Im anxiety ridden and friendless!!

Hi! i may sound like a real loser in my title but that's how it is. Progressively over the last 6 years i have managed to turn into the biggest anxiety ridden person ever. I think having kids is what started it in general...bc i got postpartum after my second. i have always been anxious/depression on and off but it wassnt like it is now in anyway. When younger my mom got cancer and even tho im so lucky to say she survived that experience really messed me up. at that time i was never given any therapy or help dealing with my emotions. all my life i listed to my parents yell...always a crazy house tho they act now like it didnt happen, love that. As a young adult i experimented with lots of drugs, having gone through the first and worst time of cheating by of course my first love, which sent me on a downward spiral of meth and frequent sex, that for some reason didnt kill me. After a few years of that I moved away from my place of birth when it got to be to much & moved about an hr away, at first i was keeping with my regular party habits but as i was farther away from people i knew and hookups lol it started to stop. I met my now husband & within 3 months was pregnant. You would think something like that would be hard to stay together but we have. married 6 years now. But it wasn't an easy marriage and within a few years i was getting depressed and having great anxiety, prob didn't help i had a love for Vicodin and had a new monkey on my back. My dr put me on antidepressants, and for a little while they worked but i was left on a very high dosage for 3 years and not checked regularly as my doctor (who i don't see now) was a POS. I eventually gave up the Vicodin (over a year) as i was always in alot of pain another thing i told my dr and yet he just said take more antidepressants. i quit the damn effexor and almost went crazy for a week. its been almost 4 mos with out them and i have felt better however my anxiety is becoming through the roof. with out drugs and cigarettes (*quit that almost years now) i have turned my bad habits into something else, FEAR OF EVERYTHING. fear of life, death, fear of cancer, dying, that i have lumps that aren't there, i get sick and its the end of the world. I'm driving myself crazy & i have to find someone i feel comfortable talking to bc i hate being told your crazy, or no your to young, or whats wrong with you! ...some one out there has got to understated!

first off, I pray your feeling better. second, please don't listen to nonsense advice that is coming from people that have obliviously never experienced your pain when it comes to anxiety/panic & depression or fear. I had that unwarrented fear for a very long time, and it is one of the worse feelings ever. I would just tell myself that I new it was going to go away eventually, and eventually it did. I have a few all time favorite advice lines I was given by people like, "just dont think about it", "you have nothing to be depressed about", "have you forgiven everyone in your past"', "you might be possessed" & the one that takes the prize, "its all in ur mind',,,lololololol. I have tried dozens of psych meds and anti anxiety meds. The interesting part is that I am 35 years old and I had never experienced anxiety or depression until about 5 years ago. Its a VERY long story and I have learned a TON. Moral of this post, be very weary about who speaks advice into your life. I found a few good psych doctors and psychotherapists that I liked and trusted them, and by the grace of God I am alive and moving forward, one moment at a time, God is with you. Let me know if I could be of any more assistance.

:D

PS. I still am currently on 2 meds (Cymbalta 60 mil & Gabapentin). I used to be on 7 at once!!!!

hey there thanks for reaching out i appreciate your words of encouragement & understanding. wow i cant believe someone actually accused you of being possessed, tho i could see my parents thinking that of me in the past, well i have seen sites like this where people come to talk im just looking to talk with anyone who understands, so if you ever like to talk further id def be open to it, love to hear your experiences & happy to share mine. right now i just feel like im a emotional bubble like its just getting the best of me but all inside trapped like air...just waiting to explode. the worst now for me is how scared i am of being sick or having issues that physically done seem apparent. Actually have a hospital visit today bc of some sternum pain im having. i went 2 mos ago had xrays was all normal, but when i get sick it comes back (kids in school now so cest pool of germs) but even tho my rational brain says its just muscles im worry anxiety brain says cancer your sick...ugh. i feel so crazy yet cant stop! for me im over medication, it just isn't for me...but i def think finding a good therapist would help but i dont trust anyone, ughhh

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Originally Posted by tattoomom

I dont trust anyone, ughhh

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Out of both of your posts, all of the words, all the fears, the reason finally surfaces. (what I bolded above) Look at it.

Tell me, why would you want to believe that? What need does it fill, purpose?

A large part of the human experience is trust, denying that takes you out of the cooperative venture between all of life, and leaves you alone and afraid. You cannot even stand to be with yourself without being on guard from attacks by your own body. (and mind). And to a lesser extent, your marriage.

That mistrust permeates your mind and is truly the disease. Cure your trust issues. (find the beliefs). With you, peers, the world, your body, (your spouse)and you will find peace.

Your beliefs are apparent, but if you cannot find them (hide and go seek with yourself) then begin to act as if. As if you trust, and the beliefs will surface as opposition. Then you can pinpoint who and when instilled these beliefs, or if they came from you, in response, to them (the conclusions a child would reach in response to a parent). Seeing them as false, from a mature perspective, you can begin the journey, and find some rest, at the very least, rather quickly.

If you are knee deep in drama, you will dismiss this post. If so, return with a clear mind, if you wish. For your children sake.

I say the children sake because you are telepathically (and verbally) sending information/beliefs to them, and they are highly tuned in to you. Do you want them to learn your beliefs? At early ages you will have children with nervous illness passing to them what has been passed to you.

That is all. That is enough.

tattoomom:

I hope that your appointment went well. The key is going to be to start dealing with the thoughts one by as they come. Dont ignore them, bring them up into your conscious and replace them with what you want to believe. For me, I counter all the negative automatic thoughts that arise with the biblical scripture. once I deal with it I picture myself letting that thought float up like a cloud, and then I start to observe my breath and then I focus on whats going on in my present. Its part of MBCT and it helps A LOT. The part of trust is also important. That would be a great thing to bring up to a good psychotherapist.