Free from depression for 4 months now

I just want everyone to know that I have overcame Depression. I have been free from it for 4 months. I was going through it for 4 years! It started off a long time ago when i was probably in middle school. I remember telling my group of friends that i have been with since litterally the cradle that i feel depressed. I THINK this is when it slowly slowly started creeping into my life.

Background: elementery, middle, and high school, I was seen as a "popular guy". I was very likable and pretty nice to most people. I had girls come up to me and personally say that they liked me and was also a pretty smart student. I was into sports football and all the others "the usuall". Although I never made it on the basketball team lol... I also loved being class clown and pulling A LOT of jokes in class

So around about highschool my senior year is when the depression hit. AND BOY DID IT HIT! i started noticing weird signs about myself that NEVER occured. Socially awkward, felt weird about myself, tired all the time, went to be just because, didnt feel like doing anything, hated everyone, felt sick sometimes, annoyed easily, didnt feel like talking at all, couldnt make easy connections with people, barly hold conversations etc. This started to frighten me a lot because I didnt understand these things about myself. How can a guy go from being popular and likable, to looser and werid in a little bit of time. WELP, it wasnt a little bit of time :)...it was a creeper for me...

So i went to the doctors and he perscribed me some medication. This is when it all went wrong. 2 weeks into the meds I had an episode for bi-polarII. then they took me to the hospital and i was in-care for 2 weeks so they could determine what went wrong...AND THATS WHEN HELL TOOK OVER....I have never and never could imagine i would be in a place like this? People drolling, acting crazy, saying they are God, or Jesus, you know if you have been there. Yea ive seen horror movies on this but its nothing lie REAL LIFE

Anyways, I got out and was tired from all the meds they perscribed me. For 4 years I was determined to figure out what was the REAL issue going on inside my brain/mind. I went through ect, brain life managemnet (special/expensive care), self-help tapes, of course the usual meds (anti-depressants, lithium, welbutrion, etc.), all natural supplement pills, vitamins(and when i mean vitamins, i was swollowing 16 different vitamins a day), chinease methods checkup with a real chinease doctors(acupuncture), and many more expensive ways ...All these things werent helping me in any way shape or form. But i wasnt going to give up at all....

Finally during this tape i was listening too i finally began to develop a patter of thinking. Not because of this tape but more of an idea. An idea that said to improve myself. Find the core inside of me. Look inside that core and figure out what went wrong to slowly creep up on you like that. I finally began to realize how selfish of a person i was, how my habits controlled me, how I NEVER USE TO SPEAK MY MIND ABOUT THINGS, how i didnt care for others, how my HEART was so cold, how i never really knew what it is like to actually LIVE. And i dont mean live by parting or having a good time. I MEAN live by falling in love, dancing to music, serving people, giving things away, loving your enemys, you know the corny stuff hehe. But when I began to let these things into my life. MY EYES WERE WIDE OPEN:) i told myself,"omgoodness what have i been missing out on all these years of my life". And its so funny because once you open your eyes, you can see others who havent quite open their eyes yet! and your always cheering them on! So then in the process of doing this, my depression lifted in the matter of a week! Yes i know after 4 years a week? how can this be? please dont doubt me on this because im living it right now. After 4 years of hell i have never felt this free/confident/loved/hero/ or anything else in 4 years. I had times when i would sit and say okk im done im going to start taking control of my life, and get up and start moving. And yes the depression would lift for maybe a day or two but not 4 months! Im 4 months strong and still going!!!

I do believe i was mis-diagnossed. You say thats impossible. But if you really think about it hard? Doctors are human too. Yes it is possible that a doctor makes such a mistake. I think that a lot of people depend on their life with doctors thinking that doctors can fix anything! I think this is frustrating to doctors and to others sometimes. Doctors are smart yes but their here to help not to heal. Especially in situations that I USTA be in. Im not telling anyone that doctors are bad or bad or bad. If i had to make the decision to keep or get rid of doctors, YES A MILLIONx yes keep them! All im saying is that i beleive that a lot of people need to start re-thinking decisions that doctors give them and start taking YOURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR life in YOURRRRRRR hands. Because its YOUR life. YOU are the one that cares most about your life.....

yes i have stopped my medicine for about 6 or 7 months. Ive only had one bi-polar episode. I have never felt this good for a long time. AND no im not talking about these extreame high's or hypomanic stage. Im able to control myself, stay stable, enjoy things and so much more! LIKE FOR THE FIRST TIME WHEN I GOT OUT, it was so niceeee to finally smile (a realllll smile) and finally laugh (a reallllll laugh). The other day i smiled at this girl i like and i remembered what i went through and how i couldnt feel those type of emotions :( and i was so happy that i have finally felt these emotions again!!!! AND if anyone wants to call me manic right now or hypomanic then go for it....because i would rather feel like this manicy for the rest of my life then to go back to my hell whole...Also im leaaving out a LOT of deatails so you cant take all this info and just assume on my life that is wrong in every way shape or form...dont bring me down lift me up :)

also for those dealing with bi-polar this was MY decision. I was man enough to accept the results if i am bi-polar. and im still willing....so dont go off meds or anything like that...

please dont comment unless your an encourager....I <3 YOU ALL

if anyone wants any help at all please message me