Hopefully you will listen?

I'm going to try make this as short and clear as possible. I've been kind of depressed for like 5 years and I'm 17 years old now. I only found out that I was depressed a couple of months ago though, and I've always thought that it was normal to feel like I've done for as long as I can remember. I've been having problems with family, school, friends and literally everything in my life to be honest. Nothing has been easy. I've always disliked my family for various reasons, probably because I'm extremely introverted and they are very extroverted. This has made it very hard for me to fit in and relax, which has made it very stressful and difficult for me to be at home. I have never liked school either, and the friends I had there literally backstabbed multiple times a day and treated me like shit. This has made it very difficult for me to make new friends and just talk to people my age in general. It's not that I'm afraid or panic when I do, but I just don't want to and feel extremely angry and uncomfortable. I recently dropped out of school for the second time because I just couldn't do it. It was draining me and I felt like I was dying. So now I'm stuck at home all day, depressed, frustrated, stuck, sleep way too much and just want to end it all. Currently it feels like I will never proceed in life because I just don't fit in anywhere.. I even tried getting a job but I felt the same way I did while at school.

Now you probably think I have horrible self confidence, that I'm self destructive, have anxiety and feel hopeless. But the problem is that I'm not and nobody I've ever talked to understood that. Even the physiologist I go to thinks I'm suicidal and that I have servere anxiety. I never get anxiety attacks or anything, rarely think negative thoughts about myself and I am actually happy with who I am. I do have hope for a future that I don't know the road to yet, even though I do nothing to find it yet. I feel so disconnected and different from the rest of the world and it's a very freeing feeling, but still stuck in a home I get stressed out by and a world who can't appreciate me for who I am. It's like I just want to travel somewhere no one knows of and be there alone with my thoughts until I die. Recently my physiologist prescribed antidepressants which I started taking 2 weeks ago, after arguing a lot with myself and thinking it through so many times because I'm afraid I will lose myself and who I am. I could never picture myself living a normal life like everybody else because I would never be able to find happiness or value in it. I started taking them because I eventually decided that my life will not going on if I don't and that I will probably end up leaving this world if I don't do it. It was and it is still painful taking these pills, it kind of feels like I'm accepting that I'm not appreciated by society and that who I am cannot succeed.

A week after starting taking these pills I think I lost it completely, I stayed in bed 3 days straight doing nothing but watching series and going to the bathroom once a while. This was during Christmas also so it was kind of sad that I didn't get to celebrate properly with my family. I still feel very awkward and weird talking to my family. I think it was some kind of side effects of the pills or something, or it was just that I felt very weird taking them. However I think they are starting to help now because I don't feel as heavy and tired as I did before. It's kind of weird actually because my body feels happy but my mind knows that my life is falling apart and that I'm horribly stuck in this situation and wants to sad and depressed. I was always against the pills because of this reason, since they only change how I feel and not the situation I'm in.

So currently I'm stuck in a situation where I literally have no future, my mood is very unstable, I'm stuck in a home with people I dislike, I don't have anyone to talk with about this and I have no power to change it. I have to choose between being myself and being happy or taking pills and having a future. Not only that but I'm starting to lose my friends because they are following the regular road of society while I'm stuck not knowing what to do. I know that this post probably makes no sense and is very weirdly written, but I need help and I just can't continue living like this. I'm so horribly stuck and just want to fade away, and while thinking about this my life and future is falling apart right in front of my life and no matter what I do I won't be happy.

Please tell what the hell is wrong with me.. :(

I’m very sorry things have been so difficult at home and at school for such a long time. You are very young, and I know how frustrating this all must be for you. The fact that you are here writing this post means that you haven’t entirely given up hope on your future, and I am so glad for that.

I know it can be a challenge sometimes meeting people that we share a common bond with or that we can trust with our feelings and deepest selves. But I encourage you not to give up. Depending on where you live, you might find it helpful to reach out to a local support group created especially for teens and young adults. This could be a group that meets in a church or community center or even local hospital, someplace young people can come together to discuss the various issues they have been struggling with. Once you are relaxed and comfortable with the group, you might ask about activities the group is involved in that you enjoy doing and other resources that are available and that offer long-term support.

You sound like a smart and genuinely positive person, and I’m sure that you possess many gifts and talents that the world can use. I have faith that you will receive the emotional support you need and that doors will be opened for you in lots of different areas. Right now, I will be praying that you can find a spot where you fit in -- somewhere you can connect with positive young people who share similar stories that will listen and encourage without judgment or criticism. I know many days the future looks dim, but there is always hope. Please hang in there.

Hey sfslol,

I assume that you mean psychologist or psychiatrist. The advice from an experienced therapist is to have at least several weeks of psychotherapy, and then a course of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for up to 6 months. Google: "clinical psychologists; CBT; (your location)".

My suggestions are to not sleep at all during daytime hours, and use alarms to limit yourself to 8, to 9.5 hrs at night.

