My experience with demon exorcism
My experience with demon exorcism is not your typical movie scenario like 'The Rite' with Anthony Hopkins and or Rosemary's Baby or even The Exorcist. That said a dose of Evangelical/Pentecostal/Charismatic Spirituality mixed with Sleep Paralysis can make the hairs stand up on the back of your neck. First you need to be indoctinated with years of brainwashing as a child and then brought up in a dysfunctional home and thereafter be passed around from home to home before you eventually roll out the other side into the world's gutter somewhat premature for what's on offer.
Wind the clock back a little before being ejected. Whilst in Sunday school we did not get the heavy lectures on the 'Mark of the Best' ... in church we did! There my brother and I were also taught that the African drums where a tool for summoning the devil. I remember this now plain as day. The pastor was from Wales and he had a very thick accent and was worshiped for it like they worshiped Jesus. Or perhaps it was another? I do remember how they would bang their fist and accent words with authority when talking about such things. (Not unlike my step Dad the other night when talking about his rights) The descriptive nature on topics such as Spiritual Warfare were quite graphic to say the least. Before CGI I would give these sermons a 9 out of 10 for special effect! Once you combine such masterful telling's that would put Tony Robbins to shame with a little well time music on the side with consolidating prayers well though out in advance, such persuasive and powerful sermons back in the day had people hooked like candy. Many of these creators and followers would go on to be involved in the new age fad that is well known today.
For me this was all the rage in the 70's. My mother was one of the one's hooked on this stuff like a drug. My brother and I used to be dragged around from town to town attending such teachings in a pajamas. I mentioned it before, but this is the context in how as kids we ended watching up a film about 'The Mark of The Best 666' where if you did not take the mark a police man would turn up on a motor bike with a guillotine on the back of it. People who were caught without the mark of the beast we decapitated on the spot. I beleive it was a series of propaganda movies based on the Rapture & Anti Christ found in The Christian Bible in Revelations:
https://i.ibb.co/NVgkvPY/movie-poster-1.jpg
https://i.ibb.co/3pNxbWR/movie-3.jpg
Back then the Assembly of God Church used to show films like these as if it was Gilligan's Island.
Sorry to drag this on. I do however think it important to note the grooming my brother and I underwent as children aged 7 and 9. I can't understate how this facet of the 70's left a wake of *&^%ed up minds from all those other kids that were subject to this kind of doctrine. It's like our current plandemic but on another phycological induced level. I went onto many foster homes that were heavily involved in this kind of thing and a school that banned parents from reading news papers and going to the movies. Once more I have shared how I was dragged out of the movies watching star wars or something to that effect. I can't remember because of the scene my parents made when making a scene. Basically as kids we were heavily indoctinated and deeply entrenched into the Evangelical CULT that was more accepted by main stream than most could fathom today. It is still very much alive and thriving today, but much more compromising and markets to the main stream than ever before. Those that did not fit but wanted something different typically opted for the New Age fad of the 50/60 and thriving 70s. Take your pick.
OK: Demon Exorcism Number One
The Laying On of Hands:
Not which place. It could of been the Christian drug rehab we all held hands in the park praying out loud with public spectators giving us weird looks "The freaks are out again!" or in some aboriginal mission half way during a sermon. Someone in the group will give a speech about someone being in need within said groups for a 'release.' These random episodes were built up to with music either played from a ghetto blaster or by a band. It mattered little which as the formula is pretty much the same. Music and Praying in Tongue as depicted in todays → version I think she has been seeing Tony Robins on the side for a bit of everything. SHHHHHH
Long story short people get caught up in the desire to belong having fallen victim to the emotional buildup where when called out by a similar method that any serial packet psychic would use - people line up whilst the practicing Demon Hunter would lay hands on that person ... continue a public speech for all to hear that entails shame and blame ... music changing pitch and pace not unlike in a movie following along ... the preacher or pastor depending your denomination and indoctrination would start waving their hand in front of you. It's kind of a dance with all that electrified emotion buzzing around the congregation in sync with the music and the literation spewing forth from the directors mouth. People would either faint, play along ... whatever - some would hit the floor without being caught and start to convulse - I LOOSEN THE DEVIL!!! would cry out the hand that struck down the vessel. I LOOSEN THE DEVIL!!! would come again in an almighty projected voice that would see people on the ground twitch all the more. By this stage the younger audience that were not as well exposed as my brother and I would start to cling to their trusted carers. lol - I wonder how many foster kids were getting around. Sigh ... Hell - I even say people visiting for the first time slowly walk for the back door. I'm telling you true as night and day this shit was either lapped up or had people running for the doors.
