Anxiety in lecture theatres affecting my education

Hi all, I'm new to this site and I'm wondering if someone can give me some much needed advice on my problem. Sorry in advance for the rambling length of this post, I have never written out my feelings in full detail like this before.

I've never suffererd from anxiety like this in my life although I'm an over thinker and a dweller, like OCD thought patterns.

All this started last October when I was sitting in a lecture and I was overcome with the sensation that I was going to vomit or faint or both. My vision went blurry, my heart was racing and I was shaking badly. No one else seemed to notice but all I could think was I need to get out this lecture theatre. But I couldn't bring myself to as there were about 250 people in the room at the time and I would have had to walk all the way down to the front to exit - something which our lecturers find rude and disruptive and basically I just would have been embarrassed either way in front of all my peers.

I kept trying to control it but my heart would start to race again and I was just gripped with such an intense fear, not only because I had no idea what was wrong with me but because leaving was so difficult. In hindsight I believe it may have had something to do with the fact I hadn't eaten anything that day and after the lecture I felt better. I tried not to let it have too much of an impact but it did and every time I went to a lecture, all I could think about was how ill I had felt and how it was so horrible and I never wanted it to happen again.

But it did keep happening again. I would feel incredibly anxious before entering the lecture and would spend the whole time focusing on how I felt - and most of the time I would feel sick and ill and dizzy and faint and I just wanted to escape. I kept pushing myself to go but then I stopped going to lectures altogether because the dread of going to them was too much as I knew what would happen - intense anxiety and mild panic attacks.

I'm moving to hot country in September and all I can think about is how the heat will make it even worse, how even if I really need to go out it will be harder as I will need to speak a different language and everything will be unfamiliar. Again I don't want to embarrass myself in front of everyone by passing out or throwing up. Sitting next to the door helps and they have doors at the back in these lecture theatres I've heard, which means I could slip out if need be. But what if they don't? It's so hard to explain to people why you need to sit in a certain position and if these things aren't available to calm my anxiety, it will just go through the roof.

It's starting to get now that I'm associating it with other things. What if I need to be sick on the subway? Or on a bus? I also always have to know where the toilets are in a restaurant and I'm constantly assessing how I'm feeling. The feelings of nausea and dizziness etc feel so real at the time. In my head I'm like it's just a lecture you literally just have to sit there and write how is that so hard? It never used to be. But now I associate lectures and being in that situation with feeling sick and feeling anxious and panicky. My friends say just don't think about it and I wish it was that simple.

I really need to have this problem under some sort of control before moving away. In my head I tell myself to stop being so ridiculous but it doesn't work. It is also worth adding that nothing has ever actually happened but like i said the feelings feel so real that I think something is definitely going to happen. I went to see a counsellor at my uni who has referred me for cbt but there's no promise that I will get an appointment before going away.

Anyone got any tips on how to deal with this type of anxiety?

Hi Amanda, I can relate to your suffering. The same kinds of false beliefs and thoughts costs me my university degree and I have been delegated to labor jobs etc. for the last 37 years. Thats ok as I have a great job now, but oh the regrets. If I only knew then what i know now. What do I know now you may ask? Well firstly, you need to get on medication to control these false beliefs but very real sensations. Clonazepam was an absolute life saver for me, but everyone is different so it might take some time and experimenting to find what works for you. Now that the anxiety will be controlled, with minimal side effects (for me anyhow), you need to work on learning how to relax and rewire your brain by meditating, breathing correctly and exercising everyday. Short walks in the woods, squash, swimming, anything. Also, try to get lots of regular sleep and no or very little caffeine. I drink it all the time now, but it took decades before i could enjoy a good java without freaking out. I have had very little success with CBT and therapists in general, however i am sure many others have had great success with therapy. Volunteering is very useful as it takes the focus off of you. Learn how to breathe effectively (many good vids on youtube etc.). It will be very important to tell people about your struggles with anxiety. Tell your professor, your friends etc. believe me on this one, you will be amazed on how much stress this takes off of you if you are not trying to hide your difficulties. If you struggle with your seminars, stop, breathe and tell your audience you are having some struggles with anxiety, reset and carry on! If you were sick in any other way you wouldn't think twice about divulging this information. You might be surprised how supportive people actually are and how well you can do. You need to stop dwelling on anxiety, and stop anticipating it. Start thinking "i might not be that anxious today in that lecture and if I am, so what I am an anxious person" some people have different voices, some people are fat, some are ugly, some are not as smart as you, etc, but all have a lot to offer, as do you. Slow down and move forward, find the right people to be around even if that means distancing yourself from close people. I am very sad to say that I have not talked to my parents in over 10 years because they are extremely negative , critical people and are a major factor in the development of my social anxiety. Tragic? For sure, but absolutely necessary for my recovery. Life is great now and can be for you. Dont be afraid to ask the hard questions. "What is making me so anxious", "Maybe it's my biological makeup", or maybe not" "Maybe university isn't what I really want to do. Either way the healing approach I think will be similar. Control anxiety with medication and possibly therapy and learn the many skills to cope with this very challenging condition. Never give up and distance yourself from those who make no effort to support or understand you. Stay clear of all critical, negative and judgemental people. You have yourself for that. lol. A great resource is the "Anxiety and Phobia workbook" I do not remember the author as I have not needed it for years. Lastly I feel that your anxiety is a gift. WHAT???? IS THIS GUY KIDDING. No I am not. I think anxiety, assuming it is not stricty a biological malfunction, is telling you something. It can be a guide to tell you what you were meant to do and to tell you to stop doing what you know is not good for you. Anxiety can teach you how to keep safe and comfortable and how to become the person you were really meant to be. All the best Amanda.

Gord