time to hit the gym. Eeeerrrrrrrrr ... might have a shower 1st. ;)

Still having to drag myself out of bed, but know I will feel better for it. Pshyc visit at 10:30am.

lol - failed attempt this morning but does not mean I'm bailing out. I am doing really well at the dragging myself out of bed routine, but not getting to bed early enough, nor calming myself down under my own will. That said I have been making good gains with all things considered. My friend and I are still maintaining a 3 day a week weights routine on scheduled times. All the other stuff kind of needs to be flexible for me at this stage with so much going on.

I thought I would continue with the jounaling. It's something I like and you know how they say doing thing we enjoy is good for the brain. On that note, I cracked open my compacts camera case and took the following snap if not only to keep the battery alive:

MY LEGO 4+ DECADES ON
My wife found an article on how to clean the old lego. Is now my grandsons - but I still also like to play. That stuff is like gold - worth cleaning. Good for his hand eye coordination. Just found out Lisa used the washing machine with the lego in a pillow case. Whatever works right? I should probably slip into a pillow case and throw myself in. :)

https://farm5.staticflickr.com/4905/...9d5a7ce1_o.jpg

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Yea ... its is real important to do things we enjoy. Even when we don't feel we have the energy. I at least acknowledged why I could not make it to the gym, but still got up and found something worth while. It's time for me to change the tape. Play a more conducive tune. With regards to my cameras ... I am all imaged out ... but still feel the odd snap might assist in keeping the tone afloat. I walked past my chess boards and thought that would make a good change ... I enjoy a good game outdoors in the elements playing against my phone. The friend that is working out with me says he plays chess, although right now I much prefer my own limited time.

Finding time ... who would of thought that without a J-O-B many of us would still find ourselves with little time. I think is more a time management thing.

On that note ... I am going to move onto something else before my morning appointment.

Have a good day ... find something that might count as a stress free distraction ... to a point it becomes much more:

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ponder

Is all good ... glad we could have this chat. Who wants to be part of the majority. hahah LOL ... put the in your psycho socialization reintegration pipe and smoke that! They will never accept the insight we have to offer and will always refer to it as not more than are distorted perception.

I'll go out on a limb once more by saying again ... I know you get the gist.

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You're welcome and it helps me to know I'm getting it myself. Yes, they wont accept what we understand (our perspective), I actually keep much of 'what I know' or 'how I see' things/situations in day-to-day life to myself, if I go too overboard with my therapist and med provider they consider that to be the sickness (or as you stated, a distorted perception) when its not distorted at all as I see it, just a deeper understanding. They consider over my over analyzing everything to be OCD so I just keep things general when I discuss thing now and learned my lesson from that past when that happened.

Thank you for posting so much and I enjoyed reading it today :)

I understand Sal. I really do. I might not reap the benefits of medication as some others do, (In this I am starting to waver and reconsidering but too resistant for my own good) however when industry professionals take objection to my understanding whilst wishing to have me fit in, they typically withdraw supports or threaten to do so. In my view, that's akin to forcibly medicating those against their will or seeking to have them boxed in regardless if they fit or not. Whilst with involuntary situations this is more common, it's not so black and white in the general population, however in the end it pretty much amounts to the same thing.

I myself enjoy writing about such things as is my way to determine my next steps ... or if I shall continue making any more steps ... or if I should give up completely. To be honest I know I will reclaim my some sense of sanity I had during the cycles before all this PTSD was opened up regarding the children's home / compensation. It has really fucked me over more than the BS carrots on the stick and whilst said claims are still open is pains me every fucking day! No one seems to care about that. In my view it seems so called victims are too caught up in the expectation of money as to all those involved in between ... very much so the latter. I just want it to fucking end!!! Sigh ... what the fuck ever. In many ways this the shambles with current welfare reforms feels very much the same.

