A quick hello from La Aguila

Hi there

I suffer from panic attacks and more recently the feeling that nothing is real. I've had several moment like that when I was elementary school but I ignored them then. Now it's back and it keeps me in bed most days. I tell people that I'm doing homework and working or whatever but in reality I'm usually just sleeping or laying in bed.

It was very bad the other day. It was like I was watching myself almost floating outside my body. My day started at 2 p.m. I dressed but there was a strange fuzzy feeling I couldn't shake. I don't like leaving the house by myself. Leaving for school is ok because I feel safe in the car but if I want to go out on foot I can't.

That day I didn't care. I didn't tell anyone where I was going and left the house for the market. The whole way there I felt like I was floating. It wasn't me just someone else controlling my movements and I was in the back seat. I hope that makes some sense.

On the way back I panicked and nearly ran back home. I tried to tell my mom about the floating feeling but she asked me what I smoked and why I didn't offer her any. I actually found it funny because neither of us smoke. After the chuckles it kinda hurt that she took it as a joke and dropped the subject quickly.

I'm just venting now since I didn't really want to turn to my friends who are probably asleep at the moment.

Even as I type this now it feels like nothing is real. It's been like this for the past week and it almost feels normal now which is strange.

I have had the feeling nothing is real ocassionally but my logical mind usually prevails. I know as hard as it is that you just can't beat yourself up over it. Positive self talk while not a cure in itself can go a long way. Be easy on yourself to the best of your ability. I hope you feel better in the coming days and weeks.