am i alone :(

hi my name is joe and im a 19 year old male. i was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder as a kid. i have never really been able to handle transitions very well. i had a mental breakdown going from elementary school to junior high school. went through some group therapy and i came out fine. went off my meds and had no problems for all of highschool. fast forward to today... i dont believe in myself... i have all this pressure from my family and friends to succeed in the world. yet i have no job and i have all the feelings and thoughts about me never being able to get one and me never being able to succeed in this world and become a functional member of society and a man for that matter. im way too sensitive for a man.. everything everyone says hurts me and i cant hold in my feelings. the past year ive had a self harm problem. ive hit myself in the face more then i can count. its half because people get mad at me when i hit things and half because its a really sick way of coping with things.. i feel the relief afterwards of my anger and its really unhealthy... it goes from anger to regret.. i feel like im bullying myself 24/7 and i have no escape. what prompted me to join this and post something is i have been doing really good holding back from hurting myself and bursting out in tears and all that stuff bit i had a sort of relapse today..i hit myself in the face and have been crying ever since. i just want to know im not losing my mind and im not alone. although i wouldnt wish these feels on my worst enemy.

Joseph Brandt,
Welcome to the forum. I also have issues with transitions and changes. I developed panic disorder not long after transferring colleges about 7 years ago. I've also had some traumatic events fuel the disorder as well. I also have low self esteem which it sounds like you may have as well due to the fact you say that you don't believe in yourself and that you don't think you will succeed in this world.
When you mention self harm that is something that is relatable for me as well.
Are you on any meds or have you sought out counseling? I'm not a medical professional by any means but perhaps you could benefit from therapy.
Please know that you are not alone in how you feel. If you ever want to talk let me know.

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Originally Posted by Joseph Brandt

hi my name is joe and im a 19 year old male. i was diagnosed with severe anxiety disorder as a kid. i have never really been able to handle transitions very well. i had a mental breakdown going from elementary school to junior high school. went through some group therapy and i came out fine. went off my meds and had no problems for all of highschool. fast forward to today... i dont believe in myself... i have all this pressure from my family and friends to succeed in the world. yet i have no job and i have all the feelings and thoughts about me never being able to get one and me never being able to succeed in this world and become a functional member of society and a man for that matter. im way too sensitive for a man.. everything everyone says hurts me and i cant hold in my feelings. the past year ive had a self harm problem. ive hit myself in the face more then i can count. its half because people get mad at me when i hit things and half because its a really sick way of coping with things.. i feel the relief afterwards of my anger and its really unhealthy... it goes from anger to regret.. i feel like im bullying myself 24/7 and i have no escape. what prompted me to join this and post something is i have been doing really good holding back from hurting myself and bursting out in tears and all that stuff bit i had a sort of relapse today..i hit myself in the face and have been crying ever since. i just want to know im not losing my mind and im not alone. although i wouldnt wish these feels on my worst enemy.

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Hi Joe,

Trust me when I say that you are not alone. All of use suffer or have suffered from an anxiety disorder. I know how terrified you can feel and that you often feel isolated because it seems like your the only one having it in your environment. When I started talking about it, I noticed just how many people suffered from an anxiety disorder at one point: my mum, uncle, boss, ... In short so many people have problems dealing with their anxiety.

But you know what? You made a huge step by coming here and sharing your story. It will get better from now on and we'll help you one step at the time.

im going to go to this 4 month intensive group therapy. i want to avoid medications though. i guess my experiences with them draw more negative then positive opinions. all these treatments make me feel less though. it just adds to the fact that im not succeeding and the feelings that i will never. like i feel less then everyone around me.

Let's all put our collective virtual arms around Joseph so he'll know he's not alone. Not with 100,000 of the kindest, most understanding people on the planet loving him and wishing him well.

Your struggle is heartfelt. You will be able to overcome this, you need to take charge and be the person you want to be. It's an uphill struggle, someday a you may want to give up. Somedays it'll seem like you're stuck. You must change how you think, to the point where you believe that things will get better. Train your brain to have positive reactions instead of negative. You will flourish my friend, we are here for you. Good luck on your journey!