I had a huge day today ... The psychiatrist is aiming to categorize me across the board. I've been too focused on the ASD. (one track mind) I've been wishing for a one label fits all and the ASD was looking really good for that, however it's looking like going back to a kettle of fish. Back to being a complex case. I've given in to accept whatever he comes up with. That said I still like learning about all the traits from across many different categories of mental illness. Whilst I adhere to philosophies on the dangers of trying to know everything, I typically resist others trying to box me in, however know too well just how easy it can be to do myself with constantly wanting to know all the whats, whys and hows.

I think I have about paved the way for the next ten years with regards to proving myself. I think I mean it's soon time to go back to just doing what works for me ... letting go of all the reassessing, reviews and accountings.

For now I am prepping for a new plan that's entrenched within the mental health system. It's going to be interesting to say the least. My goals are NOT going to be based on Goal Setting as the government defines it. This is going to be the topic of my psychologists guidance for the NDIS coordinator who speaks in terms of goal setting as defined by the system. Until these NDIS planners and coordinators understand my resistance to obligatory pressures and respect my ability to set my own goals on daily living, they will be wasting all that glorified money. Moreover that such stability has nothing to do with aims of so called 'reintegration' as they expect of me and so many certified permanently mentally affected individuals.

The most effective way in dealing with complex cases like myself is to help fit what works, into their subsidized boxes with regards to allocated supports. The problem begins with approved services being mostly main stream. Main stream services of course deal mostly in Job Creation that is more about spinning the money than it is about true healing. We have said enough on this. I will have to get creative in my suggestions to bend current supports to work for me.

The meeting with my therapist is going to be drawn up as a 'Stake Holders Meeting.' Hmmmmm ... The term feels very clinical does it not. BUT ... I don't care what they term it as long as they approve it. Not doing so as I suggested before can only invalidate all these would be claims of 'individual needs' The irony on using certifications (written by my current supports) to approve expenditure of money on myself (a commodity in a stake holders meeting) validated by the psychologist whose then invitation to meet up being then rejected is extreme. I will give up being on the program if that happens and happily write about it in here.
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Where was I ???

OK OK OK ... Is hard not to get bogged down with all the imperfection. Cough cough: MY PLAN ... Hmmm How to Make it MY PLAN. I guess I'll looking into what Therapies are out there I can look forward to using. The paperwork has kept me from looking.

I can't control the process that's leaving me with an open wound, but I can go online and start searching for what's available.
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The main reason I am on this program ... is to salvage what is left of my life. Not because of what I can offer the community. The community fucked me over long ago and in that, I will remain damaged as certified for the rest of my life. In this there will be no compensation. That I can only give to myself. Those of us that already have, yet want more, will never be content. Whilst those of us looking on in want will typically go on to lose what we already have ... it is the way of our society ... adding to that those whom have no empathy continue to make rules whilst those that lie and cheat are continually rewarded.

No matter at least we have this space.

Hang in there Sal. I don't intend to turn into some extroverted social butterfly that's claimed to be recovered.

My so called goals will have fuck all to do with that.

I finish with this link. Pay close attention to the closing comments. Also relates to not being your label. I myself am constantly tied to my history with all the above ... all that proving. It's why so many of us remain sick of constantly having to account for the air we breathe. How does one discontent from a system that ties them to their history ... never lets them forget? By disconnecting from all its ideology. This is why I avoid main stream practices or only seek those open to my own.

Although not in the same context, think about the cycle of the system as we have spoken when listening to this. She gives good advice ... nothing new .. but always good to hear it again or at least like this. It did make me question how I know I do so well when not caught up in the very system that seeks to keep my bound to my past as a means to justify feeding me ... in this such services become nothing more than hoops ... whilst this kind of philosophy is what I avoid declaring to would be authority. I say would be, because once I give myself over to living like this ... the pressures of this world seem less oppressive. The hoops can then become more like useful tools.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EVcoWHyn5dU

It's dogmatic how we see ourselves ... how we cling and attach to the past. Also again huge irony how we are constantly called upon to prove our self which always involves our past. Seems key is learning what we can from it but then letting it go. The review process many of us continually go through is what keeps us down. You get the gist of that? That's what sent me around the bend. Still is ...