Antidepressants work by dulling the emotions; check out the possible side effects of yours at www.mediguard.org & www.drugs.com

A previous answer follows, modified for you: Professional advice is to go out with friends regularly, even if you don't feel like it much. In "Feeling Good - the new mood therapy" by David D. Burns, M.D., from your bookstore, or Amazon.com, he recommends that you estimate beforehand how pleasureable it will be, out of 10. Then, some few hours after returning, rate the actual event. Keep a journal for this, and the other things he advises, and examine your progress. Although pre-teens need around the same sleep time as adults, teens may need up to 9.5 hrs. Many teens are naturally predisposed to, or prefer to stay up late, and get up late, but societal, and school demands are such as to often preclude this. Some schools are changing their timetables to accomodate this, but they are, so far, few, and far between. Get bright light on awakening, preferably for 2 hrs, but at least 30 mns, to reset your circadian rhythm. It's also a good idea to get bright light again in the evening, so you cover a daily span of 14 hrs; say 7 - 7.30 AM and 7.30 - 9 PM, then reduce light levels to simulate approaching darkness, in preparation for sleep.

I advise against the use of antidepressants for those less than around 24 -25, due to their increased risk of suicide, homicide, or aberrant behaviour. Many of those who use antidepressants report feeling loss of emotions, and/or a feeling of being "zombified". The rate of side effects is around 25% - 30%, and something that they don't tell people is that these can include, rarely, permanent sexual dysfunction, inorgasmia (inability to climax) and involving, in males, the total inability to attain an erection. I believe that it is wise not to take such risks unnecessarily, without at least first trying the alternatives. If antidepressants are offered, say "thank you very much, doctor", and pocket the prescription, but don't fill it until giving the alternative treatments a good tryout. Antidepressants will still be available, if required, (unlikely) but it's best to avoid the risks, and side effects, if at all possible. I only recommend their use as a treatment of first choice in exceptional circumstances. Check out: http://articles.mercola.com/sites/ar...interview.aspx and related articles and http://suiciderateup.wordpress.com You could wean off by halving the dose for 2 weeks, then halve it again for another 2 weeks before discontinuing.

Most people these days are deficient in vitamins, minerals, and/or Omega 3 fatty acids, so a sensible approach is to test for, and address any which are found, because they may well be the cause, or exacerbating the depression. Note that St. John's Wort usually takes 2 - 6 weeks to start reaching maximum effectiveness, and there are things you need to know about it, so don't just pick up the first one you see in a supermarket and expect instant results. Check out the information provided, particularly the SJW & HYPERICUM websites, and choose an EFFECTIVE brand! Perika, Jarsin, or Kira are recommended. See http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Can_you_ta..._the_same_time Google: "St. John's Wort; 5-htp" Teens tend to want things: "right here; right now" and 5-htp acts quicker.

If using a RECOMMENDED * brand of St. John's Wort (take with meals to avoid possible stomach upsets) view the websites about it on page B*, and if also using UP TO 50mg of 5-htp daily - http://www.foodforthebrain.org/conte...d_Content=1635 refers- in addition, (or UP TO 200mg of 5-htp if NOT using the wort. I note with interest that in the study referred to, 300 mg of 5-htp was used) take with a very low protein meal, to maximise the amount crossing the blood/brain barrier, with no, or extremely little protein 2 hrs before, to 2 hrs afterwards. I suggest beginning with 50 mg on the first day, and if no adverse reaction, keep increasing it until reaching the desired level, to let your system accustom itself to it gradually. Google maximum safe dosage. Alternatively, use SAMe (S-adenosy-L-methionine) but nothing else. Has the advantage of working more quickly than St John's wort. Use only the butanedisulfonate form in enteric-coated tablets, or in capsules. The usual dosage is 400 to 1,600 milligrams daily, taken on an empty stomach. Take lower doses (under 800 milligrams) once a day, a half hour before the morning meal. Split higher doses, taking the second a half hour before lunch.

Read: When Nothing Matters Anymore: A Survival Guide for Depressed Teens by Bev Cobain R.N. C., & Beyond the Blues: A Workbook to Help Teens Overcome Depression by Lisa M. Schab, & A Relentless Hope: Surviving the Storm of Teen Depression by Gary E. Nelson, from your bookstore, or more media is at Amazon.com searchbar: teenage depression. View http://www.helpguide.org/mental/depr..._teenagers.htm & http://curetogether.com/depression/i...-vs-popularity

My general post on depression may be found at http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...510#post216510 and most of what I've accumulated about depression over the years may be found at http://your-mental-health.weebly.com/b.html* and page 3, and I hope that something in the above helps.

Living depressed is not normal and is not good for your health. Taking medicines and therapy can help you get back to normal life and live a happy life. Try to make few changes in your lifestyle, healthy eating, exercise, going out, and do social interactions.