Ponder

Went up to the park with my grandson were we kicked the ball together. It was a nice chilly and windy late afternoon. The fresh air was quite invigorating. I think we will do that again tomorrow.

Your Higher Self~ Spirit Explains What that Means & Soul vs Spirit:

An interesting perspective:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wUv5F2W2OLw

My response:

ThThank You ... I found this very helpful. Makes me want to quiet the mind so I can talk with my real self. : ) - Not sure i appreciate that cycling process though. That I question, like I do when others reason a need for hell and heaven. Not saying it does not exist, more so ... question the need for such suffering. In that light, I tend to see validation for prison planet theory and false lights unwittingly spreading and imprinting programs designed to keep us trapped. Another way to say it, is that I question the Cost of such knowledge and therefor care less for it like I do the reeducation centers we put people into that are not living according to the greater will. I don't require those I love to go through hell in order to gain more knowledge so that I and all my friends can grow. That's not love, that's entirely something else. None the less - I gleaned from this. Thank You.

May you overcome your identity/complex with the masculine and feminine. It is strong within you and those that feed of you. The more you wrestle, the more it grows inside you. Continue to draw from the tunes of others who they themselves adopt old complexes and creating new ones in you. Until you yourself can silence the narrative the wells within, you will continue to express pain and suffering as clearly as you do.

Best leave negative complexes to feed off each other as they have done and will continue to do. They will continue to repeat the same old tune and hate as they do.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8EKuqqX6qKA

There we go ... much better.

https://i.ibb.co/G07n5L7/1486315602-giphy.gif

Got be honest though ... that ten minute info session redone by another individual leaves out any point that offers a solution at the end ... leaving me in the usual state of feeling rather hollow in this proposed hologram. Hmmmm - Stay out of the realm of others and they no longer exist .. although depends on how you attach to the trauma we are well so known to inflict. In that case you carry with you the negative aspects of that last visit. Perhaps the reverse being more the key, detaching from said events that led to whatever in order to enjoy that static that comes from no more connections. Like flicking the switch off resulting in the above animation which feels might fine to me. In fact here is a link to some sound to go with it for an assist:

BEST USED WITH HEADPHONES http://www.sherv.net/cm/emo/laughing/rolling.gif
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g4mHPeMGTJM&t=79s

I could care less about the title because it's never as easy as just listening to something - BUT - as someone desensitized beyond staring at a Netflix screen for several hours wondering WTF there is to watch; the sounds on this one will do the trick for tonight:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P1F9MiPr2Vs

Got through my pre opp appointment pretty good today. Only 8 days to go ... BUT stupid me fell of my damn scooter again. I landed on the same shoulder but slammed the side of my head pretty hard into the ground. Thankfully I had a helmet on and it worked pretty good. A+++++ Also again in full view of spectators. No more damage to my ligament as it's already torn, but I did pull my chest muscle and it *&^%ing hurts when I cough or try to move around. I can't be *&^%ed seeing a doctor about it so close to the operation coming up. To be honest it's not that long ago I posted how I fell once more after busting the shoulder where I badly pulled my calf muscle which took more than 8 days to heal. As long as I don't have any cuts or rashes on the day of opp ... I will good to go under.

I was not going to post about it ... but figured I need to ponder on the deeper stuff that's just been welling for some time now. It's not all bad. This time my wife seemed OK about it as all three of us were out as a family among others in the community. Out in a park. Ironically I was teaching the little guy how to ride safely. Long story short there were a lot of A-holes out and about with total disregard for other families and their kids. I'm glad my wife could see it as well. Normally she is put off with my lack of tolerance with the way so many disrespect, but not today. It nice to see my wife finally starting to shy away from public events. I have convinced her to try out some secluded spots where the three of us can do the same things, but without others in the way.

I don't know what else to say. I'll just grab a cold pack from the freezer, another pill I often say I don't take and kick back with more of these tunes. The next few weeks I will be on pain meds quite a bit - but that's all good. These are not the kind of pills I refer to when saying I don't like to take meds. Having mentioned just that, the senior nurse looked quite shocked after reading my diagnoses and reports to discover I don't take meds. I had to list several copping strategies and list my supports in order to convince her that I was at least appeared to be OK. The symptoms of my insanity are not so bad in comparison tot he listed side effects I went on about ... and it was when I went down that tact that she seemed to let up with her own resistance with the other nurse listening on with great intrigue. Fact is ... the anesthetist told me he calls all the meds poison and prefers not to have people on the long term. Then we spoke about how much pain meds I was going to need. It was a good discussion. I don't mind that guy. The nurses were OK to. Basically I told them any issues that arise will all be me and that I would be happy to remove myself from the building if I find myself unable to cope with whatever. They seemed genuine in wanting to help me avoid any unnecessary triggers so that I may heal as best I can over the few days following the ligament replacement.
____________________

BUT ... today's fall ... it's just never going to end is best I can gather from that. Submit is the beckoning I hear coming from above. I did make my wife smile though when I crawled back onto my feet and told her my shoulder was now feeling much better. Today she told me here tinnitus is troubling her. Hers is more a lower frequency than mine,so I shared the above link which she gave a thumbs up for. Hopefully we can go out to this secluded spot sooner than later and find a few more away from people in general. We are planning a star gazing night out of town in about 3 weeks time ... but my shoulder recovery might put that on hold I thinks. That said, we are look at getting a telescope for the little guy that we can all enjoy using. It's an old past time of mine. I used to sketch what was in the eye piece. Many of those nights has a spiritual like feel to them when I was not freezing my ass off. (relatively speaking of course)

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz Best go grab that ice pack and heal as best I can over the next 8 days. I figure I am going to be hurting like hell in the morning and for the next 4. I try not to laugh when the doctor asks me why I might be struggling so hard to hop up on the opp table when I do. I have no *&^%ing idea what I am going to tell him. "That damn scooter again ..." I guess will do. I was in fact back on it after my fall today as the sun was calling me to that pond spot I often go. Late afternoon sun in winter feels might fine this time of year. The slightly still water was also good.

ZZZzzzzzzzzzzzz Night night .... http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/sleep/sleep.gif

I swear that scooter is trying to tell my something about life.

*&^%ing sore as - BUT, feeling quite spirited all things considered. I can breathe much easier today without the having to take shallow breaths. The scuff marks on my helmets rubbed out reasonably well. Time to shake myself off and gently move on with the rest of the week. The sun it looking mighty fine. I love the combo of cold weather and a little warm sun.

The day did not unfold as pleasantly as I previously posted. Ate shit food which instantly made me feel like shit. Why do I keep doing it?

Not so spirited today as last night I strugled to sleep with my newly aquired injury. I'm also not sure whether to bring it up with the doctor as doing so might see my up comming oppetation cancled.

I woke up in a painful knot with my right pectorial still protesting at my stupidity with repeatded scooter accidents and my right kidney area in as much pain because of the weird positions I was forced to sleep in.

Zzzzzzzzz. I best continue with Cold Pack today. I give it a couple more days before seeing GP.