Do I have anxiety disorder or something worse?

I went today to a therapist to hopefully get diagnosed, however the lack of empathy and judgment nearly made me have a panic attack so I ran away. Maybe online I can get some peace of mind.

I'll start with a *trigger warning* incase someone reading this might identify too strongly with what I'm writing, it's difficult to express but I know I need to get it out there to someone.



The bulk of my issues came from smoking marijuana in the past and a full-blown panic attack several weeks ago.
Here are some of the symptoms I've been experiencing:



1. I can't be sure about anything, even my previous sentence. As during my marijuana induced 'bad trip' made me question the validity of thoughts and logic itself, very scary stuff since it can make me suspect about all my beliefs, memories and understanding about the world even though I instinctively feel this is probably delusional.



2. Existential rumination, feelings of extreme depression because I'll get in to a thought loop about how everything is meaningless, including my own thoughts and feelings and hence there is no possible escape from this.



3. This leads to me being confused about my own feelings, i.e what is happiness and sadness? Are these arbitray? What is anything really?



4. All this combined just leads to a mind state of 'what...the...fuck'. It causes anxiety which seems very real, and sometimes it goes away for a while and I feel like a 'semi-normal', although I can't even rememeber what 'normal' is.



5. Visually not much has changed, colors seem brighter and seem to agitate me a bit. I do however feel a bit 'detached' from my environment, and 'woozy' when I walk around.



6. Sleep problems, big time. I know that lack of sleep can fuel these weird thoughts and feelings, but I just can't get a good night's rest. I have to wait until early morning and it takes about 1-2 hours to go to sleep. I keep waking up disoriented and feeling like I don't know where I am or who I am. This goes away after the anxiety snaps me back to reality.



Due to all this I definitely feel that I'm losing it or have lost it. How can one function with such a jumbled mind state? How do I recover from crippling anxiety/depression when thinking about these things makes me feel like I broke my psyche?

Hey Alex,

I've had panic attacks, and suffer from a degree of anxiety, and over the decades have picked up a few things that you may find helpful.

There is one thing that you can be sure of:

In 1634 the French philosopher Rene Descartes concluded: "Cogito, ergo sum", or "I think, therefore I am". Someone, or something must be doing the experiencing. Occam's razor is a philisophical technique which basically states that the simplest explanation; i.e., the one which requires the fewest assumptions is invariably the correct one. The simplest explanation is that you and the world around you is real, otherwise it becomes necessary to postulate complex scenarios, such as that you are a brain in a vat being fed information from an external source. This begs the questions: Why?, Where from? How is it all maintained? And so on, resulting in elaborate explanations that resemble the plot of a sci-fi or fantasy movie.

There are anxiety quizzes online that you can Google.

"There are some differences between anxiety and panic attacks. While books are written on this topic, the following will attempt to summarize some basics here for a brief overview.

Anxiety Attacks:
An anxiety attack, sometimes referred to as a panic attack, is an unforeseen periods or incidents where there is a sudden fright or fear of intense proportions. These attacks focus on fears that are most often not rational; however the person with the disorder believes he or she is in terrible danger or at extreme risk. Most often these anxiety attacks occur all of a sudden; i.e. they are not planned nor do they come with any type of warning mechanism built in for advance action. Results are that
the person suffering the attack will feel about to faint or near death's door. People who suffer anxiety attacks report the following symptoms, listed in no particular order:
Discomfort or pain in the chest Vertigo or
Dizziness Upset stomach / Nausea Loss of
Control, Loss of Mental Stability Stress
Cold or hot flashes Heart palpitations or
near heart attack Shallow breathing Shakes / Trembling
Anxiety disorder is characterized as having anxiety feelings that are "always there / all inclusive," make people want to isolate themselves from society and hamper everyday activities with others.

Panic Attacks:
On the other hand, a panic attack does not carry with it that "always there" association. In fact, panic episodes generally burst forth, peaking after roughly 10 minutes or so, then ending after about 25 minutes. During a panic attack, 4 of the symptoms listed below (in no particular order) generally make an appearance:
Hyperventilation, Shallow breathing, even to the point of
suffocation sensation...
Increased heart rates Tightness of chest, Chest pain or discomfort
Shakes / Trembling / Sweating Choking
sensation Upset Stomach / Nausea Vertigo
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
Surreal feelings Loss of Control, especially
of mental faculties Death coming on Numbing
Cold or hot flashes

The Difference:
The main difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks is in the duration of the attack and how intense it is for the person with the affliction. While anxiety attacks are less hi-stress, they tend to last longer than the power-packed panic stressors".

