Sane and Anxious

Good Afternoon Everyone! I'm extremely happy (and calm) that I've found this forum to express my random craziness in dealing with Anxiety.

I'm 31, employed, educated, married (with no children), an only child to a Schizophrenic mother (of which I believe has been misdiagnosed) and the eldest child of a funcitonal crack-cocaine user. Spicy huh?! LOL. I enjoy my life and everything in it - it's just that sometimes, my anxiety gets the best of me. I've become overly obsessed with my health. A little over two years ago, I've developed Costochrondritis - as a result of my anxiety issues (and I'm not on any medication - never have been). My therapist stated it was mild and didn't pose an urgent need for it. Instead, she suggested exercising, writing and meditation - and all of this helps. I no longer experience panic-attacks, nightmares, wild/obscene thoughts but sometimes, I'll become overwhelmed with fear.

Fear that my chest pain is linked to heart disease (eventhough I've been cleared by a cardiologist and rhematologist that everything is fine) or that I'll experience a psychotic episode like my mom one day, or that I may lose my mind suddenly or that if I have children, I'll be a bad mother or that I may spend my time going back and forth in this vicious cycle of worrying and I'll miss out on all the beauty life has to offer.

I'm constantly looking for reassurance that I'm okay and that I'm loved. It hasn't all been bad but I'm out here trying to live my best life by taking it one day at a time. The good part about it all is that I NEVER feel suicidal, hopeless or desperate (and I'm so grateful for this). However, I'm a Pisces and from what I've read - everything I've explained is normal.

Is there anyone else that can relate to this?

Hi NormalYetCray,

I think the majority of us can relate. I definitely can. I have suffered with anxiety from the age of 20, am a massive hypochondriac and am still recovering. When my anxiety was at its worst point I was always thinking I had a heart attack. I ended up calling the doctor every other day and ended up in the emergency room every two weeks. When I was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder that gave me a little piece of mind because there was nothing physically wrong with me. However, it didn't mean that my symptoms reduced. It took a lot of practice, a fitting medication and support to get through the worst of it. I am still recovering now but I feel stronger every day, and you will to. Never forget that people with anxiety are probably the bravest people in the world, because they face their worst fears every day. If you can beat that, you can beat everything ;)

Hi noramalyetcray,
Good ol Health Anxiety, yep same here. Fourteen14 has a very good thread called Health Anxiety Exposed and it in the general discussion section of this forum. Do yourself a huge favor and look it over from the first to last. It is very informative and well done. Peace to ya and just remember there is a whole lot of us Just like you.

"or that if I have children, I'll be a bad mother or that I may spend my time going back and forth in this vicious cycle of worrying and I'll miss out on all the beauty life has to offer."

I really relate to this. If it gives you any comfort, I've been trying to wrap my mind around being a "good enough" mother. I have no children, but I do want to be a mother. Thank you for saying something I thought I was the only person thinking.

Good Morning All and thank you all for responding! I'm trying to learn to be present in every moment - I think our major problem is the "negative anticipation" and doing our best to protect ourselves from things that aren't even posing a threat. The "threat" is the possibility NOT the probability. See - I know good and well of what's happening but is it that out minds do otherwise?? We're clearly not psychotic so why is this??? Ugh! And I actually studied psychology - but I wish I'd studied English.

Good morning. New here. Suffer from anxiety.... It's driving me crazy.... Mainly at night which is causing lack of sleep

Hey Damon! Good Morning and Welcome! It's totally okay; as a sufferer, I've learned that there's levels to recovery. Sometimes, you'll experience good days or nights and sometimes you won't. Don't beat yourself up over it. You are not alone - WE ALL are experiencing this as well and we're here for you. This will not last for the rest of your life however, in the meantime, learn your trigger points and the main root of your anxiety. If you're unable to figure this out on your own, consult with a counselor who specializes in CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) and Anxiety.

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Originally Posted by Damon

Good morning. New here. Suffer from anxiety.... It's driving me crazy.... Mainly at night which is causing lack of sleep

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Hi Damon,

I agree with NormalYetCray. We all have good days and bad days, but you cannot forget just how brave you are for facing this and finding help (including in this forum). Things will get better and it won't always be like this. I also had problems sleeping during the worst of my anxiety. I usually used breathing exercises and yoga before bed. It would help me fall asleep like a stone :)