And here I go again...............

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03-01-2015, 10:13 PM
winnwinn

And here I go again...............

Panic attacks are nothing new to me, they plagued me after my daughter was born back in 2007. I struggled for YEARS to find the right kind of help and somehow, someway I managed to find it. A lot of changes happened in my life for the better and by the end of 2011 I was like a whole new person, and by mid-2013 I had been nearly 3 years free of panic attacks. It was in November 2013 that my husband and I learned we were expecting again and my anxiety attacks returned which I was able to handle but then in 2014 I had a panic attack. It was a strange yet sickly familiar HELL that I had been so proud of riding myself of only for it to return with a vengeance! Through the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of the pregnancy I had 4-5 panic attacks that hit me out of the blue. After the baby was born I was okay, I hardly had any anxiety and I was so happy. It wasn't until a few days before this past Christmas that I had a panic attack hit me out of nowhere like lightning. There was no trigger. I as fine one second and not-so-much the next. I ended up taking 2mg of Klonopin over the course of 3 hours because nothing I seemed to do helped. It came to me in waves. Just as I thought the attack was letting up, it hit me again and fear washed over me once again. This HELL lasted for HOURS. I called everyone I could think of and not being able to reach anyone at 3am I decided to call one of the crisis numbers which turned out to be a REALLY bad mistake. It was a NATIONAL hotline yet the woman who answered sounded like I had bothered her by waking her up. She was very distant and cold and very disinterested in my issue. Eventually the attacks eased but there was a heavy weight on me that I could not seem to lift that lasted for days, it even prevented me from enjoying Christmas with my family. It was the fear of having another attack. The fear consumed me every single second of every single day. I spoke to my father who told me about a vitamin regimen he had heard about on TV to ease anxiety and being that I had tried everything else, I started the regimen. By mid-January I was feeling like my old self again and all that bad fear and such was in the past where I thought it was going to stay up until today when out of NOWHERE I went from laughing in a parking lot outside the store to FREAKING OUT! My husband almost called 9-1-1 it was so bad. I popped 2-1mg Klonopin and focused on my breathing and I was okay 30 minutes later. This was only 12 hours ago but ever since then I have been feeling horrible and wondering WHEN is it gonna happen again? I can not seem to pinpoint a trigger. No 2 panic attacks are the exact same, or at least I am never doing the same thing or thinking the same thing when/for them to happen. I thought I was doing okay this evening but then the hot tingling feeling I get on the back of my neck when before I freak out started up again and my heart rate shot through the roof. I've taken another anti-anxiety pill and tried to relax (nice bath, calming music, funny movie, spending time with my family) but nothing is helping. I can feel it building (the panic attack) and I have no idea why. I am heart-broken because of the long period of time I experienced before my last pregnancy without any anxiety or panic attacks. I felt empowered, now I feel nothing but powerless. My primary doctor says he can not continue to give me care on the issue and has referred me to a Psychiatrist but I can't get in to see him for another three MONTHS and the E.R. has proven to be a waste of time. I feel horrible and could use any advice or encouragement right about now. Thanks for reading.
03-02-2015, 05:28 AM
alex42

Quote:

Originally Posted by winnwinn

Panic attacks are nothing new to me, they plagued me after my daughter was born back in 2007. I struggled for YEARS to find the right kind of help and somehow, someway I managed to find it. A lot of changes happened in my life for the better and by the end of 2011 I was like a whole new person, and by mid-2013 I had been nearly 3 years free of panic attacks. It was in November 2013 that my husband and I learned we were expecting again and my anxiety attacks returned which I was able to handle but then in 2014 I had a panic attack. It was a strange yet sickly familiar HELL that I had been so proud of riding myself of only for it to return with a vengeance! Through the 2nd and 3rd trimesters of the pregnancy I had 4-5 panic attacks that hit me out of the blue. After the baby was born I was okay, I hardly had any anxiety and I was so happy. It wasn't until a few days before this past Christmas that I had a panic attack hit me out of nowhere like lightning. There was no trigger. I as fine one second and not-so-much the next. I ended up taking 2mg of Klonopin over the course of 3 hours because nothing I seemed to do helped. It came to me in waves. Just as I thought the attack was letting up, it hit me again and fear washed over me once again. This HELL lasted for HOURS. I called everyone I could think of and not being able to reach anyone at 3am I decided to call one of the crisis numbers which turned out to be a REALLY bad mistake. It was a NATIONAL hotline yet the woman who answered sounded like I had bothered her by waking her up. She was very distant and cold and very disinterested in my issue. Eventually the attacks eased but there was a heavy weight on me that I could not seem to lift that lasted for days, it even prevented me from enjoying Christmas with my family. It was the fear of having another attack. The fear consumed me every single second of every single day. I spoke to my father who told me about a vitamin regimen he had heard about on TV to ease anxiety and being that I had tried everything else, I started the regimen. By mid-January I was feeling like my old self again and all that bad fear and such was in the past where I thought it was going to stay up until today when out of NOWHERE I went from laughing in a parking lot outside the store to FREAKING OUT! My husband almost called 9-1-1 it was so bad. I popped 2-1mg Klonopin and focused on my breathing and I was okay 30 minutes later. This was only 12 hours ago but ever since then I have been feeling horrible and wondering WHEN is it gonna happen again? I can not seem to pinpoint a trigger. No 2 panic attacks are the exact same, or at least I am never doing the same thing or thinking the same thing when/for them to happen. I thought I was doing okay this evening but then the hot tingling feeling I get on the back of my neck when before I freak out started up again and my heart rate shot through the roof. I've taken another anti-anxiety pill and tried to relax (nice bath, calming music, funny movie, spending time with my family) but nothing is helping. I can feel it building (the panic attack) and I have no idea why. I am heart-broken because of the long period of time I experienced before my last pregnancy without any anxiety or panic attacks. I felt empowered, now I feel nothing but powerless. My primary doctor says he can not continue to give me care on the issue and has referred me to a Psychiatrist but I can't get in to see him for another three MONTHS and the E.R. has proven to be a waste of time. I feel horrible and could use any advice or encouragement right about now. Thanks for reading.

