Having a hard time coping

Hi, please forgive me if thid is somewhat rambling and I know there are a lot of people dealing with things.a lot worse than me, but I needed to let things out. Any thoughts or coping methods would be appreciated.

I am undiagnosed due to a combination of for a.long time not having health insurance, or when I have.sought counciling, it has been for transgender issues and I didn't want to chance not getting treatment for that or only talking about depression, (which is nowhere near as bad as it was ten years ago.)

Recently I finally tried to seek help to deal with this, only to find I can't afford the co-pay, yet I probably make just enough to not qualify for a reduced price. This in turn has really set me off, first trying to deal with this rather than avoid and then finding it rather difficult to get help.

The last week I have been much more agitated than usual and had a couple of panic attacks.

Normally I'm rather high-strung and do not handle stress very well. I get very fidgety, my speach gets choppy, I tend to dig my nails into my palms or chew on my right index finger to the point it is a bit callused, or I make lists either written, or mental. Or I try to focus on other outside stimulus, preferably multiple things at once, ex. playing a video game while watching a movie and eating carrots.

I tend to dwell on things, particularly regarding the future and finances which thanks to me choosing wrong college, are very bleak. If not that, all the work I have to finish, or personal mistakes.

Other times I get really worked up, by some mistake, past memories of embarrassing events (which are always very vivid and include even ones from when I was six), or the fear of death, (this has prevented me from ever thinking about suicide so kind of a good thing)

I also get very wrapped up in games, projects or stories to the point it's 5AM and I have not gone to sleep. I occasionally try to do a really ambitious project, like reorganize my bookshelves in US Libray of Congress style, but get overwhelmed and give up, which leaves my apartment cluttered.

Sorry for rambling, thanks if anyone read this far and thoughts and coping methods are very welcome.

Hey Sugalite

FEAR OF DEATH:
Realise that although your conscious mind knows that death lies in the far distant future, the part of your brain which is conscious is like an iceberg, with the vast bulk of the subconscious mind supporting it. Unfortunately, to the subconscious mind, everything is in the present tense - "NOW", so whenever you think about your ultimate demise, it considers it as an immediate threat to your continued existence, and may well deal with it in its usual manner, by activating the very ancient "fight or flight" response. It also is unable to deal with negatives well, if at all, so it's far better to learn to use positives when dealing with it. There are basically 2 approaches. One is to not think about death. But it's unhelpful to say to yourself: "don't think about death", because it doesn't understand the "don't" concept, so say: "let's think about something else, like what to do next", etc. You can employ the following: It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately.

Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: or: "What's going to become of me?" or: "When will it all end?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind. After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick".

In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version. Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I'm here now, so I may as well enjoy myself or do something interesting, enjoyable, or exciting when not making a contribution to the society which supports me". Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy. If it is not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has ones about stopping negative thoughts, and fear of death.

Another way is to focus on death so long and often that your subconscious mind becomes desensitised to the subject, and no longer activates the fear response. There was a time, billions of years ago when there was no death, just (imperfectly; thereby enabling selection of superior mutations) self replicating molecules, all derived from a common ancestor, according to the genetic evidence. It was more than 2 billion years later that sex, and death began. Then primitive nervous systems, later evolving into simple brains, with a sensorium, to detect dangers, and fear came into being. Overlaid on that basic fish brain is the amphibian brain, then the reptilian brain, then the mammal brain, then the primate brain, and finally the massive cortex which enables full self consciousness in the human brain.

Then consider that the very molecules which make up your body, even the bones, are being replaced every several years, so extremely little of what was originally "you" remains. And the fact that all atoms of an element (which aren't isotopes) are identical, so it didn't matter which atoms were originally combined to form those first self replicating molecules, which all forms of life are descended from. Ultimately, there is no real death, as long as life continues on this planet, which it is likely to for at least 500,000,000 years, when the sun starts to become a red giant. We are all but different forms of the one basic creature; death is illusory, at least to some extent; that of the end of this vehicle for transmitting DNA. View: http://a-dogs-breakfast.8m.com/blank_5.html for a totally different scientific point of view you may find helpful.

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Learn and develop proficiency in an anti-panic attack breathing method to use in the event of one occurring. Also learn, and employ either Progressive Muscle Relaxation ( http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html ) or acupressure tapping / EFT.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. It is free via mercola.com or www.tapping.com (13 free videos), or www.eftuniverse.com or www.emofree.com or one of the many YouTube videos. Google: "YouTube; EFT videos".
Professionally instructed is generally preferable (Google: therapists; EFT; [your location] ). - There is a version for use in public places at http://eft.mercola.com (if you like, you can claim to have a headache, as you employ the acupressure massage / tapping on your temples, but you would then be restricted to subvocalising: saying it to yourself in your mind: "Even though I have panic attacks and depression, I deeply and completely accept myself)."