Advice from a clinical psychologist about panic attacks is to breathe in to the count of 3: ( count: one thousand one; one thousand two; one thousand three) each takes around a second to say to yourself, in your mind, and out to the count of 3. Keep repeating this until the panic subsides, (up to 25 minutes) which will deal with the hyperventilation aspect. Learn to recognise the thoughts which trigger attacks; challenge and reprogram as shown in the post below*.

ANXIETY.

There are natural treatments.

Passionflower (as directed, or 1 drop in a cup of warm water, 4 times daily).

5-htp; take with a very low protein meal, to maximise the amount crossing the blood/brain barrier, with no, or extremely little protein 2 hrs before, to 2 hrs afterwards.

I suggest beginning with 50 mg on the first day, and if no adverse reaction, keep increasing it until reaching the desired level; say 200 mg, to let your system accustom itself to it gradually. Google maximum safe dosage, but don't exceed 300 mg daily without medical advice.

Alternatively, use SAMe (S-adenosy-L-methionine) but nothing else. Use only the butanedisulfonate form in enteric-coated tablets, or in capsules. Try 400 -1,600 mg a day on an empty stomach. Begin at 400 mg.

St. John's Wort also has anti-anxiety effects; (take with meals to avoid possible stomach upsets) Perika, Jarsin, or Kira brands are recommended; others may have insufficient hyperforin. It may take up to 4 weeks to begin reaching full effectiveness.

L-theanine, and ashwagandha are some others worth considering.

Give the Meridian Tapping Technique / EFT a good tryout, to see if it helps you. YouTube: "EFT". Google: "Progressive Muscle Relaxation". Use whichever is most effective for you.

Relevant reading: How to Control Your Anxiety before It Controls You, by Albert Ellis, & Self-Coaching: How to Heal Anxiety and Depression, Joseph J. Luciani Ph.D., & Anxiety and Phobia Workbook, by Edmund Bourne, & Natural Relief for Anxiety: Complementary Strategies for Easing Fear, Panic & Worry by Edmund J. Bourne, Arlen Brownstein, and Lorna Garano, & The 10 Best-Ever Anxiety Management Techniques: Understanding How Your Brain Makes You Anxious and What You Can Do to Change It by Margaret Wehrenberg, & Managing Anxiety. Kennerley, Helen., from your bookstore, Amazon.com or BarnesAndNoble.com

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INSOMNIA: Exercise, preferably 6 hours before, but not within 2 hours of bedtime. Have a warm bath, or shower, an hour before bedtime, then a glass of very warm milk, possibly with Horlicks, or one of the herbal teas, below, and use dimmer lighting. Your bedroom should be very dark, with the lights out, and a good sleeping temperature is 70 degrees Fahrenheit, or 19 degrees Centigrade. Put your mind in a position where it wants to shut itself off, and sleep. View umm.edu/sleep/relax_tech.htm The progressive muscle relaxation, drcoxconsulting.com/managing is very easily learned; guided imagery, or mindfulness breathing altmedicine.about.com/cs/mindbody/a/Meditation.htm is known to be effective, or wikihow.com/Meditate Give the EFT a tryout. It is free via the searchbar at mercola.com "EFT" & "EFT therapists" or tapping.com (13 free videos). Repeat to yourself: "Even though I currently have a sleep disorder, I deeply and completely accept myself." (or choose your own wording) while you use the acupressure massage/tapping. Find out which works best for you, in the daylight hours, so you will be prepared, come bedtime. For many people, a good idea is to develop a set "wind down" routine for the last hour before bedtime, so your subconscious mind learns that it is time to put thinking aside, and prepare for mindfulness, (awareness, without cogitation/purposeful thought) or the EFT, in preparation for sleep.

The idea with mindfulness is to not even think about sleeping: just drift off, naturally, during exercising those techniques. Avoid TV, computer, or anything exciting in this hour, although reading a BORING! book is a good idea. Experiment, to find which combination works best for you. No coffee, tea, or other caffeine within 6 hrs of bedtime! Try a cup of chamomile herbal tea, an hour before bedtime. Others may prefer Sleepytime, by Celestial Seasonings, Relax, Be Sleepy, or valerian root (valerian "hangovers" possible), etc., from supermarket tea, or health food aisles. Milk, or cream should not be used with herbal tea. Get up and do something, like read a book, if you can't sleep within 20 mns. Personally, I prefer to use word/phrase repetition for a short time, changing over to mindfulness breathing; however, you may well find another method more effective. The following EMDR variant came from a book on treating insomnia for the depressed; I use it every night, and it is well worth trying. It seems to reduce distractions during the mindfulness relaxation methods, so I use it first. Keeping your head still, move your eyes first to the far left, then far right, and repeat this another 19 times. Each full sweep should take around a second. If you like, you can either subvocalise, or repeat: "one one thousand, two one thousand, three one thousand ... up to twenty.

