Existential Anxiety Attack/ Delusion, Need Help Please!

I have been fighting anxiety attacks for about 10 years now. I have gone through phases of crippling anxiety that have taken big physical effects on my body (intestinal spasms, stomach ulcers, huge weight loss, vomiting/nausea), to the point where it was hard to even just go outside. There has also been phases where I feel like a normal person who can somewhat function in the world.

Last year, I was prescribed a low dose of xanax which I was hesitant about,being raised to take a more holistic approach at medicine. I only took it when it was very necessary. Recently, I have been taking it 2-3 times a week max.

I have a huge fear of dying, among countless other fears. But I feel like I'm going insane.Things scare me, irrational things (overall society, humans, laughter, outer space,tv, certain foods, self awareness) The last panic attack I had was one of the worst I think I have ever had. It sounds silly but it was VERY real and uncomfortable for me. I had a huge anxiety attack when I was hit with Self realization. The moment I realized that I have a history, a story, an ego, a bone structure and guts with skin that gives me a physical "identity" that separates me from other humans, I have a sound and letters that is my name that follows that "identity". I tried to tell my parents, but my mom just thought I had been taking psychedelics. I have never tried any drug beside a teenage phase of marijuana and some alcohol.
I was wondering if this could be caused from the more frequent use of Xanax? Or do I have a mental disorder beyond Anxiety? Has anyone else had a "Existential Anxiety Attack"? I really need help and advice please. I feel like I cant fathom the world around me..

Thanks

Hi
I agree i hate to take any form of medication for my Anxiety which i only take propanel 10mg as and when i need to to stop the heart racing. Something new that i am just starting to do is having Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). This is really helping me plus its great to talk it all through with a Psychiatrists and have someone listen to you rather than a reletive / friend or doctor who will not understand or really be able to help you.... Doctors never have enough time due to appointment times / and friends and family don't understand and can only really be an ear to listen. Try CBT and let me know how it goes i really think it'll help to change your way of thinking. google CBT hope this helps.

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Originally Posted by emflem

I have been fighting anxiety attacks for about 10 years now. I have gone through phases of crippling anxiety that have taken big physical effects on my body (intestinal spasms, stomach ulcers, huge weight loss, vomiting/nausea), to the point where it was hard to even just go outside. There has also been phases where I feel like a normal person who can somewhat function in the world.

Last year, I was prescribed a low dose of xanax which I was hesitant about,being raised to take a more holistic approach at medicine. I only took it when it was very necessary. Recently, I have been taking it 2-3 times a week max.

I have a huge fear of dying, among countless other fears. But I feel like I'm going insane.Things scare me, irrational things (overall society, humans, laughter, outer space,tv, certain foods, self awareness) The last panic attack I had was one of the worst I think I have ever had. It sounds silly but it was VERY real and uncomfortable for me. I had a huge anxiety attack when I was hit with Self realization. The moment I realized that I have a history, a story, an ego, a bone structure and guts with skin that gives me a physical "identity" that separates me from other humans, I have a sound and letters that is my name that follows that "identity". I tried to tell my parents, but my mom just thought I had been taking psychedelics. I have never tried any drug beside a teenage phase of marijuana and some alcohol.
I was wondering if this could be caused from the more frequent use of Xanax? Or do I have a mental disorder beyond Anxiety? Has anyone else had a "Existential Anxiety Attack"? I really need help and advice please. I feel like I cant fathom the world around me..

Thanks

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i too struggle with this

that feeling and understanding of being alone in your own body that no one else understands but you

its scary because we feel like no one else is there that can truly help us because we feel they are not in our own shoes or seeing what we see

i am trying my hardest to rid my self of this fear and just accept that we all are different and unique
i dont know if you believe in god but it is what helps me feel comfort knowing that i may be alone in my own body as is everyone else who just hasn't realized it yet, but we have a god that understands us in spirit

it is up to you in what you believe but ultimately no one can help you but your self its really hard to fully understand but its true that no body else can live your life but yourself.

there is something about fear that we all share this feeling that we are alone and that no one can help us or that anyone understands but that is why we are here posting how we feel because we do believe deep down that there is hope that we can get out of this other wise we wouldn't be here in the first place.

fear is the basis of all our struggles, eliminate this and we have eliminated the problem, the question now is how do we just do this, honestly i am entirely sure because i too am still struggling with this.