"Waves"... I know that feeling. Just when you think it's over, BAM! Comes back again. And it's frustrating as hell!!!
I do believe we get a panic attack based on fear of the one before. Meaning we don't want another one, fear it, and then here it comes. And so the cycle continues.
It is a symptom of something else in our minds... I believe....
You are not alone...
Alex
03-02-2015, 05:38 AM
NixonRulz

Hi, Winn - Sorry you are feeling so lousy. I know all too well to what you are referring.

The reason you haven't found the trigger is because it is right in front of you. You are anxious about panicking. That is what your trigger is.

That is what I suffered from for years. Anxious about being anxious.

You are so sure you will have a panic attack, you are focused on your thoughts and scanning your body for any and all signs of one coming.

You say you are not stressed about something but focus is causing an amazing amount of stress just having that heightened awareness. I did that for so long and never knew I was just asking for another attack, and it never disappointed by NOT showing up.

Panic attacks are scary. Sometimes I felt the waiting was worse than the actual attack. But you are in a great position now to get past them.

You have had enough panic attacks to know they scare the hell out of you but there is never any real danger or outcome. Because you know this, you can stop fearing them for the lack of real danger that they are.

WHat stopped my panic attacks from consuming we was, I had so many of them and I always freaked out. After a time, I just started getting annoyed with them as an inconvenience. I guess you can say I learned to live with them. Just irritating me when they came.

But since I changed my emotions from fear to irritated, they started to stop.

Once you take the fear factor out of it, Panic can not occur.

I just grew tired of them and they went away. I still occasionally will start my mind down a bad path and I can feel the first signs coming, but now I just completely dismiss it as not scary and it just stops in its tracks.

We have to feed the anxiety in order for us to affect us.

If you believe they are not going to harm you or embarrass you, then that is what will happen.

I hope you feel better today
03-02-2015, 06:56 AM
Im-Suffering

The 'beast' chased Nixon for years. It is chasing everyone on this message board, at once ! That's right, you, reading this ! The 'beast' is insidious, tricky, cunning, sly, and silent in his approach. A formidable foe.

Read this whole post (below the quote), slowly, and with caution, and many times, for it will teach you how to approach and defeat this vile evil, that steals life.

It maneuvers with the swiftness of the wind, like a thief stripping its victims of the mirror of self reflection. The enemy knows without this reflective mirror, the human is open and weak to its advances, it cannot heal without it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by NixonRulz

stop fearing them for the lack of real danger that they are.

After a time, I just started getting annoyed with them as an inconvenience.

Just irritating me when they came.

But since I changed my emotions from fear to irritated, they started to stop.

Once you take the fear factor out of it, Panic can not occur.

now I just completely dismiss it as not scary and it just stops in its tracks.

We have to feed the anxiety in order for us to affect us.

Very soon I will reveal what the 'beast' feeds upon, and if you could remove that food source, well...we can only hope..things turn out for the best. I will have to use code at some points, so you will need to read between the lines, because I too am being chased.

Don't run, period. Turn and face, this is what Nixon did, and it is the only way. People at the end of their rope intuitively fall into this knowing. Seemingly by accident, or from the few words of another.

By turning and facing, courageously, the problems underlying the outer condition, ie. the real issues become apparent. They give themselves up as if they have been apprehended after years of running.

If you never faced, and the 'attacks' go away as the OP suggests for a few years, it is simply you have outrun them, temporarily.

Now,

The vitamins - running, the doctors and pills - running, the perceived remission - running, the music - running, breathing - running, relaxation games- running, the happy times, the calm times - running. Relationships, busy with other things - running, children, spouse (as a security blanket) - running.

Running, running, running, the little boy/girl inside is afraid to go (fill in the childhood blanks- home, school, doctors, strangers homes, perhaps punishment, disappointment, criticism..etc) and so she sits in the bushes hiding, shaking, terrified of what can and usually does - happen.

Turning inside and facing the terror that is ever present, the evil chasing you, turning with a sword and shield ready to fight if necessary (beliefs, feelings, emotions), turning and looking the pain in the eye, the hurt, the errors in judgments, the guilt, shame, blame, turning to stare them down - not running.

Turning to live your life at any cost, even your own peril in the face of the beast, is your (all of you reading this) answer. And like the OP, if because of your new shiny sneakers you are able to keep your distance from the beast, say a years advance, you better be looking behind you the whole time. Let not a years silence fool you, the menace is still 'out there'. If you stare it down, when it catches up, the duration of run ins with it decreases because it loses its energy to scare you. Eventually, it will be a figment of your imagination, maybe trying once every 10 years, when it could muster enough courage for another attempt. Remember, its food is fear, and so it must eat to survive. It relies on your past mistakes, errors in judgment, guilt over wrong choices, false beliefs about who you are, childhood conditioning, your distorted view of the world and your place in it, despondency, self doubt, hatred - these things make up what you call fear inside, and so this the beast uses, attacking the weak and vulnerable spots left in the psyche as a result of this life conditioning.

Now, have a good day, and hopefully a good pair of sneakers.