Best of luck!
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Best of luck!
omg, seems an impressive list. What can you list that is positive?
Good luck, stay safe!
Just wanted anyone to know that the man who started this thread is one of the most amazing individuals I have ever had the privilege of calling my friend.
Miss you being here E-man. I'm sure there are many others who do too.
And yet many others who would greatly benefit from you!
Cheers my friend. Love and blessings always!
Hey man
you have to get through each day. Something I find helpful when your in your head about stuff, is write it down like you are already but try and leave the negatives off the list.
Write down everything you do/achieve in your day no matter how small....small wins will get you through
for example for me today:
1) woke up
2) got out of bed (that's mega hard atm)
3) got in the shower and made sure I was clean
4) made toast for breakfast
5) drove successfully to Nottingham without getting lost or taking wrong roads/motorways
6) achieved everything I got given to do on my list upon arrival at the office
7) just about went and got lunch and AD tablets (prescription)
just break each day down like this.
having forums like this will really help because by the looks of it theres people here who may be going through what you are and do get it
even when it seems like the world doesn't get you
I hope that helps
blessings
chris.
hello jessed03
doh! who's Eman i am a newby
I made my last post on February 2nd of this year. As I read it, it looks almost exactly the same as things are right now. I hadn't told anyone that Chloe is back in jail again until March because of the same shit as the last 5 times. Drugs. She ran my car into a ditch, police showed up, found a damn needle in her purse, off to jail. Heroin. Sent Kim, basically a wife after 10 years in a relationship, that I'm glad that her dumbass is gone for good, and she is not exactly what I am looking for to be a part of my future life, in any way at all. Plus, she's not what I would have thought a person that was in college until age 26, would be, act like, know, treat others, and I learned that her education didn't mean shit in any way, shape, or form. She was an idiot. I am way less stressed with her gone too.
enow, I just either sit, or lay in this room. Although since the new med, I was able to go to a shooting range for 1 hour a couple days ago and try to get my 9's sighted in, and then go and see my granddaughter yesterday too. I have some abilities now, but they are generally limited in time. That's the problem. Now I stay up late, and sleep until 4pm or so. And, I take this damn Ritalin and it only works for 3 hours and 20 minutes until I'm ready to fall over. It used to work all day. Now, I have to change meds to Adderall so I can actually get my sleep patterns back, and, stay awake more then 3 hours. I also spend much time on Facebook chatting with people too, and also on a drug forum trying to learn about this Adderall shit before I have to take it. I am well versed about it now. I know what to expect, but not sure what its really going to do until December 12th...She put me on fentanyl so that I could ride in a car, sit in a chair, get off of the bed and it screwed everything up. *sigh*...
I decided to come back here, to see what I could actually do, accomplish, achieve, and to see who I could possibly help that actually needs help. The last 3 times that I have tried to help someone on Facebook, I was left in a position of sadness, despair, grief, and wondered why, what happened, how this happened, and why people act as they do anymore. Helping others, is the ONLY thing that helps me to feel better. I have so many issues, problems, questions, troubles, and helping others helps to minimize the piles of shit that I myself have to deal with, cope with, and face. It was as if, the people there didn't understand what an act of kindness was? Or, that there has to be some kind of catch and I'm going to violate them somehow? Its really f***** up over there. I remove 3 out 5 friends that I gain most every day because they are bullshit fake profiles, set up by a criminal that is going to attempt to scam suckers out of money. I can see that. Basically, I am getting tired of the fakes, frauds, and the things that people post now on there too. It's almost pathetic to me. You all know what sells?