OMG - I am truly laughing my guts up here but it really was sad that we had to endure that BS. Takes a breath. Man - You know ... there was something about how I processed all that. Whilst I was indoctinated to some degree, something inside me knew there was something wrong with all that ... that it seemed fake but watching everyone getting hooked and it all unfolding like that as a kid was another level of scary. I knew these people were the ones watching over me and I really had no choice in what to do. I just played along until I was ejected and hit the gutter.
Whilst feeling it was fake I still did struggle with the whole Rapture thing that when I was home with my mother and they did not come back from shopping, I would get caught up with chills telling my brother that Jesus had come and our parents where raptured (taken up into heaven) and we were left behind. When they got home saw how worried we were and I explained I thought the second coming had happened (Jesus Returned) and that my brother and I were left behind ... they got the local preacher to come see us and 'sort us out' Me - I chalk that down to the propaganda BS and all that dragging us around in our PJs to all those cult sermons on the god damn topic.
I take a break or start a new post on the next level of Demonic Possession as I would come to know it. ;)
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Part Two - Demonic Possession - Thought Forms That Can Kill
4am and still no sleep. However I will write from this prison I now find myself in. It really is all in the mind but the facts as I have come to know them is how real and disabling such thought forms can come to be. The new fang dangled word not really understood by most happy go self thriving bliss seekers of today is MANIFEST! Today that is mostly about Money, Wealth, Job Security, Status and Health. Back in my day when I was a teenage chronic acholic and drug addict sleeping on the city streets, manifesting to me was more about fear and pain. All that shit I just previously posted about regardless of my childhood intuition, was about to get very VERY REAL.
Behind Closed Doors:
When you are at your lowest and I've really covered that in my earlier posts when hitting this forum - all that childhood indoctrinating was something that I found myself clinging too (when finding myself more vulnerable) as I was going from and to Christian Rehabs and Outreach Accommodations. I neve lasted long at those places but whilst there I did open myself up to one on ones usually involving two people and myself. The first version was on public display when I was much younger but now I was subject to private dealings involving the next level of exorcism. It involved the usual angelic babblings and laying on of hands but before you entered into that stage you underwent a more formal interview asking questions about exposure to drugs, phonography then into other religions, eastern philosophies, then into exposure to like wise trinkets, Satan worshiping and on and on.
My homeless experience led me into crossing paths with pretty much all that to some degree or other. I was mostly a spectator but did experiment with casting spells like many others did [quick FAD back in the day but I did sense the physiological changes [body heating up] when playing around like so]. I am a very visual person and once again whilst not always feeling it to be right opened myself up to all kinds of thought forms and embraced them whilst participating. Not everything I did was fully involvement and it did not have to be. Like if you just attended a Hare Krishnas soup kitchen then they considered you to have demons. Especially if you were (in today's word) in a low vibrational state which I was for most of my homeless years. To some degree I am open to the idea of how that can work but I share that latter in terms of recovery if I dare.
For now it is enough to know that the level of exorcism that I had undergone on my behind closed doors was from there point of view quite serious. During that time I was still skeptical despite still believing in the concept of Jesus. That was more a security blanket I would us to find comfort on and off the street. Long story short I think the damage to my psyche was the act of being involved with people continually shaming and blaming me. I keep saying that or bringing up that aspect but that is how religion works on all levels - Point Blank. But to keep in tune with the personal performance of people praying over you with dead certainty from their position gets a little chilling when you feel they beleive what they are doing. I said three times when I started this, I think I meant I experience three different types of releasing demons. The more I think about it ... this happened to me more regularly than I care to admit. But I did not shake and convulse or feel any spirits leave me.
Everyone wants to become a demon slayer and or healer.
Self Exorcism -
I guess the other aspect of releasing demons is being taught how to do it yourself. Sleep paralysis can be a bitch when indoctrinated like so. Comes back to that story where I was swept off the streets by a pastor's son and taken to his home. That night I had what would become a repeating event. I would wake up paralyzed unable to breathe properly looking at myself from the roof down. I saw myself laying on the top bunk where the pastor's kid said I could sleep. I'm pretty sure this was the first episode of this phenomena called sleep paralysis. This is not something you want with a background as mine.
