Originally Posted by
flopmonkey
So lately I've been having thoughts, like little movies in my head, of me harming myself (non-fatally). Sometimes I'm taking too many pills; sometimes I intentionally trip downstairs; sometimes I walk out in front of a moving car. I also sometimes imagine cutting off my excess body fat with meat trimmers. The most pervasive is of me cutting my wrists, always the non-deadly way, and watching them bleed. I keep squeezing out the blood until I'm woozy. The goal of these "fantasies" is never to feel pain or kill myself, but to create a numbness. Has anybody else had this problem? I also have very gruesome nightmares. Two nights ago I dreamed my scalp was covered with sores and it was peeling up with my hair. I've also had a few sexual assault dreams and a violent abortion dream (I'm not pregnant). How do I deal with this? I don't want to act on any of it, but I have done some minor cutting in the past (shallow cuts, thin instruments, over preexisting scars) so falling prey to it doesn't seem outside the realm of possibility. When I think about it, I get a tingle in my wrist and sometimes I even act it out with my fingernail, not breaking skin. The images are getting more pervasive and I'm scared. I can't see a therapist until November 8. For background info, I have Panic Disorder and GAD. I've been talking a low dose of sertraline (Zoloft) for about four months. It was successful until about two weeks ago.