After this, allow your body to go limp, and relax for a short time. Then repeat the whole exercise, limpness, and relaxation twice. This may well be all you need. Others may require another round of the above. Before beginning the EMDR variant, I take a whiff of lavender essential oil in both nostrils; some people prefer a drop, or two on their pillow. This provides a strong cue to the subconscious mind to prepare for sleep. 85% of people are suggestible, to some extent, so consider professional hypnotherapy, or hypnosisdownloads.com has: Fall Asleep Fast, Drift Off To Sleep, Sleep and Dream, or Sleep Like a Child, or instant-hypnosis.com has: Beat Insomnia, Quiet Blissful Sleep, Enjoy Deep Sleep, or Restorative Healing Sleep.

Try the free sleep aid at: soundsleeping.com/ You could try melatonin (pharmacies) for a few nights only; more can interfere with the brain's natural production of it.

Of course, I can't be sure that the following applies in your case, but optimising vitamin D levels often helps either anxiety, or depression; check out google.com.au/search?client=opera&q=anxiety%3B+vitamin+D&sourcei d=opera&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

From: vitamindwiki.com/Handout+on+Vitamin+D+%28Hormone+D%29+and+sleep+-+Gominak+2012 by neurologist Dr. Sasha Gominak about the effect of vitamin D insufficiency on sleep disorders:

"Low D goofs up sleep. Most of the neurological problems my patients have are not directly related to D hormone, they are related to the fact that D hormone deficiency causes sleep disorders; insomnia, sleep apnea, REM related apnea, unexplained awakenings to light sleep, inappropriate body movements during sleep. All of these disorders keep us from healing our bodies during sleep". You may want to read the webpage in full.

VITAMIN D

The govt. RDI of 400 IU daily is long outdated, and based on misinformation, according to Dr. John Cannell, at the VitaminDcouncil. Dr. Weil, Dr. Ben Kim, Dr. Axe, Dr. Gominak, a neurologist, and Dr. Mercola* all agree that an RDI of 5000 IU daily is not excessive, although higher levels may be required as people age, and / or put on weight. My doctor, on the basis of several peer reviewed studies, also agrees that an RDI of 5000 IU daily is not excessive, and it is virtually impossible to get the required amount from dietary sources, without the risk of toxicity.

* VITAMIN D DOSE RECOMMENDATIONS
AGE DOSAGE
"Below 5: 35 units per pound per day
Age 5 - 10: 2500 units
Adults: 5000 units
Pregnant Women: 5000 units
WARNING:
There is no way to know if the above recommendations are correct. The ONLY way to know is to test your blood. You might need 4-5 times the amount recommended above. Ideally your blood level of 25 OH D should be 60ng/ml".

The NOAEL (No observed adverse effect level) specified by the Institute of Medicine is 10,000 IU/day. Around 1 person in 300 is allergic to it, so start out with only 1,000 IU on the first day, if supplementing.

Dr. Gominak now recommends optimising vitamin D levels in the range 60 ng/ml to 80 ng/ml, and Dr. Mercola recommended 60 ng/ml or 150 nmol/litre, which is now my target level.

Vitamin D is not a true vitamin, but a hormonal substrate that is vitally important for the activation of almost 3,000 genes in the body. Its main cofactors are: zinc, magnesium, vitamin K2, and boron.

Google: "How To Make Sure That You Are Getting Enough Vitamin D; Dr. Ben Kim", then: "My 1 hr free lecture on vitamin D; Dr. Mercola".

Note that most doctors would regard as acceptable lower levels of vitamin D than those recommended by Dr. John Cannell of the vitamin D council, or Professor Michael Holick, a former member, and an expert in vitamin D.

Read: "Why are doctors reluctant to accept vitamin D", at:
vitamindwiki.com/Why+are+doctors+reluctant+to+accept+vitamin+D and in particular:
"Would you be opposed to my getting more vitamin D", at:
vitamindwiki.com/tiki-index.php?page_id=3162

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* REPROGRAMMING:
Use the Technique for Reprogramming Negative Thoughts: It's important to regularly monitor, and deal with a negative internal monologue (self talk), or mental process, such as disturbing thoughts, images, impulses, or emotions, by the process of (a): recognising it, and (b): challenging it immediately. Technique For Re-Programming Negative Thoughts: When you notice something negative, such as: "I can't do this/ am never going to get over this!" or: "Why am I always so useless/such a loser?" or even an image, emotion, or a memory; recognise that it is being generated from the negative part of your mind.

After identifying and labelling it, visualise a large, red, flashing, "STOP!" sign, and/or possibly a stern faced person wagging an index finger at you in a negative manner, then say to yourself as forcefully as you can, even aloud in a big voice, if alone: "I know this tactic: GO AWAY FOR A WHILE !!!" You may want to use either: "ruse", "ploy", "game", or "trick". In the case of an image, visualise a large "STOP" sign, or your preferred version.

