I get anxiety when I try to tell someone about my depression

Hey, I've never been on here before and don't really know how to start, but I know I need to talk and I just can't do it in person.

I have severe depression, this is pretty much obvious to the couple of friends I feel safe enough to talk to, but unfortunately they live miles away, and I get crazy anxiety when I try and talk on the phone, like a rampant paranoia that someone else can here, which I know is paranoia, but the anxiety comes nonetheless. I used to live near them, I moved away, I thought I'd be able to cope, 4 years later I don't know how to continue.

When I try to talk to a doctor about my depression, I get anxiety like nothing I can describe, but you people probably understand, I hope. As a result my doctor knows nothing about my depression as I just couldn't say anything I needed to, he thinks I only have some social anxiety issues, that might be true, but there's so much more I just get too scared to say.

I can't even get myself to ask for an appointment to see a college councillor. Someone made me an appointment earlier last year, when the time of the appointment came, I've never got off campus faster in my life.

I should say, don't worry I'm not suicidal. Although I have been in the past, I couldn't do it now just because I couldn't bring myself to hurt my friends who live miles away that much, but nonetheless I'm really struggling. I've had addiction problems in the past and I'm now regularly relapsing and hating myself for it, and I'm really struggling to keep a straight head, my grades have fallen and I need to get on track.

Does anyone here have any advice for dealing with the anxiety, so I can get the help I need? The help is there, all around me, I just need to be able to ask for it, and I really don't know how I'm gonna do it. I need advice and help.

You have got to let your doctor know what is going on with you. They are there to help you, but they can't if you don't open up.
I suggest you put something very short in writing, and hand it to your doctor or counselor. OR, take a friend with you (maybe you can find someone to just go with you for support). Or, mail a letter to your doctor from home. PLEASE don't feel bad for talking about depression. You'd be surprised how many struggle with it. Just the other day, at the gym, my neighbor told me she goes a lot to keep from getting depressed. She revealed that to me and I only know her in passing.