New to dating and suffering with anxiety.

Hello, I'm new to this site. I am 29 years old, female, and suffer from GAD. Also, I have very limited dating experience and in fact been on a date since I broke up with my only boyfriend (of 3 months) when I was 24. Here's my problem...

Back in November, I met this guy through my sister. And there was an instant attraction. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I starting going with my sister to things hoping to run into him, and every few weeks I would. And every time I met him I grew more and more attracted to him. In May, I was invited to an event my sister had no interest in so she gave me his number. I went by myself and he went out of his way to drive me back to my car. After that, I was convinced we were meant to be despite also believing him to be too perfect for me and there was no way he could share interest. None the less, I started to find excuses to text him. Eventually, we were hanging out, spending entire days together. He was even buying me lunch and dinner. But still I denied there being a mutual attraction. Until one day, a month ago, at the end of the night he told me he liked me and then kissed me. I was so excited, and very awkward.

But very quickly I started to become anxious of the exceptions of intimacy and commitment. We've been hanging out 3-4 times a week, including full Saturdays. A couple times I'd even fall asleep on his couch, overnight. Since our first kiss, we only ever kiss at night before I go home and, a week ago, we started holding hands in public. I've been getting so nervous every time I go to see him and I'm starting to feel anxious all the time and it's all I can think about. We've only been dating for like 6 weeks and I'm starting to have serious doubts and serious anxiety.

Two months ago I was telling all of my friends how he was perfect and everything I ever wanted in a guy. Now I cringe when I think about seeing him and how I just want to end this. But I can't seem to make sense of all this! I have no idea what to expect, how I should feel, what's going on. I feel like I'm being crazy! It's only been 6 weeks, I shouldn't be expecting anything should I? How can I trust my own judgment when I know my anxiety makes me neurotic and obsessive? Ugh, I feel like there's something wrong with me :(

I'm so confused! Help!

I enjoyed reading this. You are really putting yourself out there. Its funny how easy and relieving it is to pour yourself out anonymously on the internet :) It's not as easy face to face, but even more relieving. Coming from a guy close to your age, I can say I would really appreciate hearing this. Perhaps you could tell him exactly what you just posted here? As John Lennon said - Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it'll always get you the right ones.

My anxiety is so bad that I dread hanging out with him and have a hard time enjoying myself when I'm with him. I feel terrible and I'm freaking out. I'm starting to have major doubts and I can't tell if the doubts are causing my anxiety or the anxiety is causing doubts.

We were supposed to hang out yesterday and I had an anxiety attack and backed out. I told him I wasn't feeling very well, but he knew and he asked if it was because of him, I said I didn't know and he said it was cool if we wanted to be just friends and so I agreed. I suddenly felt relieved, but very sad. I still feel very sad, I feel like we weren't even dating that long and I shouldn't feel this bad... I feel like telling him would just be too much. I mean, we hadn't been dating that long, and I'm definitely not comfortable enough with exposing THIS side of myself. It takes me a really long time to let people in...

I keep telling myself that it's ok, since I haven't dated in so long... this was a really huge step. And it might take me a little bit to get to the next step. All of my friends seem really happy and excited when they first start dating someone and I was disappointed not to experience that feeling. And I wouldn't want to date someone who dreads hanging out with me, I wouldn't want to make someone feel the way that I do :(

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Originally Posted by PrettyPeony

Hello, I'm new to this site. I am 29 years old, female, and suffer from GAD. Also, I have very limited dating experience and in fact been on a date since I broke up with my only boyfriend (of 3 months) when I was 24. Here's my problem...

Back in November, I met this guy through my sister. And there was an instant attraction. I couldn't stop thinking about him. I starting going with my sister to things hoping to run into him, and every few weeks I would. And every time I met him I grew more and more attracted to him. In May, I was invited to an event my sister had no interest in so she gave me his number. I went by myself and he went out of his way to drive me back to my car. After that, I was convinced we were meant to be despite also believing him to be too perfect for me and there was no way he could share interest. None the less, I started to find excuses to text him. Eventually, we were hanging out, spending entire days together. He was even buying me lunch and dinner. But still I denied there being a mutual attraction. Until one day, a month ago, at the end of the night he told me he liked me and then kissed me. I was so excited, and very awkward.

But very quickly I started to become anxious of the exceptions of intimacy and commitment. We've been hanging out 3-4 times a week, including full Saturdays. A couple times I'd even fall asleep on his couch, overnight. Since our first kiss, we only ever kiss at night before I go home and, a week ago, we started holding hands in public. I've been getting so nervous every time I go to see him and I'm starting to feel anxious all the time and it's all I can think about. We've only been dating for like 6 weeks and I'm starting to have serious doubts and serious anxiety.