Anyway, so I have actually been able to get out of this house a few times this year. I told my X exactly what I thought. I know how I'm going to handle this drug change. I know where I'm going for Thanksgiving and I know what I'm giving thanks for, and for who too. I have not heard a word from my oldest daughter in over 2 months and she's only 10 miles north, so I don't know about that. I do know, that she again failed her State given drug test to regain custody of her baby girl. Her brain is all f****** up and there is nothing I can even do about that at all when she's 23 either. I also spoke to Chloe today at the jail and she's doing fine. I plan to try to go see her next Saturday as well. I ordered a compound bow, arrows, targets, just to give me something to do that doesn't require me to drive or ride in the car. And I bought 2 so Chloe can have her own, and practice with me, spend time with me, right out back too. I have a scooter that I sometimes get out on to ride but usually no more then an hour. Hurts my back of course, but it gets me outside. Tried out some dating sites, that were all complete failures and I wouldn't meet with any of the ones that I chatted with but I had one that seemed to be a possibility, seemed honest, truthful, so I stayed with it and tried to make it work out so we could meet and get together to see if we were compatible with each other. I gave her $700 because she had been giving me hints, clues, signs, that something was on her mind. So, I asked her. Um, is there something bothering you dear? Yes, I need $700 to enroll into nursing school by a certain date so I can get all my textbooks and everything, but that isn't your problem, I'll figure something out....She went to New York, took a trip, hit a chuckhole and blew out a tire and bent a rim. It cost $290 to fix that. Then, on her way back the fuel pump quit working about 300 miles from home. So what did she do? Called me and asked for $200 more to fix it? After her bullshit lie about nursing school fees? Hey Tammy, f*** you! Good luck! And, don't call me again you pathetic scammer!..I got played for about a month. I will never join another one again. If I am going to meet the right one, I have to first off, be awake for more then 3 hours. Then, get out of here and make a plan as to where and when I will find her. This is something that really needs to happen, and not just because I need a girlfriend or wife either. I can't really tell all here. There are reasons, and the timing must be right too. Jessed knows what's up. Jessed knows what the plans are. I can tell you that my two kids need an actual real mother figure, and that is 95% of it too. That is my hopes, dreams, and will make me happy just to see them happy again. I haven't seen them actually happy, about anything, in almost 10 years. So, this woman, whoever I finally choose, will have to be interested in the things that they will be wanting to do because I am limited on the things that I can do. Lots of different outdoor activities regarding water sports and such. Cabin living, as they will both have their own cabins on the property too. With all of the comforts of a real home. I know where they'll be most of the time. LOL!! My X, is incapable of any of the things that they will need, to make me smile and happy. She won't be permitted to work either. Another thing my X was incapable of too. She just isn't equipped or in a shape to be, what they both need for a mother to be. Glad, happy, enthused, that she is gone forever. Part of my Thanksgiving Holiday.
So, good to be back. Going to write now. Put some real future plans on paper. And hope that this turns out to be a good day, not only for me, but for you too.
Blessings.
E-Man.
I haven't been around too for a while. Some very big changes traumatized me for a bit personally. Life has a way of cleansing the energies. Every so often. Some can be seen as a complete shake up but when the dust settles we can see the greater plan that we were unaware of during the upheaval.
Remember friend, the energy you put out creates what returns to you. In a sense, your whole life and all of its experiences spring from a well inside you. This includes everyone you see and their lives too. You are interconnected.
The purpose of meeting that person on the date site and the following experience was to clear the crap inside you that attracted that sort of person. Only then can you meet someone who is your 'match'. She will always match your inner energy, what you think, what you don't know you think, and both your conscious ideals and unconscious ones. This too is the reason for the friction and conflicts on Facebook. It's in you. And if I did not tell you or anyone reading this, it would be a disservice. One must absolutely look at their experiences and if they are not ideal, find the thinking patterns that create the energies projected and change them, even in the face of physical opposition. Meaning if the begin to think differently but yet your experiences remain the same, continue with your new thoughts and allow time for the energies to change your immediate world.
It's not the dating sites, its you, and whom you attract.
Finally, this message has always been consistant in its content, dating way back in this very thread you remember. Youve got to have the determination to change your beliefs and shock your system if necessary, turning your current world temporarily upside down if you wish to have a new life and new experiences.
Enough of creating and getting what you don't want, you see? You are proficient in that due to your beliefs (do you believe that?). And rather than placate me, you must decide enough is enough, youve had enough of life as it is, and have the courage and strength to change the old patterns that govern you, accepting the changes that will follow. The courage to change your beliefs in the face of what your old beliefs are creating is both utterly edifying and difficult, but a most important part of your personal journey.