-joshualives.

Hey, read my thread on Derealization and let me know if it's similar, Jon

emflem, I know what you mean.

What started as relationship problems manifested itself into i don't even know what to call it.

One day, I realized that I just didn't give a shit anymore (this was after many fights wtih my gf and a couple attempts at breaking up with her that failed because i realized i loved her a lot and wanted to make things like they were before and all that lovey dovey bullshit lol). I was like "ok.." whatever and just dismissed it.

A week goes by and I realized that i'm still in this "flat" stage..i remember when I was in class and just thinking about it i started to really freak out. It wasn't a panic attack but it was a huge dose of anxiety.

My mind started to fucking RACE with thoughts..."what if i don't enjoy life anymore" then i'd start to analyze every thought, action and mannerism i did all while having these racing thoughts. I would like test myself to see if i still enjoyed the things taht always used to make me feel happy/better.

For example i love cars and anything to do with them and i have a fav car website/forum that i visit everyday and love going on it, so that day in class while i was having this anxiety attack i decided to "test" myself to see if i still had interest in cars...so i went on and felt nothing..but of course that's retarded because how can you FORCE yourself to like something while monitoring your feelings on it right? But for some reason, i just kept on testing myself on thigns taht i loved ALL THE WHILE these questions were racing through my head:

"am i enjoying this?" "is this what it felt like before this?" "wtf, why are you even thinking about this?" "wtf is wrong with you how do you not know what you like/enjoy?!" "fuck, will i always be like this etc.."...it's like i suddenly forgot who I was and how i've always been and how i've reacted to things...forgot the person i was before that day for some fucked up reason.

Since then, i've been on a fucked up journey delving deep into my own thoughts and now i just feel like a tangled mess floating through space...i'm definitely not the outgoing, funny confident guy i was before taht day..and i;m just CONSTANTLY dwelling over how this could've happened anxiety or not..how can the core of my being, the person who i've been for 21 years just suddenly change in a blink of an eye???

I can't just let this go as many of you say to do with anxiety because yea while that does work, people have things to fall back on..SOLID things. What I mean by "solid" things are things that always make you feel better and will never fail you. For me, these "solid" things were, cars, watching interesting documentaries/movies, hanging out with friends, porn etc..

Now all of those things barely give me a positive reaction which causes me to think have I actually changed who I truly am?

So for me, i just can't simply ignore it and focus on something else because EVERYTHING to me for some reason feels off, not right and foreign..even my family and friends the SOLID things in my life are foreign and weird to me so what am I supposed to do then?

Sometimes I surprise myself on how i'm enduring this for so long but other times it seems like i'm always on the verge of cracking and it's taking a lot out of me just to hold myself together which makes me not focused on ANYTHIGN else other than my situtation.

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Originally Posted by gaara

emflem, I know what you mean.

What started as relationship problems manifested itself into i don't even know what to call it.

One day, I realized that I just didn't give a shit anymore (this was after many fights wtih my gf and a couple attempts at breaking up with her that failed because i realized i loved her a lot and wanted to make things like they were before and all that lovey dovey bullshit lol). I was like "ok.." whatever and just dismissed it.

A week goes by and I realized that i'm still in this "flat" stage..i remember when I was in class and just thinking about it i started to really freak out. It wasn't a panic attack but it was a huge dose of anxiety.

My mind started to fucking RACE with thoughts..."what if i don't enjoy life anymore" then i'd start to analyze every thought, action and mannerism i did all while having these racing thoughts. I would like test myself to see if i still enjoyed the things taht always used to make me feel happy/better.

