Derealization and Me - PLEASE HELP

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11-19-2014, 09:28 PM
panicball

Derealization and Me - PLEASE HELP

Let me start off by saying...I am new. First post. Figured I'd delve right in. For the last 5 months, I have been experiencing derealization. Like many of you, I need to confirm that what I am experiencing it indeed what my research says I am experiencing. Sometimes I read about derealization and it doesn't quite fit my experiences, so my anxious mind immediately starts wandering if am now legitimately crazy, have a brain tumor, or some neurological disease, and not just experiencing a rather harmless, but terrifying, symptom of anxiety.

My experience: Severe health anxiety and fear of death (have been a hypochondriac for a long time). I had an upper respiratory in June. It didn't go away. I kept getting fevers. I thought surely I had pneumonia, or lung cancer, or any cancer, or ebola...haha, you get the idea. This fear led to a few, very severe panic attacks--my first in YEARS. I don't know why it was different this time, but something happened after these panic attacks. It's like my entire perspective on life, existence, the world, my belief in God, my understanding of the universe, completely changed....shifted....became distorted. I'm not sure how else to describe it. Like existence (yours and mine) is the most bizarre and unnatural and unexplainable thing I can think of. I was born, I've spent 30 years on earth, and I've understood creation and life and death for a long time, but ever since this episode of mine, it's like I was just plopped here from outerspace, and I can't understand or perceive the world and my life and the purpose of my life, the way I was once able to, the way everyone else does. I know this perspective if wrong and off, but I can't seem to shake the feeling.

IS THIS DEREALIZATION, OR HAVE I FINALLY BOUGHT THE TICKET TO CRAZYTOWN?

This perspective shift has caused me immense grief and for the first time in my life I am anxious AND depressed. Once I had the perspective shift, the panic attacks stopped completely, and they have not returned, but the derealization remains (for 5 months!!!). I still go to work, raise a child, etc...from the outside, you would never know that I am struggling. On the inside, I am tortured by this!

Please, if your derealization doesn't match mine, I humbly ask (BEG), that you don't tell me your experience. I can sometimes take on the anxieties of others just from reading it. I don't want to experience even more anxiety and possibly worsen my condition, I just want to make sure that what I am experiencing is a symptom of anxiety, and not something much, much worse or irreversible.

I should mention that also for the first time in my life, I have sought help. I am in counseling, and currently taking 5mg of Lexapro. I'm not sure if the dose is too low (I'm scared to take more), but it has really done nothing, either positive or negative, for my condition.

Thank you in advance for any positive advice....I really can't tell you how much it means to me!!!
11-19-2014, 09:52 PM
gypsylee

Quote:

Originally Posted by panicball

Let me start off by saying...I am new. First post. Figured I'd delve right in. For the last 5 months, I have been experiencing derealization. Like many of you, I need to confirm that what I am experiencing it indeed what my research says I am experiencing. Sometimes I read about derealization and it doesn't quite fit my experiences, so my anxious mind immediately starts wandering if am now legitimately crazy, have a brain tumor, or some neurological disease, and not just experiencing a rather harmless, but terrifying, symptom of anxiety.

My experience: Severe health anxiety and fear of death (have been a hypochondriac for a long time). I had an upper respiratory in June. It didn't go away. I kept getting fevers. I thought surely I had pneumonia, or lung cancer, or any cancer, or ebola...haha, you get the idea. This fear led to a few, very severe panic attacks--my first in YEARS. I don't know why it was different this time, but something happened after these panic attacks. It's like my entire perspective on life, existence, the world, my belief in God, my understanding of the universe, completely changed....shifted....became distorted. I'm not sure how else to describe it. Like existence (yours and mine) is the most bizarre and unnatural and unexplainable thing I can think of. I was born, I've spent 30 years on earth, and I've understood creation and life and death for a long time, but ever since this episode of mine, it's like I was just plopped here from outerspace, and I can't understand or perceive the world and my life and the purpose of my life, the way I was once able to, the way everyone else does. I know this perspective if wrong and off, but I can't seem to shake the feeling.

IS THIS DEREALIZATION, OR HAVE I FINALLY BOUGHT THE TICKET TO CRAZYTOWN?