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz for all the passing the buck ... in the end regardless of others in our past and or on our current path, we are the ones left clinging ... doing it to ourselves ... therefore we are the only ones that can free ourselves. Yep yep Dave ... Just keep telling yourself that. Just your distorted perception. :)

I guess I better get up. It's a brand newwww dayyyyyy. Zzzzzzzz lol. Big Yawn. Rolls onto floor ... quilt and all.

This helps - simply explained, quick and effective:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RU0CDg7t_Y

Hello D, hows the reading going?

What's up Sal ... You still moving.

One of my other interests:

Star Trek Discover - Why the 1st season was considered a flop.
Hate tactics towards original fans backfire.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLl17YXrAZY

This explains a LOT!

Note the legalities being the reason for the new Time Line. Looking forward to the day exploration and hope return ... regardless of Timeline. Much has been lost with current comprises to win over new fans. It has all but destroyed the Star Trek Series. From what I am reading and hearing, I am not sure that Discovery can save itself. Season Two looks like it has learned nothing. Good for today's short attention spans ... :P

Thankfully picard will be in a stand alone series. That said, going by the latest writers; I won't hold my breath.

N/P something is telling me to let it go once again.

Yeah I walked today for the first time in ages, only 3/4 mile but been a while, stuck inside for sometimes weeks.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ponder

This helps - simply explained, quick and effective:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3RU0CDg7t_Y

---

Listening to this now :)

EDIT: thank you for that one, was very helpful, would be better if I were thinking clearer, but maybe I'll try another time. Sorry I've been quiet, just a lot to deal with and sometimes seem impossible. I'll write a better reply later hopefully. I know you're also going through a lot so hopefully your managing.

2nd EDIT: Just realized you started your own blog, great idea and I'm thinking about it as well, hope it helps you. I know sometimes it seems feedback isn't always there when we need it the most, I guess I never really ask anymore. I know its not good, but when I most need support I tend to curl up into a ball and hide away from the world. Perhaps a blog would be great for those times to just unload because, of course, most times we answer our own questions anyway, I know I wind up going in circles most times, still comes back to me; myself; and I in this world. Life has taught me you can best rely upon ourselves when in doubt.

Just know when i come here, I usually look for your postings first. I understand if you want to try something else though, but I sort of think of you as the spine of this site.

Anyway..

I truly wish you and your family the best going forward. And I agree.. trying to remain stable in this unstable and unpredictable world is quite the chore.

Take good care of yourself.

PM Sent. :)

Full credit to you for getting back up and heading of for a long walk. 3/4 of a mile is a long walk after have stopped previous walks and then being stuck in the house for weeks. I understand that very well Sal.

I like how you keep getting back up. That is often more important than the walk. Try to think of it like that.

A genuine giving video for a change. We got sick of seeing spoiled parents and their spoiled kids + all those glorified giving videos. We thought this one to be quite genuine.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Iu4z9Ly4W30

How does this sound? I will post my more generic light hearted interests that motivate me in this space here and leave the heavy stuff and insights on my Blog? Sounds like a plan to me. I'm getting ready to power on with a new routine centered around my NDIS planning ... I'll also leave that for my blog. For now ... I just share the fun stuff that comes to mind.

I make this my last post of the day:

THE SIMS:
I'm still following a massive 66 video tutorial for Cities: Skylines and also Learning to drive trains in Raliworks Train Simulator. I've even been posting in the Farm Simulator 2017 forum. But right now it's time for me to head back into the sims for some basic 101 escapism. It might even motivate me and give me some ideas to cleaning up my routine. I've in fact just read a couple of interesting articles on just that the other day. There are pros and cons to the way this can work as you will find if you care to skim the following links:

How Playing The Sims Taught Me to Really Live

People Who Played The Sims Are Healthier And Happier, Claims Expert

It's on irony of sorts for me as my perspective on 'Success' is far removed from the way it's commonly sold. In fact the consumerist side of the game is a polar opposite to that which I yearn. That said I still agree with a lot of the healthy mind sets that can come about from using these type of living simulations. Sadly second life is off the charts when it comes to mind sets and something my wife won't allow me to play. I agree with others that second life has the potential for so much more from a game mechanics perspective. I only wish I was a game develop so I could implement many more options into the likewise games that are more aligned with my own personal insights.

Anyways .... whatever your ideals ... these kinds of simulations make for great escapes. I have all the Sims 2 and wrote a little about how I scored that through Origin many posts back in another thread. I am not sold on Sims for ... but am getting ready to load up Sim 3 via the PC platform knows as Steam.

Despite being a couple of years old, the follow short video looks to cover the history of the Sims quite well:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_M6FZc3FYp0


Just my 2 cents worth:
These games are classic examples of how great gaming mechanics are lost in the quest for graphical enhancements, leaving many previous would be fans disgruntled. Although a TV series, it happened with Star Trek Discovery :P :P :P - imo Sims 4 lost critical gaming elements and add too much irrelevant content with perhaps the sims 2 being highly regarded by many hard core fans throughout the entire series. Granted Sims 4 did have a few things new but at too much cost to those who already knew the series so well. Those not accustomed to the history of the game or new to genres typically are wowed with graphics and misunderstand unfavorable reviews. It is much the same with newly released likewise simulation games. Not always ... but typically so with pusdo commercial games like the sims. Thankfully Xplane11 was an improvement, but that's another story. I enjoy collecting many different version as what is lost in one still offers another aspect the previous ones do not have ... Sometimes we get lucky with games that have it all which is how I rate Cities Skylines from a city building perspective. Rarely does that happen.

Regarding Sims 5 ... there may yet be hope. :)
https://www.thegamer.com/the-sims-5-rumors-true-other/

The following comment in the above linked video comparison of games nailed it for me ... such things are lost in the race to wow new fans:
"sims 2 may have been limited (but) had the greatest game play of all time. the way the sim's interactions are incredibly realistic and detailed and that's what makes it genuine. For instance, if a child sees their family members fighting, they would run into another room and cry and the parent would stop what their doing, get down on one knee to the child's level and console them. That is so deep. would sims 3 and 4 do that? Nope. I feel that the creators really outdone themselves with sims 2 and its definitely the most memorable."
295 likes with many agreeable replies.

If only the newer releases kept these critical dynamics. Oh well ... is hard to get the best of everything. :)

Hi Dave..............................

Thank you Dave.. yeah, gets harder to walk when spending too much time in bed. I get back up because I don't want life to get me so easily.

Can you believe I'm still playing my old gaming systems. Maybe upgrade someday LOL :D

Wouldn't be the same without you here :)

Thanks for making my day D :) Hope the salt helped and that the ice is less of an issue?

You can't beat most of those classic games Sal. If you do, there are worth playing again and again. :)

I found a page on net and I am already so deep into it, puzzles https://www.thejigsawpuzzles.com/Puz...-jigsaw-puzzle
it calms me down so much and you can chose from 20 pieces to I believe 500 , On huge monitor it is a pleasure, Ponder you were right it is very satysfying ;) Nightgflyiers new sci fiction series,; I like it a lot a lot

Cool. Great Idea! I love the jigsaw puzzle site. Thanks for linking me up. Srry, I can't say the same about Nightflyers. I've already been involved in a few rants with other sci/fi fans on that one. It's pretty much what Star Trek has become. BUT I am glad you like it D.