For example i love cars and anything to do with them and i have a fav car website/forum that i visit everyday and love going on it, so that day in class while i was having this anxiety attack i decided to "test" myself to see if i still had interest in cars...so i went on and felt nothing..but of course that's retarded because how can you FORCE yourself to like something while monitoring your feelings on it right? But for some reason, i just kept on testing myself on thigns taht i loved ALL THE WHILE these questions were racing through my head:

"am i enjoying this?" "is this what it felt like before this?" "wtf, why are you even thinking about this?" "wtf is wrong with you how do you not know what you like/enjoy?!" "fuck, will i always be like this etc.."...it's like i suddenly forgot who I was and how i've always been and how i've reacted to things...forgot the person i was before that day for some fucked up reason.

Since then, i've been on a fucked up journey delving deep into my own thoughts and now i just feel like a tangled mess floating through space...i'm definitely not the outgoing, funny confident guy i was before taht day..and i;m just CONSTANTLY dwelling over how this could've happened anxiety or not..how can the core of my being, the person who i've been for 21 years just suddenly change in a blink of an eye???

I can't just let this go as many of you say to do with anxiety because yea while that does work, people have things to fall back on..SOLID things. What I mean by "solid" things are things that always make you feel better and will never fail you. For me, these "solid" things were, cars, watching interesting documentaries/movies, hanging out with friends, porn etc..

Now all of those things barely give me a positive reaction which causes me to think have I actually changed who I truly am?

So for me, i just can't simply ignore it and focus on something else because EVERYTHING to me for some reason feels off, not right and foreign..even my family and friends the SOLID things in my life are foreign and weird to me so what am I supposed to do then?

Sometimes I surprise myself on how i'm enduring this for so long but other times it seems like i'm always on the verge of cracking and it's taking a lot out of me just to hold myself together which makes me not focused on ANYTHIGN else other than my situtation.

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It sounds like you are having some anxiety from your break up even though you were ready for it to be over. Maybe its not even over the break up any more, its evolved to another manifestation. In the past, I have had the same thing. Its really frustrating and impossible to ignore! Even when its for the best that you be separated from this person, you feel like you lost yourself without realizing ( I'm too stubborn to admit it when its happening, to feel like they robbed you of your sense of self) .

The comfort that comes from having an intimate relationship with another human, sometimes can make you forget that there was a time where you were fine without them. you will be fine without then and you will go back to the things you enjoy. it makes you manifest your anxiety in different places. mine tends to go to the "whats the big picture" place.

you are being who you "truly are" just in a state of transition. you are you! you are you in a change/metamorphosis from one stage to the next, its not bad but it can feel uncomfortable for sure. seeing the world with new eyes. I would suggest not looking at the car stuff for a little bit( it might freak you out for the time being) wait till your ready to accept that whole world of "things and stuff" when your less anxious. Try not to accept every thought that comes through your head, there not all true! your brain tries to trick you into believing the whole, "you are not yourself" or "you don't like this or that" "your going crazy".

you like cars right? maybe right now you aren't interested because your focused on your transition to being single, or experiencing the whole anxiety thing, doesn't mean you wont like cars later. Even if you find you don't find interests in those hobbies again, the hobbies don't define you- you are not the things you like, the job you have, the music you listen to. that stuff is your ego. the core of a person doesnt change, the ego sure can though! IM GOING ON A TANGENT. I have no idea where Im going with this, or if its any help, at all. I guess its hard to give advice ( if you even wanted it) when I have similar issues that haven't been taken care of. But I hope this helped in some way. Just know your not the only one who feels this way, i know that tip of the iceberg/teetering feeling :)

I do that allll the time. I sometimes wonder if I will ever be like I used to. see it sounds like both of our problem is thinking. I don't know about you but I always think no matter how busy I try to keep myself my mind is still going at it I hate it its only quiet if I am talking to someone about something other than anxiety and now I'm referring to my though as a person hahahahahaha anyways I dont know how to stop it beside when u notice yourself thinking about something crazy try to distract your thoughts takes a while to get the hang of it but after practice it will lessen. I do things that require all of my attention hope this helps

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Originally Posted by emflem

It sounds like you are having some anxiety from your break up even though you were ready for it to be over. Maybe its not even over the break up any more, its evolved to another manifestation. In the past, I have had the same thing. Its really frustrating and impossible to ignore! Even when its for the best that you be separated from this person, you feel like you lost yourself without realizing ( I'm too stubborn to admit it when its happening, to feel like they robbed you of your sense of self) .

