i am having headaches , need help , and is this even really anxiety?

Please read all of it

For the past 2 weeks , i have had continuously ( almost everyday , multiple times a day ) migraine headaches . it hurts sometimes the back of the left side of my head and a few times the right side of my head . I also feel some pain in my eyes and ears . Seriously I feel like my head might blow up.
Well , While I am 70% sure that the reason in mental rather than physical i am opening up to this...
I am feeling constant guilt to be more clear:
When you think of doing something or you actually think of something that you know it is wrong but you still esire for short moments to try it out , but you restrain yourself and this mess of ideas keep haunting your head all day.
I do paintings and such as a side thing ...
In my it was wanting to paint a certain idea which hit me suddenly after seeing someone elses's work online. ( please don't ask me what it is , i just can't say and probably it will not be so clear anyways ) , but I know the whole concept of it is morally wrong and sinful in my society and religion's eyes , even in my eyes .
And since i come froom a religious family , and a rather religious society and environment , i just can't do it . even if I did paint it I would feel really guilty .I am 20 years old if that helps.
The moment i hold the pencil i feel a numb kind of feeling in my arm and I am haunted by this perticular bad idea again .
I know it is bad but I can't get it out of my mind .
- If I do it I would feel like it was a sin which i can't astonish for .( because it's the same as supporting what is the idea about which I both don't , can't and it would make me feel so wrong.
-If I don't , it would keep haunting me until I forrt about it . And knowin my memory span I probably won't in a very long time .
I tried to talk to my mom in this and she said , if you ever even think of this idea again I will stab myself .
So in resume , in my head there is a conflict between right and wrong , do or don't.
It is making me not focus on my studying or my work and I keep being tired .
PS: 2 years ago , I had a problem in a decision making situation and had to go to a therapist and took anti-stress medecine...
And please do not ask what is it about .I can't and am not ready to talk about it , i think writing it is the same as admitting it's true and I don't want to blame myself for it for ever . I am just not saying even if I am asked privately . ( i am a self critique person )

PS: every time i think of anything related to it or I see anything which could relate to it in daily life , i feel like my head is going to blow up , the " what are you thinking , get back to your senses " kind of feeling .

SOMETIMES I EVEN THINK HOW AM I GETTING THESE IDEAS ,, OR IMAGINING THIS IT IS DISTANT FROM ME OR MY LIFE , I NEVER EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT IT BEFORE THIS , NOT EVEN HAD A REAL LIFE EVENT RELATED TO IT ...
is what you do a reflection of what you are or what you think is right?
not to mention when i imagine it it gets pretty disturbing in my mind , t the point it gives me nightmares , plz help me foret about it

Welcome to the forum flowerymoon. Sorry to hear this situation has you troubled, did talking to a therapist work well for you last time?

To me it sounds like you have nothing to blame yourself for as you clearly haven't done anything wrong. Everyone struggles with temptation which we know is wrong whether we are religious or not (it is human nature).

Thoughts that aren't within your control do not make you a bad person.

I do not know your situation so I can only help so much, but I think opening up to a therapist in private would be beneficial if this "idea" continues to haunt you.

looking at it from a nutritional point of view, do you drink plenty of water throughout the day? It may shock you to just simply drink much more water and stay away from a lot of sugar and caffine. Might have a huge effect on the situation. Also exercise helps heaps with this disorder. Try it out and get back to us.

Diet can impact greatly - especially if suddenly stopping the consumption of sugar, junk food and other stimulants. Another aspect you may wish to consider and something I had to deal with was the paints themselves. When I started eating clean, I found the paints set of headaches for me. Once I started being more careful with how I was using the paint - I notice the headaches where not as intense and after a while of eating clean and drinking lots of water ... all my headaches went away. (although as mentioned above a sudden transition into doing so can create headaches [detox process is all]) Don't forget that mental is physical and psychical is mental; they both go together as much as we may like to separate them.

Welcome to the forum. Tension in your back, shoulders or neck can cause headaches and odd head sensations.