First Post- My Anxiety

Hello. Soo here goes my first post.. I'm 28, and anxiety and panic attacks control my life. I remeber my first panic attack at 8 years old, and it still haunts me. Even with this anixety, I was able to live a happy normal life up until recently. I used to be able to control my panic attacks by simply distracting myself. The past 6 months, I lost complete control. I even developed new symptoms I never had. It's sad. It's scary. I was given medication, but my anxiety prevents me from taking it! Why? Because I swore I could control it, but here I am fighting it. I still cannot take the medication that I carry around everyday...why? Because I'm scared to death of side effects, or it killing me. That's how my brain works...that's my main cause of anxiety...dying.... I say to myself how the heck you get over that fear? That's one thing for sure you will never have control over! :sigh: I never felt so stuck.. Everyday I wake up and say, I want to live my life n have fun, and I do try.. But with lots of restrictions. I used to be fun, and funny.. But they girl is so wrapped up with worrying about getting sick, health problems.. And dying...
So, In case anyone was wondering, why now reach out on forums.. My family and friends are tired of hearing my complaints, or what ifs.. Their answer is, " nothing is wrong with you, it's just your anxiety" .. The word "just" kills me!! Just my anxiety, like it's nothing...unless you suffer from it, you have NO idea what goes on , physically, mentally and emotionally. -Lys

You are right -- people who have not experienced it cannot understand it (usually). That is not their fault, though. I really could not have understood what anxiety is like before I experienced it.

You will find people here who know where you are coming from... We have been there.

But, like all of us, you need to find a strategy that works for you to get past the anxiety, so that you can enjoy your life again. So what is your strategy going to be? And how can we help you?

Hello and welcome to the forum :)

I've had anxiety for as long as I can remember and I'm 41. It's a special kind of hell sometimes that non-anxious people can't understand. But I think more and more people are starting to accept and learn about it. I also think more people are suffering from it as society gets more stressful.

All the best,
Gypsy

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Originally Posted by Lys22

Hello. Soo here goes my first post.. I'm 28, and anxiety and panic attacks control my life. I remeber my first panic attack at 8 years old, and it still haunts me. Even with this anixety, I was able to live a happy normal life up until recently. I used to be able to control my panic attacks by simply distracting myself. The past 6 months, I lost complete control. I even developed new symptoms I never had. It's sad. It's scary. I was given medication, but my anxiety prevents me from taking it! Why? Because I swore I could control it, but here I am fighting it. I still cannot take the medication that I carry around everyday...why? Because I'm scared to death of side effects, or it killing me. That's how my brain works...that's my main cause of anxiety...dying.... I say to myself how the heck you get over that fear? That's one thing for sure you will never have control over! :sigh: I never felt so stuck.. Everyday I wake up and say, I want to live my life n have fun, and I do try.. But with lots of restrictions. I used to be fun, and funny.. But they girl is so wrapped up with worrying about getting sick, health problems.. And dying...
So, In case anyone was wondering, why now reach out on forums.. My family and friends are tired of hearing my complaints, or what ifs.. Their answer is, " nothing is wrong with you, it's just your anxiety" .. The word "just" kills me!! Just my anxiety, like it's nothing...unless you suffer from it, you have NO idea what goes on , physically, mentally and emotionally. -Lys

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Idea - take the medication knowing you will not die. See if you get some relief from it. What do you think? You may find that it helps you to take back control sooner than doing it on your own.

I have allways been a little high strung , but I did not understand anxiety untill about 5 months ago.... I moved to a new city set up a carpet warehouse, had a good new job.. then 2 mo later I got let go... I went into severe panic attacks and anxiety and finally 2 mo ago I started getting meds, for a while I though my gf or I was going to die or my parents , everyday I woke up and thought terrible thoughts, so I know where your coming from,,, get to a doctor, cry your eyes out to them about it.... I think they can help.... I'm hoping they help me....

What medication did they give you? You have to try it.... I know the going to think you will die feeling are problly very bad..... very very bad, I had them.... so you might just try the meds?

