Hello, I am Louis. Reaching for help.

Hello, my name is Louis and I am 20 years old. I've been struggling with anxiety my whole life and I've been lucky enough to have good parents and friends to support me. I've been on and off medication and I've tried to ease my anxiety in several ways, mostly through meditation and reading self-help books. Life is actually pretty great. I'm in college. I have amazing grades. Great friends. A passion for music and art. I consider myself a happy person who enjoys life every single day. But lately it's been not so great. I have been diagnosed with a panic disorder over a week ago and it's been the downward spiral since then. I had been having a couple attacks each month for a few months now, but since the diagnosis I am having one on a daily basis. It's killing every ounce of happiness in me and it's terrifying. I wouldn't say I am sad or depressed, rather extremely uncomfortable.

The catalyst for most if not all my panic attacks is my girlfriend. It hurts a lot to say this. I fear I may have difficulties to commit to someone I love a lot. This is the first time I have felt this way for someone. We've been together for 3 months and I know it sounds crazy but I can see myself spending the rest of my life with that person. But not like this. It's creeping me out. She knows about it and deep down I know she understands and will do anything for me, but I keep having doubts and anticipating the worst case scenarios over and over. It has come to a point where I cannot talk to her without feeling a deep malaise and/or physical discomfort. I overthink/overanalyze every single thing she does or says and it's truly scaring me.

It feels good to write about it and I'm wondering if anyone has had similar experiences.
Thanks to all.

Hi Louis, I read what you said and I wanted to say that you're not the only person who has felt these feelings. I feel like I understand all of the stuff you've said. Panic attacks are hard to deal with, especially at work, but I think the worst thing is being unable to function because one thought is so dominantly upsetting. ;/

I hope you are able to find a solution, something that lets you live in peace, through all of this. Try to get more sleep, that can really help calm the mind when you're feeling stressed out.