View my posts on the following topics:

ANXIETY or PANIC ATTACKS: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...006#post220006

DEPRESSION: http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...510#post216510

GENERALISED ANXIETY DISORDER: Generalised Anxiety Disorder http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...989#post223989

Set a reminder, or alarm for a sensible bedtime, and maintain a regular sleep schedule, for the benefits it provides to anxiety, which causes panic attacks; check out https://www.google.com.au/search?cli...UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

A previous post on stress is below.

STRESS:
A certain level of stress is unavoidable, in modern society, so it is a good idea to develop effective coping methods. Try placing your fingertips 2 cm, or 3/4 inch above both eyes, apply moderate pressure, and rub for a short time. Repeat as necessary. Also at work, you could use the aromatherapy vial, and/or EFT* shown. Use the Progressive Muscle Relaxation* in breaks, and relaxation techniques before, and after work. Light to moderate daily exercise combats stress. For some people, it helps to visualise a quiet, relaxing scene (imagine, as vividly as you can, that you are on a tropical beach, reclining comfortably; you luxuriate, as the the sun warms you, and a gentle breeze caresses your skin lightly, inhaling the tangy, sea scented, salt laden spray from the sparkling, translucent, aqua waves, crashing on the white, coral beach sand, and feeling the hot sand slip through your fingers in one hand, sipping your favorite drink with the other; all the while, the seagulls call, swoop and cavort playfully overhead in a cloudless, azure sky: you feel just like one of them, free to soar and cartwheel, or just glide in the heavy, humid air, and that this moment will last forever). Go to: http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/meditation/MM00623 & http://www.healthjourneys.com/free_audio.asp & www.meditainment.com/stress-buster & http://www.freehypnosistreatment.com...treatment.html & http://www.meditainment.com/free-meditation-content & www.healthjourneys.com which are all free. Take 4 Omega 3 fish oil supplements, daily; (certified free of mercury) it is best if consumed with an antioxidant, such as an orange, or its FRESHLY SQUEEZED juice. If vitamin E is added, it should be certified as being 100% from natural sources, or it may be synthetic: avoid it.

See: Mercola.com SEARCHBAR: "krill oil". The supplement DHEA is thought to counter the stress hormone, Cortisol. Ginseng & Lady's Slipper are recommended herbal remedies. Progressive Muscle Relaxation * http://www.drcoxconsulting.com/managing-stress.html can be learned quickly, and takes only several minutes Also: http://www.mindtools.com/smpage.html & http://relaxationemporium.com/ & http://tinyurl.com/29so4u & at www.lessons4living.com there is an audio demonstration. At Amazon.com there are: "sounds of the ocean", & "ambient rain sound", & "mountain river sounds" via the searchbar. You could repeat: "I feel calm" and/or "I can handle this.", or employ the EFT * version for use in public, for which you can reasonably claim that you have a headache, as you use the acupressure massage/tapping on your temples, but it may be advisable to restrict yourself to subvocalising (saying it to yourself, in your mind, not aloud). "Even though I sometimes suffer from stress, I deeply and completely accept myself". www.mercola.com searchbar: "EFT", & "EFT therapists" or www.tapping.com (13 free videos) - professional is best. Practise a daily relaxation method, such as http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mind...Meditation.htm or www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Yoga Nidra, (a series of easy mental exercises only; no flexibility required) on page L at Weebly.com, below, or Tai Chi, Qi Gong, or yoga. Options: A massage (at least neck and shoulders) with jasmine, lavender, juniper, and/or bergamot, or German chamomile essential oils added to the massage oil, and to a warm bath, preferably beforehand, to help make any tension knots and muscles more pliant (others may only want, say, a sandalwood & juniper, mix; check first).

Aromatherapy: http://www.aromaweb.com & http://www.aromatherapy.com/essentialoils & http://www.naturesgift.com/infomenu.htm & http://www.naturaltherapypages.com.au and/or long, stretching yoga exercises, or T'ai Chi. 85% of people are suggestible, to some degree, so you could either seek professional hypnotherapy, or more alternatives along such lines are at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/m.html To relieve stress, and tension, allow your head to drop down slowly as far as it will go, then very slowly rotate it, (without turning your face to the left, or right) keeping at maximum extension all the way. Then go back the opposite way; TAKE YOUR TIME! Repeat as necessary. ~~~ Strong heat, applied to essential oils can damage them, so don't use a diffuser. Also consider anise, basil, bay, eucalyptus, peppermint, rose, or thyme, putting some pieces of rock salt in a small vial, then add a few drops of the oil of your choice (the rock salt absorbs the oil and is less risky to carry around than a bottle of oil). opening the vial and breathing in the scent whenever you need a quick stress release.