Some people go so far as to keep a wide rubber band in their pocket, then put it around their wrist, when they catch themselves backsliding, stretch and release it, as a method of reprogramming their mind sooner, but I don't regard it as being strictly necessary. Remember to remove it, afterwards, if you use this method. Try replacing a negative thought with a positive affirmation of your choice, like: "I am a unique individual, with my own set of skills, and good points", or "I may not be perfect, but I'm doing the best I can, right now".

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From personal experience, I can tell you that it takes some considerable time to recover from habitual cannabis use, even partially. Stick with it, though, and you will eventually come good.

It sounds like anxiety, sure. Sometimes people look beyond the surface levels of life and their mind and what they see is so different from what they've been brought up to believe that it frightens them. Lots of people use drugs to reach the state you're in. Sadly you seemed to have gotten there unwillingly.

In response to your bullet points and your current thoughts:

To be honest, life probably doesn't have meaning. Each of us probably is nothing more than a collection of sensations. Still, what can you do about it? Unless you want to end your life (which is dumb, because things will end of their own accord anyway), there's really no choice but to play along with whatever's happening out here.

Heck, even if you wanted to take things one step further and believe we were nothing more than a computer simulation or something, it still doesn't change your role. You can't exit this ride and go somewhere that feels more homely. What is here is what is here, and you have been given a chance to participate, for better or worse.

You might as well get comfortable. Life can be grim, but there's a lot of good stuff here too. The human body is pretty cool, even if it's limited in its nature. It gives you the chance to experience some cool stuff, even if that cool stuff does appear to be a bit shallow. Embrace it.

Evolution has designed each of us to carry on, to continue. It's in our DNA. We'd never have survived as long as we have if we were programmed to be disconnected from life and ourselves. Where you are right now is something of a glitch. It's not a normal state for a human being or a body to be in. If you focus on doing what you were programmed to do, which is create the best odds of survival for yourself (i.e. great health, resourcefulness), you'll find you begin to click back into the system that is this reality/society.

Nowuccas posted two great posts about how to do that. Many people have experienced deep existential fears and have gone on to live enjoyable lives. You can too, if that's what you want.

The whole getting over the lie that Disney and the preacher sold you can be hard, but people are doing this every day.

Hey Alex,

Sorry to hear about what you're going through. I know how much it sucks because the same thing happened to me after a bad encounter with shrooms. Send me a private message if you like and I can give you some good advice.

I have all of those feelings and I've never used marijuana or any other drug for that matter. I believe it's just from long term stress.

What a great in depth response. Lots of fantastic advice here. Thank you from me. :)

[QUOTE=Nowuccas;220006]Hey Alex,
Anxiety Attacks:
An anxiety attack, sometimes referred to as a panic attack, is an unforeseen periods or incidents where there is a sudden fright or fear of intense proportions. These attacks focus on fears that are most often not rational; however the person with the disorder believes he or she is in terrible danger or at extreme risk. Most often these anxiety attacks occur all of a sudden; i.e. they are not planned nor do they come with any type of warning mechanism built in for advance action. Results are that
the person suffering the attack will feel about to faint or near death's door. People who suffer anxiety attacks report the following symptoms, listed in no particular order:
Discomfort or pain in the chest Vertigo or
Dizziness Upset stomach / Nausea Loss of
Control, Loss of Mental Stability Stress
Cold or hot flashes Heart palpitations or
near heart attack Shallow breathing Shakes / Trembling
Anxiety disorder is characterized as having anxiety feelings that are "always there / all inclusive," make people want to isolate themselves from society and hamper everyday activities with others.

Panic Attacks:
On the other hand, a panic attack does not carry with it that "always there" association. In fact, panic episodes generally burst forth, peaking after roughly 10 minutes or so, then ending after about 25 minutes. During a panic attack, 4 of the symptoms listed below (in no particular order) generally make an appearance:
Hyperventilation, Shallow breathing, even to the point of
suffocation sensation...
Increased heart rates Tightness of chest, Chest pain or discomfort
Shakes / Trembling / Sweating Choking
sensation Upset Stomach / Nausea Vertigo
Paresthesias (numbness or tingling sensations)
Surreal feelings Loss of Control, especially
of mental faculties Death coming on Numbing
Cold or hot flashes

The Difference:
The main difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks is in the duration of the attack and how intense it is for the person with the affliction. While anxiety attacks are less hi-stress, they tend to last longer than the power-packed panic stressors".

hello Nowuccas
having read your post the description of anxiety for me doesnt describe my experience
for me its being overwhelmed by experience either whilst in it or afterwards, the fear is more likely that i am deteriorating in my functional ability. mental stability stress in that i cant think clearly and every thing seems muffled so that would be a surreal experience then?