The comfort that comes from having an intimate relationship with another human, sometimes can make you forget that there was a time where you were fine without them. you will be fine without then and you will go back to the things you enjoy. it makes you manifest your anxiety in different places. mine tends to go to the "whats the big picture" place.

you are being who you "truly are" just in a state of transition. you are you! you are you in a change/metamorphosis from one stage to the next, its not bad but it can feel uncomfortable for sure. seeing the world with new eyes. I would suggest not looking at the car stuff for a little bit( it might freak you out for the time being) wait till your ready to accept that whole world of "things and stuff" when your less anxious. Try not to accept every thought that comes through your head, there not all true! your brain tries to trick you into believing the whole, "you are not yourself" or "you don't like this or that" "your going crazy".

you like cars right? maybe right now you aren't interested because your focused on your transition to being single, or experiencing the whole anxiety thing, doesn't mean you wont like cars later. Even if you find you don't find interests in those hobbies again, the hobbies don't define you- you are not the things you like, the job you have, the music you listen to. that stuff is your ego. the core of a person doesnt change, the ego sure can though! IM GOING ON A TANGENT. I have no idea where Im going with this, or if its any help, at all. I guess its hard to give advice ( if you even wanted it) when I have similar issues that haven't been taken care of. But I hope this helped in some way. Just know your not the only one who feels this way, i know that tip of the iceberg/teetering feeling :)

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But this change makes no sense. Cars/hanging out with friends and family is something that I have enjoyed since I was a child. When you're a child between the ages of 0-6, you develop who you are and what you are as a core. There are some things that just don't die out like that. I've never had any traumatic experiences as a child, yes I was bullied for a bit but it wasn't extensive and i wasn't scarred by it or anything. I had a lot of friends and a loving family.

I've always loved women and got that primordial attraction to them but now everytime i see a hot girl or watch porn it's like "meh.." It doesn't excite me like it used to. Same thing goes with hanging out with my friends. No matter how crappy things were in the past hanging out with my friends would ALWAYS make me cheer up for the duration of the hang out but now it's like i don't even want to hang out with them, i don't even want to do anything with anyone anymore and that is EXTREMELY out of character for me because i was extremely sociable before all of this and LOVED to hang out with people.

Maybe this IS all caused by the anxiety/depression but how come I don't remember the person I was before this? Memories of good times that I've had in the past don't even bring good feeligns, they actually bring a dose of anxiety/depression/fear...maybe it's because those times seem ancient or from another lifetime and i feel like i can never get those feelings of happiness again? I don't know.

I just don't know about anything anymore and that's the shittiest thing about this. Everything that I do is foreign to me and i don't know how to fix it.

Even when I am calm, i'm still not OK. I still feel anxiety/depression deep down just waiting to emerge sometime. I honestly FORGOT what it feels like to not think about my situation and to be happy. It;s like everything in life that used to matter to me is put on the backburner and now everything is all about my situation and how to fix it or if i even can fix it and that of course as you all know, makes it worse.

Maybe i need cbt or something but i don't even know if that wiould work :(

I have been going to a psychologist and been doing some cbt and it has really helped a lot. I'm still experiencing some anxiety but its not like how it was before. I also have been going to acupuncture which i feel like has been helping and taking some Chinese herbs which have actually been helping a lot.

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Originally Posted by emflem

I have been going to a psychologist and been doing some cbt and it has really helped a lot. I'm still experiencing some anxiety but its not like how it was before. I also have been going to acupuncture which i feel like has been helping and taking some Chinese herbs which have actually been helping a lot.

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can you PM me and tell me about your experience with a psychologist? i am on the waiting list to see one so i dont know what to expect