Printable View
You know, these apps that tell you when people are on, if they read your messages etc, are more trouble than they're worth! Ignorance is bliss in some cases I think. But I get why this makes you anxious, because you found out about your ex via email and whatever. Maybe you should delete this WhatsApp thing for now and just stick to texts and phone calls when you aren't together?
Hi needtogetwell, thank you ..
I had company in the city for 11 years and it went under at the same time as my marriage split. I haven't worked for a year due to the problems with my self esteem / anxiety / relationship etc.
So currently I'm trying to restart a career, any career really, although I am scared of making arrangements and interviews etc, I'm scared that If I am anxious / under around the time, I will get more anxious feeling that I have to deal with people.
When I'm suffering I keep my head down and don't do anything. I know that this is not helping but I'm really struggling to find the strength to rise above it and consequently worried that I have maybe lost the spark and the drive.
I right music a lot but that stops when the demons kick in too.
I feel like a failed man really. I have a beautiful 7 year old daughter who I have with Wednesday to Saturday, which also makes a full time job impossible for the moment. If I was full time working I would only see my daughter every other weekend.
Your right about my partner though, she is loving & compassionate and has shown me many times over the years that she loves me. The fact that she is still here is proof in itself.
We had moved into her house and that lasted about a year as it became a pressure cooker for me.
I have tested her strength time and time again, and also I've been dumped time & again..
In some ways I wish I was not in love with her because then I would not have to deal with these insecurities .. But then, it would be the same in my next relationship?
Its really good to hear different opinions on here, and I have been ready a lot too ..
It seems that I really really have to get motivated to fix myself ... nobody else can do it ..Therapy, Diet, keeping myself calm and avoiding any behaviour that makes em feel worse .. checking etc.
Thanks Gypsylee, I was just thinking about deleting whatsapp an hour ago .. so I will do that now!
DONE - GONE :)
And yes I too think that the ridiculous digital spying behaviour came from the past trauma .. Emails, Facebook, online mobile accounts, I became quite good at it ... How sad am I?
One therapist said that I'm trying to foresee any danger before it happens.
My partner is gorgeous, whitty, clever, successful, sexy, she's an amazing girl .. To loose someone so special because I'm too scared of what she may do is just ridiculous.
I really appreciate your replays and it is really good to be able to share this .. I have a warm family and good friends .. But this is really great .. thank you
Oh and lastly .. I am so far gone with these behaviours and negative thoughts .. I am really going to try from this moment .. not to check a thing .. :)
Hi Hoping,
Well it seems that you do know what you have to do and that's a great place to start from. Good for you deleting the app. With time hopefully the impulse to download it again will fade.
Here's a thought..... It seems that you have a lot of time on your hands which can be disastrous for those of us with anxiety issues. Rather than fixing everything at once, which we both know is not going to happen, try one small step at a time.
When you feel the need to check in on the girlfriend, how about going out for a short walk down the road and back. If you have some headphones put on some music you really like and walk. Look around at your surroundings, notice the little things, how green the grass is, how the sky looks. What I am trying to get you to do is live in the now. Right here, right now, appreciate and notice what is around you. It takes a bit of practice but can be really helpful to refocus your racing mind. If when you get back from the walk you still feel the need to touch base with your girlfriend then do it.
Small steps, you will get there.
OK, so I just deleted whatsapp ... Deactivated Facebook.
I have the login details for email .. and Skype .. and hotmail ...
Previously, I admitted having accessed these and asked my partner to change them so that I could not access.
So I really don't want to admit the same thing again, but I need to get her to change them so I cannot access them if I want to ..
Any ideas? This sounds ridiculous I know
:)
Good work! Sometimes we have to actually "ban" ourselves from things that stress us out. For example, I've had to block certain people on Facebook just so I won't stalk them so easily LOL.
Thanks Needtogetwell,
I will take your advice and force myself to move .. get out ... anything but sit still and think ...
When people or articles I have read suggest this, I have instantly said no in mind, I'm not strong enough ..
But .. Doctors, therapists or drugs can't change this for me can they, I have to find that inner strength on my own...
And just for reference, I went to see my ill girlfriend this afternoon, she told me about her holiday in Ibiza, showed me pics, told me what they did ......
I basically came away thinking "what the F*&k kind of a story had I created in my mind!"
I will do this .. I can do this ..
Thank you
Thanks! I actually created a fake Facebook page a couple of years ago as I was blocked from girlfriend on my own .. Jees .. Basically creating my own little world of digital pain!
How the hell have I got to this! No more .. deactivate / ban / block :)
I think you should just ask her to change the login details and tell her you deleted the app, because you are making an effort to not check on her all the time and don't want to be tempted to log in to those accounts. I think she'll appreciate that.
That's the thing with all this online stuff - you do create stories in your mind when you don't have all the info. So it's better to not even have access to it sometimes. I don't know why the creators of these apps have to make them so you can see when people were online or if they've read your messages or whatever. It must cause so many dramas.