I don't know how to get out of this situation.

Sorry for the long post, I would really appreciate it if you read it.

I'm writing this post because basically I'm lost in life, I have no Idea what I'm
Doing or where I'm going. I think my main problem is my anxiety which keeps me from
experiencing opportunities, meeting new people and just getting on with my life. The
other thing would have to just be the lack of knowing the things that interest me,
I mean the only thing that I get enjoyment out of is hanging out with my mate and even
too much of that gets boring, I'm really hoping that all of this is the result of my
anxiety making my life seem sour when I know It's not there are people out there way
worse then me.

I've had my anxiety from around the age of six and its always stopped me from doing
things like school trips, socializing and anything that I wanted to do that I know
would make me anxious. I didn't really get drawn to any particular subjects, making
friends was more important to me because I knew it would make me happy, I would
hang out with friends rather then doing my homework which is why I didn't do so well
in school. And to this day I would still probably hang out with friends then do
work and I hate that way of thinking.

So after school I got a part time job that isn't bad if you like the type of work
but It's not for me. I'm now 20 and I'm pretty much going round in circles as far as careers
go. It'll pretty much go like this, research a career, read up about it and get
exited, anxiety kicks in a throws some worrisome thoughts and scenarios at me,
I get the thought "am I really interested in this to want to do it as a career" and I can't
answer this because I don't know what the career is really like because every time
I look up doing volunteering I get the anxious thoughts and scenarios that hold me
back. I mean I'm interested in health and helping people so I looked up physiotherapy
and I seemed interested in it, but then came the thoughts of

"what if I accidentally injured or killed someone, I might get sent to prison"
how could I do a job with this thought in my mind every day, I'd probably drive myself
crazy worrying if what I did to a patient would injure or kill them.
or
"what if when I volunteer I can't think of anything to say and I just sit there in
awkward silence"
or
"What if the place has lifts and I have to either go in one or say I don't like them
which would make it awkward"
or what If I try all of the careers that seem interesting and I turns out that
actually none of them interest me, then I'll just be stuck at some job I don't even
like. And these things terrify me enough to make just make me retreat and not pursue it further.

I know that all of these things probably stem from the anxiety but I just feel like my
whole perception of life is off. I somehow feel that everything needs to be perfect
for me to be happy, perfect job, perfect friends and I know that this will not happen
and I know that I could be happy in the situation I'm in now, yeah sure it's not ideal
but it's no where near as bad as other peoples situations so why can't I just do that
why can't I just pick a career and go for it, why can't I go out and socialize and
make more friends instead of sitting at home and wishing I had more, why can't I be
someone who would do their homework instead of going out with mates. Is it that I
truly have nothing that interests me outside of socializing because I can't make money
from that. Why am I so awkward why can't I be like a normal person and find a career that
interests me do the training needed, meet people along the way and live a decent life
with a job that interest's me enough to want to do it everyday and friends that I can
have a laugh with. I just relay don't know.

Please if anyone has gone through this please tell me how you did it
because at the moment I just don't know if this is going to end. Also any
advice on what my next steps could be because I really don't know what
to do.


Thank you for taking the time to read this.

There seems to be two problems here.

Guilt and Anxiety. I tend to keep my posts short and helpful so forgive me for not posting in too much detail.

From my perspective ( and its only an opinion) You seem to feel guilty about not doing well at school and then you attribute not doing well at school to your career going round in circles.

It is likely that because you feel you are not working towards something meaningful you are getting down and feel like you are going nowhere.
If you feel like this is the case you need to proactively seek to better yourself either via education or finding a job that interests you and you have the opportunity to work
your way up the career ladder. I do not feel this is related to your anxiety this is just a problem a few people have in life that can be solved if you can motivate yourself enough
you have to want change !!!

The second problem is your anxiety although like i said i don't think it is related to the first. It seems to stem from you not been able to commit to something and it is not the worse anxiety to have. Your should start off by making small commitments such as I am interested in this career i will do some more research. Once you have done your research
acknowledge you have completed your commitment and do something different go hang out with a friend play a video game or watch TV. Repeat until you are ready to make a big commitment such as applying for your career.