When will enough be enough? In giving you these repeated messages I am truly the face and voice of your guardian angel who tries so desperately to break through. You are as stubborn as you know who (family member)....!!
The mental creates the physical, period. When will you accept that and take back control of your mind and thoughts? And stop bowing and giving your power over to the physical and your senses. Your senses corroborate the mental, so if life is not going as you wish, you must change your mind about it, literally. And do this consistantly in the physical face of what you don't want, because for years you have been creating a certain way based on your beliefs, you must give the new thinking even if forced a time to take hold in the soil of your mind. So you say 'I feel great today' repeatedly in the face of pain. Or 'I will meet my perfect soulmate soon' even as you are with the person from hell.
In the past when I told you this for instance in regard to dealing with mother, you necessarily did not believe in it, or give it enough time and effort to shift reality. Even though you were beginning to see a subtle change in the relationship. You completely ignored the signs but we're beginning to feel differently and everything around you was changing. So two components are necessary. You must believe in the power of your mind, and give yourself time to see results. Looking for the small changes first. Or a big monumental change depending on how sick you are of your current life.
When will messages like this 'snap' or 'click' within you? Hopefully not after many more wasted years.
Find within yourself the determination to change yourself, and not look to change physical reality itself or blindly react to it. So many of you are under its mesmerizing spell that you have forgotten that you create it through mental processes.
Interestingly enough, you will know you are healing and changing when you no longer have the need to help anyone else (regarding the specific topic you yourself are working through). You will un derstand this statement soon.
Oh guys it is good you came back, both of you, I miss you so much and AF really needs some order now. :))) Welcome back
Good to see you both again as well. I read your post IM. I had some minor issues today yet overlooked one of them, and attacked the other one. I had asked my Mother to join my Father and I for Thanksgiving because we were FORCED to celebrate that day of thanks, alone, because of what (3) of his own family members did to him last year and NONE of his family down there (25 to 28 people) even called him to notify him of what was happening. His ONLY sister, last remaining next of kin, was put into a nursing home. HE was to be given her car. An Olds with 30K on it. Well, the (3) took everything out of her house, and took the car too. Then, we he called to inquire as to his sister, and the car? She was fine, and the car was inoperable and in terrible condition. Then, 2 weeks later, they are driving the car to Florida. They destroyed all trust, faith, hope, in his entire family and that is where my Mother is going. I told her to have fun with those greedy, selfish, lying, destructive, inconsiderate, insensitive people. And, I DEMANDED that she keep both boats too. I had told her that I needed all of her important information when she passes so I know what to do, and also to keep both boats in case one breaks down on the other side of the lake. Plus, the boat that she was wanting to sell was only $500 because it was broken, and I fixed it. I told her that I do not care that your neighbor wants it, just tell him that it is no longer available, sorry, period.
That, is not me. Her desire to sell it, could easily be changed at the request of her Son that will actually let his own kids use it. Imagine how hard it was last year to tell my Son that we could not take the boat out on the water, because "Your Grammy said that she can't afford the boat insurance, sorry Son" when I only see him for (1) week a year? And he knows, that she has millions of dollars too. She, is sick. My kids, come first. Both boats will be in the water, insured, running, fueled, ready to go have fun. I will not LIE and say that I can't afford the insurance when I have nearly $3 million in investments. She's a complete selfish, greedy, inconsiderate, insensitive, dumbass. And, when she passes, I will actually live life as what life was meant to be lived. Not sit on a pile of money, drink vodka, talk to a dog, and tell all my kids and grandkids that they are pathetic pieces of shit. Period. I will be happy as hell, to be able to provide my family and kids, with a real, happy, stress free, fun, enjoyable, entertaining, fulfilling, life. The End.
