It's stupid, but...

I want to die because of jealousy.
I'm an artist. I try my best, but.. I always get ignored. Recently I discovered one person who's drawing skills are worse than me, but everybody loves them, they are super popular. And then I broke.
I don't understand. Why somebody who draws way worse than me gets support and attention I will never get. Why I am the one who gets ignored.

But on the other side I don't like how my art looks, how I look, I hate myself. But I also want to be liked.
I'm tired of this pain. I want to finally die but I'm too afraid of death and pain. But it hurts so much.
Help me. Please.

I tend to experience a similar inferiority complex to yours from time to time.
What sucks most about being so self critical is that it floods your brain. When frustration floods your brain, it becomes difficult to concentrate, be creative, and do something that you can be proud of later. So then what happens is that you just end up trying to accomplish something, but get frustrated instead, and then end up NOT quite accomplishing what you wanted to, and feeling like some product of frustration is your BEST WORK - when it really isn't. What you accomplish when you're frustrated and self critical is not your best work. So you will probably tend to end up comparing "not your best work" to someone else's best work. That's why it is stupid.
Fortunately creativity, imagination and hard work are actually limitless. Therefore it doesn't really make sense to come to a conclusion that you're just not good enough because maybe there's something you haven't thought of or tried that would actually make you feel better than whoever you're comparing yourself to. I think it's also important to understand that nobody has the power to just suddenly become the best at something. What everyone can do is to keep trying. When I say keep trying, I don't mean just do whatever a couple of times and then give up.... I mean keep trying... and if you don't succeed, try again and again and again and then again, and if that's not working out, try something else out (like take an art class) and try again, and if that doesn't work out try to get some inspiration from some other artist's work or think of something new, and if that doesn't work out, try a different class with a different teacher... I don't think even you know whether or not someone else's is better than you are until you have tried everything you can possibly think of. Good luck and hang in there.

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Originally Posted by laoii

I want to die because of jealousy.
I'm an artist. I try my best, but.. I always get ignored. Recently I discovered one person who's drawing skills are worse than me, but everybody loves them, they are super popular. And then I broke.
I don't understand. Why somebody who draws way worse than me gets support and attention I will never get. Why I am the one who gets ignored.
I'm tired of this pain. I want to finally die but I'm too afraid of death and pain. But it hurts so much.
Help me. Please.

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Take a walk around the childrens cancer ward of your local hospital. I promise you that will make you appreciate life like nothing else.

And you read the yellow message that admins made. If you want to be rude, go somewhere else.
I entered this forum to seek some real help, not your salt.

And guess what? I have met people who had much worse than me. Did it help? No, didn't.

Hello, I'm studying visual arts, at the beginning was pretty hard because I felt depressed and everyone seemed to be better than me. Keep working in your art, suddenly you'll get better and better... also uhm what I do is write in a notebook about my fears and give responses to them, like possible solutions, so I can read them anytime. Try (because I know is hard) not to think about who's better and who is worse, my mother says that the only person you have to prove to is yourself.
Also therapy may be helpful, I mean things are not going to change in one day but will help you to have a better future :D

Laoii,

It's not stupid. Feeling the way you do is not stupid in the least. I am no artist, but I have felt that same insecurity. I used to, & still do at times, look at everyone around me and wish I was anyone but me. Some of the worst people I've known have somehow seemed to get the furthest in life and found the most happiness. It makes you question everything. However, I like to tell myself that they missed out. There's nothing more empowering than bringing yourself from the brink. True, the struggle and the pain is unbearable at times and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy, but I feel like it broadens your soul. When you come out of the darkness, everything seems so much more beautiful. You are able to see things in a way that they never could. Embrace that. Maybe put that pain into your art. Again, I'm no artist, but I do always find myself drawn to the art that you can feel. Pain can be beautiful in it's own way.

I hope this doesn't come across like I want you to keep feeling the way you do to further your art, but it could be a silver lining.

I've been to the point where I wanted to die and I too was afraid of death & pain. If you feel as though you need help, I'll let you know what I did.
I sought help at my primary care. I simply let them know how I was feeling and that I couldn't cope any longer. I felt dumb and I was so embarrassed, but I kept telling myself it was worth it in order to stop feeling the way I did. They provided me with an SSRI and honestly, I feel so much better. Please do not leave us. You are not alone.


Best wishes, & please, if you need anything. We are all here to help.
xo - Maddy

Stop comparing yourself to others. Just do what you do. Some people will get lucky and they'll get noticed when you don't. But, just keep at it. I think Tesla_Servo mentioned something like this, but, you may not have done your greatest work yet. For example, you may be thinking that you've tried your hardest and you've spent years perfecting your craft but you're not being noticed. But, you never know, your time may come in 7 years. I just picked a random number... 7. My point is, one day, if you do get the recognition you're looking for, you'll look back on this and chuckle. And, if you never get the recognition you're looking for, so what. I think if you're trying too hard to get that recognition, then you won't get it. You just have to do what you love. Do what makes you happy. The rest will follow.

I once thought I could be an artist. My dad was, and I idolized him in every way. It wasn't until he died that I realized I wasn't really any good. I can only draw things that I see, and generally only something someone already drew, not something 3D. I just couldn't handle feeling inferior all the time, and the frustration of seeing something so clearly in my head and being unable to draw it.
But honestly I can only admire people who persevere. If that's what you really want to do, then you just have to keep at it. Maybe find a style or medium you're better at, explore.
And I bet if you had more confidence in your art, others would like it more. I mean don't brag or anything, but it makes people uncomfortable if you show them your drawing and say something like "It sucks, I know..." If you find yourself doing that, try to at least be neutral when you ask for feedback.

Do all your pieces have a point? To paraphrase Bob Ross, the difference between a good artist and a great one is not how well they paint, but what they choose to paint. If you can convey an emotion, or a humanistic belief, anything you find important.. well the rest is just a matter of style. There is no "good" or "bad" in art, in that sense.