I Need a Purpose in Life

I’m going through one of those moments when you feel totally hopeless about the future. As of lately I can’t stop thinking about how much time I have left, or how much I’ve already wasted, and it is making me feel like I can’t do anything good enough. This is amplified by the fact that I have to think about college, and every time I look at what I’ve done I realize that nothing I’ve done is up to their standards, especially not my scores.
I honestly don’t know what I expect of people, but I feel so stupid for thinking that what I’ve done is good enough. It’s never good enough.
I believe that if I could find the motivation, a purpose of some kind to work hard, then I can do it, but I have no clue what I’m doing with my life. Where am I going? I don’t know. Why am I doing this? Ask someone else.
People will tell me that everything doesn’t just fit into place like that but I find it impossible to work that hard without those circumstances. Why are you wasting away, spending every moment invested in work that you don’t care about at all? Doesn’t it hurt you to see yourself so empty? How can you stand to look in the mirror with nothing but an empty husk looking back at you?
This was exactly what I was afraid of as a child. I never wanted to grow up, because in my mind adulthood is just the stage in life where your childhood dies and your imagination goes with it. I didn’t want to be that unhappy to be alive, but look where I am right now.
I don’t want to be consumed by this, and I especially don’t want to loose the little bit of imagination and joy that I have left. I don’t just want purpose, I NEED it. Where would you even find a deep and meaningful purpose to live? (Also don’t answer with religion, because I never bothered to believe it in the first place so why start now?)

You have to think about college?

This makes it sound like you are very young. way too young to struggle with self identity. A lot of young people have no idea what they want to do.

I recommend backpack across Europe, traveling will help you find yourself.

My mother, who is now deceased and may she rest in peace, used to tell me, life is what you make it.
No ones life is perfect. We all just have to do the best we can and that is all anyone can ask of us.

^Good advice, Kirk!

Just caught this today. I often look at others lives and become (slightly) jealous; forgetting (sometimes neglecting to acknowledge) that everybody has their own walk in life and their own set of problems. You're right, no ones life is perfect. I tend to live in the past (far too much) and with tremendous regret(s) sometimes because the clock is ticking. I can't get those years back, so, I must try my best to make a better future.

Sorry to hijack your thread, bluepaintcan123! Don't have much to ad that's not already been said here. I'm struggling to see this bright future for myself that people often say, but I'll just try to learn to live for the day. I'm trying not to just wait to die and try actually 'live' again.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by bluepaintcan123

I especially don’t want to loose the little bit of imagination and joy that I have left. I don’t just want purpose, I NEED it.

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I guess all I can say is, don't ever let go of the " imagination and joy" in your heart. Always keep your dreams and hopes alive...Big Dreams CAN turn into reality if your sort of get out of your own way. Again, still trying to come to grips with this, myself. You have a purpose on this earth, even if you don't see it right now.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Teafrenzy

You have to think about college?

This makes it sound like you are very young. way too young to struggle with self identity. A lot of young people have no idea what they want to do.

I recommend backpack across Europe, traveling will help you find yourself.

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Yes, yes, yes and more yes. Travel opened up my eyes to the fact that there is so much more to life than a 9-5. I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't travelled and it very well may have saved my soul

Hey there,
Sorry to hear you are feeling like this. Have you thought about starting a blog? It can be anonymous if you like. Its a wonderful creative project that will surprise you in many ways. There are tons of resources out there. Just Google "how to start a blog".

Good luck
T

For my 3000th post I'll say something deep and meaningful :cool:

You are the universe experiencing itself for a brief period --Terrence McKenna

So the purpose of life is whatever you want really. It doesn't really matter, but it's more fulfilling and interesting if you know yourself. Then you don't project onto others and spend your life being driven by your ego (see 46 & 2 video in my signature).

Evolution of the collective consciousness :)

Edit: Spelling mistake in deep and meaningful 3000th post!!

Gypsy: 'grats on 3000!

OP: You should read Victor Frankl's "Man's Search for Meaning." It's about a psychologist's discoveries in Nazi concentration camps. It won't give you a purpose, but I believe it'll change the way you look at your life.

Thanks Marty :rolleyes:

Believe me, I know exactly how you're feeling. I was in a very similar position when I first began college in 2012. I started college as a pre-law major, and I was adamant about only going to school to get my work done, graduate, and head to law school. I wasn't there to enjoy myself, I wasn't there to make friends, and believe me when I say that was a very poor decision on my part. About halfway through my first quarter of college I felt so empty. I felt like what I was doing was meaningless. I constantly asked myself why I wanted to be a lawyer. The only conclusion I could come to was because of the money. It wasn't because I was passionate about law. I wouldn't be making an actual contribution the way I wanted to. This made me depressed. Add that along with the fact that I essentially had no friends, and my then-girlfriend was constantly telling me things I didn't want to hear and I spiraled into a deep existential depression. I truly believed I had no purpose in life and that life was meaningless. I was alone, my life had no structure, and eventually I'm going to do die anyway so what is the point of life? I struggled to find any intrinsic meaning in life. Needless to say things became much worse in the spring of 2013 and that's when my battle with anxiety and OCD began. I struggled so much trying to cope with it. I was disabled. I was anxiety ridden and depressed, and as a result I missed a year and a half of school simply because I could not leave me house. But all of these struggles helped me find my passion in life. Medicine. I decided that what I really wanted to do was become a doctor, and that changed everything. It gave me a sense of purpose and meaning. I'm good at science, and I love it. Here I am today as a medical school and I love every second of my education. Do I still sometimes question whether life is meaningless? Absolutely. Honestly sometimes I question whether I'll make as a doctor because sometimes I still feel held back by my anxiety. I don't think I'll every get over the existential anxiety I have, but all of this is to say that you create your purpose in life. You can do it. We all have doubts. That's completely normal, but as long as you have that desire to find your purpose - you will find it.