Confusion about what/how I feel.
I truly hope that this doesn't sound like some random kid rambling to the internet about their life, but I fear that it might turn out that way...
I'm a 20 year old male, turning 21 in 2 days, that was diagnosed with a generalized anxiety disorder in November after anxiety attacks sent me to the ER twice with a heart rate of ~175, chest pains, hyperventilation, and overall fears of dying from a heart attack. Since then I've been prescribed lorazepam to use as needed, although they didn't really specify when to actually use it other than to fear its addictive nature so I hardly touch it as a result. I've also had an ER visit in December when my family felt that my physical pains and my freaking out was signs of a heart attack, as well, only to be told it was anxiety. Each time I have had an EKG and bloodwork done, all of which has turned out to be "normal". I went to counselling at a local medical center for a few months, which seemed to help to an extent, but haven't seen them in a little over 3 months due to financial issues.
I keep having physical feelings, however, that I'm always afraid of. I keep having a feeling of a tight throat or a large lump in the back of it which tends to make me fear throat cancer. Every time I cough I almost instinctively have to check for blood without thinking about it, and when I try to avoid it I tend to freak out and force myself to cough (sometimes to the point that I cause a small bit of damage to my throat and cause a tiny speck of fresh blood). Every time I use the restroom I instinctively have to check, as well, due to some ingrained fear that something will go wrong. Every time I eat I worry that something may have gotten into/onto the food (like a speck of glass) and it tends to make me freak out, bringing nausea and chest pains. I'm also generally under a lot of stress, as well, between work, college classes, and trying to get a computer to actually function properly, and this tends to bring all sorts of pains I've found. I'll quite often get a feeling along the left side of my chest where my arm would rest against if I lowered it. I also tend to get pains in both elbows, most often in the left, that are just a slight jolt that goes away quickly, which (combined with the chest pain listed above) makes me fear heart problems (even though 3 EKGs and bloodwork have shown no issues). Once I start worrying about these alleged "heart problems", I also start feeling this pain in my jaw (generally on the right side for some reason), but I don't normally have that issue unless I'm thinking about health issues. I tend to get random pains in my stomach, as well, that I'm not sure about. Muscles in my arms/shoulders will also at times feel like I've been working out for a couple hours as they burn, and right now as I type I have a dullish pain in the back of my left shoulder that's making me nervous. I also can't seem to hear about/read about/talk about medical issues without starting to have a fear that they'll happen to me and/or feeling the listed physical symptoms almost immediately. Someone talks about a stomach issue they have? I feel stomach pain. Someone talks about pains in their joints? I almost seem to feel these pains. I don't even know anymore.
I don't know what to think about any of the physical feelings listed above, but it makes me fear on a daily basis that I'll have a heart attack, I have cancer, or I'll start randomly start bleeding internally. I haven't gone a single day in the past month without fearing one or (normally) more of those situations, ESPECIALLY at night. I've lowered my caffeine intake to under 100 mg per day, often times none, and it hasn't helped with any of the pains and now I just feel like I have a general lack of energy/motivation to do much.
On top of this, I often times doubt who/what I even am. I'm a bisexual that often times questions themselves about whether or not they're actually bisexual. Many things about my life I often question, such as this, even though I shouldn't. I almost have to answer to myself whether or not I'm actually Bi, or whether or not I even have an anxiety problem. I also often question whether or not I'm a therian, but that's a completely separate matter.
I.. don't really know what I'm really going for with this whole post. I guess I'm mostly just wondering if these kinds of feelings are normal. Maybe I'm just typing this all out to try to convince myself that there is actually an issue at hand. I don't really know. It just felt.. I don't know. I don't want to say it just felt "right" to come here, but to an extent... it kinda does.
I'm sorry for the long post, and I hope none of you mind, but.. I'd love to just hear general thoughts about what I've listed here about if anyone else feels this way and/or what to do about them..
Edit: Something I forgot to mention, and this is short/quick, is a lot of my friends that I haven't seen for ~6 months that I suddenly started seeing in person again after coming home for a few weeks have started to say I almost seem more... emotionless and constantly out of it. Like I said, something short I wanted to add.
