Dating someone with severe anxiety

Hi,

My name is Elizabeth and I am currently dating a man with severe anxiety/ptsd and needed somewhere to turn and learn from others with severe anxiety.
It is extremely hard at times when he goes into full panic attacks because he does have some very dark thoughts and the negative always seem to over ride the positive. We have more great days than negative days but when the panic attacks start he feels like he's not good enough for me, that I am going to leave him, that he's going to hurt me etc. No matter how much I tell him I will stand by him no matter what he doesn't believe that someone with anxiety can be loved and that he is a burden. I tell him all the time that I can handle this because I love him enough to handle the sometimes hurtful things he says during panic attacks.
Can anyone give me any advice on any books that may be helpful or anything I can do to help make a better impact on his anxiety. I care about him and I care about his anxiety and I need any and all advice that may help.
*He sees a therapist and is on medication but I need to know the extra stuff I can do to help him feel confident and realize that his anxiety may be a burden to him, it is not a burden to me.

I want to start off by saying that it is amazing you are here. I can tell you really care about him by looking for ways to help him in your relationship. A lot of people brush of anxiety/panic disorders as "all in your head" so it's great to see not all people think that way. :)

I also want to make something very clear: his anxiety CAN be a burden to you as well. It is def. a burden to him, but it doesn't mean it doesn't effect you. A relationship is a partnership. You take on his flaws and imperfections and he takes on yours..

Personally, I can't recommend any books. Others on the forum might be able to.

The best advice I can give, is to continue to be that voice of reassurance for him in his low moments. I know as myself when I have been having panic attacks I automatically am embarrassed and think I am no longer any good to people around me.. regardless of how understanding they are being. The anxiety makes me feel like they would never "want" someone like me in their life.

Also, ASK him what helps. Anxiety is a different demon for everyone, it isn't cut and dry.. we all have our own triggers and we all have our own distractions or ways of getting our mind back on track. Make sure you ask him when he is NOT in panic mode so you can help him when he is.. When we are already panicking sometimes even our "safe things" can come across impossible.

Ultimately, this is HIS battle, not yours. You cannot "fix" him. It is good he is seeing a therapist and taking medication.. but be careful not to let him become co-dependent on you, OR walk all over you. Just because he has anxiety doesn't mean it is OK for him to say mean or hurtful things to you. You have every right to not be treated that way.

Good luck :)

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Originally Posted by ElizabethAC

Hi,

My name is Elizabeth and I am currently dating a man with severe anxiety/ptsd and needed somewhere to turn and learn from others with severe anxiety.
It is extremely hard at times when he goes into full panic attacks because he does have some very dark thoughts and the negative always seem to over ride the positive. We have more great days than negative days but when the panic attacks start he feels like he's not good enough for me, that I am going to leave him, that he's going to hurt me etc. No matter how much I tell him I will stand by him no matter what he doesn't believe that someone with anxiety can be loved and that he is a burden. I tell him all the time that I can handle this because I love him enough to handle the sometimes hurtful things he says during panic attacks.
Can anyone give me any advice on any books that may be helpful or anything I can do to help make a better impact on his anxiety. I care about him and I care about his anxiety and I need any and all advice that may help.
*He sees a therapist and is on medication but I need to know the extra stuff I can do to help him feel confident and realize that his anxiety may be a burden to him, it is not a burden to me.

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Hi, Elizabeth - Very cool that you are reaching out to help your guy.

It is great that he is in therapy and on meds if they are helping. A good therapist can go a long way. A bad one, not so much.

When he is in panic mode, the whole mind thinks pretty screwed up. Having negative thoughts are so normal and more importantly, the though he may harm you is completely normal. Intrusive thoughts like that pop in an anxious mind and because they seem so outrageous, the fact that they crept in your mind makes you think that they must be true.

Another thought people often think is that if they are having wild intrusive thoughts, they must be going crazy. Again, not the case and completely normal. Schizophrenic people have those type of thoughts and think they are not a concern. Anxious people think them and it scares the hell out of them. In fact, anxious people are one of the least likely type of people to ever be schizophrenic since they are so aware of all their thoughts and easily decipher right from wrong.

I am not sure of any books or sites that are good for the partner of someone with anxiety and panic. I often direct new people here to this website in order to get a very easy, yet detailed description of all the anxiety disorders and understand what they are, the symptoms they cause and the ways to defeat them.

Anxietycoach.com

Take a tour through there and you will get a quick education that may help you and your guy.

I know that you are aware of this but ultimately, it is his disorder to overcome. It is great that you will be there for support but he will need to face things head on.

Anxiety is relatively easy to get under control and eventually eliminate it. Once you understand it and stop fearing it, you take a lot of the power away.

And just so you know, I was diagnosed with GAD, Social Anxiety, Depression, Panic Disorder and Health Anxiety some years ago. I was a mess.

And look at me now! Living the dream and having a blast.

I wish you both the best.