Anyone familiar with Law of Attraction?
Its partially the reason why I am terrified of intrusive thoughts, because if you think too much about something, it might come true, but if you accept it, it might still come true because you accepted the possibility?
I hate my no win scenario mentality at times, I even blame myself for all the bad things that has happened in my family...
Hey fiddlewheel,
I suggest that you view http://www.lifetrainings.com/Why-the...esnt-work.html about the law of attraction, which is basically a device for one person to get money at the expense of others.
Millions of people may focus on becoming wealthy, but there is only a limited amount of wealth available, so only a small proportion can succeed.
If you wish to learn to detach from such thought practices, you could use meditation as shown at http://altmedicine.about.com/cs/mind...Meditation.htm or http://www.wikihow.com/Meditate or Yoga Nidra, in the post below.
They will enable you to emotionally centre yourself, when practiced regularly, and are valuable methods of helping you through life's bad patches. Learn them at least a few hours apart, and preferably on different days, in the morning, or early afternoon. Use the one you find most effective. A minimum of 10 mns is recommended; 15 is better, and 20 is ideally preferred.
A previous post follows:
Nearly everyone has negative thoughts sometimes. Negative thoughts often occur before negative emotions*. It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, etc., by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately. Use the "Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts" - When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind.
After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.
Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I am a unique individual, with my own set of skills, and good points", or "I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can, right now", or "I choose to be more positive". I prefer: "Focus only on what to do now/next". Recommended reading: Positivity: Groundbreaking Research Reveals How to Embrace the Hidden Strength of Positive Emotions, Overcome Negativity, and Thrive by Barbara Fredrickson, & Negaholics: How to Overcome Negativity and Turn Your Life Around by Chérie Carter-Scott, from your bookstore, or amazon.com
"Even if we have some vague idea that we are not our feelings or our thoughts, when we are experiencing painful feelings or painful thoughts, we believe we have to feel them or think them just because of the fact that they are occurring to us. But painful feelings can be indirectly controlled by physical action, and changing our present thoughts for different thoughts (since feeling occurs as a result of thinking.) Painful thoughts can be directly controlled by choosing replacement thoughts for the ones that are troubling us. Sure, it takes some practice to change a habit. But it can be done. Of course it can't be done if we choose to believe that it can't be done. But, since the choice is ours, why not choose to believe it can be done, and do it?" Read: Change How You Feel by Changing the Way You Think by Dennis Greenberger and Christine Padesky, & Change Your Thinking by Sarah Edelman, & "Feeling Good." The New Mood Therapy. Harper Collins.1999. ( updated sequel to his US bestseller about treating depression & anxiety; very comprehensive), by David D. Burns, M.D.
Hypnosis is merely a heightened state of suggestibility, in which you are better able to communicate with your subconscious mind; view http://myfavoriteinterests.com/hypnosis/ about what it is, and isn't. 85% of people are suggestible to some degree; 15% - 20% highly so, and 15% - 20% aren't much at all, so you could either preferably seek professional hypnotherapy, or, if not an option, hypnosisdownloads.com has one about stopping negative thoughts.
Check out http://www.wikihow.com/Special:GoogS...ative+thoughts such as: "How to Get Rid of Negative Thoughts: 9 Steps", & "How to Use Switchwords to Clear Negative Thoughts: 5 Steps".
"I cannot always control what goes on outside. But I can always control what goes on inside" - Dr. Wayne Dyer*.
The key is persistence; over time the frequency and power of the negative thoughts will lessen, but will always recur occasionally, which is normal, and healthy.
Yoga Nidra may suit people who experience difficulty in other forms of meditation.
Make a voice recording of the set of instructions below; you can replay them alone, or with company.
For those who have, in the past, had difficulty meditating, I suggest trying Yoga Nidra, (actually a meditative process; no bodily flexibility required, just the ability to make a voice recording, and follow the instructions) because it operates on the principle of occupying, and tiring the "chattering monkey brain" until it seeks relief in the meditative state. It is best done in a comfortable sitting position in the mornings, when refreshed, as many people may otherwise fall asleep.
The mind can be like a naughty child: what we tell it to do; it won't! So sit, or recline comfortably in a room, which is neither cold nor too warm, in dim light, but not in pitch darkness, with fingertips pointed upwards, not touching anything. Take plenty of time with each section: to hurry in this exercise is to completely miss the point. If others are involved, take even longer (ask later whether they felt hurried, and adjust). Focus all your awareness on your right big toe .... .... then the other toes of the right foot ... .... then that foot ... .... the ankle............. the calf.............. the knee... .... the thigh ... .... Then left big toe...........then other left toes..........then that foot...........the ankle.............the calf.............the knee............the thigh...........
Then the right thumb...........then other fingers of the right hand............then the right wrist............the forearm...........the elbow............the upper arm............the right shoulder. Then the left thumb..............then the other fingers of the left hand............then the wrist..............the forearm..............the elbow..............the upper arm................then the left shoulder................then the head................then the chest.................then the abdomen.... ....Then, focus your attention on any sounds you can hear; aeroplanes, traffic noise, children, or dogs barking in the distance................. Then refocus your awareness on your right big toe....................the other toes, and repeat that sequence exactly as before. Next, focus your awareness on the thoughts which come into your mind. Now is not the time to follow those thoughts; just be aware of, and note them.