I switched from being on the roof looking down at myself to being back in the bed looking up. I wanted to get up but there was a weight holding me down and so strong it was I was unable to breathe. I pushed my mind with all I called to verbalize 'In the name of Jesus' as I was taught to do as a child in all matters of spiritual warfare. The fact I was struggling for breath scared me all the more and made me feel that this shit was real. Slowly I was able to stutter out some words ... I kept reciting as I had seen all those preacher do before me. Eventually I was able to come up with IN THE NAME OF JESUSE I LOSSEN YOU!!! I started to breath and was able to move but was scared shittless over what had happened. I can't remember if I woke the other guy up ... when I say kid he was in his early 20s ... I was 17 having already been homeless for some time.
I do remember that when I asked him if he heard me struggling he said yes but he too was unable to get up. Now I will never know if that is true but I can tell you I sensed the fear in him that morning and after he told his dad I was ejected out of that house quicker than you can say I LOOSEN YOU!!!
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I went on to suffer more episodes for years to come. I eventually gave up calling upon Jesus but was still scared shittless. I thank my wife as she helped me give up my relgion. My family hate her for that and will probably have a clause in the will that I must not be with her. My wife has stood by my side all these years whatever way I look at it. Whereas now my family just want absolution for all the BS. My sister started going on about my wife when she brought up all that parents will shit. Point is - I really owe my wife for helping me give up religion. She saw me struggling to do so over our 30 years. I would say I finally gave it up 'Completely' about 12 years ago when I was 40. Believe me when I say depending on how entrenched you become it can take a life time to give up that shit.
As for thought forms - I do beleive those are real and that's another nightmare in itself yet can be mastered to some degree. I have come to see mainstream non secular types just as hoodwinked and dosed with fear as any of the cults I have been in. That is to say sport fans, flag flying patriots, newspaper readers (although not for the same reason as the cult I mentioned) news watchers, public servants, front line responders, doctors, nurses, blue colored and all workers of all sorts, radicalizes, victims groups and on and on and on. All that be ingredients sown with the very same deception techniques that I was privileged to see from zero to hero. WTF ever. I'll leave that at that.
Now ... I leave the reptilians and the galactic saviors for another day.
Now you know why I watch horror movies with apprehension. ;)
The Big Decision - Toxic Family Behavioral Patterns
What started as a big decision regarding my wife and I has completely turned upside down to instead being more about that of my Step-Dad, Mum & Sister. The small talk from my mother has lost all it's warmth no matter how hard she tries. The drama continues as they carry on with judging my wife. My wife has spent more than twice the years than my family ever tried to care for me. She has never rejected me by throwing me out of the home or buying me off with trinkets or money. To be sure we have had our ups and downs but over all despite her need for distance, she has been way more forgiving than my so called Christian family.
What to do? They want to talk to me support person when he comes, however I already know it's just another sidelining tactic. It would be the end of our friendship if he allowed himself to be strung along. I think I will have all my gear ready to go before he arrives. Load up as soon as his wheels pulls up and be on my way for good. I am too old for all that finger pointing and the way they just tore threw me the other night is like ripping open up old wounds. A LOT of work has gone into me over the last few years regarding healing. I have to concede to a recent post about cutting toxic people out of one's life might actually be a good idea in terms of my current situation.
It's not cut and dry though. My sister is leaving earlier than intended due to my mother wishing it so. Today my sister attempted to order me out of the house because she did not like hearing what I had to say. Because neither my mother or step-dad asked me to leave I said "no" to which my sister thought she would ring the police. My mother quickly stopped her whilst I suggested it might be a good idea. I knew I had done nothing wrong and further invited my sister to follow up with calling the police. I exclaimed "I am sure the police would be very interested in the drug stash you have upstairs?"
"Oh we don't mind you sister having medical marijuana David" says my mum when she came to see me in the granny flat. I say, "No it is not. I thought I would endear myself and have a smoke with my sister. You know I don't normally drink or smoke. Believe me when I say it is low grade street pot laced with something that makes someone like me go into a spin. I spent hours trying to come down after going along one of my sisters late night walks" I also said "...and that oil she is using on top of it has gone through many hands, that too is not legal.
I really could not give a shit about the drugs and if it was as mild and tame as it used to be back in the 80s as I once knew it I probably would of enjoyed having the one off. The fact is my sister has become an addict and if it was all above board she would not be running about hiding it and freaking out every time mum would make an entrance. The way my brother was treated for his pot smoking ways and then to later see my sister acting like this was a huge disappointment when I first discovered she had wound up this way. Long story short the irony is way over the top. To know how far I myself have come as both an x-addict and alchy to see my sister manipulating and playing these games. She overreached today and I made that big decision regarding her and I.
