Why won't my head listen to its own logic?

Printable View

08-29-2015, 04:46 AM
Renge

Why won't my head listen to its own logic?

Hi,
I'm 26 (nearly 27) and I'm dealing with depression and severe anxiety. I have a good family and always feel safe with them and likewise with my closer friends. I also have a boyfriend who I love very much but my anxiety is damaging that relationship.
He has never given me any reason not to trust him and has been nothing but supportive through this whole thing but somehow my brain refuses to acknowledge this when my anxiety starts up.
If he doesn't answer a message I start to panic and a thousand things go through my head. Its caused massive arguments before because I've gone off the handle and accused him of all sorts but I don't know why. Even when I'm in that moment of anxiety I tell myself that I'm overreacting but it doesn't seem to get through.
My counsellor suggested thinking about what I was feeling, what kind of thoughts were going through my head and then trying to challenge them. I do this, because I know there's no way he's being unfaithful, I know he's not angry at me, I know he's not forgotten about me or found someone more interesting or doesn't care. If he doesn't answer quickly its usually because he's helping out someone in his family or has gotten busy with something and hasn't checked his phone yet, and I know that's perfectly acceptable, it's not his job or his responsibility to be on the end of his phone 24/7 just for me and I shouldn't need that. But despite all of that I cannot stop the anxiety eating me up. It gets bigger and bigger the longer I wait for a reply and then it blows up and usually causes an argument.
Why can't I calm myself by thinking about things logically? It seems whatever rational thinking I do just gets ignored by myself, like the anxieties voice is much louder I can't compete with it and I'm worried it's going to ruin things because he feels like I don't trust him and I'm pushing him away, which is the last thing I want.
08-30-2015, 03:26 PM
petrified

Hi I haven't exactly been in your shoes as my anxiety was completely health related, but I was so dependant on my husband through that dark spell that I thought I was pushing him away. I understand when the anxiety takes over that all rational thoughts go out the window and what helped me was finally understanding it was all caused by my anxieties, I had a really helpful course of CBT and medication. I wasn't on the meds very long only until I could cope better also talking to people on here really got me through too.

You boyfriend seems very understanding and you know he is going to be there for you through this blip as that is all it is. This does get easier
08-30-2015, 03:50 PM
Renge

It really does just tear all my rational thinking apart. It was good you had your husband and I know I'm lucky to have my boyfriend.
I hope it does get easier. Thank you for the reassurance, I'm glad I found this place.
08-30-2015, 03:58 PM
petrified

It will, it might take some time but take all the help that's offered to you and you will beat this.

This forum is fab and a great place for getting everything off your chest.
08-30-2015, 04:27 PM
Renge

Thanks very much.
Yeah, thats half of what I need sometimes, is just a place to off load some of the things rushing round up there.
08-31-2015, 03:56 AM
Lilac

Hi Renge. You and I have the exact same problem. Read my latest post "let's talk about control" and/or PM me if you want to talk more about it :)
08-31-2015, 05:42 AM
Renge

Hi Lilac,
I just read (and replied) to your post. It was actually very eye opening, I hadn't ever considered myself a control freak before. I'd really appreciate being able to pm you at some point, it would good to talk to someone who gets where I'm coming from.
Thanks so much
08-31-2015, 01:11 PM
superchick22684

Quote:

Originally Posted by Renge

Hi,
I'm 26 (nearly 27) and I'm dealing with depression and severe anxiety. I have a good family and always feel safe with them and likewise with my closer friends. I also have a boyfriend who I love very much but my anxiety is damaging that relationship.
He has never given me any reason not to trust him and has been nothing but supportive through this whole thing but somehow my brain refuses to acknowledge this when my anxiety starts up.
If he doesn't answer a message I start to panic and a thousand things go through my head. Its caused massive arguments before because I've gone off the handle and accused him of all sorts but I don't know why. Even when I'm in that moment of anxiety I tell myself that I'm overreacting but it doesn't seem to get through.
My counsellor suggested thinking about what I was feeling, what kind of thoughts were going through my head and then trying to challenge them. I do this, because I know there's no way he's being unfaithful, I know he's not angry at me, I know he's not forgotten about me or found someone more interesting or doesn't care. If he doesn't answer quickly its usually because he's helping out someone in his family or has gotten busy with something and hasn't checked his phone yet, and I know that's perfectly acceptable, it's not his job or his responsibility to be on the end of his phone 24/7 just for me and I shouldn't need that. But despite all of that I cannot stop the anxiety eating me up. It gets bigger and bigger the longer I wait for a reply and then it blows up and usually causes an argument.
Why can't I calm myself by thinking about things logically? It seems whatever rational thinking I do just gets ignored by myself, like the anxieties voice is much louder I can't compete with it and I'm worried it's going to ruin things because he feels like I don't trust him and I'm pushing him away, which is the last thing I want.

I'm 31 and have been/am currently going through a similar situation. I had a lot of problems trusting my boyfriend at the beginning of our relationship and it took a long time for me to trust him due to issues hanging over from my last relationship (long story). How long have you two been together? If its towards the beginning of your relationship it can take time to develop trust.
The reason that I say I'm currently going through it is that my boyfriend recently cheated on me. We've decided to work through it but I'm starting to develop anxiety again when he goes places without me. If I happen to message him and he doesn't respond quickly that's starting to bother me as well. I know its going to take time to get back to where I trust him again but for right now its a pain. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.
09-01-2015, 06:12 AM
Renge

Quote:

Originally Posted by superchick22684

I'm 31 and have been/am currently going through a similar situation. I had a lot of problems trusting my boyfriend at the beginning of our relationship and it took a long time for me to trust him due to issues hanging over from my last relationship (long story). How long have you two been together? If its towards the beginning of your relationship it can take time to develop trust.
The reason that I say I'm currently going through it is that my boyfriend recently cheated on me. We've decided to work through it but I'm starting to develop anxiety again when he goes places without me. If I happen to message him and he doesn't respond quickly that's starting to bother me as well. I know its going to take time to get back to where I trust him again but for right now its a pain. Just wanted to let you know that you're not alone.

Hi superchick,

thanks for the reply. :)
I'm sorry to hear about what happened with you and your boyfriend, I think trying to work through it is very brave, I hope the two of you make it.
Really, I can't tell you how much it's helping me to know there are other people going through this and dealing with similar issues. This whole forums been a massive help, just reading peoples posts and offloading some of my thoughts is such a big help and like I said, hearing I'm not on my own with it is a big deal so thank you very much.
My boyfriend and I don't really have the same friendship circle, his friends can be really juvenile and even gave his number out to a girl before even though they know he's with me and then she phoned him (not knowing he had a girlfriend) I completely freaked and now I worry every time he goes to hang out with them if there are gunna be girls and they'll don the same thing or try and encourage him to do something stupid. I know I have to trust him more but it's hard.
Anyway, thank you again. I hope things start to get better for the two of you.