Then refocus your attention on your right big toe, and go through that sequence again..................... Next, refocus on anything you can hear.................. Then, once again, on your right big toe, and repeat that sequence. Then refocus on the thoughts coming into your mind..................... Keep repeating this process for around 20 minutes, at least. Eventually, the mind will tire of this, and reach a state of calm. If you are tired, or physically fatigued, you may find yourself falling asleep. You may then go through the process again. If it occurs regularly, however, ensure you are getting adequate sleep, and not running a "sleep deficit", like so many people in modern Western society, who are materially rich, but time poor. Try practising it earlier in the day, when you are alert, and rested. Otherwise, it should be regarded as an attempt by the negative part of your mind to resist change, which it regards as moving into unknown territory: a frightening prospect, for some people. Exercise determination, and persevere with the process.
"..................................." denotes pauses.
"I hate my no win scenario mentality at times, I even blame myself for all the bad things that has happened in my family..." - is a cognitive distortion.
COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS: ( The book: "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D., who was a student of Dr. Aaron Beck's, one of the two co-founders of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, explains the following in more detail: his earlier version, "Feeling Good", was a bestseller, with 5 million copies in print. The following is from About.com):
Here are the 10 most common (and officially recognized) cognitive distortions, with examples of how they relate to stress. You might find yourself smiling as you recognize one or two as familiar "friends." If, in the coming days, you look for them and gently correct them, you’ll be well on your way to reducing your reactivity to the stress in your life.
All-or-Nothing Thinking
This type of distortion is the culprit when people think in extremes, with no gray areas or middle ground. All-or-nothing thinkers often use words like "always" and "never" when describing things. “I always get stuck in traffic!” “My bosses never listen to me!” This type of thinking can magnify the stressors in your life, making them seem like bigger problems than they may, in reality, be.
Overgeneralization
Those prone to overgeneralization tend to take isolated events and assume that all future events will be the same. For example, an overgeneralizer who faces a rude sales clerk may start believing that all sales clerks are rude and that shopping will always be a stressful experience.
Mental Filter
Those who use mental filtering as their distortion of choice tend to gloss over positive events and hold a magnifying glass to the negative. Ten things can go right, but a person operating under the influence of a mental filter may only notice the one thing that goes wrong. (Add a little overgeneralization and all-or-nothing thinking to the equation, and you have a recipe for stress.)
Disqualifying the Positive
Similar to mental filtering, those who disqualify the positive tend to treat positive events like flukes, thereby clinging to a more negative world view and set of low expectations for the future. Have you ever tried to help a friend solve a problem, only to have every solution you pose shot down with a "Yeah but..." response? You’ve witnessed this cognitive distortion firsthand. (My Note: "Yes, But" is one of several "games" listed in the book. "Games People Play", by Eric Berne, M.D. - some others are "Uproar", and "Rapo". He classifies human social interactions as generally being classifiable under Pastimes, [playing cards, Scrabble, etc.] Rituals, Intimacy, or Games)
Jumping to Conclusions
People do this one all the time. Rather than letting the evidence bring them to a logical conclusion, they set their sights on a conclusion (often negative), and then look for evidence to back it up, ignoring evidence to the contrary. The kid who decides that everyone in his new class will hate him, and ‘knows’ that they’re only acting nice to him in order to avoid punishment, is jumping to conclusions. Conclusion-jumpers can often fall prey to mind reading (where they believe that they know the true intentions of others without talking to them) and fortune telling (predicting how things will turn out in the future and believing these predictions to be true). Can you think of examples of adults you know who do this? I bet you can.
Cognitive distortions and negative thinking styles are common, and they keep us stressed-out and stuck. Page 1 of this feature covers 5 common negative thinking patterns and explains how they contribute to stress. Here are the other 5 negative thinking patterns that you need to look out for:
Magnification and Minimization
Similar to mental filtering and disqualifying the positive, this cognitive distortion involves placing a stronger emphasis on negative events and downplaying the positive ones. The customer service representative who only notices the complaints of customers and fails to notice positive interactions is a victim of magnification and minimization. Another form of this distortion is known as catastrophizing, where one imagines and then expects the worst possible scenario. It can lead to a lot of stress.
Emotional Reasoning
This one is a close relative of jumping to conclusions in that it involves ignoring certain facts when drawing conclusions. Emotional reasoners will consider their emotions about a situation as evidence rather than objectively looking at the facts. “I’m feeling completely overwhelmed, therefore my problems must be completely beyond my ability to solve them,” or, “I’m angry with you; therefore, you must be in the wrong here,” are both examples of faulty emotional reasoning. Acting on these beliefs as fact can, understandably, contribute to even more problems to solve.
Should Statements
Those who rely on ‘should statements’ tend to have rigid rules, set by themselves or others, that always need to be followed -- at least in their minds. They don’t see flexibility in different circumstances, and they put themselves under considerable stress trying to live up to these self-imposed expectations. If your internal dialogue involves a large number of ‘shoulds,’ you may be under the influence of this cognitive distortion.
Labeling and Mislabeling
Those who label or mislabel will habitually place labels that are often inaccurate or negative on themselves and others. “He’s a whiner.” “She’s a phony.” “I’m just a useless worrier.” These labels tend to define people and contribute to a one-dimensional view of them, paving the way for overgeneralizations to move in. Labeling cages people into roles that don’t always apply and prevents us from seeing people (ourselves included) as we really are. It’s also a big no-no in relationship conflicts.
Personalization
Those who personalize their stressors tend to blame themselves or others for things over which they have no control, creating stress where it need not be. Those prone to personalization tend to blame themselves for the actions of others, or blame others for their own feelings.
If any of these feel a little too familiar, that’s a good thing: recognizing a cognitive distortion is the first step of moving past it. See this article for tips on cognitive restructuring, the process of moving beyond cognitive distortions.
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Dr. Burns addresses all of those cognitive distortions in detail, and provides various coping methods*, so you may want to get either book, from your local library, Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com
* Some are shown at http://stress.about.com/od/professio...istortions.htm