Other then that, all is well. Just waiting for some hunting bows that I had ordered so I could go out back and actually have some entertainment, fun, and a hobby myself. Not much else that I can do, besides ride a scooter. The gun range is about $30 to $40 a visit. So, I am not real sure about that one. Maybe one time a month, Chloe and I will go shooting. I am not yet, a multi-millionaire. LMAO!! "I'm broke"...HHAHHAAAHA!!!
My Father's family? Pathetic. Destroyed, everything that he even looked forward to. **** all of them. They mean nothing to me either, just like they now mean nothing to my Father. A kind, giving, selfless, thoughtful man. They s*** on him, his feelings, his thoughts, his emotions, and broke him and his heart. They are worthless to us both, and always will be too.
Going out for a ride I think. Great to see you both!
E-Man
I believe that I found things that were good, although they may have hurt the feelings of the people on the receiving end of my engagement to communicate a very clear and precise point to them.
I ordered my selfish parent, that is a female, to keep the boat that I fixed for us to use, when I could actually fix things which is why it was so cheap to begin with. She stated that her neighbor wanted to buy it because he now has water up to his boat walk after the dredging was completed. I told her that I do not give a shit it he has water, your Son worked on that boat, and your Son also had to lie to his Son because you had said that you couldn't afford to insure it, so we could not use it, and enjoy it last year. And, parent, my Son knows that you're a millionaire and can afford $165 too. So, keep the boat, and, send the damn bill over here when you receive it and we will pay for it so my kids can actually go out on the lake, in a boat, as the boat, was made and designed to do. I refuse to tell him that you can't afford that bill, again. Also, have a great Thanksgiving with my Father's own family that broke his heart, and caused him to lose the most important day, event, celebration of the year for him when they stole all of his only Sister's personal items, and also her car that everyone in the family knew, was to be given to HIM. They took it, and told him that it was inoperable, and unrepairable too. Then 2 weeks later they are driving it to Florida. So essentially, my Father's own family, destroyed his trust, hope, faith, and care for his entire family because of their actions, decisions, lies, behaviors, to steal from his Sister, and him too. My Father is the kindest, most sincere, genuine, caring, giving, thoughtful man that I even know. And, they offered him nothing but selfishness, greed, lies, misleading, inconsiderate, insensitive actions that they possibly could have and ruined his plans, hopes, enjoyment, happiness, at the day of Thanks that was the ONLY day he ever saw all 28 of them. He will never return. Hope you have a wonderful time with them, MOM.... I gave her, what she gives me. And, that was something good. I enjoyed every minute of it too.
I also told exactly the moment that I instantly stopped giving a shit about my X. I wondered why, I could care less about her, suddenly, after 10 years? I found it when I was cleaning out my email today. I had told her that I had written her a letter. (28) pages long, 3 hours to complete. I asked her for her address to send it as there is nothing abusive, harmful, blaming, insulting, upsetting in the whole thing. She said "no, I don't want it. You just keep it, or get rid of it"....There was the answer. I gave her the answer, to her question and the exact moment, the exact event, the exact time and day that anything that I felt for her, disappeared in an instant like a Genie. POOF! Gone...That, was something good. It made me feel good. I told her to go dig a hole.
That was on October 25th. I was deleting emails and found one from her, sent to me on the 19th of this month. It said "I was thinking about calling you and asking you if YOU had calmed down yet?"...What the f***?....If I was calmed down? She was the only one yelling on the 25th, and she was the one that denied, refused, disallowed, and didn't want a (28) page letter written to her...HAAHHAAHA!!! I can hardly wait to sit down at the Thanksgiving table with complete strangers and give thanks, that the most well educated, stupid, dumb, and idiotic person that I will ever have known in my life, is GONE....How grateful, I truly am. My Dad, and I. Thanksgiving together because of the actions, choices, decisions, and betrayals, of FAMILY. What a wonderful day this will be, and it is approaching quickly too. I can hardly wait.
So, I searched for, and I found, many things that were good, and made me feel good too. A real sense of accomplishment. Even though, I didn't leave this very chair. I am happy with today.
I also wish you all, the very best too. Find something good, or, as I did today. Just create something good all by yourself.
Blessings.
E-Man