New to this-- New to anxiety?
Hi... this is my first time posting on a forum and I'm not exactly sure how it works so I'm just going to post what I'm feeling / I have been feeling and hope that someone has some advice. I don't know if this information is needed but I'm a 21 year old girl, in college, I don't have any previous medical issues, I take birth control but that's the only medication I'm on, I'm moderately active, my father suffers from agoraphobia and panic/anxiety related issues.
I have not been diagnosed with anxiety so I'm not entirely sure I have anxiety but I have had occurrences of what I think are panic attacks within the past 6 months.
This sounds pretty dumb but, after a friend's pet rabbit died I started obsessing over the thought of death and dying and what's going to happen in my life. This wasn't the first experience I have had with death and pets/family/people dying so I'm not really sure why this affected me so much.
But, this really triggered the first panic attack I ever had. I was meant to be driving back to college on a Saturday to re-start classes on a Monday after Christmas break. But I couldn't sleep the night before because I was obsessing over what is going to happen when I die and why we have to die and so many other disturbing thoughts. I finally exhausted myself and fell asleep at 4 am. I was up at 8 am the next day and I was so irritable I started bawling my eyes out and my mother refused to let me drive back to college. She made sure I was calm throughout the day and let me just cry my eyes out for the whole day and relax and take naps until I felt better. The next day she drove me back herself and I felt fine after that.
But since then I have still had thoughts about dying laying in the back of my mind and constantly creeping into my thoughts on a daily basis.
The next panic attack I experienced was when I was driving back to my dorm room in college from spending a night out with a friend. I had the windows open in my car and it started to make my ears feel and sound funny-- it sounded like wind was rushing by in small bursts which made my ears ring. So I rolled up the windows in the car but that made me feel trapped. Then I started to breathe really shallowly and I thought I was going to drive off the road and die because I was hyperventilating. I took deep breaths and told myself to calm down that I wasn't going to veer off the road and die. I made it back safely and just sat in my car and cried for a good hour before I could bring myself to walk to my room and lay down to try to go to sleep (I didn't get much sleep that night).
The most recent anxiety/panic situation I have had was when I laid down to go to bed about 5 days ago and I panicked that I wasn't breathing. I couldn't feel my breath entering my body and my throat and mouth felt dry and itchy and I kept getting up to go the bathroom to look at myself in the mirror and make sure I was okay. I kept yawning to make myself feel like I had breath in my lungs, and of course I did because I'm sitting here typing this now. I called my boyfriend, we're in a LDR because of college, and had him get on skype and talk to me until I was ready to fall asleep. This seemed to help, but to inconvenience him and make him stay up with me isn't fair and I don't want to always fall back on him to make things better for me.
I take birth control pills and my mom has suggested that I take some time away from them to see if it helps with my feelings, but I don't think this is a side effect? I'm scheduled to see my doctor about this in about 2 weeks but I would really like some help sooner... I don't want to have to deal with these feelings for 2 more weeks before I maybe get an answer.
Anyways, as of right now I feel anxious all the time. I panic over the fact that my ears feel like they're plugged with cotton or something constantly, even though I can pop them and I know that they're fine. I obsess over my breathing and I have to make sure when I go to fall asleep that I'm breathing otherwise I feel like I'm going to forget how to breathe and die. I hate this feeling and I really want it to go away.
Since I've come home from college for the summer I haven't felt tired (I have to force myself to fall asleep by staring at youtube videos on my laptop until I fall asleep by some miracle), and I don't feel hungry at all (I have to tell myself I know I need food in order to function so I force myself to eat, I eat just fine I just don't feel hungry before I do eat).
I have read a ton of things online about anxiety over the past 6 months and they all contradict each other: some say to distract yourself, others say that distracting yourself is wrong and you need to accept yourself as you are. But how do I do this?
Do I even have anxiety? Is this normal? Does anyone else feel this way? What can I do to help this?