My Step-Dad ... what about him? Well he thinks I still need to be forgiven and all that money he spent on shoulder surgery ... well he just confuses the fuck out of me because after throwing that back in my face I asked for his bank account details to work out a system of payments that whilst would take a long time, would at least maybe help to alleviate whatever pain was coming from his inability to hear how many times I had already expressed gratitude. No such thing as non-conditional love with this lot. I will always be a sinner that owes him money and not worthy of having any input with the latter being his final verdict when it came to my request to simply be heard. He can do what he want's with his money. I don't want or need it.
My Mother? This be the hardest decision for me as my need to finally be understood and appreciated I admit is extreme. Because I pressed for it during this stay with my sister carrying on with her self entitlement, my mouther finally came out with a few home truths that would of been nice to know. The reason my sister from my perspective is always intercepting calls and ever present to what I consider annoying regarding my reintegration is because she is my mothers carer. A lot of angst and misunderstanding could of been alleviated if this was explained earlier to me. Alas I am never told anything. My mother and sister used to talk a lot behind the scenes where much work went into keeping information from both brothers like where was was staying, visiting or living. Keeping us separated was just one of many games. Deception being something that went well with all the secrecy behind the scenes. Another reason I no longer have time for my sister when she drags up all this talk of money. My mother finally made it official and said yes your sister will execute the will. It's the damn secrets they hold onto that is toxic more than the surprises themselves.
Lost track ... back to my mother. I can sympathize that in her twilight years she is in a tricky position wanting the same thing from me that I would like from her - yet knowing I am not the same when it comes to being manipulated. Much more tricky now since my wife has educated me. This brings me to the bitterness that is held towards my wife. I fully appreciate that we can't all be expected to be friends with out sons and daughters partners. I have adult kids of my own where the dynamics of partners is very much a tricky one. But to harbor such bitterness towards these extended family members is just not within me. This side of religious people is the most toxic I have ever seen. The religious bond where my Sister, Mother and Step-Dad pray over uncomfortable issues is really just a *&^&%ing ploy to not deal with or listen to others as well as harbor and justify all that bitterness and then say it is others that are in need of forgiveness?
Am I really on my own with such toxic family dynamics? Surely not?
I won't have them use my labels against me or tell me my wife has short comings. She does way more for me and understands me without that kind of toxic treatment. Sigh -
Best I can say it that I will not share any of this with my mother. Christ knows I have tried enough times. "Oh it hurts ... I can't talk about it ... Your wires name - don't make me say it ... OUCH! - ..."
And with everything that has gone on they still can't see the sense in wishing to use a 3rd party for their will just as they want to use a 3rd party when dealing with me. That right there is knowing what they are doing by putting my sister over me. I fathom it is very much to do with their Christian 'unity' as depicted in those damn 'propaganda films' that traumatized us kids. AND - these biblical types with all the blame and shame which has been clearly enacted on this latest visit are also big on 'punishing' That is huge and why religion is goes hand in hand with militant attitude.
So I wonder if you can see my dilemma re my mother? I know she is 100% genuine with wanting to show and express affection for me just as I wish to do the same for her.
I think I will tell her I do understand her position and spend whatever time I have to spend here watching a few movies with her as I know she would like me to do. However I will have to tell here towards the end when I am leaving (and pick my time doing it) that there will be no sit down with my support person that anything they have to say they can just tell me. I will maybe offer to come back but never when my sister is present and I am happy to come back with support person on a planed visit - BUT just between you guys and me ...
I really want nothing to do with this family anymore. I think I can continue relations over the phone and care less for this toxic concept of a WILL. At least as that concept be for my family. Is best to just expect nothing and work on what I can over the phone with my mother. I really need to put my foot down with all this controlling and game playing. I'll maybe offer my mother a visit after my Stepdad passes away. I won't say it like that but I will allude to it somehow. She knows I wont be doing anyone's funeral. I find those gatherings to be total BS and a massive trigger for families like mine. Best I did with my brother was invite some of his friends that were not welcome and hang up the very back in a corner. My brother really was the only one that understood me as I did him. I've just been clinging to the idea re my mother like a burnt child in need. My therapist will get it.
The only funeral I will do in my life time and I hope I don't have to is either my own children or my wife. We have stickily canceled out any biblical references whatsoever and or religious symbolism. Thankfully the world is offering more options these days with less and less BS being the case with end of life.
I really got to make a stand and let go of this family. I'll leave the lines open for my mum but no longer interested in their will (I always knew it would be bad Kama - my wife is so right about that) or even this granny flat. This visit has really helped to open my eyes.
Now ... another 10 days to go unless I work things out a bit earlier.