This perspective shift has caused me immense grief and for the first time in my life I am anxious AND depressed. Once I had the perspective shift, the panic attacks stopped completely, and they have not returned, but the derealization remains (for 5 months!!!). I still go to work, raise a child, etc...from the outside, you would never know that I am struggling. On the inside, I am tortured by this!

Please, if your derealization doesn't match mine, I humbly ask (BEG), that you don't tell me your experience. I can sometimes take on the anxieties of others just from reading it. I don't want to experience even more anxiety and possibly worsen my condition, I just want to make sure that what I am experiencing is a symptom of anxiety, and not something much, much worse or irreversible.

I should mention that also for the first time in my life, I have sought help. I am in counseling, and currently taking 5mg of Lexapro. I'm not sure if the dose is too low (I'm scared to take more), but it has really done nothing, either positive or negative, for my condition.

Thank you in advance for any positive advice....I really can't tell you how much it means to me!!!

Hi panicball,

In other words you feel like an alien? :) Nothing you've written sounds like it is caused by anything other than anxiety.

What struck me is your sentence "the way everyone else does". Trust me, not everyone perceives the world and their place in it in a nice "normal" way. As you say, on the outside you lead a normal life, but on the inside you are tormented by this. So isn't it possible that other seemingly normal people feel this way? I've had anxiety so bad that I can't even pretend to be normal!

5mg Lexapro is a low dose. I started on 10mg and am on 20mg now. I think you can go to 40mg even. So I would think about upping that.

Also, I would try some things to "ground" yourself because this derealisation thing is related to being too stuck in your head and self-conscious. Things like physical exercise and deep breathing. Talking to people - like you've done here - is also good for getting out of that headspace.

Hang in there! :)
Gypsy
11-20-2014, 12:22 AM
jon mike

Quote:

Originally Posted by panicball

Let me start off by saying...I am new. First post. Figured I'd delve right in. For the last 5 months, I have been experiencing derealization. Like many of you, I need to confirm that what I am experiencing it indeed what my research says I am experiencing. Sometimes I read about derealization and it doesn't quite fit my experiences, so my anxious mind immediately starts wandering if am now legitimately crazy, have a brain tumor, or some neurological disease, and not just experiencing a rather harmless, but terrifying, symptom of anxiety.

My experience: Severe health anxiety and fear of death (have been a hypochondriac for a long time). I had an upper respiratory in June. It didn't go away. I kept getting fevers. I thought surely I had pneumonia, or lung cancer, or any cancer, or ebola...haha, you get the idea. This fear led to a few, very severe panic attacks--my first in YEARS. I don't know why it was different this time, but something happened after these panic attacks. It's like my entire perspective on life, existence, the world, my belief in God, my understanding of the universe, completely changed....shifted....became distorted. I'm not sure how else to describe it. Like existence (yours and mine) is the most bizarre and unnatural and unexplainable thing I can think of. I was born, I've spent 30 years on earth, and I've understood creation and life and death for a long time, but ever since this episode of mine, it's like I was just plopped here from outerspace, and I can't understand or perceive the world and my life and the purpose of my life, the way I was once able to, the way everyone else does. I know this perspective if wrong and off, but I can't seem to shake the feeling.

IS THIS DEREALIZATION, OR HAVE I FINALLY BOUGHT THE TICKET TO CRAZYTOWN?

This perspective shift has caused me immense grief and for the first time in my life I am anxious AND depressed. Once I had the perspective shift, the panic attacks stopped completely, and they have not returned, but the derealization remains (for 5 months!!!). I still go to work, raise a child, etc...from the outside, you would never know that I am struggling. On the inside, I am tortured by this!

Please, if your derealization doesn't match mine, I humbly ask (BEG), that you don't tell me your experience. I can sometimes take on the anxieties of others just from reading it. I don't want to experience even more anxiety and possibly worsen my condition, I just want to make sure that what I am experiencing is a symptom of anxiety, and not something much, much worse or irreversible.

I should mention that also for the first time in my life, I have sought help. I am in counseling, and currently taking 5mg of Lexapro. I'm not sure if the dose is too low (I'm scared to take more), but it has really done nothing, either positive or negative, for my condition.

Thank you in advance for any positive advice....I really can't tell you how much it means to me!!!

http://anxietyforum.net/forum/showth...ersonalization