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Originally Posted by Lys22

Hello. Soo here goes my first post.. I'm 28, and anxiety and panic attacks control my life. I remeber my first panic attack at 8 years old, and it still haunts me. Even with this anixety, I was able to live a happy normal life up until recently. I used to be able to control my panic attacks by simply distracting myself. The past 6 months, I lost complete control. I even developed new symptoms I never had. It's sad. It's scary. I was given medication, but my anxiety prevents me from taking it! Why? Because I swore I could control it, but here I am fighting it. I still cannot take the medication that I carry around everyday...why? Because I'm scared to death of side effects, or it killing me. That's how my brain works...that's my main cause of anxiety...dying.... I say to myself how the heck you get over that fear? That's one thing for sure you will never have control over! :sigh: I never felt so stuck.. Everyday I wake up and say, I want to live my life n have fun, and I do try.. But with lots of restrictions. I used to be fun, and funny.. But they girl is so wrapped up with worrying about getting sick, health problems.. And dying...
So, In case anyone was wondering, why now reach out on forums.. My family and friends are tired of hearing my complaints, or what ifs.. Their answer is, " nothing is wrong with you, it's just your anxiety" .. The word "just" kills me!! Just my anxiety, like it's nothing...unless you suffer from it, you have NO idea what goes on , physically, mentally and emotionally. -Lys

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Hiya, Lys. Congratulations for reaching out to others. It is never too late to do so, either. I have had OCD and panic since I was in middle school, but it wasn't until I was 22 that I was actually diagnosed with the former and the latter...It's hard for people who don't have anxiety orders to understand what you are going through, but it is important nevertheless to understand that each individual's experience in life is unique. I have heard people describe their OCD in ways I could not imagine living with, and yet they do it. It's important to recognize the reservoir of strength that exists in all of us...If you have health insurance, I would advise you getting to see as specialist who may be able to do some type of behavioral therapy to normalize the panic. It is good to keep in mind that panic in and of itself is harmless. I can tell you that I have benefited from the proper use of medicine for acute panic. Believe me, most likely what they've given you will be fine in your body. Usually psychiatrists prescribe small doses of these types of drugs. I would avoid taking it if you have to drive anywhere until you know how it feels in your body. That said, the medicine is a back stop. Good luck with everything, sister and check in. God bless.

Hi Lys22,

Thanks for your post! I'm in the habit of thanking people for sharing because I can appreciate the difficulty of putting yourself out there. Also, this may sound kind of sadistic, but I genuinely find it helpful hearing from folks that are having similar experiences. I too am 28 y.o. and suffer many of the same symptoms you identify above. I also often have difficulty communicating my anxiety to others. I know I'll end up sounding crazy to them, so I give up. I fear that I've become the boy who called wolf.

Perhaps it would be helpful for you to talk to some folks that suffer from anxiety in real life as well (in addition to the forum)? I've just started attending meetings modeled on AA called Emotions Anonymous. In fact, I went to a meeting earlier tonight. It wasn't a profound experience by any means and I won't act like it cured me or whatever, but it was nice to have the opportunity to sit with other folks that intimately understand the experience of anxiety/depression/etc; the people I met tonight could appreciate the gravity of my experiences, and were willing to hear me out, even if their experiences were/are not exactly the same. Mostly, I just listened. I liked that vibe; knowing that I wouldn't be called crazy and that I wouldn't be invalidated.

I'm not sure I have any sage advice--I'm still very much in a difficult spot myself--but if you're having difficulty communicating with folks that might be an option. Also, as I'm typing this, I'm thinking it might be helpful to try different approaches with people. I'm only saying this because it is something your post got me thinking about. I believe that our friends and family genuinely want to help us but struggle to understand how. Anxiety is difficult to communicate, as you seem to be suggesting above. I find myself jumping right into my worries about various health issues, often to see them roll their eyes. Perhaps I need to change my angle. Maybe it would help to ask questions of them. I'm not sure what this looks like exactly...kind of just a theory I'm working through as I reread your post.

Again, thanks for posting! You really got me thinking.

D