Relapsing - and ashamed of it

I'm having a BIG relapse (GAD, panic attacks and adrenal burned out), that has been going on for mabye 6 months now. The last 10 weeks I have been very ill. I have a psycologist, and last time I saw her she told me that I had to work harder to get better. But this just made me feel worse, because it makes me feel like it's my own fault that I am sick, and when I don't succe with my exercises and strategies for anxiety and GAD I feel week. And then the guilt and shame takes over. Which off course makes me feel even more like a pile of dirt.

It's like a moment 22, because I know that if I don't do my exercises I won't get better, but if I do them and don't succee or if I have to much anxiety and panic so that I don't can even make it to the point where I can try to do the exercises, I feel worse, so that won't make me get better either.

In times when I have been less ill I have been able to do my exercises and use my strategies, and they have been working very well. Mabye I am to ill right now?

Anxiety is a tricky beast that DOES take constant work to control. While I can understand your psych telling you that you need to work harder, I totally get that sometimes it seems too overwhelming to do any work at all. Hang in there and keep doing the best you can. Anxiety goes up and down usually. Hopefully you will swing up soon and be able to work your exercises and get a little relief.

The following statements pulled from your post are your description of yourself, how you feel about you, regardless of the anxiety. (Important to note) and so any successes will be met with eventual defeat. 'Just when I was doing so well, defeat or illness took over'

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Originally Posted by namaste87

She told me that I had to work harder to get better. But this just made me feel worse, because it makes me feel like it's my own fault

I am sick, and when I don't succeed

I feel week.

And then the guilt and shame takes over.

Which off course makes me feel even more like a pile of dirt.

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As a child you came to believe (told) everything was your fault.

Fear of criticism. Feeling like a pile of dirt, weak, powerless, shameful and full of guilt. All these feelings, beliefs, were in you many years before you even felt a tingle of anxiety.

This is how you feel about yourself, generally speaking, most of the time. Rearing its ugly head in full when triggered. The psychologist triggered you by telling you to work harder.

"I am" statements are the most powerful you can make. So "I am sick" is deadly indeed. You believe that.

You also believe you are 'a pile of dirt' incapable of 'success' weak and powerless. That is your truth, factual, and in your eyes, who you are.

Your purpose in life, since it's all a lie, is to find out why you believe it, why you must feel badly about you.

I have given you the magical ingredients here, do with them as you wish.

Every reader (yes you) that speaks negatively about the self in any terms, any conditions, any time, has work to do to find out why. It is never justifiable.

are you god? how is it possible that you know so much about me just through some texts on a forum? I am serious! sometimes I for real wounder if you are god! anyways mabye you will be in your next life, cause of all this good karma you get from helping people here so much!!!

i grew up alone with a mum who was an alcoholic. mabye that's why I'm so hard on my self. I also always had big problems with feeling that I am constantly doing wrong.

this made me feel a little relief actually. mabye I am not a pile of dirt because I have illness. mabye my illness is telling me that I am?

thanks to both of you!

Omg you Guys!!!!! I have to tell you!!!! I belive something really happened to me when I read this about me looking down on my self!!! I just walked to the bus and i felt amazingly released, i could breath almost normally, which i havent been able to do in months, i felt happy (true!!!!) and light!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Originally Posted by namaste87

I grew up alone with a mum who was an alcoholic. mabye that's why I'm so hard on my self. I also always had big problems with feeling that I am constantly doing wrong.

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Yes.

But, you should know - you should (begin to) feel it in yourself (healing) that -

It was never your fault...You are a beautiful soul, it's time for you to shine. Out from under the dark blanket of your youth and into the sunlight of rejuvenation.

Many blessings.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by namaste87

because it makes me feel like it's my own fault that I am sick,

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The best thing to have would be your own fault because that means you have the power to make it better. Imagine a disease that you had nothing to do with it at all like MS or Cancer? That would be much worse!

It is a combination of your nervous system being overly sensitive probably due to some type of exhaustion and your behavior creating this. Don't take it all so seriously. Just do the steps you need to do to heal. Anxiety is a very simple concept. Heal the nervous system, and the rest is you need to change your habits and behavior. There is no magic pill and taking responsibility for a lot of it will help you greatly. That is why a lot of people do not get better, they won't admit to themselves they are part of the problem.

There is no relapse. You are always moving forward in time, you just have to do more healing. You must be the one who changes your lifestyle to fix this. And the shame is unwarranted. We are all just people living our lives. Life is not perfect.

Seriously, just keep moving forward trying to overcome the anxiety and do the best you can. It is all really simple. I suggest gettign some herbal supplements to help this, drink chamomile tea a lot, Vitamin D3, Magnesium Glycinate, and most important, act as if you do not have anxiety and over ride the voices in your head telling you your limits. When you hear "I can't go out in crowds" don't listen to it and go out in a crowd. That is healing right there. If you listen to that voice and go in fetal position in a corner of your room, that is not healing. You have to over ride those bad thoughts and brain patterns with new ones.

This is how I did it:
http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...xiety-Disorder

Quote:

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Originally Posted by namaste87

Omg you Guys!!!!! I have to tell you!!!! I belive something really happened to me when I read this about me looking down on my self!!! I just walked to the bus and i felt amazingly released, i could breath almost normally, which i havent been able to do in months, i felt happy (true!!!!) and light!!! THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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^^^^This made my day. Good for you. Isn't it just the best feeling when we release those anxious feelings?

:) that's so sweet of you :) Yes it truly is!!!! It got over pretty fast though... But now I know I can get there again :)