Two months ago I was telling all of my friends how he was perfect and everything I ever wanted in a guy. Now I cringe when I think about seeing him and how I just want to end this. But I can't seem to make sense of all this! I have no idea what to expect, how I should feel, what's going on. I feel like I'm being crazy! It's only been 6 weeks, I shouldn't be expecting anything should I? How can I trust my own judgment when I know my anxiety makes me neurotic and obsessive? Ugh, I feel like there's something wrong with me :(
I'm so confused! Help!

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There is nothing wrong with you, you have fear of the unknown...fear of being to close to intimate..not experienced etc......This guy obviously feels the same attraction as you do, you are Good enough to deserve him.....Don't let your anxiety sabotage the relationship. Try not to think to far a head, stay in the present and enjoy the moment...it works out great, if it does not learn from the experience. I am almost 50 and deal with same thing, longest relationship has been about 3 months. I just started dating again after about a 6 month break, prior to that it had been 12 years. I find it helps to tell your date(potential partner) that you want to take things slow most women I date are actually happy to hear that I do not want to move to fast...I even tell them i lack a lot of experience and being a man that'c considered taboo, but good for a woman(double standards).

I hope this made some sense, don't over think it or think to far ahead.

I've determined that a majority of my anxiety came from disillusionment. We weren't right for each other. I know that now. I was caught up in this fantastic feeling that I had never experienced before only to discover that it was fleeting and irrational. I was naive and foolish. I had hoped that this process would be easier being that I'm almost 30. I thought for a moment that I just got lucky.

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Originally Posted by Cory Kloos

I enjoyed reading this. You are really putting yourself out there. Its funny how easy and relieving it is to pour yourself out anonymously on the internet :) It's not as easy face to face, but even more relieving. Coming from a guy close to your age, I can say I would really appreciate hearing this. Perhaps you could tell him exactly what you just posted here? As John Lennon said - Being honest may not get you a lot of friends, but it'll always get you the right ones.

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I always say, if it weren't for my anxiety, I'd be a very open person. My closest friends know too much about. That being said, the biggest lesson I've learned from dealing with anxiety is that people can only help you as much as you allow them. The first time I sought counseling, I held back a lot of what I was actually feeling and doing because I was ashamed. It wasn't until much later that I read somewhere - I don't recall where - something like "it's the ways in which we lie that reveal our biggest insecurities" and it really struck me. Long story short, after having an emotional breakdown, and basically required to seek help - for which I was completely open and honest, I was diagnosed with clinical depression. When I tell my friends all these crazy thoughts and feelings that I have I just get "I'm sure it's just your anxiety" and "stop overthinking it" and "I have no idea because for me it was like..." Because I just don't have friends who relate this particular aspect of my life.

Also, if he said that to me I think I'd freak out. But maybe that's just an indication that we're not meant to be?

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Originally Posted by gadguy

There is nothing wrong with you, you have fear of the unknown...fear of being to close to intimate..not experienced etc......This guy obviously feels the same attraction as you do, you are Good enough to deserve him.....Don't let your anxiety sabotage the relationship. Try not to think to far a head, stay in the present and enjoy the moment...it works out great, if it does not learn from the experience. I am almost 50 and deal with same thing, longest relationship has been about 3 months. I just started dating again after about a 6 month break, prior to that it had been 12 years. I find it helps to tell your date(potential partner) that you want to take things slow most women I date are actually happy to hear that I do not want to move to fast...I even tell them i lack a lot of experience and being a man that'c considered taboo, but good for a woman(double standards).

I hope this made some sense, don't over think it or think to far ahead.

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I appreciate the encouragement. I was just surprised by how anxious I was. It's really hard for me to open about my anxiety just because it feels so personal and it's related to so many things I don't feel comfortable talking about so early in a relationship. I often struggle with staying grounded so maybe that's something I need to work on for awhile...

I can relate to some of what you said. I'm not as introverted with my feelings, in fact sometimes I share too much. However, I could be wrong, but I strongly sense in your messages a lot of "what if" thinking... this I can definitely relate to. I have found over the years how destructive this type of thinking is. It's a major component of anxiety itself. I have found that focusing on controlling the constant what if thinking, my anxiety improves dramatically.

I also found learning about my personality type helped tremendously. If you haven't taken a Meyers Briggs personality test yet I strongly suggest you do.

Forget about focusing on what may be wrong with you, or hypothesizing what other people are thinking or what might happen and instead learn about the way you actually are.