I find it's not easy to find stuff that gives me a boost. More of what's an offer seems to just drag me down. I have enough drama in my life of late. Been struggling with tendencies again. My cortisol has been WAY off the charts that exercise and eating right has had no positive affect. I need to find positive influences in my life about now, (I consider you one of them) so what I take in from TV to the topics I choose to focus on ... I need to be careful in that sense. Yet I admit ... an honest approach is not always the comfortable one. In this regard I am not so easy to read. I am, and am not ... sorry about that. That's just another conflict which can make honest writing all the more harder. "Simple but not easy" ← good old - Jon Kabtt-Zin - Hope he is still going strong. :)

THANK YOU for linking that sci fi! I mean not to be down. It just made me think about the available content of late and to be honest that depresses me. I think I need to find more comedy but am out of touch with a lot of the actors, demographic, culture and so on. I don't find many of those funny. Perhaps when I am not feeling so suicidal. I find myself watching some of the older dramas as they seem pretty tame compared to now. No political correctness, gender issues, marginal hangups, sexual complexes and the array of other BS that is consistently spun into the themes of our day. I thought changing genres would help as I take over an hour to choose what the fuck ever between Netflix or Stan ... but pretty much all the genres are weighed down with that overly dramatic soul sapping content that does more to leave me feeling depleted than actual provide an relief, escape or whatever you want to call it. More likely a hit!

But not all is lost ... on occasion I do find some content that allows me an 'escape.' I find it sad that being a term many of us pick. When I am feeling more spirited, more in tune ... I can handle the gloss and even appreciate it. It's just with so much TV now doing incorporating Hollywood Block Buster Gloss ... well, I think from my perspective I find it unbalanced in a way that effects me negatively. So it is now that watching a movie or TV is something that gives me trepidation knowing just how unbalanced it's all become. Perhaps I am only one of a few that sees it this way. I don't know. Something in me tells me I am not. I am just not so easily distracted any more. Whilst this might be seen as a 'sucks to be you' kind of thing ... I choose to view it more as yet another awakening. Waking up is not some spiritual gift or blissful event ... quite the opposite. I wish I was still asleep!

Thanks D - you have kind of helped me with your sci-fi link. I have been struggling very much on just how depressed I get when flicking through the Nefitlx and Stan Menus. I think I know why now. It is what is - I'm as low as you can get with rock bottom ... I think I am ready to start healing once again. Just getting real tired of the cycles is all.

My NDIS planning ended up going quite well as the people sitting around the table in my house where very open to my insights, my fears, and my hopes. My package is somewhat different from the majority in that I handle my illness differently from most. This fact will always have me seen in a minority; even in places like here.

I think I leave it at that ... Yesterday I was talked down in a very positive way by someone from the Redress. I really really needed that. Is good to know they are getting better at handling people over the phone.

I try to post about something uplifting in my blog later today. I wanted it to be the other way around ... the light stuff here, and the heavy stuff in my blog.

I just type ... how I feel at the time. I've actually made an attempt to not dig a deeper hole. I always try in that regard - otherwise actually jumping of the chair would be an easy affair.

I know ponder, the cycles drain me and leave me seemingly less able to repair each time. Totally get the cortisol being off, I take prednisone that directly affects that hormone, leaves you shaky and unable to sleep well. Do you know why its off? I'm unsure what can be done to correct it naturally. Sleep isn't refreshing or restoring for me, I wake up like I was hit by a sledgehammer most days.

I just like to hear form you here or there no matter light or heavy, just feel when you go quiet you are suffering in silence and I know that all too well - trust me.

This is a rough time of the year for a lot of us, sometimes we can blame it on that, triggers are strong for me now. Family and celebrating and everything.

I walked today again in the cold 1 mile and it was almost silent and I had time to think (not all good but important) and I feel I'm accomplishing something again. Sort of in zombie-mode though during the holidays but I try to not be a complete scrooge, at least outwardly as beast as I can. The lights are pretty and some (not the religious stuff) are nice to hear and I can get into frosty the snowman.

Anyway, we care about you here, you'll be back up again and going strong soon enough.

Thx Sal - I got plans today. All good. Walking detoxes in many ways. :) I like your style with the trudging through. We hard cases obviously knows what works, otherwise we would not continue to forge on like we do.

Keep posting while you can ... it's helping a lot of people and beleive it or not ... the forum is slowly ... slowly seeing more activity. I see this forum as one of the more grounded places to be.