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Hi guys. Desperately needing help): My bf has anxiety disorder. I tried to understand as much as possible but whatever I do, it somehow doesn't seem right. He gets really sensitive and I'm really stressed at times. What's worse is not knowing how to help him. Please advice):
trying to understand is the first step to fixing it! it shows support and love and dedication and that is awesome!! i have had anxiety for years so i can explain it a bit :) anxiety comes in a lot of forms so it depends on what he has really. does he have panic attacks? he could be sensitive bc he is lacking confidence. something is very wrong and he cant fix it. men are programmed to fix stuff. if he cant fix it then his brain chemistry gets even more crazy. i have suffered for years so ill try and explain it :)
anxiety can cause a feeling of uneasy nervousness. fear,panic,sense of feeling alone,and some people believe there going crazy. sometimes its just lots of stress that builds up and manifests into panic attacks and other times its situations and specific things that trigger the anxiety. if he gets sensitive and even possibly cries its bc he is lacking confidence and probably feeling damn helpless. see, a lot of the time no matter how hard people try to control it they cant. they may feel dizzy,nauseous,terrified,hot flashes,shaking, feeling like they cant breathe,sometimes needing to run even. it all depends.
best thing to do is this, whatever makes him anxious you will slowly expose him to it. say hes afraid of being alone. you will leave him home alone for 10mins and then slowly keep raising the time that he is alone. do not go back in the house until his time is up unless its an obvious emergency. let him know he needs to face it! he can run from this! just rty and stay patient and kind and supportive. just try and comfort him. if he neeeds to leave then ok leave that place and go back when hes ready. its crucial that your supportive and clearly you are if your here :) just dont get angry when he is panicing. just stay quiet if you have to bc if hes out of t and your unsupportive you will drive him crazy. ive been there :/
help him overcome the fears. get him water or hold his hand or whatever makes him feel better. but make sure he is trying to fix it too. if he lets the anxiety attack take over then in like 1 minute it should [ass and he will be shaky but he will be much better. if he keeps panicing then try and reassure him about whatever hes panicing about. let him know hes safe and tell him in detail why hes safe bc that helps. no matter what his mind tells him somethings wrong even if nothing is. the body gets in fight or flight mode and all that adrenaline is whats making him act like that. he cant help it. be patient :) theres tons of us around here willing to help. if you have any questions or anything im willing to help as much as i can.
sorry that was a novel :/
Nah. I needa learn to feel him in order to accommodate better. Thank you for that kind advice dear. Mmm. I'll try to stand firm & strong. Sometimes I do get impatient & idk what to do because when i'm stressed up with myself, things get a lil too ridiculous. He has panic attacks and is seeing the psychiatrist.
Times when I feel rather stressed up with my own problems, I can't seem to understand and accommodate much & his sensitivity level really leave me speechless. I need to learn what to do when situations like this kicks up...
well thats where you have to take a step back and realize that it is not your job to fix,mother,or save him. you need to do what you need to do for you bc in the end its all about you. dont get me wrong im all about being one person combined and making sacrifises and stuff but if someone isnt capable of taking care of you then you need to know how to take care of you. if you cant take care of your needs then you cant tend to his! when you get stressed out just say " i need a few minutes" and just have you time until your all done. if he is in the middle of a freak out then reassure him he will be just fine. if you need to leave him while he is panicing then just walk away. it sounds cruel but if you cant take tend to your issues then you both end up in a hole ya know?
Listen to him. That's really all you can do. Encourage him to communicate with you as much as he can. It seems like he may not be communicating his issues as clearly or as well for you to understand. That's not his fault either...obviously he's suffering and like a lot of people who suffer from anxiety, communicating it to others is so hard. It's hard to open up about it. But of course, his anxiety is in turn causing you anxiety, which is not good. You need to tell him that, as well. It's not your job to save him, but you're together for a reason and you're not breaking up for a reason. My best advice is to really get to the nitty gritty about everything, even the stuff that hurts to talk about. Maybe go to a therapy session with him as well. Good luck.
Thanks so much guys. I'll try my best to. Yea should learn how to keep my cool when i'm stressed up(: