My story, and need some advice from others

***Please read if you can :) I know its a lot but I need some advice on my situation***

So I'll guess I'll dive straight into it, I have anxiety pretty bad - though only had it for 4 or 5 years which have been terrible for me. i have pretty much 0 friends i don't text anyone but family occasionally. i can talk to people (with help from this "evil" med) but i cant upkeep a friendship or even an intimate relationship and i've been like this since it all started. the anxiety crippled me from ever learning what friendship was like or dating early so i never learned, i never went to prom, or dances. Top that with horrible nervousness all the time heart pain, and oh yeah i cant stand in front of people or even be in a crowd of just 10+ people without just dieing. I have been taking 2 mg twice a day of lorazepam (ativan) for the past straight 2 1/2 years. now since im 18 i can no longer get it and im seeing the permanent damage its done, such as cognitive and balance issues (a lot of times i can lose balance easy and almost tip over) and coming down from it has been so terrible ( but im happy im not addicted to it at least ^-^ ) and without this "confidence booster medication" dealing with my anxiety has been worse, however im happy to be off this crap.
I would like to live a normal life like so many other teenagers before me, able to give speeches to crowds, socialize or even have friends. but this condition has crippled me as a person and i hate it. i hate taking these meds and living such a horribly lonely and sad life. \

how it all started :

I don't know if my anxiety is a chemical imbalance or its just my head but here how it came about:
It all started in my 8th grade summer when i was 13 and my friends wanted me to smoke weed. back then i still had a limited amount of friends but more then i have
today. i was a normal kid, but i was full of happiness and bullied alot, however it never affected me! i was a happy go lucky kid..anything went nothing phased me
i was even happy to be the center of attention and in front of people, i also like to be funny and the class clown, i was a totally differnet person then i was today...
Anyways i would smoke pot often, a few months down the road on an isolated incident at a barber shop i noticed an overwhelming feeling of fear and
anxiety from getting just my haircut... i was confused as to why this was happening, but i was able to fight through it and survive. then later that year when my 8th grade year started, November came around. and one night at my friends i was smoking bowl after bowl after bowl. then my freinds brother took out this stuff called
"roach dope" weed placed into a bowls barrel with fermenting weed rez (he was also known to smoke crack..) after taking one hit of that... things slowly faded to black and time skipped 4 hours on the clock! and i had such an intensely fast beating heart and the worse feeling of doom and my mind kept skipping and things were speed up to me, i also had little feeling in senses and before i knew it i was outside walking home. If i didn't have these bad feelings it would probably ben a good
time being high... however im not describing to you how bad it felt... it was like i was dieing. once i think i finally got home my first instinct was to grab a book alleviate the pressure of things on my chest and try and live, my heart beat, and the sense of "death" was so strong it was unbelievable, but after what seemed eternity it finally came down.
after that i was done with weed. however my problems with anxiety was only beginning... the following week at school i was dealing with extreme heart rates anxiety
and feeling of dread (worries) and one point i almost blacked out, but i got to the nurses office and had to lay on her bed and wait for someone to get me.
then i started not going to school for months on end , i just couldn't do it! well that how i got truancy court and started going to smaller schools for expelled kids
where i pretty much remained since i dropped out at 16. Anyways back to the story, eventually all i as left was these regular anxiety stuff i explained earlier
however being my only friend group were stoners, i was compelled (by my own doing) to try it, 6 months after the incident i tried at least 3 hits, and boy guess what
happened? that night all over again! however the residual effects weren't that bad. and since then I've never done it.

I really want to know if there are better methods of almost "solving" my anxiety so in order to live or be functional, i dont have to do so by taking a pill every day,
I know therapy helps with most people, but i think with my case it might work but i think my anxiety is from a chemical imbalance.

if anyone has similiar storys, not even including weed but anything that can help... im DONE dealing or "coping" with this....

i want to feel normal...

Hi CapnClassy, I have had a lot of the same scenarios in my life as you have had. I much older than you and yes when i was young i started smoking weed because everyone else i knew did it. Fast forward 35 years and i can tell you for 100% certainty that the weed today is so much stronger than years ago. It causes anxiety in a lot of people who smoke it you get that overwhelming sense of fear or foreboding and panic rush i call it. I can't take the shit anymore. If i was in a state where it was legal i would be able to search out the low THC and high CBD type weed that used to help me instead of this high content THC. I see that you are new and i would cruz the site a little and see what might relate to you. It can be managed but it sure seems to be tough. I never went to prom or dances either and i get panicky in larger crowds too. Good luck and don't hesitate to ask questions

Quote:

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Originally Posted by CapnClassy

***Please read if you can :) I know its a lot but I need some advice on my situation***

So I'll guess I'll dive straight into it, I have anxiety pretty bad - though only had it for 4 or 5 years which have been terrible for me. i have pretty much 0 friends i don't text anyone but family occasionally. i can talk to people (with help from this "evil" med) but i cant upkeep a friendship or even an intimate relationship and i've been like this since it all started. the anxiety crippled me from ever learning what friendship was like or dating early so i never learned, i never went to prom, or dances. Top that with horrible nervousness all the time heart pain, and oh yeah i cant stand in front of people or even be in a crowd of just 10+ people without just dieing. I have been taking 2 mg twice a day of lorazepam (ativan) for the past straight 2 1/2 years. now since im 18 i can no longer get it and im seeing the permanent damage its done, such as cognitive and balance issues (a lot of times i can lose balance easy and almost tip over) and coming down from it has been so terrible ( but im happy im not addicted to it at least ^-^ ) and without this "confidence booster medication" dealing with my anxiety has been worse, however im happy to be off this crap.
I would like to live a normal life like so many other teenagers before me, able to give speeches to crowds, socialize or even have friends. but this condition has crippled me as a person and i hate it. i hate taking these meds and living such a horribly lonely and sad life. \

how it all started :

I don't know if my anxiety is a chemical imbalance or its just my head but here how it came about:
It all started in my 8th grade summer when i was 13 and my friends wanted me to smoke weed. back then i still had a limited amount of friends but more then i have
today. i was a normal kid, but i was full of happiness and bullied alot, however it never affected me! i was a happy go lucky kid..anything went nothing phased me
i was even happy to be the center of attention and in front of people, i also like to be funny and the class clown, i was a totally differnet person then i was today...
Anyways i would smoke pot often, a few months down the road on an isolated incident at a barber shop i noticed an overwhelming feeling of fear and
anxiety from getting just my haircut... i was confused as to why this was happening, but i was able to fight through it and survive. then later that year when my 8th grade year started, November came around. and one night at my friends i was smoking bowl after bowl after bowl. then my freinds brother took out this stuff called
"roach dope" weed placed into a bowls barrel with fermenting weed rez (he was also known to smoke crack..) after taking one hit of that... things slowly faded to black and time skipped 4 hours on the clock! and i had such an intensely fast beating heart and the worse feeling of doom and my mind kept skipping and things were speed up to me, i also had little feeling in senses and before i knew it i was outside walking home. If i didn't have these bad feelings it would probably ben a good
time being high... however im not describing to you how bad it felt... it was like i was dieing. once i think i finally got home my first instinct was to grab a book alleviate the pressure of things on my chest and try and live, my heart beat, and the sense of "death" was so strong it was unbelievable, but after what seemed eternity it finally came down.
after that i was done with weed. however my problems with anxiety was only beginning... the following week at school i was dealing with extreme heart rates anxiety
and feeling of dread (worries) and one point i almost blacked out, but i got to the nurses office and had to lay on her bed and wait for someone to get me.
then i started not going to school for months on end , i just couldn't do it! well that how i got truancy court and started going to smaller schools for expelled kids
where i pretty much remained since i dropped out at 16. Anyways back to the story, eventually all i as left was these regular anxiety stuff i explained earlier
however being my only friend group were stoners, i was compelled (by my own doing) to try it, 6 months after the incident i tried at least 3 hits, and boy guess what
happened? that night all over again! however the residual effects weren't that bad. and since then I've never done it.

I really want to know if there are better methods of almost "solving" my anxiety so in order to live or be functional, i dont have to do so by taking a pill every day,
I know therapy helps with most people, but i think with my case it might work but i think my anxiety is from a chemical imbalance.

if anyone has similiar storys, not even including weed but anything that can help... im DONE dealing or "coping" with this....

i want to feel normal...

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Hi Cap,

My story is quite similar to yours. I had my first panic attack on weed and it evolved into something bigger. Most people with panic attacks, agoraphobia or social anxiety just start with minor anxiety caused by a stress build-up. A lot of people walk around with it for years until it grows to something they cannot control any more. Unfortunately it usually takes a number of different treatments and self-discovery. However, there are many people that can get over it with a multitude of treatments. The most used are CBT, General Therapy, Meditation, Exposure and so on. My current treatment consists out of these things, including exercise and progressive muscle relaxation. If you are committed to getting better, there is no reason why you shouldn't. I am sure you'll get over this, you have all our support.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kixxi

Hi Cap,

My story is quite similar to yours. I had my first panic attack on weed and it evolved into something bigger. Most people with panic attacks, agoraphobia or social anxiety just start with minor anxiety caused by a stress build-up. A lot of people walk around with it for years until it grows to something they cannot control any more. Unfortunately it usually takes a number of different treatments and self-discovery. However, there are many people that can get over it with a multitude of treatments. The most used are CBT, General Therapy, Meditation, Exposure and so on. My current treatment consists out of these things, including exercise and progressive muscle relaxation. If you are committed to getting better, there is no reason why you shouldn't. I am sure you'll get over this, you have all our support.

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Thank you, its been 2 years since my last major panic attack, ive been so drugged up on ativan (apparently you build tolerance quickly) my tolerance makes it where it doesnt even work, i have talked to a few people and read some stories, i feel like most of what im still experiencing today is myself thinking i still have anxiety, so im hoping some therapy will maybe help me immensly. I will also admit that i recently was suffering from alcohol addiction, i would polish off a 1.75 l bottle of whiskey every 5 days or so... i would drink to sleep drink to think.. just was a horrible experience, i was in this rut for at least 5 months before i got myself out of it,
all in all i want to "rid" myself of this thing without being drunk or drugged up the whole time like i said in my post im done, and i only felt this way or even are wanting todo this since my med ran out and i came off of it and had a big world shock.